hi guys, ashkirwan.com.au and in this
video I'm going to talk about the
concept of what is family violence
because over the last few years in
Australia around the world it's been a
big conversation that's been going on
and happening about you know when what
is psychological abuse what is bullying
and what is domestic violence and where
do the boundaries below or whether they
stopped and something I've had to cross
some own journey through dealing with
extreme mental health issues and my
family the domestic violence from the
psychological this and actually breaking
down to fundamentals of what was going
on me because between the ages of 19 and
25 I was mentally institutionalized bio
my parents and each journey and Road
Dogg had to eat our land back on out of
that here in family that I had to
understand myself not blind my body how
it works lose 50 kilos and really read
all those relationships to understand
what was going on over here and what I
will start off by saying is the first
thing is that base element of family
violence starts when you're not being
understood as you intend to be
understood because if we can't stop in a
heated discussion over a period of time
and crap resolving our relationships and
come back to an understanding of how
those people that we love an airline
intend to be understood not really
respecting them for who they are under
feelings and identity to that is our
role as family members in other people
places to share our life with them like
to admit questions those words to settle
to sure our life with them it's going to
get it and they are not wanting to get
it don't not wanting to shit have our
have a share our life it in and it
really is a hard thing for a lot of
people because a lot of people do have a
lot of family history or so the ego
driven stuff and people not listening to
lie other and you know by family is for
a lot of years up seemed like going to
Christmas or gold and dinner with the
herd of elephants it's not proper
fun in fact it's been downright daunting
in an anxiety building likeit's it's not
a nice experience and usually that's
what that's disintegrating of my cause
of purpose for being and my feeling
around what it means to be a part of a
family no because I like to mess with
what I've got friendships or
relationships that really get me
understand me and connect with me
emotionally regardless what I'm thinking
feeling doing acting us about or seen or
interpret a ting or creating my world as
like having people in my world too
lovely for my own unique expression of
my identity that whatever format that is
makes me feel connected in my world and
yet for a lot of years didn't have that
from any of our family and it was it was
really hard to do that was really
probably as a maid major like
understatement major fundamental of my
mental health issues because by not
being connected and being disconnected
from a famine also partly become
disconnected from myself and you know
like a big kind of my gender recently
has been understanding the fact that
okay my mother and father come to be
together because they really did have a
volatile relationship physically and
mentally the communication wasn't
clarified to a great deal and over a
large periods holiday become largely
misunderstood mr. Jensen for one another
so there's only ever going to be a small
effect for me my brother especially
because they work hard they worked on
hours may they be spatially stepped into
the upper middle class society I guess
to put it but forced their way into that
door and never stopped to the finer
points of life and never stopped to
effectively communicate and then it
stops removes further issues and really
enjoy and create the gratitude for what
they were creating their life and they
call it was the other way while creating
it like ego bashing one another and
physically bashing one another and this
is the kind of environment I had to grow
up in it and it wasn't
by any means bad environment which is
also producers or constructive to
long-term price so family violence
doesn't necessarily have to primarily
exist in the physical form of Benjamin's
of floggings in the excuse or
explanation or whatever the reasoning it
can also be in the simple format of what
breakdown of communication over time you
know like as a teenager I started to
bury myself in my room and hide from the
rest of family and if i look back that's
where my life's officially started its
were a lot of my weight issues were
fluctuating and self-image issues
starting on a lot of mine would you call
it fractured parts of myself started to
occur at that age and really separated
out until i was kind of lost myself into
the darkness of mental health and yet it
was only when i started to reviewed that
contact without understanding those
people in my world which better
basically had to go back to a parent my
parents to understand them to build
enough trusted and then to open up and
share themselves from their experience
with me which has helped me understand
what the fuck was going on for me and
it's lights not being a nice rate so
totally violence it's not as simple as
life and take that how you doin it's
also it's like being totally lost in the
cause of a vision of what your inner
having or being a part of a family for
it's not just like we follow the you
know that follow the the token holidays
and share our love of Christmas you and
break an easter egg at easter and share
one another's company you know every day
something is a chance to get to know two
people in my world a deeper level and
share my experience of life within you
know and if you if you're not getting
that buzz like energy and having that
support around you that helps you get
back to your own driver itself over a
longer period i'm like there's a good
chance there's some leverage agree of
family
disconnection and baylor is down there
violence going on in your in your fam
because you know we all want to dream
about the Epiphany of that beautiful
family singing of that nice little glass
window I haven't got champagne dinner
with the kids having a laugh and
discussion around the chandelier and the
little glass the big glass table with it
all the all the bells and whistles got
on and for me like I believe that's
possible for all that mr. Han I don't
care about what your financial situation
is I believed it was possible for every
single family and have that paradigm of
existence nodes it's not a far cry from
interacts just a matter of now keeping
stunned to step back and understand the
fundamentals of what family violence is
and how it break those barriers how to
break those gaps and self inches another
I want two main points are making this
video's with family violence is about
point isn't understanding and breaking
that stereotype of breaking that mold
isn't about pointing fingers either it's
about starting to understand that
concept to a lot of people who are in
those environments of doing it to one
another there is no right person is no
wrong because you know what's mom and
dad think was quite and mentor is quite
over another years I made for 21 years
and had miraculous mr. Walker destroyed
in the sterile man and it's been felled
for a number of years like which is an
understatement however the resolve it is
all this video which is the main point
that there is no right one person /
carrier target is we make choices in any
given moment how we perceive information
that comes into our world how somebody
gives us and shares their world with us
you know a large portion of mum and
dad's breakdown in relations because my
mother had to deal with race issues from
before she was known so therefore her
expression is a full lady in a sexual
being is limited based upon experiences
of what happened beforehand so for her
17 year old girl being with my father in
love and then married and pregnant at 19
did not fully other sins
what was going on in her world plus she
was revolting against your own having an
influence of a mother and mother-in-law
to top it off so she didn't really
understand the form availability of her
constructive expression in its fullest
fault because based upon her experiences
in the past and how she translated them
in a wealth and then they did my father
either to an extreme level so he didn't
have the communication me that the P or
opinions world to help him solve any
issues that would allow him to move
through his emotional states that are
more constructive level rather and
lashing out in many ways as many of the
laser did so they stayed together for 21
years and you know they did actually
love one another so there was no curse
the point finger at it ought to break
down that understanding of what happened
and why it happened to what was really
going on there if you get fundamental is
to move beyond it and to actually bring
things back to that connection you know
so that is the concept of what is family
violence because family violence comes
from a very real skill level and it can
be found out to the to the macro and
that's up to you just pointed what you
will accept in your world because will
only ever accept the level of love that
we see ourself apps run ye ever accept
the level of family connection that we
see our family work and so that is like
important to create result of
relationships it's all I it's important
to consistently look back and forth
through past experiences and share our
versions of those experiences in order
to either a resolve those issues or
share and reminisce for most times for
gratitude to build a longevity of fun
and prosperity in the future because
that's the point of Sharon's gratitude
around experience to come park if we
can't actually heal experience to the
front of past how are we supposed to
make gratitude for fun experiences for
the future
simple quantum physics mechanism that
that which expands out one way must
expand out to equal over the other way
you have an equal level of dysfunction
besides you must have a equal level of
expansion and other side okay where our
kids starts we go out and actually run
riot on the streets which is an extreme
version of 15 express but you know in a
relationship with somebody as well if
you expressly if you allow this level of
communications deficit you'll have this
level of communication overload as well
as a period of time and has many
outcomes the only way we'll ever really
step into an hour all truths of our
scented beans and being balanced and to
move forward with happiness joy and
prosperity is to realign those extreme
experiences ballots in that scene from
all perspectives and be able to move
towards what it is really wanting to
create because what i want to create my
world is different What's to what you
want to train it's different to what
your old man the mums bother your sister
now the Raggedy Ann down the street it's
different to what they all want to
create everyone should a different
perception about what it is they're
creating their world and so if we all
can step into our truce and
constructively communicate on a level
where we get to understand what we're
creating and begin to help on our on
that concept there's a whole new
paradigm of community a removable family
box through the understanding of family
violence that becomes possible for us
real quite simple really the issue is is
that within society we've accepted so
much complexity that we can't see the
simplicity for what I need
or what his family's all of us for you
what's going on in your world you know
without point a finger at anyone or
without going into deep dark emotional
pain what level are you being locked
because for a large portion of a lion so
I thought wasn't allowed myself to be
loved at all I just accepted that
because the only way I could express
myself so I thought fit because I had
sodium she was not like Miss judging me
and not even wanting to break through
anything I'm trying to into things like
Express in the way that I intended it to
be interpreted and that was frustrating
to me I was easier for me to bury my
head of sand and just be nobody in order
to be able to do what I wanted to do
rather than its breakthroughs various
and if you look at the old world by two
large degree some about Abaddon few some
way it is full and I learn a different
male-dominated working this is now a lot
landscaping every now and again and it's
just full of a lot of blokes talking
about women in destructive ways and I
just can't do that anymore like I've
crossed enough berries now i cant
existing that paradigm of environment
like at all I'd rather be broke that'd
be around those sort of people because
after what I've had to conquer and
results myself but there's no no until
ever talk about any woman like that ever
again it says so once you see the other
side of all this stuff is going on the
simplicity of it all the sides it's
fucking ironic met but every interaction
every relationship you have every
conversation you have around
understanding other people restage
altima tlie a thang like every component
that is the fundamentals of family
violence is realizing that sorry the
people you work with that they've we
hang around for consumers in your
physical founding spending time with in
your father's and
even applies to people that you
acknowledge in the street all become
part of the fundamentals of your own
resolution of your family violence need
to apply a liberal family dynamics that
elevate into a gratitude of family love
just anyway I hope see on the next next
year because this whole fundamentals of
family dynamics is a concept that I've
really got a lot of inflation share and
the experiences I've had in life so we
hope you've enjoyed this clip it into my
video series on family dynamics this is
a short video on what is family violence
five now
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