eharmony review A long, annoying sign up process makes for a long, happy marriage
If youre interested in eharmony, Im guessing youre 110 percent over being single or going through numerous breakups with people you thought you were gonna marry.
Or youre tired of going on dates and having the person randomly stop texting you back, or tired of the "What are we?" conversation ending in some rendition of "Im not looking for anything serious right now" from someone who is definitely too old to still be playing games.
Yeah, well other people are tired of the same things, and theyve put their love lives in the hands of .
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is the go to for . Were dating to put a ring on it, people. Not just dating for attention or as a reason to not be alone on a Friday night.
If youre worried about the stigma that, for whatever out of date reason, surrounds online dating, were telling you to reevaluate. Dating IRL and leaving everything to fate clearly hasnt been working either, or you wouldnt have clicked on this. Sorry, but real life isnt like Sex and the City where you casually bump in to a long term partner at a coffee shop or art gallery.
Technology has now made it possible to meet people you may have never known existed and who want the same thing as you, which opens up your dating pool significantly. eharmonys membership pool consists of singles who reside in all 50 U.S. states and more than 200 countries worldwide, making up around 5 million visitors per month. Thats a bit behind competitors like , , and , but not a low number by any means. Where they lack in numbers, they make up for in a seamless and extremely personalized user experience, which continues to be perfected since the sites debut in 2000.
And thats clearly something users hold near and dear, because they keep coming back. In 2013, in creating marriages compared to other dating sites, and is apparently responsible for creating Theyre pretty confident in their matchmaking abilities, too, because they that if youre not satisfied in three months, theyll give you another three months for free. And honestly, its comforting to know that this shit works. Dont believe us? Read these and weep, yall.
While most competing sites have made upgrades and tried to keep up with social media or internet trends, eharmony has maintained a pretty consistent look and message. This unchanging thing is both good in bad — but well get into that later.
Before you even sign up, youll see that the login page features your typical heterosexual hipster couple — theyre like "Aw, this could be you!" Gee, thanks.
Image: eharmony
Well touch on this later, but eharmony doesnt offer same sex matching. Like, if you say that youre a woman, it wont even let you click on "seeking women." eharmony does have another site specifically for the LGBT community called , which is a step in the right direction — but still, the fact that you can only choose the opposite gender is not great.
The questionnaire does take some time around half an hour , so dont expect to get this done and find a date within the hour. There are an intense 149 questions in total, which seems intimidating — but I guess getting down into the nitty gritty is how to make sure you really know someone.
The questions are pretty standard and are similar to what most other in depth dating sites will ask. Youll give yourself a rating on prompts like "Im an honest partner," with sliding scale choices like "This describes me well," to "Doesnt describe me at all." On paper, asking deep questions like these right off the bat makes total sense when pairing two people together — but theyre so basic and annoying. Who wants to answer "Are you emotionally stable?" with "No, doesnt describe me at all"? I am 100 percent aware Im the most sensitive, ridiculous crybaby in the world, but do I want to admit that I suck at dealing with arguments like an adult? NAH.
Admitting that you have problems in a certain area is key to eharmony matching you with someone who complements you.
Unless people have an extremely realistic sense of self, I feel like these answers just cant be telling. Everyone would love to rate themselves the highest on patience and romantic and the lowest on selfishness, but if these people were perfect and had zero problems in relationships, they wouldnt need online dating in the first place.
Just remember that the right person will except your quirks and flaws. As much as youd like to lie to feel better about yourself, you know deep down thats not the way to a healthy relationship. Admitting that you have problems in a certain area is key to eharmony matching you with someone who complements you. And finding someone who makes up for what you lack is better in the long run, even if its hard to come to terms with at times.
Reddit user writes:
"I met my wife on eharmony. Id definitely recommend it. Now, the caveat is that you need to be painfully honest on their questionnaire if you want good results. Most of my friends whom this hasnt worked for are quite delusional about themselves and, thus, dont find very good matches."
Just be honest about your communication skills, or your next relationship is gonna look like this:
Once the algorithm has compiled your self ranked answers, youll get to see your main page and matches for the day. eharmony does a really nice job of making it all look modern and not too jumbled, which is an issue Ive come across on a lot of other dating sites. Having a lot of features can be fun, but not when there are notifications popping up for things you didnt even know existed. A calming color scheme and minimalistic layout is the way to go, and eharmony nailed it.
Profiles also look really nice, like a fancy résumé designed by a graphic designer. You even have the option to put your favorite TV shows, music, sports, and more on your profile, and I really appreciated that they allow your personality to be the main focus.
Image: eharmony/screenshot
Youll probably notice that theres still a bar that says your profile isnt 100 percent done. Thats because eharmony has another surprise waiting for you, and it comes in the form of, wait for it, questions that are actually fun to answer. These are questions that potential matches can see your answers to and serve as a fun conversation starter or an easy way to tell if you would get along. Theyll be anything from "Do dogs go to heaven?" to "If you woke up with a fever on the morning of an important meeting, what would you do?" Basically, theyre trying to find out about your work ethic, political preferences, what you value in life, and other quirky things that I honestly think matter just as much as communication and patience.
I do have one bone to pick with eharmony during these profile questions, though: They served me questions about church and God when I specifically said I wasnt religious. And its not just the questions that were the issue — it was the selection of responses.
Image: eharmony/screenshot
eharmony does have a history of being very conservative though, so we shouldnt be surprised. Questions like these are of course perfect for users who marked themselves as Christian — but can we off putting for those who arent.
Fnding the right one takes time. eharmony is trying to find you someone to spend your life with, and thats something that cant be half assed or rushed. Unless your life is eerily similar to a rom com, weeding out all of the non compatible ones may take a few weeks — or months. It may get frustrating, but "slow and steady wins the race" is the mindset to have here. If it seems to be taking a while, that doesnt mean its never gonna work — thats how it is for everyone.
Something unique about eharmony and another reason why the process takes so long is that theres no search feature. At all. Unlike Match, it wont even let you browse a list of whos nearby outside of the matches theyve picked for you. Each day, youll get a new batch of matches, which is fine if youve made good decisions in the past, but bad if one days batch happens to be full of people youre not interested in. Its 100 percent personalized but also 100 percent restricted, and not being able to explore the pool on my own was frustrating. I appreciate their dedication to not wanting me to waste time on people Im not compatible with, but I wish there was a bit of leeway. On the bright side, matches you do get are very likely to want to talk to you, as youre clearly compatible and have things in common — and you wont be getting random "heys" from a million random people that youd never talk to. eharmony also monitors each users site activity very closely, so the chance of getting nasty opening messages about your favorite position in bed is minimal.
eharmony monitors users site activity, so the chance of getting nasty opening messages about your favorite position in bed is minimal.
You dont have to match with someone to talk to them, though, and youll notice this when names and faces youve never seen before end up in your inbox. In the message section, you can think of your own opening line, send a pre made icebreaker question if youre not smooth on your own , or simply send a smile, which is like poking on Facebook. The environment is low pressure and nothing like the terrifying message section of Tinder, but when 20+ people are sending smiles or generic questions that they didnt think of themselves, it can get a bit impersonal. And remember: "Hi" is not an exciting opening line for anyone to read. That is how my five year old cousins iMessage me on their parents iPad.
Pro tip: Turn off your email notifications immediately, or you will get bombarded any time someone likes your photo.
With a free account, you can answer all of the personality questions, make a profile, and see your matches. Thats it. You cant talk to anyone. I guess this is a nice way to see what your potential options are and whats out there before you pay, and to see if eharmony actually knows what youre looking for before you fork over that dollar 40 per month.
My issue isnt with the free feature, its with the price of the paid membership. eharmonys prices fluctuate frequently and depend on how long youre subscribing for, but theyre always one of the priciest dating sites out there. Right now, youll get three months for dollar 39.95/month, six months for dollar 29.95/month, and a year for dollar 19.95/month. As a general rule, membership prices get lower the longer your commitment to the site is. Which makes sense, because a strong connection probably wont magically appear in just one month. That all gets to be pretty pricey when added up, and there are probably so many good, genuine people out there not signing up due to the mere fact that they have dollar 200 to spend elsewhere. I guess its an easy way to know that most potential matches would be serious, as I highly doubt someone just looking for a hookup wants to drop this much money on a one night stand.
And eharmony has that guarantee, remember? If youre not satisfied in three months, theyll give you three months for free. Theyre basically saying that your money will be worth it because youll find someone in three months, or youll get an extra three months to find someone without dropping a cent. Thats a pretty good incentive, I would say — and you wont care about that little monthly fee when you have a wedding to plan.
If you cry at episodes of The Bachelor, eharmony might be the place for you. I wont get all mushy on you guys, but I will say that you can tell that your matches are looking for something serious by the way they talk to you. Dating online and opening up to strangers takes courage, and users wouldnt be doing that if they were looking for anything other than the real deal. Obviously eharmony isnt the only dating site used to find a spouse, but it is pretty much the only site that is specifically dedicated to long term relationships, and pretty much the only site that offers any type of stats on the marriages theyre responsible for. When you think of eharmony, you think of marriage. And so does everyone else — thats the point.
When you think of eharmony, you think of marriage — and so does everyone else
Though some of their profile building is on the old fashioned side, I have to hand it to their web developers: The site actually looks nice, and this was a pleasant surprise. If youre someone who appreciates a minimalistic design and needs those clean aesthetics to accept the site as legit, youll be totally fine on eharmony. Youll easily be able to find all of the stuff you need, with clear labels and sensible placements of notifications. Its design forward enough for the young people who need modernization, but organized and simple enough for non tech savvy people to get a handle on how it works.
This should be clear by now, but eharmony is not the place to find a friends with benefits situation or non committal fling. Just because youre bored with Tinder does not mean eharmony is the next step. Dont come on here thinking you can weasel your way out of being serious and find someone on here whos also just trying to mess around. Your match selection will be pretty diverse so sure, I bet they exist — but thats the exact thing that the majority of users fear, so lets not even risk giving someone the wrong idea.
Just because youre bored with Tinder does not mean eharmony is the next step.
Many users on here are divorced, have children, or have been involved in a serious long term relationship in the past — AKA they did not come here just to chit chat and get attention. After a failed relationship, the last thing they want is to be hurt again, and if you know that youre not ready to do the whole monogamy thing, do everyone a favor and try Hinge or Bumble instead. Matches are going to expect you to open up, be vulnerable, and really think hard about whether you can see a future with them. If that sounds gross to you, dont try to force it. You wont have fun, and neither will your matches who you led on. Theres a reason there are separate swiping hookup apps and big to do dating sites, guys.
Like I mentioned earlier, eharmony has a weird way of shifting to the conservative side of things, and even used to primarily market to a Christian clientele. You can see how that wouldnt exactly be appealing to POC or anyone who skews more liberal. Though Im a woman seeking men, the fact that LGBT are so blatantly not allowed to participate on the site is enough to make me not want to use it.
The questionnaire and profile building are completely in your hands, but after that, the whole matching thing is pretty out of your control. There are no search options or the ability to browse whos in the area, which completely leaves everything in the hands of eharmony. Yes, they clearly know what theyre doing and their marriage statistics are impressive, but it feels like youre just sitting around and waiting for your soulmate to pop up, and it can get frustrating.
Also, its just plain expensive. Though Im a cynic, Im also a hopeless romantic. But unless money werent an object at all, the last thing Id be spending 40 bucks a month on is a dating site that barely lets me control who I see. To be fair, Im still relatively young and not yet looking for marriage, so if thats whats missing in your life, I can see why the price isnt an issue. But for now, Id rather spend that dollar 40 on cheap wine for myself.
Another big no no: eharmony isnt LGBTQI+ friendly. Offering men seeking men or women seeking women options should be a no brainer — but eharmonys founders are pretty conservative. Neil Warren, the now 81 year old cofounder and CEO, insists that the whole ordeal wasnt an anti gay thing at all. "We didnt want to pretend to be experts on gay and lesbian couples," . "Were not anti gay at all ...Its a different match."
But come on dude — you guys have been studying and perfecting the matchmaking process for nearly 20 years and have all of these fancy dimensions of connections, but you dont understand same sex or queer relationship dynamics?
To settle a 2005 discrimation lawsuit brought against eharmony by same sex couples, the site launched a gay and lesbian specific site called in 2009. Thats great and all — the world needs more serious dating sites for gay and lesbian singles that arent totally sexualized. I just feel like thats not something that should have been pushed to the back burner until legal action was taken. While some users wont care about this because it doesnt affect them , some users will be avidly against supporting such a company — even if theyre straight.
Fast paced apps like , , and are obvious competitors, and though Hinge is definitely a step up from the hookup atmosphere that Tinder and Bumble give off, its certainly not where you go to find a person to marry. So yes, theyre competitors, but also not really. Where they do compete, though, is in their app versions: eharmonys smartphone app is just plain shitty, and young people are not having it. , though, and knows that millennials are the ones to win over. Hes said that theyre working to become a better competitor with swiping apps, as well as make same sex matches available on eharmony instead of a completely separate site.
and are the biggest competitors IMO, and probably what youll see everyone comparing eharmony to if you do any research on your own. Both of those give significantly more freedom when it comes to "playing the field" and browsing tons of nearby people and have the ability to match with profiles even if their algorithm didnt suggest it. That could be better or worse, depending on how much help you think you need in the choosing area. If your dating history has a pattern of life ruining people who your parents hate, maybe sitting back and letting eharmony do the selecting is a good change of pace. I personally like better, but when researching on Reddit, I saw multiple people mentioning that they found significantly more matches on eharmony and that Match "sucks." To each their own, I guess.
If youre tired of having your feelings f asterisk cked with, eharmony is your best bet when it comes to finding someone who wants something just as serious. Because the process is so drawn out and calculated, you might want to sit down and really think about if you want a long term relationship or if you genuinely want marriage ASAP, because eharmony is a lot of time and money that youre not going to be happy about losing if youre not on it for the right reasons.
Not being able to browse the dating pool at all will probably be a new concept to most, and having extremely limited freedom can definitely turn into a pain. But its clear that the people youve picked by yourself in the past werent the right choices, so it may be time to let eharmony take the wheel.
But the site has seen some major updates since it first went up, and theyre slowly but surely making the jump to an at least somewhat progressive site. Theyre no , but theyre not either. Regardless, if you can ignore the bad parts, its where marriage minded individuals can go to find people who take dating as seriously as they do — and confirm that being a hopeless romantic is normal and adorable, not desperate.
Start making your profile .
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