We have a love-hate relationship with our home.
We've made so many memories here.
We thought we were just renting during the adoption process,
but we were always on the lookout, thinking,
we need to find a place for our family permanently.
So we've been here just about ten and a half years.
We brought our whole family over on Christmas Day and announced to them,
we're going to adopt.
There was a slowdown that happened in Ethiopia, the first program we were in.
So you have to just wait. And I think that waiting period,
as it began to extend longer and longer became
definitely the most difficult challenge that we ran into at first.
Hearing that you've been matched with a child is what you're waiting for that whole time period.
So many needs with this kiddo that we were saying yes to,
but all of that just paled in comparison to the joy of that moment.
Later on we had gotten a phone call that
the child we've been referred had started having seizures,
which wasn't on his list of concerns before.
How do we do that with, you know, four daughters who are less than eight years old?
It's very difficult when you want to help somebody and you have to walk away.
I think it's the right thing just to say, what was that experience for?
Maybe our journey's done. Maybe we need to sit in that a little bit.
It doesn't make any sense, but really that was kind of the theme of our lives at that time.
We found this home and it was really perfect for us.
And I remember our caseworker Julie calling around that time, checking in.
And she said, "Have you ever thought about China special needs?"
My whole heart was in Africa. Now we had years invested,
we had finances invested, paperwork invested.
It really was a surprising thought to consider.
We hadn't made a decision about it because now we're in the middle of possibly buying a home.
Me and the kids would always hop in the van every day and go drive by this house.
That day when we drove up to the property, the kids said,
"This doesn't really feel like our house today mom."
And they didn't know anything about what we were considering.
And I said, "You know what? You're right. It doesn't really feel like our house."
And I just heard the Lord say,
"You know, you can have a house, or you can give a child a home."
And God knew that it would take that to really go all in.
And so we said no to the house and we said yes to China special needs.
When we got this referral we were elated.
It was everything coming together. It was all making sense.
There was some sort of a glitch, and the government had actually referred him to another family.
Felt like the rug got ripped out from under us again.
I mean I was questioning everything. And I would just walk and cry and pray out loud,
and say, God I don't understand what you're doing.
Is there something I'm doing wrong?
In a way you feel like you have nothing to show for this.
Is there something we need to do differently?
What did we do this for? Even though deep down
every time I would have those questions it would be,
"But I called you. Will you trust me?"
I know you don't want to get excited yet, but listen, we think this file's coming forward.
Would you be interested?
I know what's happened in the past when I've said yes, and stuff falls through.
So I mean we can say yes.
I reached out to a couple of friends and one of the friends texted me,
and she texted me the song "Never Once," by Matt Redman. And in the first few seconds of that I saw
this young adult Asian man worshipping and lifting his hands, and God said,
"That's your son. That is who... I'm giving you a glimpse into the future and I want you to say yes to him."
All of those things coming together released me to hope again,
and released me to love again and to say, to say yes.
Every time I look around that dinner table, and we're all just crammed around it,
things are being spilled everywhere, and I just think, this is a home.
And it really doesn't matter whether it's been here in our rental house,
I get to take my home with me wherever I go because it's them.
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