this pain body and many of you know this already I spoke of it in the book many
of you already working with your pain body bringing presents to it but we need
to point out that this pain body week we look upon as if it were an almost
independent entity that lives in you and again don't take this to be the absolute
rose it is a pointer it helpful very helpful perspective it's quite close to
the truth but not the truth but so let's very where of the limitations of any
perspective and yet we use that perspective because it's helpful so we
say that it is like an entity that lives in you it is a residue an emotional
field which is energy that has become stuck cannot flow freely to constrict it
tight it lives in humans although most humans
it is in most human beings it is not continuously active it is radically
active the pain body has a dormant period when you all you have to face in
life is your mind and the mad egoic mind structures which is problematic enough
but then periodically the pain body awakens out of its dormant state because
being almost an independent entity it needs to take in some food renewing self
it needs further experience of pain and it usually happens when you can notice
it when in relatively minor often not always but very well relatively minor
situation event even thought can't suddenly bring about an enormous influx
of emotional claim be it anxiety fear extreme fear be it extreme anger of
totally out of proportion to the triggering event he suddenly the fear or
deep sadness and heaviness the the make up of pain body differs from person to
person some are predominantly angry some are predominantly heavy with deep
sadness others are predominantly fearful and anxious and many others are
combination of these and so suddenly this enormous movement of emotion and
painful emotion and the first thing that the paint body does when it awakens it
is seeking food it seeks food in two places what is in your mind and it will
attempt to use your thought processes so the emotion is so strong that it
overpowers your thought processes and every thought process then reflects the
painful emotion that you feel so you begin to think thoughts that reflect the
pain that you feel in here and with every thought you feed the brain body
that means at that moment you are identified with the pain body and this
is an important aspect of the egoic sense of self this is what makes the
egoic sense of self so far we've only spoken of the egoic sense of self
as mine movements but now we see there is an additional factor to the egoic
sense of self which makes it even more mad and even heavier than it already is
as simply my movements conditions that you identify ways so we have an influx
of human pain that flows into those mind movements that are egoic and are bad
enough even without the play body problematic enough and yet now as the
pain body moves into it amplifies and normally the egoic mind movements what
that means is when the story of me which is what most people derive their
identity from becomes amplified by the pain body the story becomes huge drama
heavy drama angry drama fearful drama and enormous proportions and the mind is
working overtime it's active anyway all the time but now it's doubly ten times
50 times more active thinking all those thoughts angry depressed fearful fearful
whole street happening 70 to me angry
you know I don't need it and every thought feels the pain body and you love
it because at that moment you have become the pain body that is the
addiction to pain that every human being carries inside pain bodies love pain and
when you are identified with that movement and
mine means your sense of self eNOS is in it during at while it's active at that
moment you because you have become the pain Bonnie you love the pain and you
will do everything to keep it going but the mind is only one level which is one
of where the pain body feeds it feeds on other people so it will attempt to
provoke or make other people equally unhappy the pain body is very very
unhappy and when it becomes through my movement in identification with it it
becomes a self feeding noser itself every fight now by thousands of years of
human pain that are genetically and in other ways passed on and the delusion is
that that is me my problem my pain my story you don't realize that we my
identity so and then this unhappy identity seeks to make others equally
unhappy to feed on their unhappiness their emotional reaction of unhappiness
in other words it's looking for drama and for trouble from someone and usually
Kensit succeeds in drawing in awakening the other person's painfully this is
particularly prevalent in partnerships husband wife it can be seen in the
periodic need to act out their drama and its
repeats itself you might have noticed every week every few days you go through
the motions in many cases it's almost exactly the same as last week's and in
other many cases it is the same as 20 years ago it's amazing as if they were
forced to act something out like somebody has put something in their
script programmed you and your fault same again but every time it actually
works because through that the paint body renews itself and after a while a
few hours maybe a whole day in some cases two days or in more chronic pain
bodies longer periods of time and then it's it'll go to sleep for a while and
the relationship is a bit more harmonious again and sooner or later
it's back and it it looks for an opportunity especially as more
consciousness arises in youth presence it looks for moments when you are less
conscious it will attempt to come in then when it's ready to awaken it's it
is clever it is cunning it's lying in wait it's
looking for the best moment in which to suddenly jump in and rise up into your
mind before you know it and immediately you start sudden ten minutes later you
might realize you're feeding the pain body with extremely negative thought
processes when did when did it start oh my god been in that for 10 15 minutes
half an hour it mainly even too late by then he is so
identified that if somebody pointed out to you that you are possessed by the
pain body you would say you would shout something don't give me that nonsense
about pain body this is very real the pain body sometimes if the pain body is
active and you have to step outside you're going you're going shopping
you're going to your workplace but you have the paper is active of course it's
not being expressed at that moment but you're walking there you walk the
walking pain body and you're then and far greater risk of being attacked
verbally even physically there's a greater risk but more likely firmly by
some other walking pain body so you go into a shop to buy a loaf of bread and
suddenly the shopkeeper is extremely rude and there's an enormous amount of
negativity flowing what did I do because his main body recognized your
senses and many pain bodies these days are sitting behind wheels
so there are people they are driving plain bodies and often accidents happen
in that way all that is required for very high likelihood of an accident is
to driving paint bodies getting close to each other because the paint body wants
the drama the paint body wants the pain the pain body wants the accident because
the accident will give it more pain is totally unconscious of course but it's a
bit frightening to realize then there are many drivers out there who are
looking for the accident through the pain body totally unconscious of course
so it's amazing that I have met people spiritual seekers who already the state
of presence of rises in them beautifully but they they have not been aware of the
movement of pain body and each time they lose it completely totally identified
with the pain movement and then we can became okay it's time to meditate again
and when the pain body is ready to break and it could happen in the middle of a
meditation and then it will wait for the slightest provocation a little the door
opening leave me alone can't you see I'm doing my mental meditation for God's
sake his heart
so - there is a cycle here of human pain becoming a self the diluting of self and
through becoming a self identification with it it renews itself so it's a
simple how do you get out of Italy so simple see it for what it is when it
arises as the movement of human pain almost physical halfway between
emotional you can almost feel it as a physical aspect to it fear for example
my pain body which was extremely tense was composed predominantly of fear
energy so I would wake up in the middle of the night shivering with fear and my
movements to accompany that all the dreadful things that are going to happen
to me see the movement of pain from what it is human pain watch it as it arises
so as it arises but it may arise quickly particularly if it's anger that is a
predominant energy field it can be as quick as an explosion not easy to watch
it if it goes wrong you have to be there as it goes wrong so what and then it's
there so what do you do with it say go away No
it is the form that this moment takes human pain this moment then takes the
form of that pain within thankin heaviness depression and what do you do
with that now you allow it to be and you allowing implies that there is an
awareness because the awareness and the allowing are really one you allow it to
be so you see it and you allow the movement of pain then it cannot use your
mind because you're watching it directly
even when it cannot use your mind it cannot renew itself so it will simply
mean the expression of old pain but it's not you're not adding to it by
unconsciously identifying with it and making it into herself and so that is
the beginning of a gradual transmutation of the pain gradually the trapped energy
that was there becomes freed it is a strange fact that in those human beings
very often who have the densest made bodies the heaviest pain body's
liberation can happen very quickly because the suffering becomes almost
unbearable and so you recognize what you then do is this was the case with me I
could not live with myself any longer that night when the pain reached climax
just this thought came into I'm talk about it briefly in the book I cannot
live with myself any longer and that thought became a corn in Zen koan as
many of you know is a kind of riddle that has no logical answer that you
could work out so the corn that spontaneously rose was that sentence
that phrase I cannot live with myself and suddenly I saw self and the pain of
self I said I they are - Here I am the self that I cannot live with what said
self it's painful self it's a story it's a painful story that's what I can't live
with Who am I who is I I at its deepest level is the unconditioned consciousness
the one I the superficial ie the way the word i is normally used in everyday
usage and it's probably the most frequently used word in the language
because of course everybody is the center of the universe
I usually refers to I am my story my story self my painful self my pain body
story self this is when people say I they refer to the illusory identity of
self that was the self that I could not live with I was identified herself and
suddenly I separated from self there was a descanse this moved out of
identification with the form of self and the psychological form of self collapsed
all at once left was I it had moved out of
identification with inform the psychological form and that moving out
in this case was so complete that the form of self popped like a soap bubble
and what was left was what had always been there but it becomes intertwined
with a form I I had always been the essence even of the story but it became
mixed up with form so it moved out of form because the pain of form
identification became unbearable and every one of you is close to that point
or has already reached that point that's why you are here
some of you yes need a little bit more time that's okay so and that is the
miracle of transformation is when that happens it fortunately this is the pain
that is created by that delusion is also that which makes you realize who you are
beyond the form one could almost say that self created plane drives you out
finally of the form that's one way of putting it
and then by the grace of God the divine the one a spiritual teaching or teacher
comes in and points to the fact that you don't need further pain you've come to
the end to awaken out of identification with form you don't need more pain
the what the pain that you have had and really I'm talking not so much to you as
an individual person I could say that to humanity because you are humanity the
pain that you have had has been enough and that was already 2600 years ago that
was already the message of the Buddha
because the he summarized the entire teaching which is sublime of sublime
simplicity when poem summarized it is I show you suffering at the end of
suffering and this is exactly what we have been engaged in here this evening I
showed you suffering at the end of suffering the same teaching the same
teacher there's only one spiritual teaching and there's only one spiritual
teacher and that one teaching one teacher comes in many forms but it's
only one and here that is appears again with an added one could almost say
urgency or intensity to it because at the time of the Buddha human madness had
not yet developed to the point where it threatened
survival of the very planet it's taken 2,600 years since then for the human
mind to become that powerful and increase through science through
technology increase amplify the madness that was already there and not that
there's anything wrong with that ultimately that also is part of what has
to be and had to be put beautifully expressed beautifully by the Buddhist
saying if there were no delusion there would be no enlightenment so all is as
it is and it is right everything probably highest our deepest perspective
even although I have been speaking of human madness even that is a fragmentary
perspective nothing I pointed out before nothing that thought can think or worth
can speak is the entire truth so even to say that humans are mad as dysfunctional
but yes it's true but it's not the entire truth there is a larger picture
within which that also is as it should be totally right
so this is the message of salvation
liberation from that prison but it's been beautiful it worked
the man has worked the suffering worked
it is all right from the highest perspective there's nothing that is
amiss
so you all go away from here greatly diminished in your sense of self story
this has not been a personal growth seminar the opposite that which is true
is emerging if it were not you wouldn't be sitting anymore and now that presence
the unconditioned transmits itself fortunately your practice is of course
the practice of surrender to now the old movements of resistance will come back
periodically and you then recognize them you will not get lost for too long in
the old egoic reactive resistant movements occasionally you get back in
and oh there it was again and it's never a personal problem
thought processes yes you may get drawn back into identification with mind
strains and you become absent in dream world and then you waken again out of it
and that's good then you realize oh I was in the dream world of mind
identification again for the past three hours
that's right your wake now it's all that matters it's not a personal problem the
whole movement of thought is not a personal matter
just as the plain body is not a personal matter
the pain that it is human pain and mind movement is the human mind it's nobody's
personal problem
so the old comes the new and slowly the new arises and that one could say take
some time but the one decisive act of surrender never takes time because it
can only be now that is the message ever the same since the first human being
realized the truth but more intense now more
urgent
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