- Yo, I'll tell you some shit
that'll fuck you up while we high.
- What's up, what's up?
Go ahead, DoBoy.
I'm hey, this better be good.
- Tomato a fruit.
- Nigga. - Now see
- Nigga, you knew that?
- Yeah!
- Since when?
- Since forever nigga, third grade?
Why don't they put it in fruit salad?
Why is it ostracized?
- Is every fruit in fruit salad?
- I never that, fuckin' tomatoes being a fruit.
You ain't never just see a nigga walking,
eatin' a tomato like a apple, he'll look like a psychopath.
- I'm embarrassed to say this now
but I eat tomatoes like apples.
- You're a weirdo!
- I put salt on 'em and I eat.
You know what I mean?
- No!
- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.
- No, don't.
- How many years you live in Alabama though?
- You look like a nigga that will whip up
some fried green tomatoes.
(instrumental hip hop music)
- Hey, this is Stoner Stories,
with Jenkins and Jones.
I'm the Jethro Jenkins.
My buddy here, this handsome fella here...
- I'm Dragonfly Jones.
And we are high as hell right now.
- Definitely high as a motherfucker, ya feel me?
- Oh, and I am DoBoy.
aka, Dough J Simpson, you know why?
- Why's that?
- Cuz I'm killin' these hoes.
- Alright.
- The streets is here!
- What have we got?
What we smokin' over there?
- Shit, we smokin' us some of that goddamn
mama say mama sa mamakusa, right here.
- Hey, okay.
Throw back weed.
(kazoo blowing)
- So you just had that with you?
- Oh yeah. - For this.
- [Jethro] A 16 year old British sailor
is completely over the trash-ass vegetables
that lay before him.
- [Dragonfly] Smart kid.
- [DoBoy] Sounds like me.
- [Jethro] Hey man,
we got anything else to eat in this piece?
These vegetables are fucking weak!
So he gets this bright idea.
He grabs some bread, butter and sugar,
and starts experimenting.
Hansen's concoction ends up being the first donut ever made.
And as soon as he takes a bite, he says to himself,
Oh, I mighta did some shit, here.
- [DoBoy] Ha, ha! I can taste it in my mouth, too!
- [Jethro] He bakes a few more,
shares them with the crew.
And everybody starts losing their shit.
Now mind you, God is watching the whole time.
And ain't happy with what's going on.
A lot of work was put into those vegetables
Hansen just shitted on.
And the disrespect wasn't appreciated one bit.
So God pulls up on them in the form of a centaur,
titties out and everything.
Cause God's a woman,
if you didn't know.
- [DoBoy] God got titties?
- God got titties. - Got tits?
- [Jethro] What you have created today
cannot leave this boat.
It is not good for you
and has the power to ruin the earth.
And Hansen looks at her,
the donuts,
then at her again and says,
You're God!
Why don't you just make them good for us,
like you did those weak ass vegetables?
- Valid point, - Very valid.
- [Jethro] And she just yells, you've been warned,
while flying away.
And Hansen yells in the air,
You just mad 'cause I stunted on you!
(exhalation of breath)
- I was listening to the story,
and I mean I know looking at me, man,
I know it's gonna be hard to believe.
And I know, you know what I'm saying?
I'm not in the best of shape.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm not like the skinniest guy out here.
- [Jethro] Yeah, yeah.
- But that really resonates with me
when I hear somebody say,
why ain't good food delicious?
- Isn't that crazy though?
All the food we want
is food that's not good for us.
You feel me?
Like donuts.
C'mon.
Do you know how good the world would be
if donuts were healthy?
- I've had sex with donuts.
I'm not proud of it.
But I have, okay?
Just don't eat the icing on those.
(laughter)
- That was a little bit...
That was a bit...
- You can't be saying that shit!
- You ain't never heard anybody like,
nigga, I'm 'bout to kill these Brussels sprouts.
That never happened.
- Nobody's happy about the Brussels sprouts.
- You ain't never had a hankering for asparagus?
- No, never, never.
You know what I'm saying?
- Never.
That shit is community service, dawg.
You gotta get in and get out, bro.
When that shit going, playa,
you just gotta do your bid work.
You know what I'm saying.
You see, some vegetables probably get play,
but I don't know.
- When I was a kid,
cause I've been fat all my life.
I was a fat kid.
I used to have to take my vegetables
like medicine.
I used to put water in my mouth,
and then put peas, like ugh!
I hate that shit.
If delicious food is so good.
You gotta put bad food on it to make it edible.
- [Jethro] Yeah, yeah for sure.
- Who the fuck came up with chocolate covered strawberries?
- I don't know.
Delicious, delicious.
- You ain't supposed to put chocolate on a strawberry.
- You ever had fried asparagus?
- Absolutely. - Incredible.
- You know what I'm saying?
All that shit.
It'd be a bunch of fruit and shit
that we make bad,
because we can't just eat that shit.
- Food is fire, though.
- No, food is fire.
(making skeptical sounds)
(cow mooing)
- Ya'll niggas look high.
Are ya'll high?
- Oh, of course!
- This motherfucker hasn't said a word.
(laughter)
- Aw, shit dog.
- Is this nigga gonna say something?
You know, I'll tell you some shit
that'll fuck you up while we high.
- [Jethro] What's up, what's up?
- Go ahead, DoBoy.
- Hey, this better be good.
- Tomato a fruit.
- Nigga.
- Nigga, you knew that?
- Yeah!
- Since when?
- Since forever, nigga, third grade!
- Why don't they put it in fruit salad?
Why is it ostracized?
- Is every fruit in fruit salad?
No!
- Why can't they make seedless watermelons,
but not seedless pomegranates?
- Seedless poma-(mumbling)
- Like, did you ever just--
(conversation in slow motion)
- [Jethro] Spell pomegranates.
I just want to hear it, go ahead.
Spell it out, DoBoy!
I need to see it.
- P-O-M-A-M-A... - Nigga, sound like a rapper.
- Pom-a-gram-ams.
- You ever just be eating a pomegranate and be like,
man, if a nigga just took the seeds out of these.
- That thing'll be fire.
- It'd a luscious fruit.
- That's a hell of a situation.
- I thought you eat the seeds in a pomegranate.
- [DoBoy] Nah, man.
- I don't, nuh-uh!
I eat them in watermelons, though.
(muffled speech)
- So, how did a nigga make a watermelon
with no seeds, though?
Don't that ever fuck you up when you eating that shit?
- Science, bro!
Science, dawg.
Science is incredible.
We put somebody on the moon.
We can make a watermelon with no seeds.
I think that's kinda, you know...
- I never that.
Fucking tomatoes being a fruit.
You ain't never just seen a nigga walking
eating a tomato like it's an apple.
He'd a look like a psychopath.
(laughter in the back)
- I think we oughta weigh this shit out here,
though, DoBoy!
- C'mon man!
You gotta be prepared!
- Okay.
My bad, dude.
- Hey guys.
- Aw, what's up my G?
- How ya doin', man?
Do you guys want weed, or what?
- Yeah. - Of course, yeah.
- I'm with it.
- Which one do you guys want?
- What do we got?
- I can't read.
- You can't read?
- I don't know how to read.
- [Jethro] Can we get both though?
- You got your bangs out the front.
You look like Sheila E.
- Can I get that bottle?
- Dawg, it's all yours, man.
- Thanks.
- Even Stevens?
- We're good now.
- Okay, cool.
- Wait a minute, while you're here.
Why are all the unhealthy foods so delicious?
- I don't know.
I just eat chips.
- Don't you eat vegetables?
- Tomatoes.
- [Jethro] That's a fruit.
- That's a fruit, fam.
- That's a fruit.
- It's not a fruit.
- [Jethro] It's definitely a fruit.
- You guys are wrong.
I'll see you tomorrow.
- Alright, man.
- The irony is that
white people be aging like bananas.
- [Banana] Bye guys.
(laughter)
Be old like next week.
Like nigga, you're 40 now.
(laughter)
(bong bubbling)
That just happened.
I like Mary Jane.
I like Mary J Blige better when she's sad.
- You think so?
- Why is that?
- Am I wrong?
- Singer though.
Am I wrong cause I want somebody to fuck her over
so she'll make a better album.
Am I wrong?
- R&B is made out of sadness, bro.
- Greatness is made out of sadness.
Listen, when Mary J Blige is heartbroken.
What does she give you?
♪ I'm not gon' cry ♪
♪ I'm not ♪
That shit hit you, right?
- Hell yeah.
- But when she happy, what she give you?
- That bullshit.
- That dance floor.
- That dancery.
What's the dancery?
What is a dancery?
- [Jethro] Don't nobody know.
- What is hateration?
No, no, no.
Stop, stop, stop!
What is hateration?
- C'mon, she made that up.
- In this dancery?
What the hell?
No stop, tell me what a dancery is.
- She's saying, dance with me.
- She said that in the second part!
(birds singing)
♪ In this dancery ♪
♪ Won't be no hateration ♪
♪ Holleration ♪
Fuck is wrong?
That's happy Mary!
Nigga need to cheat on Mary.
So we get the real shit.
You get,
give me what's the 411?
Share my world, nigga.
Goddamn.
- Happy Mary be making that goddamn Oprah workout.
(laughter)
And Oprah be fucking up on the goddamn,
I'm just fine!
- [Jethro] Trip off this.
Cow legs, right?
- Huh, what?
- Cows exist, right? - They do.
- But are they not better as hamburgers?
- Absolutely.
- Fruit exists.
- [DoBoy] Mm-hm.
- Is it not better as a fruit snack?
- A fruit roll up.
Fruit roll ups is fire.
- [Jethro] Fire as hell.
- I feel weird about Gushers sometimes.
Like, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- So I'm trippin' off this dude.
Did we stunt on God?
Is that what we did?
Did we stunt on God?
Can we stunt on God?
- There wasn't no pigs in the Garden of Eden.
It was all fruit based.
- [Jethro] It was all fruit
- I think we kinda was just like,
the chicken was supposed to be to wake us up.
We were like, nah,
I'm gonna eat this, nigga.
(rooster crowing)
This has gotta happen.
- Do you think Hansen stunted a lot?
- [DoBoy] Hm?
- Hansen, the guy that created donuts.
- Yes, he did.
- That's a lil bit though, cuz.
- 16 years old, bro.
- [DoBoy] And came up with donuts?
- And came up with donuts, bro,
himself on a line boat.
- You know how liv he had to be?
He was a regular nigga.
Then he had donuts.
You know how much your life would change?
- You know how tired you had to be.
- Yeah he was so fed up with everything.
- All the shit that was in front of him.
- At 16 years old.
- At 16 years old.
He made donuts.
- Sold 'em to his homeboys.
- I get why God would be mad.
Well do you think he'd be?
You think he made 'em unhealthy because he's just hot?
- [DoBoy] Yeah, he was like,
oh you wanna eat that.
Well do you want to be fat, nigga?
- Yeah, but I think like...
I kinda get it though, right?
Cause like
God put all this work into fuckin'
vegetables,
all this stuff here, right?
- [DoBoy] Mm-hm.
- A 16 year old in 15 minutes
created something way better
than anything else we've put in our mouth ever, bro.
- Maybe God told him to do it.
God mighta been like,
yo this is wild nasty.
This is gonna be a sin.
But niggas gotta have options.
- You think God would do that?
That sound like the devil.
- Cause don't nobody want to eat kale every day.
Am I the only nigga
that when I do meal prep
by Wednesday
I'm sick of eating chicken breasts and broccoli?
Then I have like 30 Tupperware containers
full of old chicken and broccoli
in my refrigerator.
I done ate Chipotle everyday.
- Imagine if you had Tupperware containers
of donuts, man bro.
How much better would life be, bro?
- Then why are they better warm?
- Dude.
You's about to cry, weren't you?
I felt that emotion, dawg.
Speaking of food, man, I'm hungry.
You guys hungry?
- [Dragonfly] Hell yeah.
- [Jethro] You got the munchies?
- Oh yeah.
- You ready, DoBoy?
♪ Oh yeah! ♪
- You ready ain't you, let's go.
- [DoBoy] Let's go, man.
- I got something for you.
- Alright.
- See?
- You know I don't like picnic baskets.
- [Jethro] Why is that?
- Cause if me and a big girl smash,
and we both looking for our clothes afterwards,
we look like bears looking for picnic baskets.
It don't look good.
(laughter)
- We got a little healthy food.
- [DoBoy] Oh no.
- You good?
C'mon.
- [DoBoy] I'll take some orange chicken.
- No oranges?
- Apple pie, bro, no.
And ain't nobody ever in the mood for cantaloupe.
Ain't a nigga ever been like,
nigga I need some fire ass cantaloupe.
Cantaloupe trash!
- Cantaloupe tastes like chewable breath.
(laughter)
- You know why cantaloupe is trash?
Cause they don't get
crossed over into other foods.
You ain't never ate a cantaloupe fruit roll up.
- Cantaloupe pie or nothing, right.
- Cantaloupe fruit roll up.
You don't think a nigga would be like,
bro what'd I do to you?
Cantaloupe flavor?
- It's a first. - Right.
- Ain't ever had no cantaloupe soda.
- Hell nah.
- Cantaloupe Kool-Aid.
- Fuck cantaloupe.
- Nah, I got my own.
- [Jethro] Look at you, you kinda stunted a little bit.
- And we do have the donuts.
- Of course.
Of course.
- DoBoy,
we have the donuts.
- [Jethro] He's a wizard.
- Yeah, so
I told her like,
I'm not into that type of shit.
(laughter)
(horn music)
- [Jethro] That dude look kinda fire though.
- How you doing?
- Hey.
- How are ya?
- I'm chillin.
How you doing?
- Hey, I'm good.
Can I sit with you all?
- Where you from?
- I'm from here if you let me sit down.
- [DoBoy] Okay.
- So while you here,
I want a woman's perspective.
Why are unhealthy foods so delicious?
- I think healthy foods are way better than unhealthy foods.
I think they taste way better.
- Why is that?
- They do.
A apple?
Apple tastes better than candy to me.
You didn't have to do nothing to the apple
for it to taste good.
It was just born tasting good.
The candy, you gotta put it in a factory,
add all this sugar,
cut it up.
It's like crack.
This from earth.
- You ain't never had no Sour Patch Kids frozen, have you?
- No, I have not.
But grapes frozen.
- That's trash.
- Fire.
- [Woman] You're telling me frozen grapes aren't fire?
- No, they're not.
- Hold on guys.
We ain't got high, man.
I got my edible, man.
Now it's time to go to the next level.
- [Woman] Is that vegan?
- That looks like a brownie, yo.
- That's a regular brownie, bro.
- Food in general makes me high.
I'm still gonna eat both,
just to see if anything changes.
- Is it?
- I'm catching a buzz.
You feeling that?
- I feel it, I feel it.
(audible chewing)
- Mm-hm.
I want Jagged Edge to drop another album.
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