My guest today is Zeb Un Nisa Bangash
Zeb, our Zeb
Who sings like a quail
We have heard her songs but know very little about her
We will get to know her today
Lets meet Zeb Bangash today
Thank you so much Zeb
I have been wanting to do this for a long time
I have been wanting to talk to you about yourself
I do admire you and I think that you are so beautifull
I love your voice, it is so soft and gentle
Your voice lets you grow wings and fly
thats how I feel about your voice
So thank you for coming
Thank you, I am a bit speech less
I have been needless to say that we have grown up admiring you
Thank you
And your beautiful work
I must congratulate you
You got married in November
Yes affirmative
Now you have become a couple
Together in this journey
We would like to take you back to your childhood
When you were born
So you were born in Lahore?
I was born in Peshawar
Right
And my family belong to Kohat
Right
And my grandmother used to shuttle......I lost her 2 years ago
She used to shuttle between Kohat and Peshawar
Large part of our family lived in Peshawar
And I think when my mother was expecting me, she went there
to live with her mother, so she could give birth to me
So you were born in Kohat?
I was born in Peshawar
So how many siblings do you have?
We are 5
Big family, Mashallah
I am number 4
So you have brothers?
Brother, sister, brother, me and then another brother
Beautifully placed
Yes, very well executed
So how were things back then?
But you grew up in Lahore?
My Father was in the army
Right
So, I travelled all over
I have been in all kinds of cities in Pakistan
I lived in Abottabad in my early childhood
Of course we used to go to Kohat and Peshawar and Mardaan
So I have travelled a lot in KPK
So you know Pakistan
I do know Pakistan, I lived in Quetta
The fondest memories I ever had
I like Quetta too
I really like Peshawar and Quetta
I like them very much
And I also like Bahawalpur, I think it is a lovely city
Lovely cities
Quetta was also very interesting because it was such a diverse city
It is a smaller city
but maybe because it is a very old city
and Balochistan has an interesting history
There are all kinds of people and foods there
You know, from Irani to Omani stuff
Everything we used to get their, I remember as a child
I went there too for a shoot and I loved it
And many years ago I
I loved everything about the people there, their jewelry, their handcraft, their shoes
And I loved the turbons
The turbons
I loved the turbons
They are beautifull
I get fascinated by them
I loved that city
How do you speak so many language?
Pashto is your mother language?
Yes and persian also
We learned it at home because
my grandmother used to speak it
She was also a Persian poet
Many of her friends belong to Afghanistan
And some were Irani so she liked Persian poetry and music a lot
Urdu and English were basics obviously
And then we went to Turkey for 3 years when my father got retired
Thats how I learned Turkish
And many of our regional languages are familiar and similar to each other
Some Persian, Turkish and Urdu
So due to that you get a better sense
I think that the more I am singing in these languages the more I am understanding these linkages
Somewhere we all kind of merge together
So all these things have one source
This link is true
Yes, it is
From Turkey to all the way here
travellers brought all these languages with them
And than we shared also
And Urdu also merged with these languages as we spoke
Yes Urdu was born like this and that is why it is so special
that so many different people and languages are absorbed and understood by it
How was the atmosphere at your home?
We had a very simple atmosphere
We had a very disciplined life
We had specific times to sleep
We would have to sleep before the 9 O clock news bulletin on PTV
So we used to be in trouble if we were awake to watch it
So we used to sleep and wake up really early
And lots of sports
And we had a privileged life
We had a very simple life
And it was also a safe life
Unlike most of my other cousins
whose father would be doing other things
I used to travel on the streets a lot as I loved to be out of the house
Cycling
Climbing on trees and entering other people's homes
Becoming friends with new people
I used to do this in the Cantonment because
it was a very safe environment
and I was a a very curious and imaginative child
and making up and telling stories was my thing
So I remember once that
I was 5 or 6 years old
My sister was in Convent, and she was elder
I used to miss her a lot
I needed an older sister and I saw these 2 beautiful girls
coming from the college, so I wanted to become friends with them
So in the afternoon I went to their house without telling anyone
I saw where they lived, they were 3 houses down
I knocked on their door and they opened their door
And I told them that I was very hungry and please give me some food
So they must have seen a 5 year old
They called me inside
I told them that my mother is never home
I made up all these stories so they could become my friends and keep me in their house
This kept going on for many many weeks
Until one day, the cat was out of the bag
So were you scolded?
No, I don't think so
because I never did any vicious thing
Usually I just wanted to talk to people
I was very interested in stories and people's stories
I was always curious about their lives and their families
You have read a lot of books?
I didn't but everyone in my family
was very bookish
I was always irritated when I would get books as a gift on my birthday
because I found reading books very boring
I wanted to talk to people
And my mother couldn't understand that
because she used to like reading all the time
and we used to play games like Word Power and Scrabble
My sister was the same
But somehow I just wanted to hangout
You just wanted to weave your own stories
Yes and I was a bit of a wild child
And I just wanted to be in the outdoor always
Did you play cricket?
I played cricket
and I played a lot of these street games
because I came very close to the children in our neighbourhood
And I would sometimes pretend to not be my father's daughter
And my mother really didn't know about that either
at some time my father found out but my mother didn't
You had your own little world
I did, I was always about secrets
and I had my own life
I don't think them as lies
because kids imagine a lot
Kids have their own imaginary world with imaginary friends
With best friends who are only visible to them
But children give their imagination names and discriptions
You are doing all kinds of thing together
I think my daughter was like that, she used to weave stories
Everyone would tell her to stop saying lies and jokes
But that was her reality
She had created a world
Exactly
Now when I look back
I think that I was quite resilient and quite strategic
in how I wove those stories
because I made friends and I got free treats
and I got to play
You have never thought of acting?
or directing and writing?
So I did, and my singing started because of acting
How old were you?
I think I must have been 6
My grandmother loved to sing
and she had a wonderfull voice
and I lived with her a lot
and she is my biggest influence in life
And she used to write too?
She used to write and sing
And her poem was the song that I heard
It was in Persian?
No it wasn't
It was an old bollywood theme
Oh, right
He voice was similar to that of Shamashad Begum
But her's was softer
She used to sing really well
And even now I admire the way she sang
She had a very big voice
Of course we belonged to a very conservative background
So thats why she never sang in front of anyone else
Only our family had heard her singing
I made a character with her when I was small
Because we were really good friends
and I used to feel jealous when I would see her other friends
So when I was 5 or 6 I dressed my self as
one of her friends
I wore her white dupatta and
white shalwar kameez, and I held a stick
I pretended and walked infront of her
I just wanted to hang out with her
And as a part of that character, I sang with her
One day I saw Madam Noor Jehan on T.V
She was singing gazal of Nasir Qazmi
That very dramatic lighting
and her saree
and her expressions and her hair
I just saw that
so I started mimicking her
With her voice so thats why
my grandmother thought that I could sing
So she told my father that I had a nice voice and I should do something with it
So whenever my father would get posted, he would hire a music teacher for me
So acting lead to singing in my case
So all these kid who study at school
and when they travel, their friends change
what is its affect?
Because the parents who are in forces
are constantly posted
else where, other that the city they are born in
what do they take?
does it help them to grow?
better or you feel sad
because every time you have to get into a new city and make new friends
I think your own personality has a lot to do with how you deal with that change
I loved people and I never had a problem
making friends
so for me this was the best kind of childhood to have
but yes I really missed all my friends and all that
There was a time when we were in Gilgit
My father was posted in Gilgit but we couldn't stay their
because everything was based on a summer there
Gilgit had just one school that was urdu medium
So my father told me that if I had come in summer, it was necessary for me to attend that school
He was also very particular that I should get
all kinds of experiences
And whether its been a sad or happy experience
but it wall always benefit you
that you travelled the entire Pakistan
you get to know about different countries and languages
And more importantly there is an equaliser in the army
Everything is uniform there
Our life is uniform
It is not an elitist culture
Even though my mother is considered a Pakistani elite
but you feel very comfortable their
And that is something that I think has helped me a great deal
not just in understanding and dealing with people but
also in understanding and dealing with music
from Pakistan
It trains you to adapt
Indeed, it trains us
And I remember that the first time I came in the big city, Lahore
This was my father's last posting
It was good and bad
For me it was all good
because as I told you my personality such that I love to meet new people
So you were always up for adventure
Exactly
What about your other siblings?
I was very lucky that I never went to a boarding school
but some of my siblings
they attended boarding schools
For them it was a little tough
to have their parents move around
and adapting in a new home
And also personality wise
My sister was a bit more introvert than me
Intellectual and poetic
She used to study a lot
She was a deep thinker
and I was like a barbarian
And I was like: "let me loose"
So for me it was fun and adventurous
but I think now
we all agree
that for a certain kind of educated
Pakistanis
or urban Pakistanis
Sometimes they don't have any idea about their country's meaning
And how are the people in other cities
and also they way the news has been
constructed over the past 15 to 20 years
this problem has increased
People dont understand
They think that any thing different is backwards
Anything that is smaller is backwards
especially in places like Karachi and Lahore
you meet a lot of people who never actually stepped out
they might have gone abroad
But never in their own country
Now mostly people go to Hunza
But people have not really travelled in Balochistan
They haven't travelled Sindh or KPK
And that is so important
It is very important
It is important for people in Punjab, as much as for people in Balochistan and Sindh
This interaction is really important
So what happened when it was time for you to go to college?
So we were in Turkey at that time
And I was trying to spend some time in Turkey
I tried my hand in a little bit of work
I did some internships there and I studied there too
Then my father was posted
And you were in Istanbul?
We were in Ankara
Thats where my father was posted
So I only learned Turkish the first year
My parents had already lived here before I was born
In Turkey because my father had done his Turkish language course
He told me that: "You wanted to come here"
"And if you want to understand Turkey, you have to learn its language"
"And you should travel"
"Your studies and other things will start also, but this is also kind of an education"
"because now that we are here and you wanted to learn about it"
"Give your time in doing this"
I was very shocked that he said that
And what was your age?
I was around at 16
So I was very excited and I went to
Tomer
Which is their language centre for foreigners
I learned Turkish their for like 8 months
And I made some new friends
And the I went bag packing
I travelled to Istanbul
I stayed in Sultan Ahmed
Then just walked around on my own
I really got a sense of the people, the music and the history
And that was a very important time for me
It really shaped how I saw identity and history
music
All of that because Turkey
Its an interesting place as it is quite similar to us
We have so much shared culture and history
Turkey and Iran
Iran and central Asia, and we forget that
We forget that
I was aware about Iran
because are borders are the same
And especially having lived in Quetta
and having some kind of Persian connection
I think that is still a little bit alive
In Turkey I couldn't understand what the people were sayinh
Yet there were so many similarities
and so many familiarities
Food and some words were the same
How long did it took you to learn?
Initially it looked diffiuilt
Yes, it is a difficult language
But actually its not, because Urdu
is a word of Turkish
Urdu means "Lashkar"
Even today in India
people in Hyderabad call it Lashkar
When I started learning Turkish
I understood the benefits of knowing Urdu
because it is a mixture of so many languages
You get a base when you learn it
It helps you in learning Persian, Arabic and Turkish
even for Sanskrit
Sentence construction in Turkish is very much like in Urdu
It was difficult for the Westerners as it is very different from English
but its very familiar to Urdu
Initially it was very difficult
But after the second month
it really became easier but the other thing is that
Living in the place makes things easier
because you are leaning and speaking at the same time
How much time did you travel?
In Turkey, and where did you go?
I went to Istanbul, Ankara, Cappadocia, Konya and some south areas
But what I like most was
Turkey has a non apologetic idea of oneself
So I was astonished
when it comes to the west
I heard from the people that criticized turkey
that they want to get more westernized
So before leaving, I heard this criticism
but when I went there
although their are many things that are western there
But they are very proud of their identity
and their language
They don't have any inferiority complex
And this was a big eye opener for me
That whenever we compare ourselves to other countries
even with our neighbours
We always feel complex
We feel very apologetic
I thought a lot about this that where is this thinking coming from
Then I undersrood
that this is a colonial idea
that was given to us by white people
because
Turkey has never been colonized
so they don't have a colonized image of themselves
But we do
so that really shaped me
It shaped the one year of
travelling around Turkey
I realized that no matter how cool it is
to do one thing or an other
Why isn't it cool to wear shalwar kameez
why isn't it cool
to talk about our music
our languages
Where is our history?
So many other people are driving
strength and happiness
and a space for themselves in the world
be excavating their history
and reimagining themselves
And why don't we do that
Why are we quick to say that its out dated
Or that we shouldn't learn Persian
But all languages are difficult
All work require hard work
Everything is difficult when you get out of your comfort zone
And you have to work hard to achieve everything
Nothing comes easily
So when all of this was happening in your head, what did you want study?
History?
So I did not put the 2 things to gether
in my mind because I was a very south Asian girl
I was thinking all of this
as I came from a
family where these ideas were discussd
And also as I had some connection to music
and poetry and history through my family
These were the things I thought about
but when I thought of education and career
I was thinking of doing economics
find a good job
and go to a bank and thats what you do
then I went to Mount Holyoke
and thats where I chose economics as my major
and in my 3rd year
I had a really lovely
advisor there
he asked me about my major
I told him that it is economics
But he said that I had as many credits if not more in artistery
I was in a liberal arts college
I didn't notice that all the course I took came under the banner of Artistry
You were drawn to it
I used to take all these classes for self interest
and somehow the classes ended up in that zone
He told me if I took 2 classes each, I could be a double major
So thats why I did majors in economics and artistry
What were you dreaming of back then?
What were you thinking about your future?
I dream constantly
And it is difficult to keep a track of them
Because as the dreamer you were
and the world that you created
what was it about?
what were you going to become?
At that time, I was a little troubled
because there were too many dreams
And I was suddenly restricted
and told to survive
I came from a very loving and protective.......
I am no.4 out of 5
And people tell me to never let go off the youngest position
I was like that as a child and I think
I wanted attention
I worked hard also
but those were the important things for me
I didn't really have ambition
I just had passion and interests
I had thoughts and imaginations
but not ambition
So when I was in college
I was pitted against
these very brilliant minds and functional human beings
and very focused
and focus for me was areal struggle
and I almost resented that time
because the funs and games were open
it was tough
for me to
stretch through those years
I had to let go of being a child
But I still do hold on to it
No you should never let go of the child
I can't
Yeah, it keeps you going
Thats why I dont want to feel like I know everything
I don't consider myself expert at anything
You have to choose only one career
It is exactly like this
Because its too much fun
and banking
I did banking
You did?
I did
Oh my God
I can't believe this, really?
Yes yes
And how long it lasted?
I wasn't so bad
It was I think close to a year
so thats not bad
Good because I lasted only one day
Yeah yeah, you were bad
Really bad
I was like: "so many files!"
"and I will sit behind them all day"
" Peru take me from here, I can't work here"
I was really excited as at that point I thought I could really do this
I also had loans and things from college
And I wanted to pay back and things like that
I did alright but I made some really silly mistakes
I love telling this story and most of my friends know this story
I was given 2 checks
Some gentleman was closing his account with us
So he gave us a blank check
Which I had to just tear off and just throw away
And than there is another thing that banks do which is called compliance
If your check is above a certain amount
you have to call the client to confirm about it
Now I called the client to confirm and he was also in a bad mood so he gave me a rude answer to just go through with it
and I got flustered because everyone was making fun of me for some reasons
I didn't realize that I tore the 18 lakhs check and gave the blank check to the teller
So the teller called me and asked me whether I was joking with him
You have given me a blank check
Then I ran
and it took me like 20 minutes to find the bits of the torn check
I collected the pieces and took them to the managers office
I told him what I had done to it
And he asked me: "Why?"
I told him that I have no idea why, I put the check in front of him and started crying
He sent me back to my desk
This was in Lahore
I apologized
I made these kinds of silly mistakes
But they happened for a reason
They happened for a reason
I was getting these signs always
Soon I let go of that job
My brother was setting up some business
He asked me to work with him as he would be happy if I gave some of my wisdom to his company
So I ended up doing that job for 3/4 years
So between the bank and this job.......
what happened to music?
so music continued because
in my mind I used to imagine singing on stage
But I never thought of that as a reality
But my father would push me and I remember in college
He called me and told me that "I was looking at course book and there were so many great
music classes, you want to consider doing major in music?"
And I would ask him that "How could you say that to me Papa? What will I do?"
"I won't be able to sustain myself if I ended up becoming a musician"
"I can't do this because I have to get a proper job"
He agreed
Maybe I was so defensive because I have always been a non-practical person deep down
I had to tell myself that I was growing up
So you were running away and music was looking for you
I was kind of running away from myself
And my parents saw it
I have to give my family this credit
Especially my brother Ubaid
They stood by me and watched me stumble and run away from myself
They were always there for me when I made mistakes
How did you and Hania think about working together?
This was not my idea
Hania is a cousin of mine
Her personality is exactly my opposite
She is very quite and shy
She has always been very private as a person
She and I were age mates and we used to be very close friends at one time
We were in college together
I always sang
When Hania and I were in nursery we used to sing Sohail Rana's songs
We would do little things like that
When it was Eid, she and I used to make something musical to earn money for candy
It was a tradition
Because our family had a lot to do with Music
And that kids will prepare a small play in vacations
Or do concerts and story telling
Exactly
So we used to do this all the time
And there was a lot of music in my Family
Everyone in my family could and would sing
And when we were together in college
We noticed there that Pakistani kids had nothing Pakistani to represent
and they would usually dance on bollywood songs
when they would be showcasing culture
The idea of Pakistan in those days was flattened, I hope it is changed now
Hania and I were a bit disturbed by that so we thought
We could re do some old Nayyare Noor songs
We did a Nazia Hassan Acappella
Things like that
So we started collaborating with each other
Then we ended up making these songs together
Just because of home sickness and boredom
When we came back
Many people started calling us
That Hania posted something online
And its gone viral
Its even playing on the radio
And some big website has uploaded it
We didn't realize when those songs went viral
We were being played on the radio
And some times people would email us to listen to these girls' songs
They didn't even know it was us
So this was happening also
After Hania did her masters, she came back to Lahore
And she said to me
"We have 10 to 12 songs"
"I want to listen how sound in an album, its one of my dreams"
"So will you please agree to this as we both made the songs"
"and start a band with me?"
At that point of time I was very happy with my job and everything
I enjoyed my job as it had flexibility and creativity
But than I agreed
And then one thing led to another
Crazy stuff happened
When Hania went to Canada, to study software engineering?Thats what she did?
Whats what she did
What happened then?
Because after working for a long time together and then your partner leaves
Yes, it was difficult
I won't pretend otherwise
But it was very important for Hania
Professionally she really wanted to do it
And personally she wanted to live on her own and experience life in Canada
Initially it was very tough
I think it was best for me and for her
because we both came into music
without really thinking of our selves
So the time I got alone
I really had the time to think about myself
Although I haven't come to any conclusion but that process has been very rewarding
As much as I loved the compositions we did together
being a pop duo
but my interest has always been towards traditional songs
traditional music and repertoire
I enjoyed the western repertoire
but I got the time and space
to think about myself as a people who can pursue in traditional songs
I think it is most difficult when
you interact with the market
Thats when we had our duo
so we could do it together
If we didn't understand something and we found something ridiculous or someone found us ridiculous
the 2 of us could manage it
but now its just me
Would you come back together?
Will you return with a new album if you ever do?
Who knows
We have made a lot of music that has yet not been released
I suppose whenever the time is right
When did you fall in love for the first time?
First time
I think I was
11
With whom?
A classmate
A classmate
And after that?
Then a celebrity crush
Then it was a friends brother that I had a really big crush on
for many years
Thats how it went
And finally when did it happen?
I don't know
When I was in love, everything felt very good
But it doesn't feel like that anymore
My idea of love is very different now
I didn't know what I thought of romance
Right now it all seems t very silly to me
Really?
Yeah, it really doesn't move me
So what is love?
With another person?
Yes what is love?
Millions of poem have been written on it and people have died for it
What is this?
What is it? Oh my God!
For me its closest to what you feel?
Love and friendship
companionship and respect
And being able to express
yourself in the most authentic way
Expression
And allowing the other person to do that aswell
If 2 people can get together and they can really
nurture
because ultimately I feel that you love yourself
And you love how you feel
which is why you love that person
that feeling of love
that you feel for that person
Sometimes that person may not be even aware of it
but a functional love
or relationship
is one that would make
both people their best selves
And hatred?
Hatred is a very stupid thing
Because its neither love
Its not love for the other person
Its like you are denying
yourself a healing or a lesson
Perhaps you are even denying someone
Its a very silly thing
What makes Zeb very happy?
Many things
Good food
great company, love
The expression of love makes everything happy
But what makes me very happy
is spending time with people that I love
and doing my practice
I love my practice
with my teacher
especially when I know that I have overcome a herdal
Something that I couldn't do before
So when do you practice?
It depends whenever I wake up
because now a days due to traveling I get very exhausted
so I can't wake up early
but its the first thing in the morning that I do
And what makes you very sad?
What makes me very sad?
Being misunderstood and unkindness makes me sad
Do you get angry?
A lot
Really?
A lot
Where does that come from because it is not in your voice?
What makes you angry?
I think hurting makes me angry
I am a very sensitive person
So thats why
on yourself?
Usually on myself
That why was I hurt?
And that why did I put my self in such a position?
I feel a little stupid
but then
You get over it
It comes quickly, I express it and it leaves
Thats how it is
So who proposed?
you or your hubby?
So it wasn't really like a proposal
We knew each other for a short while
and we were friends for the most part
And then we had a short discussion about it
Thats interesting
It was like we had a little discussion about it
then i think the families got involved
So thats how it happened
So you got comfy first
thenn you thought and decided
Why not live together?
How sweet is that
It was quite sweet
It was very
It all happened really organically and smoothly
A lot of my friends were upset with me because
they didn't even know what was happening
And that I didn't tell them
I didn't know what to say and there was nothing to report
It just happened
I just don't know what to say
So what now?
Will you make a family?
We are trying to find ways to make a home
Will you live here or outside?
For now, as my husband is in the middle of some serious work here
education related
Is he studying?
No he is working
I think I will be moving back and forth for a bit
and then we will decide
So what about music?
Music will keep going
no matter what happens
Does he like music?
Yes, are interaction also happened because of music
because he used to come to my concerts
in America
To my Sundara gigs which is my band in Brooklyn
So thats how it happened
He has a very music loving family
They really appreciate and support me
Does he sing or play?
He does play a bit of guitar
and he has got a nice voice as well
How nice
Its a musical reunion
It is quite musical and there is a lot of music in the equation
That is wonderful
What is life, Zeb?
I guess its a way of uderstanding
yourself
a connection to yourself
Its means of being able to express
yourself and in some ways to connect
understand and connect to
Other lives
and death?
Death to me is
"Lets stop and go somewhere else"
How sweetly put
Thats why people say that
You start living somewhere else
Who are you?
Who am I?
Not sure
Have you found yourself?
in the world you created?
Sometimes I do
Sometimes I really do feel alined with myself
but I don't want to completely find myself
Also I think its a journey and
I don't want to feel that I have find myself even if I have
Sometimes I feel completely alined with myself
but sometimes
not so much
Some time you feel like, who was this?
Who is this or what am I doing
What kind of a reaction was this
This happens
So I hope
there is a long journey ahead
and you find new discoveries in every moment
and I hope you find
the most amazing things in life
Thank you
Friends, love and laughter
and joy of music
And thank you for creating the amazing music you do
Thank you so much
Such a pleasure talking to you
You are adorable
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét