- THE MALL MANAGER. WHAT'S HER NAME AGAIN?
I'M, UH, NAT-- I'M JUST AN ELF.
WAIT. UM--
WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR PHOTO TAKEN WITH SANTA?
$5 ONLY.
IT'S DISCOUNTED PRICES 'CAUSE IT'S EARLIER IN THE YEAR.
- EXCUSE ME. - OKAY, COME.
OKAY.
LET'S GO. COME ON.
- THIS WAY.
[radio chatter]
EXCUSE ME.
HEY, CAN YOU STAY AWAY FROM THE CAMERAS, PLEASE?
YOU CAN'T GO IN FRONT OF-- PLEASE.
CAN YOU STAY AWAY FROM OUR CAMERA PERSON?
OKAY, WE'RE GOING. - THAT'S NICE.
- WE ARE LEAVING.
- NATHAN, YOU WANT ME TO STOP HIM?
I SAID, DOES HE WANT ME TO STOP YOU?
YEAH.
[cackling]
YOU'VE NEVER MESSED WITH SANTA CLAUS, HAVE YOU?
- ALL RIGHT, OKAY. - JUST COOL IT, DUDE.
- NO, IT'S OKAY. JAMES.
I'M OUT OF THE DOOR. STOP IT.
- OH, MY GOODNESS. - JAMES, COME WITH ME.
[We Wish You a Merry Christmas playing]
♪ ♪
OKAY, I KNOW--WE'RE BOTH TRYING TO DO OUR JOBS.
OKAY, DON'T SWEAR. THERE'S KIDS AROUND.
DO NOT SWEAR. - NOW!
- THERE'S KIDS AROUND.
YOU CAN'T SWEAR WHEN THERE'S CHILDREN AROUND.
YES, I'M WALKING.
WE'RE BOTH TRYING TO DO OUR JOBS, OKAY?
SO YOU CAN'T THINK YOUR JOB'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN MINE.
- WELL--
- WATCH OUT.
- STAY BACK, PLEASE.
AFTER GIVING AMBER AND JEREMIAH THEIR OFFICIAL UNIFORMS
WE HAD OUR FIRST EMPLOYEE ORIENTATION
TO GO OVER SOME COMPANY POLICIES.
SO BECAUSE OF THE SIZE OF THE COMPANY,
I AM ALSO THE HR DEPARTMENT HERE.
SO WE NEED TO GO OVER THE CODE OF CONDUCT WHEN IT COMES TO
RELATIONSHIPS IN THE WORKPLACE.
BECAUSE SEXUAL TENSION IS SOMETHING
THAT'S VERY DISTRACTING IN THE WORKPLACE,
IF YOU FIND YOURSELF ATTRACTED TO ANOTHER EMPLOYEE,
THAT ALSO NEEDS TO BE DISCLOSED.
UM, AMBER, DO YOU WANT TO GO FIRST?
- WOW. OKAY.
WELL, I MEAN, EVERYBODY'S DIFFERENT.
SO, LIKE, FOR ME PERSONALLY, ATTRACTION IS MORE THAN JUST--
- I MEAN, WHO OUT OF THE PEOPLE YOU WORK WITH
ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO THE MOST?
INCLUDING BOSSES.
- UH, WOW.
OKAY, I'M GONNA-- I'LL GO WITH YOU.
- ME? - YEAH.
- SO OUT OF EVERYONE YOU WORK WITH,
YOU'RE MOST ATTRACTED TO ME?
RIGHT. AND YOU HEARD THAT, OR--?
- YEAH, I HEARD THAT. YEAH, LOUD AND CLEAR.
- SO MINE, I GUESS WOULD BE YOU.
AND JEREMIAH, I GUESS, NO ONE PICKED YOU.
BUT, UM, FOR THE RECORD I GUESS I DO NEED TO KNOW
WHO YOU ARE MOST ATTRACTED TO.
- UM, JUST SAY HER.
- AMBER? - YEAH.
- OKAY, WELL, OBVIOUSLY, YOU KNOW, SHE DID PICK ME--
- YEAH. - SO THAT IS UNLIKELY TO HAPPEN.
BUT IT'S GOOD THAT I DO KNOW THAT FOR THE RECORD.
AND I THINK THE FACT THAT WE'VE TALKED ABOUT IT,
NOW WE CAN CONTINUE WORKING AS PEERS
WITHOUT THERE BEING ANY AWKWARDNESS.
- OKAY.
Do you want to see a magic trick?
- Oh, sure. - Do you like magic?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- It's just a little-- - Yeah.
- It's not-- - Why not?
- Okay.
See the coin?
- I see it. - Okay.
- I think I've seen that before.
- Okay.
Now that I had impressed Elle,
it was time to see if I could get her to admit
that there was something more going on with the Best Buy
price-match policy than meets the eye.
One cool thing about Hot Topic is that, you know,
they're pretty lax on the rules, you know?
We can kind of do what we want a little bit.
- Yeah. - For example,
we have this, uh, price-match policy.
Sometimes, like, someone will come in
with a legitimate price-match,
and if I'm not feeling it, I'll just be like, "No."
You know what I mean?
You guys ever do that? Or...
- Oh, I've seen it happen, yes. - At Best Buy?
- Mm-hmm. Yes. - You've seen what?
- Other people not do it because they're not--
- Not do the price-match? - Yeah.
Because they're not "feeling" the person.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
- That's crazy.
- Yeah.
- And there it was: the smoking gun.
On-camera evidence of a culture of corruption,
eroding the insides of one of America's
most-respected institutions.
But even though I had what I needed,
I didn't want to be rude and leave abruptly,
so I decided to stay for the private salsa lesson
I had prearranged for the date.
- [speaking Spanish] How are you guys doing?
You're supposed to move your shoulders,
your hips, and your arms as well.
- I have to admit,
I was a bit nervous about dancing,
but once we got going,
I discovered I was actually really good at it.
- Look at his eyes.
He's waiting for you.
Perfect.
- And once our date was over, we said our good-byes.
- Nice meeting you.
- Okay. Yeah. See you.
- Bye. - Bye.
Oh, sweet, look. Open 24 hours.
- What is it?
- Looks like some sort of store, but look.
- Free p-- - Free pizza.
- Do you see it? It's right back there.
It's right there at the back by a heat lamp.
- Let's go. - All right.
- You're coming with me? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[doorbell ringing]
- [groans]
Ooh. [dishes clattering]
Uh--
- You okay, man?
- I'm all right right now.
- All right. You better be careful.
- It's all right.
- Watch your back.
- There's no way. - Should--
- I can't even fit through that. It's too tight.
- Well, what do you--I mean, do you want the pizza or what?
- I'm kind of wedged here.
- You broke this stuff. - Right, I see that,
and that's why I'm, like, eh, I don't really want
to break anymore 'cause it's [bleep] super expensive.
- You have a "you break it, you buy it" policy?
- Yeah.
Using our intake funnel,
we loaded in over 30 pounds of Robert's product
that had been blended into a thin paste
to ensure an even flow without compromising the flavor.
So with that, I activated the pump,
and it was time to see if this could work.
[motor whirring]
As I had hoped,
the pump dispensed the chili
at a steady pace,
which was good,
but I realized we had overlooked
a crucial detail.
The chili suit prevented bathroom access,
and because of its weight,
removing it during a game
would not be an option.
So I experimented with a design
that would allow me to deposit my excretions
directly into custom rubber underwear
connected to a secondary pumping system
so I could eject it into a toilet
via a second tube down my right arm.
But once I had some clothing on,
I realized the potential for a costly mix-up
was too great.
So I had the bottom part of the suit
redesigned with strategic holes
in the groin and buttocks region
that would allow the wearer
to relieve him or herself
without taking off the suit.
But for my plan to work, I would need to be able
to sell chili for an entire game
without getting caught,
so I decided to start in the upper levels
where security was thinner.
I moved through the stadium like a ninja,
switching sections after each sale
so I couldn't be tracked.
At one point,
I thought security was on my tail,
but I was able to lose the guy
by ducking into a handicapped bathroom,
after which I reemerged
and resumed my operation.
I can serve it to you right now.
I have it right under my clothes.
- I sold 16 bowls of delicious chili that night,
right under the noses of stadium management,
and that meant, from this day forward,
Robert had a proven method to sell his chili
at Rabobank Arena.
And later that week, posing as a big-time record producer,
I opened my doors
to the best of what L.A. had to offer.
All right, let's see what you got, my man.
- Sure.
[clears throat]
♪ Don't look at the clock, it's deceiving ♪
♪ Everything you are so dependent on perceiving ♪
♪ The future, fickle notions of your mind ♪
♪ Dust, creatures of the surf ♪
♪ Always contemplating time to a saddening extreme ♪
♪ Many of us travel, sheep without shepherds ♪
♪ And unprepared for battle to unravel...♪
- The turnout was better than I expected,
and it was clear right away I was drowning in talent.
- ♪ Arise, the time is now ♪
- So after auditioning a drummer named Chris
who could really pound the skins
and Jani, a physically attractive singer,
who had the right kind of ambition--
- I mean, on a wider perspective, like,
I want the whole world to hear what I have to say.
- My band was starting to take shape.
- This is freedom to me.
- But I still needed to figure out which musician
was best suited to playing the smoke detector.
So I organized the band's first rehearsal,
and after watching them jam...
[tuneless jamming]
♪ ♪
- It quickly became clear the standout talent was Eddie.
- [playing rapid riffs]
- He was not only the best musician
but also the best showman.
If anyone could make the smoke detector work, it was him.
So after rehearsal was over,
I kept Eddie behind to show him his new instrument.
- I can sing, I can play the drums.
This is not an instrument.
- It is. It's a blues smoke detector.
[smoke alarm sounds]
- No, no.
- This is gonna be the thing
that separates us from any other band.
- [laughs] Okay.
- And that means the guy who plays it
is going to be the most famous.
You want to be famous, don't you?
- Um...
- I was worried that if his love life
remained unfulfilled, he might not have the confidence
he would need to step into his new role as a hero.
So I decided to create an online
dating account for Corey that I populated
with photos from his Facebook page.
I also created some new images that would help portray
Corey as a sensitive guy that women
would be unable to resist.
And shortly after uploading them to his profile,
it seemed to work,
as by the next morning, I had a response
from a lovely woman named Jasmine,
who seemed like she might be a good fit for Corey.
And after telling her that a camera crew
was following me because I was gonna be performing
a death-defying wire walk,
she instantly agreed to go on a date,
which I set for the following night.
My goal was to establish a relationship
that Corey would ultimately take over.
So I tried my best to portray a realistic
but charming version of the man whose skin I was in.
I just spend most of my time in Ventura.
You know?
- Really? - Not the greatest place.
But it's kind of hard to talk about myself with
a goddess sitting right in front of me.
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah, sorry.
Is that a bit cheesy, or...
- No, it's actually really sweet.
Nobody's ever called me that before.
- I was immediately surprised at how well
the date was going,
as in these situations,
I'm usually a lot more nervous.
- Back in high school, I was actually on the debate team.
- Wow. - Yep.
- So what's it like to debate with you, then?
- Um, I'm pretty good.
- I bet you're a pretty good arguer.
- Yeah, I'm pretty good at debating.
- Should we try to debate something now?
Or-- I don't know.
Just a silly joke.
We don't have to do that.
And ten minutes in, not only were
Corey and Jasmine hitting it off...
- So have you actually tried
walking across a building yet?
- No. - Wow.
- Yeah. - It's gonna be nerve-racking.
- They also had a lot in common.
- Do you play "Sims" at all?
- I do, yes. - Yeah, so do I.
It's my go-to pleasure.
- Oh, yes.
It's a guilty pleasure for me.
I love "Sims." - Yeah.
- Cool beans.
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