Welcome to another Facebook Live from Karen from Nurture Parenting! So I hope you've
all had a fabulous week, and give me the love hearts. Give me the thumbs up if you're
here and listening to me. So, are you finding that half past 2 is a better time to start?
I hope you do. So, I just had to go and move my car because a naughty boy had parked in
my car parking space. The trial and tribulations of living in strata so, hence the slightly
5, 10 minutes late. So, right this week. What has Karen been up to this week? Well, we did
a competition last week to win 5 baby massage videos that I star in, and this little baby
called Belle, and they are a really really great prize. Because you can actually watch
me on your TV, or on your phone, or your laptop, whatever, and you can massage your baby together
with me in your front room, or wherever you want to be. So, the winners are: Sophie Zdenkowski,
and I hope I've said that right. Sophie, apologise if I haven't. Zina Edwards, lucky winner!
Other lucky winner, Natasha Osmond-Dreyer, yay! Another lucky winner, Kobi Shetty, yay Kobi!
And Phoebe Charlotte Bayley, yay! So we have 5 lucky winners there. So Sophie,
Zina, Natasha, Kobi and Phoebe, well done, and they are winging their way to you this
afternoon. So after I've finished here today they'll be coming to you in your email,
so look in your inbox. So, very very exciting. So, obviously I have a little competition
today and I'll give you a little clue as to what it is. And I'm going to announce
it at the end of this Facebook Live, just to mix things up a little bit. But it is something
that I think has changed lives for many many families. It is a little piece of gold, particularly
if you have a toddler, and if you haven't, then I have something for a baby as well.
So, at the end of this video, what you're going to have to do is like the video and
like Nurture Parenting on Facebook, and you will be entered into the draw and then the
lucky winner will be notified by myself and on Nurture Parenting's Facebook Page.
We have the Ts and Cs up there, the Terms and Conditions, so have a little peak through them
but you have to like both things. Now, today I've got masses of questions, like masses.
The deluge and a lot of first time posters which is really really exciting.
So I think a lot of people ... That surprise, no it's not the aluminium foil Laura, but
it would be very exciting to win some foil wouldn't it? No, it's slightly more exciting
than that. I think Matilda would love this prize, I thin Beatrix would love this prize.
I think every baby, every toddler would love this prize. So, I'm going to get into the
questions very very quickly because I need to get all these answered. Because some really
really big big big questions this week. Now this week, what did I do this week? This morning
I've been into a daycare. So often when I'm working with families, they tell me
that they've got a sleep problem with daycare because their child has not transitioned well to daycare.
It's often the boys. So today I've been to see little William down in Alexandria,
in his daycare which is just round the corner from me. And I went to look at
what was happening with his sleep. I spoke to the director and the childcare lovely ladies.
Now this daycare blew me away in a very good way. And most of you know that you know, daycares,
I often have a little moan about the room. It's not dark enough, it's not you know,
conducive to sleep etc etc. This daycare is incredible and I have a feeling this daycare
is going to get fully booked. I think there'll be a waiting list in the daycare, because
it was so seriously impressive. It is called 'Kiddie'. It is down in Alexandria on
61 O'Riordan Street, it's called Kiddie Academy. The centre director is Charity, and
she does amazing. So she'd heard about me, and the mum had told, because Kirsty had told Charity
that Karen likes a really dark room, and a cool room, and no noise, and no patting.
So, poor Charity, poor centre people, they were a little bit, shall I say, slightly anxious
about me going down there, I can totally understand. But I went into the room where William was
and it was so dark. It was seriously seriously impressive. And it was cool. William looked
so comfortable in his cot. And there was no babies crying. None. None. No babies crying.
I couldn't believe it, I was stunned. So I've been to many daycares, and many children don't sleep
And I can see why when those rooms are so light, when it is not cool enough,
when there's lots of noise around. And daycares tell you how happy those children are.
And you know the babies and children at Kiddie Academy are seriously well looked after.
I would definitely send my child there. I would recommend this place to anybody. I often get
little feelings about places. So, I'm very intuitive and I just, I know when something
feels good. This place made me feel really happy. And the daycare workers, beautiful
beautiful ladies. Charity, oh my goodness, just such a lovely person. So I'm actually
going to be going back there and doing some education with the daycare workers, with the parents,
I'm actually going to be doing a session with parents as well.
So, "I need a Kiddie Academy in Carlton!". Yes Michelle, I agree love. It was seriously fabulous, seriously.
I have only got good things to say about Kiddie Academy. Like I say it's 61-67 of O'Riordan Street,
in Alexandria. There is parking there. It is right, ironically it is right behind
the Mini and BMW garage. I had no idea that it was there. So I drive a Mini Cooper
as most of you know. A little nice little red one with a Union Jack on the top, it's really
seriously quite cute. And it is right by the back of the Mini garage. It is a perfect location,
it is, it is easy to park, it is a lovely lovely centre, very secure, lovely staff,
and the kids and the babies, they sleep. They sleep in that daycare. So I can vouch for this.
So, we talked a little about, about things like patting and patting of mattresses
and patting of children. So, I said that we started off a little hashtag #nopatmovement
at Nurture Parenting, and we are on a mission to stop the pat in Australia. So, the patting
of children and babies for sleep, it has to stop, and it has to stop in daycare.
And then one of the daycare workers, she was sharing with me that she'd been to Tresillian or Karitane.
I can't remember which place it was, with her child, and they had taught her to pat.
And her children were not sleeping well. They're slightly older toddlers and
they are actually in her bed now. So I said to her that I would fix her sleep for her,
for her kids. So when I come and do the education session, I'll be going to help
that daycare worker with her kid's sleep as well. And I'm going to save her a lot
of money as a result, and give her sleep back. Because it just breaks my heart that parents
are not getting sleep. And it breaks my heart even more that kids are not sleeping and babies
are not sleeping. And we've got a good chance of sorting these kids out at this age, and
I think we can get them into their own beds, and that's what should be happening.
So, that's the week. So, that's daycare today, that's what Karen did. So, seriously impressed. mpressed
Kiddie Academy on 61-67 O'Riordan Street Alexandria. This is free advertising,
they haven't paid me. I do not give recommendations unless I seriously believe in something.
Most of you know that I've got very very high standards and I don't settle for anything but the best.
This is amazing. So, at the weekend what did Karen do? Karen went down
to a place in the South of New South Wales to go and help a mum with a 4 and a half year old.
This 4 and a half year old had been in the bed with her mummy permanently, and she
did have an older sibling as well, but that one didn't ... never wanted to go into mummy's bed really.
And this little girl was booby feeding 5 times at night time. So it was a really big deal
to get this girl out of the bed, and stop this booby feeding, because
at 4 and a half you have to make that decision for them because they are not going to
make it for themselves. I know that many attached parents will say, "But they'll decide,
they'll they'll they'll change their minds". I love this thought that that is
going to happen. But seriously, I've never met a child that's said willingly,
"I will get out of your bed mummy. I don't need to be here mummy". They're just not going to do that.
So we need to help them in a really positive way that's really kind as well,
and that's what I went down to do this weekend. And we talked about needs and wants,
and that's really important about you know, and a four and a half year old, you can explain to them
"Do you need the boob? Do you need to feed from mummy at night, or do you just want to feed?"
And we talked about, say if you had 10 pairs of shoes. Did you need another
pair of shoes really when you have 10 pairs? And we talked about mummy wanting a pink car,
and the white car she had was perfectly acceptable. So you know, why did she need a pink car?
But she wanted it, did she need it? No, she didn't need it. This little girl really got it
and I heard her having this really profound conversation with her mummy
one of these mornings. And she said to mummy, "Do you know mummy, I want the boob but
do you know I don't really need it. I don't really need the boob, I don't mummy."
But it's it's it's funny wanting and needing," she said. "It's something that
I really want, but I think I can do this." And her sister turned around to her the next
morning after the first night and said to her little sister, and I won't name her,
she said, "I am seriously proud of you" bla-de-bla. And, this little girl turned round
to her and said, "Do you know what, do you know what big sister? I am seriously proud of myself."
She didn't think she was going to be able to do it. Huge stuff isn't it?
So my job is full of really profound moments, really amazing heartwarming moments.
As well as really heartrending moments at times as well. I mean, she was very angry this little girl
when we were doing this on night 1. My concern for her as well is that she could
be replacing emotions and self-regulating with food and the boob. Because I actually
caught her sat by, she really escaped out of the room on me, and she was sat, I caught her
sat in the kitchen, sat on the floor in front of the fridge, with the door wide open,
wide open and she said to me, "I'm hungry. I'm really hungry". So I think all these mixed messages
of feeding boob and you know, feeding this emotional hunger. So I had to talk to mummy.
Thank you Laura, I know, it was really amazing. And I had to talk to the mummy
about we need to be careful with this little girl, with her food, with her appetite,
that we don't replace emotions with food. And the irony is, her dad is a bit of a feeder.
He's a chef, and he loves to feed the family. And there's a real big danger that what
was the boob will end up in food. So, mum is amazing, mum is absolutely incredible,
and she's totally on to this and she will not allow this happen. But that's a really heavy
conversation to have, isn't it really? But we need to be really careful of this little girl
for the future, and her eating habits. Because we don't want her to end up with
an eating disorder. And, it's often on my little trips back from places or you know
I'm in the shower or whatever, I get my little profound thoughts. And I was driving
back in my car and it just came to me, and I thought wow, I thought this is about emotion
and eating. It is not real hunger. A child, at half 10 o'clock at night is not hungry,
and she'd eaten her tea, and I'd seen her eat her tea. So that's just something
to really think about, about what we're doing when we're breastfeeding long-term.
And we're breastfeeding and we're putting our children in the bed long-term, that we
are masking their emotions, we are feeding those emotions with milk and that we are
not allowing them to have emotions that are normal and that this sort of thing needs to be made aware,
and we need to really think about what we're doing when we keep on doing 10 breastfeeds at night time
when they're like, you know, 2 years old. When we do 5 breastfeeds when they're 4 and a half years old.
Anyway, that's all I've got to say on that matter, but
it was a very very amazing weekend, I had the best time. I played with Monster High dolls
with these 2 little girls, I haven't played with dolls for a very long time.
And I really indulged my inner child and it was really seriously fabulous. And I'm so lucky to do,
you know what I do, and work with families that I work with. So, yay for this little girl
and her family, and seriously amazing. So, I'm going to get onto the first question.
So last week I had quite a few people who I didn't get round to answering their questions
because I had so many. So, this is Sonia Williams, and I think Sonia is a first time poster so
hi Sonia, I hope your week has been good. So she says "Hi Karen, how do I transition
from pureed foods to more solid foods? My daughter is 8 months old, and is ready to
move from pureed foods, but I'm scared about choking". And I think every parent is really
scared about choking. Now children have, babies have a gag reflex until about 9 months of age.
And it's protective, so it's to stop them from choking. I want you to remember
that a gag reflex is noisy, and a choke is silent. And that is the main, that's how
you know what is going on. So the gag reflex, it is further forward in their mouth than
what it is with an adult. And it's there to prevent them from choking. So we need to
look at how we manage that. Because if we don't move kids onto more solid food, and
Sonia's totally right, then it will affect speech development. So you need to be able
to move food from the front of the mouth to the back of the mouth in order to speak.
You also need to be able to pick food up, and then that'll help you fine motor skills.
So food is so much more than just nutrition. Food is about communication, it's about
relationship building. So it's full of lots of really important skills. So what I would
do Sonia is I would actually sit with your child, with your little 8 month old, and
I would do finger foods with her as well as the spoon. Now, if you keep on doing the spoon then,
and you don't do finger foods, you're going to get an issue with with your child
will be growling at you. And you heard that correctly, it's growling. They're going roar
because they get very seriously angry. Seriously pissed at you. And angry children,
angry babies are really quite quite interesting. They can bite you as well as growl at you.
So children, babies tell you in no uncertain terms how they feel about you feeding them
when they want to feed themselves. And when you allow a child to feed themselves and pick food up
and you eat with them, you don't necessarily need to eat a full meal, but
you need to pick finger foods up, they'll actually eat up to 25% more food. And that's going
to help with sleep. So it's going to help with so much things. So it's going to help
with speech development, it's going to help with fine motor skills, it's going to help
with hand eye coordination. It's going to help with sleep and relationship building.
That's at least 5 I can think of. So how we do this attunement thing with feeding, eating,
so so crucial. So I go into many houses, babies are sat in the high chair in the middle of the room.
They need to be sat at the table with you, and we need to be looking at
soft foods to start with. So, I've got masses of videos on YouTube of babies around 6 to 8 months
of age eating proper adult type of food. So, you can actually move onto things
like, even without teeth, with things like chicken drumsticks or lamb cutlets, because
again you've got a handle. So at 8 months of age you've not got quite your pincer
there yet, but you've got a grasp reflex at 8 months of age. So, you can give chicken drumsticks,
lamb cutlets, just cook them medium rare so they're very pink. Don't overcook lamb cutlets.
I would also be giving things like oven roasted pumpkin that you've oven roasted
in olive oil, and have it about 1 to 2, 2 inch cube size. If you oven roast it
t tastes so much nicer. Australians would never eat boiled pumpkin ever again if they ...
once they've tried to have it oven roasted. So, all root vegetables can be oven roasted
in olive oil. So just put a, whack a heap in the oven, and then they'll last there
for 2 or 3 days in your fridge afterwards. And then you've got ...
You can put zucchini in there. Just drop it in half, and again oven roast with olive oil.
And you could put eggplant in there. You could also have things like parsnip.
You could have sweet potato. Beetroot if you're feeling brave and you're good at getting
stains out of things. But all those root vegetables, they're so amazing for sleep
and they're so amazing for taste, and they're a great first finger food.
So often my first finger food would be, it'd be oven roasted pumpkin. It would be things
like banana, and I'd give either a cut in half or a whole banana. I'd have it quite ripe.
Not too ripe, but not green, otherwise it'll give belly ache.
I'd be looking at things like Cruskits at 8 months. Cruskits circuits are a great food. Australian.
Can't choke on them, and you can spread things like avocado on them, you can spread hummus on them,
you can spread Philadelphia cream cheese on them. I'd look at things like frittata
because that's a really soft food. I would be looking at things like omelettes as well.
I would be looking at, what else is a great first food? Tomato cut into into slices.
I'd be looking at cucumber sticks, I would also look at for a first food… nope, I think
that'll do for a first food. And then I'd be moving onto other things. And there is
information on the blog on finger foods. So the English look at baby led weaning. We look at finger foods.
Baby led weaning is basically starting off on food that is finger foods.
But most babies don't have the skill till they get to about 8, 9 months of age to be
able to actually pick the food up and actually eat it. So when you first start on finger foods
it's going to look like carnage. There will be stuff all over the floor.
It'll be seriously seriously messy. If you have a dog or a cat, yay, yay for the dog, it'll
It'll end up being a fat dog or a fat cat. But what they do is ... It's about object object permanence as well.
They get the food and they chuck it down on the floor, they have a little look,
and they go, "Ah! So it belongs up there and down there". So that's all about object permanence.
We think it's about mess. It's not. But when babies are throwing food, sometimes
it can be about "I've had enough", so just watch out for those signs. But when we
do the finger foods with the spoon, it's a win win. So definitely put all the colours,
textures out there. And it's a good idea to give a wide variety, but that's what
I'd be doing Sonia. Now, if you think you child is doing a choke, and the sort of things
that children choke on are ... Number 1 is the babyccino with marshmallows.
So marshmallows are a big choke hazard. So the babyccino? No way, Jose till at least maybe 2-3 years of age.
So, I would not be doing the babyccino, and definitely not with the marshmallows.
Popcorn is a big one. Anything that's smooth and round. So, it is like olives, cherry tomatoes,
cherries. I'd cut them into quarters even. Snakes and lollies. So in Australia we have
these things called Snakes which are lollies which are round and smooth. So anything
round and smooth can get stuck, so avoid things like that. Other things that you can choke on are
things like obviously steak that's a bit tough, that sort of thing. Other things
that are choke hazard ... Things like peanuts, raisins etc, any sort of nuts are a, are a choke hazard.
So I'd be looking out for things like that. So just really be really
really careful with all those things. But if you follow what I've said and you start
on those smooth things first Sonia, you'll be all good. So excellent. So I hope you like
that Sonia, and I hope that's helped you. Now, I've got a question here from Dominique
with her little boy Vance. Now I helped her with a phone consult and his sleep is doing
really well now. "He puts himself to sleep in the cot without my help. He lets out a cry
when I put him in the cot, but I walk out the door and he rolls over and goes to
sleep in minutes." And, amazing. What a turnaround Dominique, so great work. Well done.
Another solids question! So today we're having a bit of a theme with the solids. So,
"I'm having problems with introducing solids. However, he was going okay, not loving it
but accepting little amounts. But then last Saturday early morning, did a nasty vomit in bed."
No! "And then all week he's been vomiting on and off during the night,
and doing decent sized vomits during the day. If I'm holding him on my hip, they clear
both of us and splat on the floor. I had been putting it down to teething and excess saliva
as he's been a little grumpy on and off. Then today both times I've tried to feed
him, it is like his gag reflex has kicked in, and he's done huge vomits.
The spoons only hit his lips and he's just gagged and spewed. It was almost an association with the spoon.
Could he still have a strong gag reflex?" Yes he could Dominique.
So some babies do have very strong gag reflexes till 8, 9 months of age, so quite possibly, and
sometimes even after that. But, I think you're on the money with the teeth. When children are teething,
when babies are teething, they produce more acid in their stomach which makes them more chucky.
So I have a feeling that I think it is the teeth. "And is the saliva
in the food setting it off? After he vomits he usually just smiles, and his temperature
is always fine". That says to me that he's well, that there's nothing really wrong with him.
But I'd be looking at again doing the finger foods. I'd be looking at at allowing him
to have some control, I'd be giving him the spoon. But I think it is, I think it is the teething
and just he's got a sensitive gag reflex with with the teething.
"Do I need to give him a break from the solids? He turns 6 months on April the 7th."
I would not give a break from the solids really. But I'd be looking at giving really smooth textures.
So, when babies have ... Sometimes even one little lump can set kids off. So at 6 months of age
I'd be doing the the texture of custard or yoghurt. So I'd be looking at adding
extra liquid in there to make it really smooth, but it shouldn't run off the spoons, and
it shouldn't be like concrete. So you might just need to introduce some more liquid into
there Dominique I am thinking. "I'm giving him one breastfeed at night between midnight and 3am,
and he usually vomits sometime between his feed, and then he wakes between 6 and 7."
And I'm wondering if as well that we need to get rid of that feed between midnight and 6am?
Because then it'll give his tummy a little rest which will be a really good thing to do.
"He never had reflux as a younger baby but has always been a bit spewy.
I also haven't tried one of those mesh feeding bags." They can be a solution, absolutely.
I'm not a particular fan of the mesh feeding bags as most people know. Karen tends to
pull a bit of a face when she sees them or talks about them. But, there's no perfect way
to do anything so, I think if works for little Vance, I think it's absolutely fine Dominique.
But I'd be doing the finger foods things for definite, and sat eating with him as well.
I'd be doing things like, things like oven roasted pumpkin I'd start off on. And I'd
be looking at Cruskits as well with avocado there, but I'd be letting him do stuff as well.
With a Cruskit it's good because they're actually quite big, and so to help with their grasp reflex.
But I'd be looking at trying to do finger foods rather than doing too much spoon feeding.
It'll take 2 weeks before that food actually goes into his mouth and
actually gets eaten - Hi Dominique! So hopefully you liked my answer there Dominique.
I hope that's helped you. Yep, all good? Has the spewing stopped Dominique or are we still spewing?
Just waiting for Dominique to reply to me. I'm sure she's messaging
furiously away there as I'm talking. Got a love heart, so it must be all okay I'm
presuming Dominique. Excellent. Like it. But finger foods, they're the go love.
That's what you need to be doing. And I've, within 2 weeks he'll be eating food himself.
So food goes ... food gets felt, it gets played with, it gets mushed up, it gets smelled,
it gets licked, before it actually goes into the mouth and actually gets eaten.
So don't worry about the carnage on the floor. All okay. Okay? And that's that's the way I'd be going.
So, all cool. Great Dominique. Hope you liked that one.
So next I'm onto Linda and Matthew, and I've also got Sonia Barker. And again, it is, it is a solids question.
We have some sleep questions in a moment, so don't worry for those who
want to know about sleep. I've got toddler questions, and I've got a baby question
coming up as well with sleep. So, Linda and Sonia say "How do you suggest that we
first introduce peanut butter to a little one? So I'd be looking at giving peanut butter certainly
under 1 year of age, and if you can give it under 6 months of age, all good because then
it helps prepare the immune system before 6 months. You can actually decrease
peanut allergy by 80% in families where there is big risk factors like atopic disease like
asthma, eczema, hayfever and food allergy and intolerance. So if you've got a big
family history of allergy, I'd be doing it before 6 months. You can decrease that
allergy by about 80%, and that's based on the ASCIA guidelines, A-S-C-I-A. And, I would
be looking at mixing it in with something that is a puree, that is a savoury, because
it needs to be ingested. It's not enough to put the peanut butter on the cheek or the lip,
it has to actually be eaten. And sometime it is the second occasion when you give a food
that you can get a reaction, but peanut allergies are rare. And if we gave peanuts
at the right age and we gave before 6 months or certainly under 12 months, we could reduce
those rates of peanut allergy massively. So, that's the way I would be going Linda and
Sonia, so great question. I've got some really great questions this week.
You've all sent some really great things in. It's got me just using my brain. So, and as
all of you know, I'm sure that I'm also a midwife, a child and family health nurse
you can ... Yep Jane, it's the same with egg. You can decrease egg allergy
by 80% if you give egg before 6 months of age. So that's something that we should be letting
people know about, we should not be delaying solids. The only thing you can give is
raw egg or honey till 1. So we should be giving all foods, even the ones that are thought
to be more allergenic. And if we can give them before 6 months, we've got a better
chance of decreasing allergy. Girls, baby girls have got double the risk of celiac,
gluten problems. Boys have got double the risk of nut allergy. So, those boys for definite,
but all kids should be having peanut butter, smooth peanut butter, and doing it
under 6 months if you can do, but certainly under 1 year old. For the asthma families, under 6 months.
So, next I'm onto Joanne Ursino. And she's got a 8 and a half month old little boy.
She says, "Hi Karen. My son is 8 and a half months old, and he sleeps through the night.
In the last week he's been waking up 4 to 5 times a night screaming. I can usually
pat his bottom, and he'll fall back asleep. However, sometimes I just can't settle him,
and I need to hold him for an hour or so before he'll fall back asleep. Is there a reason
why he's waking up screaming, and what can I do? Thank you in advance."
So Joanne, I'm glad you've contacted me. Last week we had a big discussion about patting, and
we are setting up a new hashtag at Nurture Parenting called #nopatmovement #nopat #handsoffbaby
And I am going to start using that hashtag on all my social media, because I can't wait
to stop the patting in Australia. So everywhere I go, even this morning at the
daycare, someone mentioned patting that she'd been told to pat. They're patting mattresses,
there's all sorts of things going on in Australia with patting. And I get toddlers saying,
"Pat me mummy, pat me." So Joanne, we need to stop the pat. The pat is actually
not helping your little boy, and if he's been patted off to sleep at night time,
that is probably why he's waking up, because he doesn't know how to put himself back to sleep
without the pat. So, if we pat children after 4 months of age, it will come undone.
I don't pat in any of my sleep training methods, so I am definitely a no pat girl.
I do not like the pat. So, Joanne, no patting. So you're probably thinking "What do I do instead?"
Now your boy is 8 and a half months of age. You can't really do a check in method
with this little boy at this age, because he would go into meltdown. Boys do not cope
with sleep training and they certainly don't cope with check in methods very well at all.
So what you need to do instead is do this thing where you go and take a chair into the room.
It's called parental presence, and you're actually going to sit by his cot.
Now night one's gonna be hard. You need to sit by the cot on a chair that doesn't
belong in the room, put your hand on the mattress, and you do not pat your child or the mattress.
Your hands on the mattress, and you pretend to be asleep, and you head is against the cot
and your eyes are closed. You can even put your little head on a pillow or a cushion,
and you're gonna play dead. Okay, you're not going to talk to him, you're not gonna shush him.
There's no interaction. It'll feel really weird. On night 1 you can do cuddles.
I do cuddles and they're brief cuddles, and they might be no more than 30 seconds,
and the longer you cuddle them for the worse it is. I don't want you to hold him to sleep love
because when you hold them to sleep again it's a sleep association and
you're not allowing him to have emotions. We need to allow kids to to vent when we're changing things,
it's actually really really healthy. And you're gonna pale when I say this,
but he might cry, he might be upset for 1 to 2 hours when you first do this. By second night,
he will be, you know, protesting very mildly. It might only be 5 or 10 minutes, and he might
not even cry at all. By night 2, this often becomes a no cry sleep solution. But night 1,
there is going to ... Hi Purpie, how you doing? ... Yes Jane, "It is hard but it's so worth it."
It is about giving yourself to them to calm them down, but you're not creating
any big habits because you're not actually doing anything, okay?
Yes Laura says "It's really hard but it is so great when it's done". And it is. So all these mummies know me
out out here Joanne, and it is my go to method, it is. It is one that I tend to use
most of the time. I very rarely do a method where I actually leave the room, but again
it depends on the baby, okay. But I want you to sit there, and I want you just to model sleep.
So when we model behaviour, it shows the child what to do. But we need to allow
that child to work through their emotions. And they'll be cross because they'll be
going "Why are you not patting me? Why are you not holding me? Why are you not doing
what you usually do?". So when we do change, kids don't like change at all, okay.
Now getting the first bit of the night right is the most important bit. Getting them down
at the right time, looking at your bedtime routine, looking at a bedtime book that's
got a sleep theme. When you go in there, make sure your rooms dark and it's cool.
"Same when they wake in the middle of the night?" Yes Bianca it is. But you wait 3 minutes.
I've got a 3 minute magic that I use, okay. And it's 3 minutes of constant crying, and
it is about allowing them to just think, "What should I be doing?", but start the night,
you get in the chair straight away, put your hand on the mattress. You do that for a whole week.
Second week, take your hand away, but you're sat by the cot. Third week, you move
the chair a foot away, and it stays for a whole week, settling and re-settling.
Week 4, another foot away, you need to do this for 4 to 6 weeks. So there is a thing called
the chair shuffle method of which I am no fan of. It's come from the States from a
lady called Kim West. I often have to go in and mop up, mop up the messes of the sleep consultants
who have done the chair shuffle method. It is done over 10 nights. It is way too quick.
It is way too erratic, and in my experience in 17 years, it doesn't work.
It doesn't work with the children that I see. Yes Sophie. 3 minute rule, the 3 minute magic.
"We love the 3 minute magic!" So, this chair shuffle method does not work,
it is not evidence based, or not that I've come across. If you do it less than 4 weeks it'll come undone.
So you need to do it between 4 and 6 weeks, it depends how big
your room is. Now, the last week, you should be able to put your child down and say,
"Night, night," and they should go to sleep with no fussing. Now if you find your child doesn't cope
with you leaving the room, then you need to be sat on the chair in the doorway.
You might be doing that to the age of 3. But to me if your child is going to sleep, and there's no distress
and they're sleeping through the night, and they feel secure and loved,
I think to me that is the most important thing. And every parent I've met, I've only ever
had 1 parent who moaned about having to sit in the room with her child. I was shocked.
Slightly outraged, but I was shocked. I don't meet those parents. I meet the parents
who are so kind and I'd rather work with those parents. I love kind people
and my second name is Kind. So kind is so important to children. So we need to give
ourselves to them to help them, and help them manage their emotions. A lot of my clients
are psychologists. All the psychologists love this method. So I probably know about 60 clients
who are psychologists. All the psychologists come to me. Howard Chilton likes this method.
He's a paediatrician from the kid's hospital, he's given it the tick of approval.
So how we do this sleep training with children, so important that we get it right and so important
that we don't put them under stress. Now Joanne or anybody, if you want to do a phone consult
with me, it take me 3 quarters of an hour to go through everything that you
need to know to get this perfect. But that's basically how you do the method.
But it's about listening to the cry. Now, most parents are responding to stuff they shouldn't be responding to.
I've got a library of children crying at all different ages, and you would
have access to that on a phone consult or a home visit. So I actually show you what's
inside my head. The 17 years of Karen with her big filing cabinet of cases. I've helped
thousands and thousands of babies with sleep. Just imagine how many I see, it's just huge.
And it's taken me 17 years to get to this being this good. And as most of you know,
I got approached by a massive major global publisher to write this sleep book, and this week
I did lots of writing! And all this stuff is going to go into this sleep book.
But in the meantime you've got me on phone consults, on here on Facebook Live and phone consults
to help you with this. If you have a toddler, I would seriously suggest getting me to help you.
A baby under 1 year old? Most people can do it with a phone consult or with that,
with the information that I'm just giving you now. But if you need to look at things,
like food is a massive massive thing, and we need to look at everything development,
diet, environment the whole lot, to be able to fix this sleep properly. But that is what
you need to do Joanne. Boys at 8 and a half months old, they realise they're separate to you.
They flick their switch something chronic and they go into stress head mode.
6 out of 7 of the kids I see are boys. There's a great blog which I know Julie will put up
on why I see more boys than girls, and I do. Boys do not cope well with that 6 to 8 month wonder week.
Boys do not cope well with that 4 month wonder week. It's okay Joanne.
It's a pleasure. And boys do not cope well with the 18 month wonder week either.
However, if you're sleep trained you cope fine with those wonder weeks, or much better shall I say.
Probably not fine but much better. Babies and toddlers that are not sleep trained,
oh my god with wonder weeks they just ... It's awful, at those those stages. But would I refuse
to sleep train a boy at that age just because? No I wouldn't, I would do
the sleep training. Because if anything, when you do sleep training, what you're doing
is actually reducing stress in the child, so it makes sense to me to sleep train.
But like I say it's how you do it Joanne that's the important thing, that we do it in a kind way
where we sit by the cot, we do not interact no matter what happens. But you can do cuddles,
I don't lie them down, I do not lie kids down in the cot. I let them come down from standing.
If you lie them down, they get angry. And Tizzie Hall says lie them down 40 times.
Hello Stevie! Thank you for setting my stuff up! My other half has been very generous.
Every week he sets my stuff up so I'm a very very lucky baby whisperer. So thank you Stevie.
So, Tizzie Hall says in her book "Save Our Sleep," ... lie the child down 40 times.
I say never. Never never never. Because you create an angry child and
it's disrespectful. If that child wants to shout their head off, we need to let them do it
and help them to have emotions, but support. We don't need to keep on lying them down.
I'd be very angry if I was a child getting lied down 40 times. And also as well
I say you create this learned helplessness. I once broke my rule, and I laid a child down
who was standing up for 3 whole hours, with his arms over the bars of a cot like a zombie.
He refused to lie down, and I was so frightened that he was going to bang his head or something,
and so I did lie him down. Oh my god, and then caused a massive problem, because
he jumped straight back up again and roared for a few more hours. So I get some really hard kids.
If you have a child whose refusing to lie down in the cot, sometimes if you lie
on the floor, or sit on the floor on night 1 to bring them down, that can help. But it's
about knowing when to do it. How long to leave it before you actually sit on the floor or
lie on the floor. I wouldn't do it as a first thing because again you've moved in.
You need to sit on a chair by the cot. You need not to lie on the floor. This camping out thing
again that doesn't work either. So, it's taken me 17 years like I say, these methods work,
they are proven because I've been doing this for so long. So I hope that's helped you Joanne,
and everybody else out there. So next I'm onto Molly James and 22 month old girl.
So it's not just the boys! The girls at this age can be quite tricky.
So the girls that I see, they're they're very strong personalities, and Laura will
vouch for this, the boys I meet are very sensitive and Jane Buckley will vouch for this.
Coop who I'm going to be talking about in a moment, very sensitive. So girls, oh my God they give me what for.
Girls I've been, I've ... Hi Molly ... Girls, I've been bitten by.
I have had my hair pulled, I have had a 9 month old girl try and pull me. Me!
"Alice is a firecracker!" I'm not surprised Molly. I had a 9 month old girl, 9 months old
try to pull me into the cot. And she'd left fingerprint bruising on my arms.
Fingerprint bruising from a 9 month old! Alba, yes! I know Brooke, I feel for you!
These are all true stories. I once got a heater, a floor heater you heard me correctly,
thrown across the room at me by a 2 and a half year old boy. I caught it. My hand eye coordination is ninja level.
He then threw a standard lamp across the floor at me. I caught it.
He then looked at the chest of drawers. And I thought "Oh no Felix. Do not even think about that!"
So, I have some very interesting situations with sleep training. That little girl
the other night, she ran into her mum's bedroom at one point, and got on the bed,
and she got into a part of the bed ... I know, I know Bianca ... She got into a part of the bed
that she thought I would not follow her, I would not go after her. Now those of you
that know me will know ... Yep Beatrix took 2 months ... Yep some kids can take a long time!
"Oh my God Felix'. Yes, this is all true. The inner workings, the inner secrets of a baby whisperer.
So this little girl got on the bed and thought I wouldn't be able to get her.
Oh no, Karen doesn't give in. Those of you that know me know that I'm very very kind
but I don't give in. I am the most determined, my mum would call me bloody minded girl that I know.
Steve will vouch for this. I am determined. I never ever ever
give in with anything. Maybe sometimes I should do, but no, I don't. And so I had to
get hold of her by the ankles, and drag her down the bed. I know it sounds awful, but oh my goodness you know.
You can't have a 4 and a half year old breastfeeding 5 times at nighttime
and let this carry on. It's just, she's got to go to school, you know she's got
to learn to have emotions and all that stuff so, yes sleep training. It is a very physical job.
I don't take on kids older than 5 and I don't think I want to. It really made
me seriously think at the weekend that I would not take on a child over ... Yep no Laura,
"Don't give in we would all die!" So when these kids meet me they look and they go,
"Oh holy moly, the parents have brought her in. Oh my God I don't stand a chance."
But like I say, I'm kind. I do not do anything in a harsh way. I don't raise my voice.
I'm really really calm. But they know that I actually mean what I'm going to do and
you know, because these parents are so tired, these kids are so tired, you know,
and with Brooke, with Albert, of course I could never give into her. I know how tough
your little child is Brooke. So these kids that know me, these parents that know me,
oh my goodness do I work hard when I go and help these kids. It is, I love them.
I love their temperaments, I love their personalities. They're all going to be amazing these kids
in the future, and I can't wait to see what these kids are going to do. I love the firecrackers,
but they're going to give you what for. So night 1 is going to be hell.
I don't disguise it. It is hard. I feel xhausted after I do a visit, but yeah Karen fixes stuff.
So I don't take shortcuts with patting, so no pat #nopat. I do it properly but I allow
them to say how they feel and to vent. And it is so important for helping them with
their emotions for life. It is about emotional self-regulation. We need to stop shutting kids up, we need
to allow them to be and to do stuff. So I hope that's helped you there Molly.
"So my 22 month old daughter, previously a great sleeper, has started waking around 4 o'clock
most mornings, too distraught to go back to sleep, standing up and screaming 'Mummy, cuddle!'
until we get her. Any advice? We've tried extra layers to keep warm, she's..."
Great thought, yep. "... A Gro Clock, only day 3". My sister loves the Gro Clock, Molly.
It is the best thing I've ever bought her. "And a later bedtime, 7 o'clock.
She's slowed down her eating but is still a great eater and usually goes
down to sleep ridiculously easily. Pops into bed, and wave goodnight and walk away.
It's just awful, and screaming in the early morning. We're in an apartment, so trying not to
make our neighbours hate us" I understand. "She's almost dummy obsessed,
and the most delightful child in the universe. Thank you." So, Molly what would I do with your little girl?
Well I know she's in a cot because I know you told me that, so I'd,
again, I'd be doing parental presence with her. I'd be waiting for 3 minutes of
3 minute magic, the constant crying. If there is pauses, gaps, silences. And I class a pause
certainly between 10 and 20 seconds, but anything 5 seconds above is actually a pause.
You can re-set the clock. No mummy or daddy likes me re-setting the clock. But it's important to time it
because in the middle of the night you want to rush in there like Flynn.
Because you're worried about the neighbours, you're worried about your child, you're worried
about your husband, you're worried about everybody waking up. Do not worry about it.
Because once your little girl Alice knows that you are worried ... okay Jane calls it,
"3 nights of hell." Laura says, "Told Matilda that you called me on the phone
and she sat in the bedroom for an hour." Excellent. So these children remember me.
So, excellent. That can be all it takes to say, "I'll get Karen back" and they go,
"Oh I don't think so!". So, they they they learn to shout these kids, and they learn
to shout to get what they want, and you can't blame them. You know, she's 22 months old.
She's using everything in her repertoire. But she needs to sleep. So you wait for
3 minutes of constant crying and and it's not enough to create abandonment
no matter what some hardcore attachment parents might say to me. I have been trolled on the 3 minute rule
by Pinky Mckay's friends so, it's a lovely world out there in baby sleep land.
Yeah I think Pinky sends her friends to troll me now. It doesn't bother me. I think this
3 minute rule is ... "Not sure if you remember Zoe?" Aila, yes I do.
"My incredibly stubborn child who you helped teach to put herself to sleep when she was 4 months oldish.
Well now she's 27 months old and still very stubborn." Yes, these children don't change.
So, like I say I love them dearly because their temperaments, and when I meet them
it's like wow, I've got a mini version of me. So I I get them totally, and they get me totally.
But they know that an old Karen, who's a Leo, ain't gonna give in I'm afraid,
so like I say. So, I would wait 3 minutes Molly, and then I'd go in, sit by your cot,
and I'd be doing parental presence. I think her eating will improve while she's sleeping,
you've got to sort the sleep out to sort the food out. Don't give water, because
water will cause a problem, particularly if you do it for a week. I've had a child waking
up at half 3 for a bottle of water. I would be thinking about the dummy, and I would
not put it back in. Now you don't have to remove your dummy, because you're 22 months of age
and it's a very sensitive age. So I would be tempted to put the dummy in the cot.
If she throws it out, you return it once. But I want her to be allowed to have emotions.
I want her to be allowed to vent and to cry. I don't want you to worry about
the neighbours on this night. I want you to tell them what you're doing, and then it'll give you permission to do it.
Because when we've told somebody, we're not going to be frightened of anything then.
Okay. But if you get stuck Molly, I'd help you, okay. I know that how I read babies
and crying and toddlers and crying, I read them like most people read books and music.
I have these ears that just know what children are saying.
I understand children at that level. They know that I understand them, they know
I've come to help them. I get a lot of toddlers who actually tell their parents they
love me after I've been to help them. And I've, I've actually taken away 4 bottles of milk,
a litre of milk, 5 breastfeeds, I might have you know, taken away patting, taken away their parent's bed.
But that's what they actually say. So this is incredibly respectful. Do not worry
about the fact you are sat there playing dead and ignoring your child. You are you are actually
helping them by ignoring them. You're not helping them by interacting.
You're not helping them by patting them. You're not helping them by trying to stop them crying.
You're actually helping them by allowing them to how to feel things, okay.
So I'm giving you permission. You're in the room. So it's not controlled crying,
it's not going to fry their brains with cortisol. I think we've all got so frightened of crying.
I think by mental health people, by nurses, by midwives, by doctors. But it's about
what crying ... and the fact that we need to help them and be in the room. When I do a cuddle
like I say, it's a brief cuddle, it's like you know, it's a 30 second cuddle at the most.
But when you put them down they roar at you. I want that to happen, okay?
When you do a cuddle it gives it gives a message. It says, it says you're loved, you're not abandoned.
It, it reduces their cortisol, their stress hormones does a cuddle.
When you put them down, it says "I mean to do this". And they can't believe it.
And they're almost, it's outrage. That's what I actually hear, I hear anger from most children.
Particularly girls. Girls they go "Roar!", it's like lion taming my job at times.
The boys are sensitive. And I think, doing cuddles on night 1 is particularly helpful
if you're changing something really big. I don't do cuddles on night 2
or as the week goes on, because cuddles will work against you, because they'll hold out for cuddles.
But I'm a fan. Yes, loved children are the noisiest children, that's something
we need to remember. You're totally right Jane. When children are loved, they're going to shout at you.
So in my career unfortunately, I've worked a lot with child protection cases.
So I've got a massive background in working with child protection
and families at risk, okay. So I've met babies that have actually shut down through lack of attention
which is really sad, it breaks my heart. I did get a few death threats in the process
but like I say, Karen's not scared of very much. To me it comes, you know their health,
their mental health is so important. But babies that are loved will shout, and I want you
to remember that. So we need to allow them to feel, okay. So I hope that's helped you there Molly?
"We'll give that a go." Yep, let me know how you do.
What'll happen is night 1's ordinary to say the least, night 2's the same or slightly better.
Night 3 or 4 things get worse before they get better. With a toddler it can take night 5
can get worse before it gets better. It takes a week to 10 days to improve
and by a week to 10 days he should be in clover. If you do this properly, in within 24 to 48 hours
you could get amazing results. So, but just, there are some kids who take a week to 10 days
There are some kids like Laura's little girl, Beatrix and Matilda who can take
2 months to come good. So a toddler can take 2 months. A baby can take a week to 10 days.
So they're the things that you'll notice, okay. Jane — "Is that what's wrong with Matilda? Jeez!"
Yes. "She's just woken up from a huge nap after running around the zoo for hours."
Great! Alright, so I hope that's helped you all out there.
So Jane Buckley, I'm onto Jane now. Hi Jane! And I hope you're better after ...
Jane's had pneumonia, Jane has been really really sick. "Yes, only have relapses".
Absolutely Jane! You're totally right. We think sleep is fixed forever. It's not. You've got
to work on it and work on it. Okay. Sometimes it's the boys and the boys they can get
really upset with changes with development changes of daycare, changes of you know,
moving from a cot to a bed. Any change. Going on holidays. So boys flick their switch like no tomorrow.
Okay. So, boys need very very sensitive handling. Not that girls don't, but the boys especially.
So, "Cooper has taken a step back in progress, and she's now
back at the side of the bed, and she's now back at the side of the bed handholding.
A few things have happened. She tries to leave the room complete fail. And issues since then.
She's been sick with pneumonia. What the hell have I done?" says Jane, "and how
do I fix it?". I feel, I feel for you Jane. "Lots of tears, Coops and anxiety.
Thanks Karen, should add that he's sleeping through and going through a wonderful
my way or the highway stage with tantrums." Like it Jane, like it. I can just imagine.
Yay! Some boys do not cope with you leaving the room as I said before, some boys
will always need to have you there in the doorway, and unfortunately Jane, you've got one
of those love. So, absolutely, when things go to poo, when things go to into a mess and
you feel like you're out of control and all is lost, it isn't. Go back to the bed,
and start again. And do your one, you know, one week by the side with hand in,
one week hand away and so on, till by week 4 to 6, you have to do this gradually. And this will come good Jane.
I know it will. So I'm going to wave my wand for you, it's working very very well
at the moment is the wand, and lots of magic sleep dust. I know you've
got my little magic crystal, so I know that with that labradorite, this is going
to be fine love, believe me. That labradorite has lived in my house for a long time, so
I'm sure it has still got plenty of charge left in it. Make sure you recharge it on the full moon
and that you don't let anybody else touch it. Very very important Jane.
"I'd just like to add. He's actually demanding my hand". Yeah, they do they say, "Chair. Sit. Mummy hand."
They absolutely love the hand, and they fall asleep on it, they kiss it.
Boys like I say, very very sensitive. If you've got a boy, read the book by Steve Biddulph
"Raising Boys". It is an amazing read. And premature baby boys have got
half the chance of survival of a premature baby girl of the same gestation. Half.
50% less chance of survival. When I read that, oh my goodness, it blew my mind. And, you're reading the blog.
I used to work in special care baby unit NICU as a midwife and nurse
and whenever we got a, a girl baby around, we'd go "Oh it's a girl. She's going to do really well.
She's going to be really strong". We'd get a boy round, nothing would be said,
which is really sad to think about I know. But boys, their 2 hemispheres don't connect
to their brain until they're several years old. They're just little stress heads and
sensitive little little things. And we need to make sure that we do nothing harmful to
to them at all. They do not cope with controlled crying at all. So when you've got a boy
I would never ever leave the room, okay. There are some boys you know, that you can do,
but on the whole, if I'm going to give you advice through Facebook Live, I'd say stay in the room,
unless you've got me there, and I can read that cry, and I can tell you
what you need to do. So I hope that's made sense? So Jane, you're gonna be okay.
But this is just developmental. It's him just flicking his switch. You haven't broken him.
You're going to be fine. You know, and I'm going to, just like I say, wave my wand for you,
It's gonna be okay Jane, things will come good. "Keep waving your wand Karen.
Always wave your wand". I will. "I can't say anything but since those crystals have been in the house."
Okay, interesting. Like that very much okay. I'm going to show you
a new little crystal that I've got to replace the labradorite that Jane borrowed long term.
This is my new labradorite and it is a very very magic stone. It has been out on the full moon.
Because obviously a lot of skill goes into my job but, yeah the crystals,
I quite like them. I've got a Karen here. "First time posting." Hi Karen, so I'll try
to get to you very shortly. So I'm on to Bianca now who first time poster.
Hi Bianca, I know I've talked to you before. "10 month old whose having 2 day sleep and 10-11
and 2-3:30 and bed at 7. Has always been put to bed completely unassisted
for all sleeps. Her last milk feed is as least 20 minutes before bed". Great.
"There is never any crying at bed time, however she still wakes up between 4 and 5am most nights,
and screams blue murder unless she's fed. She's been on 3 solid meals and 2 snacks
since 4 months old. I've left her to cry it out for up to an hour 3 nights in a row,
but it's not helped, and after that long I've gone in to feed her. She drinks for 5 minutes
and goes straight back to sleep until 6:30, 7. Should I continue to let her
cry it out or should I feed her and hope she grows out of it?" Absolutely, great question Bianca
and great scenario. And I think many parents have been in this situation.
So I want you to do parental presence with your little girl. I want you to do the method that
I talked about before about sitting by the cot. So you wait 3 minutes of constant crying
when she wakes up in the middle of the night, so that 3 minute magic, go in, sit by the
cot, and put your hand on that mattress, and help her get back to sleep again. Do not feed her.
Do not give water, do not replace dummies, all that sort of stuff. And I think within
a week you're going to have an amazing little girl who is sleeping through. When we feed them
at night time, it rewards their behaviour and makes them wake up. And if she's been crying
for an hour and then you feed her, she'll think next time I've got to cry for an hour,
and then they'll cry louder, and louder, and louder. And the babies that I meet
they just dig their heels in. They go "I am not giving up". And I had a baby
one night who cried for 4 whole hours. I'm still scarred by that one, that was in January.
That was Merci's little boy Jed. Amazing little child, but determination, amazing.
So Bianca, I hope that's helped you. So thank you for the question. Great question.
But cry it out at this sort of age, it is a disaster at 10 months because
they realise they're separate to you, and they actually feel abandoned. So it would make her feel sad.
So not to make you feel guilty. I know there's many sleep books that say do cry it out.
Many people say cry it out at this age, I find with the babies that I know,
and children that I know, it just, it doesn't work at all. So, we need to give
ourselves to them. And it's actually a really really lovely method. I think you're gonna love it.
And I'm not like Tizzie Hall or Gina Ford. I'm not like crunchy granola, bed-sharey.
But I'm somewhere in the middle, and you know, I'm sort of like the voice of reason really.
So I'm very kind but I do get results, and you'll get results with this Bianca.
So all good love. Can't wait to hear how you go, let me know. And Tiffany Leo!
"If you're pushing a baby in a pram or going for a drive and your baby falls asleep,
would you consider this self-settling?" Aha. Great question. "We aren't going
for drives or pram walks intentionally to make bub 12 months fall asleep, just making sure
we aren't contributing to bad habits." Now, this is a really really good question.
I had a mummy once who was walking around the streets everyday for 5 months for 10 hours
with the child in the stroller. That child obviously struggled with self-settling because
he got used to motion, and motion is like massive sleep association. I have heard of
parents going round the tunnels on the etag for all their naps, and their bill for the
etag, just wait what this - it was a 1200 per month! 1200, can you believe it?
Yes, I am cheaper than the etag in the tunnels. So, another parent was going round
the centennial park at Randwick because it's on a circuit and there's no traffic lights.
Didn't have to stop. So then this motion becomes massive. So it's the balance Tiff
of how many naps that you're doing out of the house versus naps in in the cot.
So I would do the long sleeps in the cot, and I'd make sure there's more sleeps in the cot
than are done outside in the stroller or the car or the beyon. Okay, it's the ratio,
that's the important thing. If you find that the balance is shifting, then you get
catnapping and how children go to sleep is how they need to be re-settled in 40 minutes time.
So great question Tiff, love that question. But you'll be amazed at the amount of parents
that are driving round with kids in cars, and they get to a traffic light and they go
"No! There's a traffic light!" I wonder how many traffic light fines they get from stopping
because they're scared of of stopping at the the lights because their
child's going to wake up. I think there could be quite a few out. But you're gonna save the environment.
You're gonna save petrol. You're gonna save your sanity. So it'll only take a week,
maybe even less to get that balance back if if it's gone all a bit pear shaped.
And the first day is always really hard so there you go Tiff. So I'm just going to see
what else I've got that's come in. Okay … right so Bianca, I've done Bianca's.
Right Aila. "Not sure if you remember Zoe my incredibly stubborn child who you helped teach,
to put to sleep when she was 4 months old". Yes I do. "Well she's now 27 months old,
and still very stubborn. We just moved her to a toddler bed and she gets up multiple
times a night and walks into our room to wake us up for a cuddle". Sorry I shouldn't laugh
because she sounds very cute. "What can we do? She's also refusing naps,
but is clearly exhausted". So, my sister is not immune Aila to, to this kind of thing happening.
And when Freya was 2 and she moved from a cot to a toddler bed, she jumped out
50 times because she was 2 and she could. And my sister, she's lovely is my sister,
she's got a beautiful heart, she said to me, "So Karen, why is Freya getting out of
the bed 50 times? Why?" I said "Lesley, because she's 2, and she" ... Hi Aila ...
"because she's 2 and she can!". She says "No no. No WHY Karen?
Why is Freya doing this?" Lesley, she's 2. So, 2 year olds have no impulse control.
They just are impulsive by nature, its to do with all their brain and it, you know they
just do things because they're 2 and they can, and it just feels good, and they, she obviously
loves you so much Aila, so, we're going to do the same same thing. I would put a gate
on her room, I would put a gate on your room, just to delay her getting out. If you think
she's going to climb, then just put the gate on your room, okay? Because it's going to
just delay things, okay? "She wants to wake mummy and daddy up. Yep, because she can".
Yep, that's exactly why. Yep. Because she loves you so much. But we need to obviously
stop this from happening and if she's come as far as your room, or she's got out of
bed, just wait a couple of minutes, 2, 3 minutes to see what's gonna happen.
If you can see on the monitor that she's actually got out of bed, most of the time you'll actually
need to go back to resettle her, but just wait a few minutes if you can do.
If she's reached your bed, do not allow her to get in. Shoo her back. And because
she's 27 months old, I want you to actually tell her to get into bed and pull the covers back on herself,
because if we lift them into bed, and we put the covers on them, again we create
this learned helplessness. So we need to allow her to get herself back into bed, so we need
to tell her what to do. We need to give her an instruction. So we need to say,
"Zoe, I'd like you to just get back into bed, and pull those covers, pull the doona back on yourself.
Cover yourself up with the doona." Okay, because then we are helping her to problem solve herself.
And we need to do this parental presence with her Zoe. So, when they're in a bed
you can actually take it backwards 2 steps this parental presence as well.
You can actually lie on the bed, sit on the bed, sit on a chair, and then move on
until you get to the doorway by week 4 or 6. But it is important to do it for
at least over 4 to 6 weeks, okay? And because she's a 27 month old, it could take 1 to 2 months to come good.
Do not worry about it, it'll get worse before it gets better.
And that is really what I would recommend there Zoe, so I hope that's helped you.
So night 1, it'll be ordinary. She's going not want to get back into bed, and she'll ...
Do not give her a cuddle alright? Because it feels, I know it'll feel awful.
"We'll spend a lot of time lying beside her bed". Right, don't lie beside the bed, because
if you lie beside the bed you've moved in. Next thing she'll be going "Blankie mummy,
pillow mummy, lie down here mummy", and that's what happens. So chairs move you see.
So, I probably wouldn't lie on the bed with her because again that connotation
of you've moved in, but do not do anything for more than a week. When you do something
for more than a week you've created a new sleep association. So it's important that
you move on with each stage a week. So, I'd actually sit on the bed for a week, and
you can hold hold her hand. So say when she's quiet, and she's in bed you'll hold her hand.
So what we do with that little girl the other night was when she was misbehaving,
we moved the chair to the middle of the room, and we said, "Until you're in the bed
and laid down, mummy's not going to hold your hand. When you lay down mummy will hold your hand."
And that's what we did, and it works. They get angry when you take the chair
away to the middle of the room, and then when they do, when they comply and do as you've asked,
move the chair to right by the cot, and give them your hand for the first week.
And that's what you keep on doing. The second week, take your hand away, and so on, okay?
So that's how I'd manage that Aila, so I hope that's helped you, and let me know how you go.
So, I think that is it for today. Oh Karen, I've got Karen here. First time posting.
Do a quick one yep. "My near 3 year old son has been going to the toilet
since he was 2 and a half years old, but he refuses to poo in the toilet. We've tried
everything to convince him, including offering instant treats, wearing pull-up pants on the toilet
as per your previously Live video. He has no problems going once he has
his pull-up pants on in the bathroom. Any advice on how we can get him to sit on the toilet?"
Okay, that's a really interesting one Karen. Do you think he's actually ready?
Do you think he actually knows that he needs to go? Does he tell you when he knows he needs to go?
Okay. And I would be looking here at letting him actually take the lead.
I know he's nearly 3, but boys are often not ready to sort out their number 2s a lot later than girls
and if we push him we ... "Yes he does know when he needs to go." Okay.
So then I'd be looking at not even doing the pull-ups or anything, I'd put him
in pants or with nothing on, and I'd do all the laxative stuff like I suggested.
But look at what reward that you're giving him as well. What does he, what really
floats his boat? What would really make him want to do this? Because if we don't
choose the right reward as well, we're not going to get compliance from them. Okay.
"He wears pants all day long". Even have him without any any any pants on Karen. So when you're
set to do this, have him with nothing on for that week, and stay at home for that week,
okay? And look at what reward you're giving. What reward did you give him last time?
What did you, what did you get? "Refused to give him the pull-up pants, but he will just hold it."
If you, if you give him so much laxative, then he is going to absolutely not be able
to hold it, there's not a chance. Okay. So I want you to really dose him up.
If you need to use Movicol, you use Movicol, okay. Now there are some kids who are extremely
extremely stubborn okay, and it sounds like ... "Yep chocolate Kinderbar, his favourite."
Okay. There are some kids who are extremely stubborn. So you might need to up the reward
from just a Kinderbar. Maybe he he gets that often and it's not as much as much of
a reward for him, okay. So I'd be looking at yes doing the star chart, but sometimes
star charts can work against you okay. What does he really value apart from chocolate?
Is there anything that's a non food reward that he really values?
"He's afraid that he'll fall into the toilet even though we have an insert for him."
Right so could you use a potty? "Toy cars" Right, okay. So, I would be looking
at a cheap version of a toy car and I would be looking at giving giving him one of those
the first time he goes. I'm not sure how much toy cars cost, but give give a really
nice reward after a week, say if you get 4 days out of 7 of compliance, I'd be accepting
that as where the bar is. For next week I'd want 5, 5 days out 7 of compliance.
Because by the time you've got a week to 10 days of compliance, you've got a learned behaviour.
So, I'm not sure how much toy cars cost, can you get a toy car for a dollar?
You know, I'd be looking at the cheapest way you can do this possible, but give him,
give him what he wants if you know what I mean. Because if it isn't something that
he really values, he's not going to work for this. Kids are way smart. I know I am the same.
If somebody dangles something in front of me that I really want to work towards ...
"3 dollars each." Alright, could you possibly buy a weeks worth of cars?
Does anybody else think that's reasonable, or do you think that's outrageous?
I would do this for a toilet trained child. "The op shops usually have cheap toys that should be really cheap."
Yes. I think it's perfectly acceptable to do this to get a child trained on the toilet.
And I think it would work, okay. So, but it has to be a big enough reward
to make the child do it. Not ridiculous, but just big enough. I don't think chocolate's
exciting enough unfortunately Karen. I wouldn't work for chocolate. But you offer me something,
you know, a bit bigger than chocolate, and my partner Steve knows me very well, oh yeah
I'll work hard for whatever that thing is. If it's, if it's something that
I really really want okay. So that's what I'd be looking at Karen. Okay so let me
know how you go and let me know exactly what happens, I'd be really really really interested in that.
So, lets get to the competition. So, to win this week's competition prize
you have to like this video and like me on Facebook, Nurture Parenting on Facebook.
I'd like you to share this video with your all your friends, your mothers groups. Everybody.
I'd like you to give me lots of love hearts as well, because the more love hearts I get,
the more people get told about this. And I think it's absolutely amazing that you
get me free every week, every week for an hour. So Karen is giving away 4 hours of her time
every week for free. Now how cool is that? Okay. How many people give their time for free?
I do! And I love doing it, so I love these Facebook Lives, I think they're absolutely amazing.
So, I'm going to answer Tahren's question… I'm going to give you a ring Tahren
because I've run out of time I'm afraid. So, I'll call you straight after
I've done this. So, I'm going to be giving away my favourite books, because if you have
the right book, bedtime goes amazingly, alright. This is my favourite toddler book for bedtime.
"My Big Shouting Day". Oh my god, it is ... I love Bella in here. And she, she just,
she's so expressive, everything she's just such a moaning minnie. She's has a bad day.
Whenever I use this book with children that are toddlers, it gets read 6 times at night time. They love it.
They love it. They love it. So if you set bedtime right with the right book,
Oh my goodness, it is a game changer. This book is a game changer, okay? So, like this video,
like me on Facebook, and you'll get put in the draw to either win that or one of my
other favourite books. So if you've got a baby, if you've got a child that's
under 12 months of age, then you'll get to win this. So it's either this or this! So, amazing prize I think.
So, I believe in giving you all my secrets. Things that create good bedtimes
are really good bedtime books, okay. So we will draw draw the winner and let you know
next week. So thank you for listening and thank you for sending your questions in.
I have seriously loved all your questions, they are absolutely amazing, you blow me away.
Each week I go "Wow! That's really seriously cool is that!". And I think it's going
to help so many other parents out there. So everything that you ask, as well as helping
you is helping other people so, yay. So bye from Karen, and have a fabulous week!
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