hey everybody I am starting a new venture
you have probably stumbled upon this site somehow classy on the outside so
this is entirely out of my comfort zone and classy on the outside began as a
funny idea there's two of my friends and I that are just absolutely hilarious in
our own minds due to some sarcasm some snarkiness and
a lot of it is due to you know unique situations that are super awkward in
life that just kind of seemed to happen to us even more than everybody else so
we joked that we should start a YouTube channel and share our hilariousness with
everybody else and get rich well it was a joke
however Johanna and I were talking another friend and she's like you should
absolutely do this be real with people it would be awesome so we tried it and
our video camera didn't really record I don't think and then we tried it another
time and we weren't focused and so we kind of abandoned it
that was March and this is what June now so here I am mid-june filming myself
feeling awkward and weird I don't like watching myself on camera and I feel
like you won't either but I'm gonna try it anyway because in talking to friends
these these what did I say three so far and our other friend Heidi talking to
these four friends this whole joke that was started is actually something
valuable and has kind of spun into this whole other idea and I'm rambling
because I'm excited about it and I'm terrified and I'm scared too but I have
this kind of not really clearly formulated vision which I need to work
on but talking to other female entrepreneurs in my area small town
rural Midwestern area
they feel a lot of the things that I've been feeling and when I talk about
feeling things as a business owner you know that there's all kinds of
shittiness that's inside unless you're somebody that I've never met and you're
amazing you have to tell me your secrets but there's this whole like impostor
syndrome there's comparing yourself to everybody
else and you're seeing that you have all these struggles that you know about
internally and then you compare yourself to this other person over here who has
been in business longer she's doing better than you in your industry
everybody loves her you know some accounts that she has yes Heather by the
way kind of referring to you so I compare myself to Heather and feel
like oh my gosh I'm such a loser and I started this other business that I'm in
that's still going but I've discovered that I hate it and I'm not really that
good at it and I don't know what I'm doing
and I'm terrified to admit this because you know it's not really confidence
inspiring for clients so then this all spirals I work from home I already have
like anxiousness anxiety crazy internal dialogue that's super negative all the
time working from home I love it but I think it makes this stuff worse because
I'm in my own head all day long not that I really miss having co-workers but
anyways that's that's a whole nother story so as an entrepreneur I'm
experiencing all this self-doubt anxiety comparing impostor syndrome I'm feeling
worthless I'm feeling lost I'm terrified when somebody wants to like do a
consultation with me and see if they want to work together because I'm like I
don't know if I should even do this or if I can help you or oh it's just on and
on and on and it's exhausting meanwhile okay so all of this is happening within
like a five minute time period really in my head this is all crazy like crazy
fast thoughts all of this negative stuff I feel like I'm a mess internally and
then I apparently I've been told that I have this
like polished presence I seem like I'm put together and I present myself well
and people think I'm confident and that I know what I'm doing I hear this and
I'm like holy crap seriously that's not that's not the internal me so I feel
like I have this whole contradictory nature and I am trying to embrace that
because it's not gonna change I'm an introvert that I'm an extrovert it
depends on the day I want to do computer work and sit in my pajamas and work from
home but at the same time I need to be out and I need to socialize so it's all
of this contradictory stuff it's classy on the outside that's me that's my life
that is just my nature there's nothing that's gonna change that I've been
trying to hide that for the 31 years I've been alive especially now you know
having my own business and being in the professional world and being in a small
town everybody knows everybody and they're probably related somehow it's
just the way this not that I don't enjoy that I like our small town but it's just
this pressure to to keep this polished persona up so that people think I'm just
amazing because I don't want to be a hot mess I don't want to look like a hot
mess but on the inside I'm a hot mess so I want to be real and again I'm rambling
and know I'm rambling because I hate being on camera by myself and I'm
feeling like my husband is probably gonna walk in the room and be like what
are you doing anyways so the point of all that is this idea of classy on the
outside there's this person that we project that people see right we see the
surface but we don't know what's going on on the inside and so I don't really
know where I'm going with this whole idea I just know that it's needed and
then I feel compelled to do it called to do it and I feel like it's such a fit
because it embodies my life everything I do from driving this nice vehicle and
I'm like dressed up and I look professional and I look normal
but what you don't see looks classy on the outside right but what you
don't see on the inside is that I'm actually jamming out to some gangster
rap or maybe it's Will Smith getting jiggy with it yeah now that you have
that in your head how about Copacabana Barry Manilow I think it is people have
no idea like all this crazy internal stuff that makes me me and then I hide
from everybody so I'm hoping I know there are other people out there with
similar issues similar feelings that they internalize and that we feel we
can't talk about because people don't talk about this stuff and there's a fine
line between too much information right nobody needs to know like my detailed
medical problems when I was sick last week you know but there's a fine line
between that like over sharing and connecting with people and being real
and sharing what's on your mind and what you're struggling with because as soon
as I open up about some of the stuff to people outside my super close circle of
friends we connect right we both felt validated because we're like oh my gosh
I have that same exact thought in my head every time X Y Z happens I have
done the same thing I've been there I'm going through that now and it's just
this powerful like you're connected you're validated you are not alone and
that somebody else has been where you've been or they're going through what
you're going through or they've done it before
and you're not this crazy out of control person because you're normal but we
don't talk about it we don't talk about the bad crap that
goes on inside because we're scared to right we don't want to have people know
that oh my gosh we are a hot mess well maybe not every day but a lot for me so
I want to connect with people I want people like me to know that you're not
alone because I've been stuck in this rut with this current business I have
for over a year and it's awful and it's miserable and it's no fun and if I would
have reached out sooner to people I probably would be in a different spot
but again I think it's all meant to be because I needed to go through this
whole like crappy year and half or whatever of all of these horrible awful
feelings I felt like I couldn't share with
anybody because they would think poorly of me and realize I'm this like fake
phony whatever so I'm letting all of that out now way outside of my comfort
zone because if you've seen me if you know me at all I'm pretty reserved like
I don't really talk about feelings or what's really going on unless you're a
select few people in my inner circle so now I'm throwing all this out on the
internet for everybody to see and it's terrifying and I kind of think I'm a
little bit crazy but I have to do it I have to try it so all of this rambling
hopefully somebody's watching this and hopefully you feel like you could
benefit from just connecting with other people that are in similar situations
business owners probably female because I feel like as females we connect a
little bit better together it's a it's a different way feels a little bit more
safe not to say we don't like men I mean totally men are welcome too I'm sure they
probably have a lot of the same thoughts so it's for business owners who are just
scared to like be real but they need to be real because that's only gonna help
you your mental health and hopefully your business so anyways hopefully you
stay tuned as I polish this up formulate my idea figure out a plan to like
organize this and actually help people out because I don't think there's really
much out there that's like this where there's this idea of you're classy on
the outside and on the inside you feel anything but and you feel alone so I
want to take that loneliness feeling away and connect people so that we can
we can share our struggles we can know we're not alone and succeed together so
hopefully you come back for more and there'll be some humor there'll be some
serious stuff there'll be some real stuff all the time so if you have any
suggestions if you have any questions or comments I would love to hear from you
comment here email me go to the website classy on the outside dot com
whatever connect with me because I love it thanks for listening to my rambling
stay classy on the outside
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