- Hello, and welcome to the Rank Room.
This is a show, a debate show,
where we talk about life's most important questions
and try to answer them.
Today's question is:
What is the best way to take over the world?
(dramatic music)
- I'm joined by Trapp. - Hello.
- Rekha. - Hello.
- Raphael. - Yo.
- And I am, of course, Katie.
- [Trapp] Of course. - [Rekha] Of course.
- Raph-- - Of course. Oh.
- (clears throat) Don't cut me off.
Raph, would you like to go ahead?
- My first one is, Designated Survivor.
- Very interesting.
- The TV show. - The TV show. Yes.
- So, picture this.
- [Rehka] Okay. - Yes.
- The United States Government.
- [Rekha] Yes.
- Got it. - Heard of it.
- The President is speaking.
Let's call it a State of the Union address.
- Ooh.
- Now, at this address
all of the government is at one place.
- Yes
That's scary 'cause you know
you could wipe out everybody in one place.
- Truth.
- What you've done--
- Oh shit.
- Here you go, here it is.
- You've become a congressperson.
- [Rekha] I have yeah. - Oh boy.
- Cause you knew that this day was gonna come.
- Yeah.
- Yeah
- So you ran for Congress, and you won.
That's important.
Then you got into the President's Cabinet.
- Uh huh. - Right.
- So you're like in the circle,
the inner circle of the circle.
- Wow - [Rekha] Wow.
- So now you're in with the president.
He's like that's my buddy.
- Okay.
- Then they come to the president,
they're like "Look man. Everybody is in this one place.
"What if something happens?"
[Raphael] We need to have at least one person who's not --
I know what you're thinking.
I know what you're thinking but it's, just let me finish.
- Alright.
- Let him finish!
- Just let me finish.
- Okay. Alright, I'm gonna let ya.
- Just let me finish. (laughing)
- Let him finish, go ahead. Go ahead.
- So they go to the president and they're like
"Everybody's gonna be in one place,
"we need at least one person
"in case something happens to everybody."
- [Rekha] Yup.
- Interesting.
- So the president says
"Let's designate one person."
- (sputtering laughter)
- Let him finish.
- Hold on!
- You have to wait!
- Okay, I'm waiting.
(Raphael laughing)
- Raphael, I'm so sorry about Trapp.
Please go.
- So then, the president says
"Alright. I will designate one person."
- (stifles laughter)
- (Trapp and Raphael laughing)
- We've gone through this! Come on!
- You're repeating the same explanation.
Just say who it was!
- Okay. Alright.
- Okay. - Oh my God.
- So you've been designated.
- To survive. Right. - Right!
We got it!
(group laughs)
- Okay.
But what you done is, you've, you've ...
- Planned an attack. - Planned an attack.
'Cause you knew this was coming.
- Right.
- And now that attack happens, now they have to go with you.
Okay, everyone dies but then you say,
It was aliens.
(maniacal laugh)
- [Rekha] And you laugh like that too.
- 'Cause right now. Right now.
You're only the leader of America, right?
- [Rekha] Yes that's what --
- But that's not the question.
The question is how do you rule the world?
- The world. - Yeah.
- So what happens is, (stifles laughter)
you convince the world that it was aliens.
And they came after America.
So now everybody's like "Oh no it's aliens.
"We, can't, commit, uh, uh."
- My God.
- You know how the world--
- Yeah we know. - [Rekha] We talk.
- And then it gets serious.
So then you're like "Yeah, we need to band together."
Remember nine-elev--
- Oh. - Stay with me.
- Come on. Just stay.
I'm just saying. I'm just saying.
Remember nine-eleven.
- Ooh.
- Remember how everyone band together.
[Raphael] Remember that? - I do remember.
- Yes! What the fuck are you talking about?
(group laughing) - I can't--
- I'm saying that's what's gonna happen.
- Around you. So you're the leader.
- Yes - Got it.
Rekha! Would you like to go? - And I convinced everyone--
- I can't.
I can't believe, that you spent 15 minutes explaining
what a designated survivor was.
And then just breezed right over
I will convince them that aliens--
- Okay. Point taken.
(group laughing)
- I need you to be better at this.
- Rekha, would you like to go?
- Yeah.
Okay. - Thank you
My answer, there's some similarities to Raph's.
- Uh oh.
- Secret Cure.
- Yes. - [Rekha] Is my answer.
- [Raphael] Oh.
- You ...
develop a cure to a disease,
that honestly?
You probably created too.
- [Rekha] Okay. - Ooh.
- And this disease is rampant.
Everybody's getting it. It's huge.
It's like, remember SARS?
- Oh baby. - [Raphael] Yeah.
- You develop the cure
and so people are coming to your door
"Please, help me. I need the cure."
- [Raph] Right. - (mumbles squeakily)
- [Rekha] Aww, I wish oh ...
- (squeaks) I need a cure!
- (moans)
- [Katie] I need a cure!
- Hey, don't make fun of me.
I'm sick.
- [Rehka] Ooh. Ahh. He needs the cure.
- [Katie] I need a cure.
- Not. Yes. That's not how I sound
but I need this cure.
- (Rehka screams squeakily)
- [Katie] Yes.
And you lord it over the whole world.
- [Raphael] I will give her that.
They must listen to you to get even a fraction of this cure.
- I think this is a very fun idea.
- Thanks.
Yeah, I kind of really wanted it to be like a party.
- [Trapp] It's fun. Yeah.
- [Rehka] It's fun.
- People dying outside your door.
They're begging for stuff that you won't give them.
- I will say it is a dream of mine
to have something that everyone wants.
- Like a cure to a disease that you gave them.
- That or shoes. Like something that everyone--
- Shoes?!
- I dunno, could be shoes, could be a vaccine.
Could be shoes.
- Okay, I don't talk like that.
- [Trapp] I've, that sounds spot on.
- [Raphael] I dunno, I knew she was, but--
- I was honestly confused for a second.
I was like, how did Katie get over there?
- [Katie] Who's talking?
- Trapp, would you like to go?
- Sure.
My first proposal is Insect Army.
- [Group] Hmm.
- Yes.
- Like ants?
- Like ants.
- [Raphael] (laughing)
- Not the movie Antz.
- But like bugs. - [Trapp] Like bugs.
- Now-- - Like beetles?
- Like yeah. You got it.
- Butterflies. - [Trapp] Insects.
- Listen, I don't need to explain--
- Caterpillars.
- I don't need to explain for 20 minutes what an insect is.
- Insects. They're everywhere.
- Mmm.
- And people hate 'em.
- Mmm.
- Now comes the easy part.
Just developing a machine
that lets you control all the insects.
- Easy.
- Easy. He who controls the insects controls the world.
- [Rekha] Mmm. Mmm-mm.
- Thank you.
- Yeah - You've got wasps.
- [Rekha] Yeah.
- You got flying in, stinging people.
- Yes - [Raphael] Right.
- Scorpions!
- Big furry bees.
- Yeah.
You got ants stealing food for you.
- Mmm.
- [Katie] Yes.
- I did write Insect Army.
Some of the things we said like scorpions
are not insects.
- But you would come to them.
- A scorpion is not an insect?
- Scorpion's an arachnid.
- Like a spider. If spiders--
- Wait! Spiders aren't insects?!
- If spiders aren't in your army, your army ain't shit.
- [Raphael] I mean-- - Hey, excuse me?
- [Rekha] Sorry.
- My army is great. I don't need spiders.
- [Rekha] Sorry. - You need spiders.
- [Raphael] I thought this army would have spiders.
- [Rekha] Yeah, I don't wanna invest in it.
- [Katie] I did too.
- If it doesn't have spiders. - [Katie] Here's the thing--
- Now Sharks, listen. My insect army ...
(group laughing)
- [Trapp] It's gonna be great, okay?
Now, I'm willing to give you 10% stake of the world.
- Hmm.
- For a little bit investment in my insect machine.
- Hello everyone. - [Rekha] Hi
- [Trapp] Hello
- Thank you for joining me today.
- [Raphael] We had to.
- I love having you guys here.
- [Raphael] It's literally ...
- [Trapp] We were required.
- Only harassment once I got here.
- I had to reschedule stuff.
- Okay, my idea is Get Them While They're Young.
Cigarettes. I'm taking the same sort of approach.
So in the first five years of a child's life,
that's when it's super important.
You really impact the rest of their learning,
the rest of how their brain develops.
Everything.
So, my thinking is you take advantage of this
by giving them little messages
about how I, Katie Marovitch
should be the ruler of the world.
- [Rekha] Mmm.
- In lullabies, it's gonna have
a verse about Katie Marovitch.
In children's programming, little hidden messages of
me with the thumbs up, you know.
Just subliminal things that will help the child to realize
that I should be the ruler.
When these babies are of voting age,
they will elect me as their leader.
It is a slow burn, but it will work.
- It's a long con.
- [Raphael] It is a long con.
- [Rekha] It's very democratic though,
you want them to vote for you. - [Katie] Right.
- Who's putting all these messages into your things?
- I would.
- You would. - Yes.
- You have control over children's programming and--
- Oh yeah, well that's the easy part.
Just like how your--
- Just like the insect army.
- Just how, yeah. Just like that.
- [Katie] Just like building an insect army is easy.
- Whatever the hell Raph was talking about.
- Well, to become a congressperson is not that hard.
- Shhhh.
- Step one: read.
(group laughing)
- Do we like it or no?
- Yeah, yeah. It's good.
- I like it. Get'em while they're young
I think it's also good if you get them while you're young.
Because it's such a long con. You wanna--
- Yes. Exactly.
So, I need to start today!
- What if you've implanted all these messages
of like Katie giving the thumbs up and stuff
but then you have like some huge accident
and your face looks completely different.
- Oh shit.
- Yeah.
- They don't even know ...
- That's a really good point.
I guess I would have to put on like a thick Katie mask.
Or something.
- Yeah. You'd need a Katie mask.
- What if you do this and then I put on a Katie mask.
- Don't do it.
- He could Single White Female you.
- Seriously.
- Hey, guess what?
- It's Raph's turn.
- It's Raph's turn.
- It's Raph's turn.
- I was gonna say that.
- You are slowly losing control of this show.
- I hate it. I hate when this happens.
This happens every little show.
(group laughing)
- Alright, Media Baron,
so this one ...
- Someone start the timer,
how long is this gonna fucking take? (group laughs)
[Katie] Go ahead. - Alright. Media Baron.
So this is a person who, you know,
controls a lot of the media (laughs).
- Oh my God.
- This would be me, I guess and you owned
a media holding company, which is
it's a company that buys a whole bunch of small
other media companies.
Like a newspaper or like a YouTube channel
or like a dating app. (laughing)
- Why is this making you laugh?
- Because--
- Because he's describing IAC.
- Because it's like describing IAC.
- The most important thing you gotta do
for this specific plan is to get a news ...
Paper ...
Or news channel.
That way you control the
(group laughing)
And also, with the news thing,
you have all these politicians
that people trying to get on TV.
Right? Because they like to be on TV.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh they love the TV.
Now, you have all these "friends."
- Mmm interesting.
- In high places.
Garth Brooks probably too.
- Probably the highest place I can imagine.
- [Katie] Ooh. Ooh.
(group laughing)
- [Katie] Garth Brooks!
- [Trapp] Garth Brooks, my God.
- No names dropped, except Garth Brooks.
- Garth Brooks.
- You got Garth Brooks.
- So you create a think tank.
Maybe, more than one.
- Okay - [Rekha] Oh my God.
- Ways to solve problems, like world hunger
and stuff like that.
- Yes.
- Then you make political contributions
and then they help you out
or then you start running yourself,
then you know once you got a Miranda Lambert.
Blake.
- Blake Lively. - Blake Lively
- Blake Lively
Just huge celebrities.
- Cue the trifecta.
- I'm hearing that you just wanna start Fox News.
You wanna start a media company that attracts--
- This had been brought up to me
prior to getting on the camera.
- Interesting.
- Isn't this a Fox show?
- Yeah, have you just been watching a lot of Fox?
- [Raphael] Oh no.
- [Trapp] Is this gonna be like a ...
- [Katie] Who's your mama?
- (Raphael laughing)
- So, Rekha.
- You don't get to do that.
- [Rekha] Really, I'm waiting for--
- Yeah, that's my job.
Rekha would you like to continue?
- Thank you.
- No questions for me, correct?
- Katie, you'll get your chance.
- I--
- I think we've asked all of it.
- I mean, that was so long Raph.
(group laughing)
- It's crazy how long you talk for.
- Rekha, would you like to go?
- You're welcome everyone.
- No one said thank you.
- So, have any of you wanted to be in a band?
- Hell yeah!
- [Raphael] Not really.
- The singer, I'd love to be the singer of a band.
- Great.
- [Katie] A punk band.
- [Raphael] Yeah. I could be a singer.
- Okay, so you in high school wanna be in a punk band.
You're with your friends, you're jamming.
- Totally.
- You get big.
That's cool.
- Awesome.
- Subliminal Message Concert is my answer.
So you're in a big punk band
and you're doing well and you're big.
But you wanna take over the world now.
You're done with these punk friends.
- I'm, yeah. There was a stepping stone.
- Thinking they are equal to you.
They are little stepping stones on the way to your house.
Okay. - Ooh.
You're gonna start writing little subliminal messages--
- Sub-LIME-in-al. - Sublime.
- And you're a part of Sublime, by the way.
(Raphael laughing)
- So you put some messages into your songs, okay.
- And by the way, you're huge.
They say you're big. You're huge.
- Yes.
- So you're touring internationally
and you've got little subliminal messages like
"You listen to me."
- Yes.
- I'm sorry, your subliminal messages
in the band is listen to me?
They are already doing that. That's why ...
- [Rekha] I'm your leader. - I'm your leader.
- And then people are buying these albums.
They're buying your--
- Whoa.
- They have this overwhelming compulsion to listen to it.
- They have an overwhelming compulsion to listen to you.
- Yes.
- And you slowly inject these messages over time
until everyone comes to you as an authority.
They're looking at your Twitter account
first when news comes out.
They're asking for your hot take.
They're asking for your think pieces.
Then slowly, by controlling the media--
- Oh you're infringing on my rights.
- You're taking over the world through music.
- [Katie and Rekha] You are Garth Brooks!
- I didn't know where we were going with that.
- I should have had hand movements with mine.
- [Katie] I would have done that.
- [Trapp] I get the message
that you can change the world with music.
- [Katie] That's a really fly idea.
- And usually people think about that for good,
it can also be for evil, and that's nice to know.
- [Trapp] Sure.
- Trapp, impress us.
- My second one is One Big Bet.
- [Katie] Ooh!
- I thought it said beat.
- Nope, oh that'd be fun too.
No this imagines a sort of Bond-style,
high stakes Baccarat or Poker type game,
with all the leaders of the world
and then just sort of like,
when everyone's gone through their cash,
they gotta think of one last big hand.
It's like, "You know what? Let's make this interesting.
"Why don't we all just bet the country you're in charge off.
- So you're already running the United States.
- No, I'm just a dude.
But all the other leaders of the world are there.
- Okay. Got it.
I sort of like Snooker them
into a like a card shark kind of thing.
Get 'em all to be like "This is gonna be great"
and they all kind of bet
the country that they happen to be in charge of.
In the bet it's like "Sorry, Full House.
"I guess I now control all the countries
"because you bet it, and I guess
"by default I control the world"
- [Katie] I love it.
- Damn. That could feasibly happen.
- It's very James Bond.
I think. I don't know.
Is it?
- Have you never seen James Bond?
- I have.
I was never fully listening.
- To me?
- Mmm . . .
- Katie, would you like to--
- Do not, introduce me.
(Raphael laughing)
- Anyway, my final idea is Hypnosis.
It's a word I often say wrong.
Imagine if you will, the world
as we currently know it.
I decide, you know what?
I've got some pretty good ideas.
In fact, my ideas should be dictating
what happens in this world.
Here's the problem with being the world leader though,
once people know you're the world leader
somebody's gonna try to come and kill ya.
So my plan is to hypnotize the world's leaders,
so they would do as I said.
- Listen to me.
- I'd say "Listen to me"
and they would listen to me.
And so here's the thing,
other people might be killing them off
no big deal, no sweat off my back.
Is that a saying?
- Yeah.
- Because--
- You just hypnotize the next one.
- I can hypnotize the next one.
So it can be literally my entire life,
as just Katie Marovitch, a girl who works at College Humor.
But secretly, is running the world.
- Hmm.
- That sounds busy.
- I would be, maybe I would come like part time.
Do a part time job here.
- Eh.
- I think it's noble that you would
stick with what you love.
- Yeah. I love sketch.
- You like this thing on the side.
- I love the Rank Room.
- Yeah.
- Holy Hell.
- This feels very similar to Subliminal Message Concert.
- Okay, so all my ideas are the same.
I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, I'm just pointing out some similarities.
- I struggled in this challenge.
To come up with answers.
Because it seems like a hard task.
To take over the world.
- [Trapp] I think I wouldn't want to.
- [Katie] It does seem difficult
- No, I wouldn't want to neither.
- I would absolutely not want to.
- The world... sucks.
- Yeah, I don't want that on my hands.
- No, no.
- Now it is time to eliminate and rank.
Raphael.
- Yes.
- I turn to you first.
Which of these eight do you want to see in the top three?
- It's me, listen to me, listen to me.
- Listen to me.
- Okay (laughing), you know what?
- [Rekha] Hey Raph, listen to me. (mumbles)
- Hold on.
- [Katie] Listen to me.
- Raph talk to me.
- Raph Covey
- (moans) I gotta go with One Big Bet.
Just 'cause I think it could happen.
(group laughing)
- This is the most likely.
Not the two you did, that are already things.
(Raphael laughing)
- Rekha, please of these remaining.
- This is what Fox News does.
- [Katie] Yes, and they do have a lot of pone.
- [Trapp] This is an effective strategy.
- This is effective.
They convince a lot of really, you know people--
- [Raphael] People, they're people.
- I was gonna say poor people that don't know
- [Katie] Yes. - That this is all propaganda.
It's bad. - [Katie] Right.
Michael Trapp.
- I guess I would like to choose,
Subliminal Message Concert.
I don't know why, I just feel like compelled
to choose that one.
- Choose it. Choose it. Choose it.
- There's like a deep feeling inside me that I just have to.
I have to like listen to the arguments being made here.
- [Katie] Yes. Excellent.
- So yeah, not for a really good reason,
but that's the one I choose.
- Cool. Yeah, very cool.
- [Katie] Excellent.
At this time, I will invite you to dramatically,
toss aside the one that have not been chosen.
- Oh, I hate this.
- In third place, we're going to do One Big Bet.
Here's the thing, love it.
I don't think it could happen.
- So it's almost like you're ranking it third,
because of the reason Raph chose it to be in the top three.
- Yes. Exactly.
In second place I will do Subliminal Message Concert.
In first place, the real thing that has happened.
Media Baron, which makes sense to me.
- Yeah that sucks.
- Well that was it for this episode of the Rank Room.
If you have any suggestions for questions
we should try to answer in the future
please leave them below in the comments.
- [Trapp] I'm Katie Marovitch.
Good night.
- [Rehka] And I am Katie Marovitch.
Good Night.
- [Raph] I am Katie Marovitch, the host of this show.
It is my show.
You may leave now.
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