(laughing and talking)
- Alright everyone,
I just want to thank all of you for coming
to the baby shower today.
- And we love you guys so much
and we love free gifts!
(all laugh)
This one's from Frankie!
(paper tearing)
Oh....
a toy vacuum.
- What? I literally found it
in the girls' section at the store, it's --
- Okay, so this next one is
from Lorena and...
- Shut up, I love it!
- A soccer ball!
Yo is this for me?
- Nah, dude it's for your kid.
Why would it be for you?
You're terrible at soccer.
- (speaks foreign language)
- Uh, but I play soccer.
I'm a woman.
- Yeah Lorena, but that's different.
I mean you're a les-
(gasps)
It's just different.
She's gonna learn how to make (speaks foreign language)
and dance ballet and girl things from Erica.
I mean maybe if it was a boy, it'd be different.
(record scratches)
- Oh boy!
- More like, "Oh girl."
- This is the Kat Call.
- And we're calling this shit out!
- That's a really weird gift.
- (sighs) Gender.
A river of forever changing expectations
for men and women.
But the boy versus girl debate has spanned
for as long as I can remember.
Similar to lemons and limes,
boys and girls really aren't that different.
When you think of it, they're both sour as fuck,
they're just different colors.
First, let's start with a common misconception.
The difference between sex and gender.
Gender looks at things that develop over time
like how we dress, how we communicate,
and our overall appearance.
We generally divide gender into masculine and feminine.
Whereas someone's sex, is assigned at birth
and involves biology.
We're talking chromosomes, hormones,
and internal and external sex organs.
Traditionally, this is divided into the categories
male and female.
An easy way to remember the difference
is that your sex is downstairs
in your (speaks foreign language)
and your gender is upstairs in your brain-alones.
So where do gender roles come from?
We learn gender roles through a combination
of outside forces, like the the images in media
and through intimate environments
like family and friends.
Gender isn't natural to us, but instead,
it's something that we learn to perform.
Now, when I say performance, I'm not talking Hamilton.
But Lin-Manuel if you're watching,
hook your girl up.
What I mean is that our gender roles,
are just that: roles.
Roles that we learn in regards to
how to be a man or how to be a woman.
And yes, of course nature versus nurture
has a huge influence on how we develop as people.
But at a young age, or heck,
even before we're even born,
these expectations of what we can and cannot do
are applied to us, just based on our sex.
Which is why gender expectations vary all over the globe.
In some places, a man with lots of hair is seen as
super manly.
But in other places, having hair is a big no-no for men,
and instead, having silky legs and groomed eyebrows
is what's considered masculine.
I'm looking at you Puerto Ricans.
And not only do gender roles vary
from culture to culture, but
they've also changed throughout time.
Flashback to fashion in North America in the 1800s.
Now, I'm talking Hamilton.
Men wore heels and large wigs to be masculine.
And in Mayan culture, long hair and pierced ears
was stylish for all genders to rock.
Take a look at these high rise jeans I got on right now.
These babies could have got me arrested
back in the 1900s.
(police sirens)
Like Puerto Rican organizer, Luisa Capetillo.
Even the most common gender norms
that we've seen at any
of our (speaks foreign language) baby showers,
you know, pink is for girls, blue is for boys,
is completely made up.
Pink and blue were actually once reversed
with boys wearing pink
and girls wearing blue.
Before that, babies just wore white
until the age of six.
And pink and blue didn't become gender specific
like we know today 'til the 1940s
thanks to good ol' advertising and marketing.
- [Man] You are welcome.
- Which means, society feeds us these roles
and we hold onto them without even questioning it.
Just think about it,
when it comes to any backyard party,
everybody knows the deal.
Mom's gonna organize,
tías are gonna serve the food,
and the tías and primos are gonna be drinking
and getting ready for the piñata.
You're tía is fully capable
of climbing up on the roof to pull the piñata too.
But gender roles have told us
that it's a man's job to do.
When we know, boobs clearly don't get in the way
of holding a piñata.
Just look at your tío.
By supporting gender roles and expectations,
we choose not to support people's full humanity
and instead, limit our experiences with them.
Like how my own dad missed out on a lot of bonding with me
just because I wasn't a boy.
He felt like he couldn't teach me things
like soccer because I was a girl
and he even felt like he couldn't
have deep conversations with me because
that was my mom's job to do.
But thankfully, it's never too late to reevaluate
how you uphold gender expectations.
Because after years of my dad
barely stepping into the kitchen,
now he's cooking for the entire family on a daily basis.
- Here's the thing, gender is fluid.
Not rigid.
And we all interpret it differently.
So Kat and I, for example,
we're both born as women,
but we have two totally different interpretations
of gender.
Kat's very feminine
and I dress like Brendan Fraser
from the original, "The Mummy."
I mean, it's pretty--
It's worse when I say it out loud, okay.
And if you don't adhere to these rigid gender norms,
people start to make assumptions about you,
especially in the Latino community.
They think that something's wrong,
or that you're weird,
or that you're gay.
Which, I am and I love it.
But Kat's not.
So why is it that as a woman,
if you shave your head, it makes you a raging homo?
And when you break it down more,
things get even more complicated
because there's more categories than just
male, female, masculine, feminine.
For example, if you're inner sex,
that means you have the reproductive or sexual anatomy
of someone that doesn't fit the typical definition
of a male or female.
If you identify as transgender,
that means your sex doesn't match up with your gender.
Or, you could be someone that doesn't identify
as masculine or feminine, like me.
Which means you're gender nonconforming,
gender queer, bitch fem, androgynous, bigender,
and on and on and on, baby!
And for those of you thinking,
"gender is this new millennial invention,"
this isn't new.
Historically, Latin America and the Caribbean
have had a deep relationship
with gender fluidity and performance.
Look at Mexico and their third gender the muxe.
And look, your kids should be allowed to play
with whatever color, whatever toy they want
without feeling shame or humiliation.
Because at the end of the day,
we're all just humans.
We're all just trying to figure out
how to make the perfect arepa.
It's with a little bit of cheese
and just make sure you don't burn it (clicks tongue).
And if your kid does end up gay,
that's not such a bad thing.
Look at me, I'm on an episode of the Kat Call.
Okay! Up top!
Alright, that was not as cool as I thought (laughs).
- You know what, regardless if it's a boy or a girl,
I just want to raise a good human.
- Oh exactly, babe (makes kissing noise).
Let's get back to opening up these free presents!
Oh Kat, do you want us to open up yours?
- Whoa! Mine? (laughs)
I gotta go.
- Where'd she go?
- She left.
- Thank you so much for watching,
but don't leave just yet.
Let me know in the comments down below,
how do you break gender norms in your everyday life?
Let me know, 'cause I'm reading.
(hip hop music)
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