For the past several weeks
I've been getting a lot of questions about acne,
about my history, how I got rid of it and so on.
So I thought it's time to
talk about this a little bit.
Keep watching if you're interested.
I wrote a blog post about this a while ago
and even though my lifestyle, my diet
and everything else has changed,
and this post isn't that current anymore,
I'll still link it in the description box below
for those who are curious what happened,
I wrote it 3 years ago, I think. [It's in Polish only, sorry.]
On the way a lot of things have changed.
My opinions...
But anyways, go ahead and read if you're interested.
If it comes to my story...
I'll add some of my photos to this video as well
and I'm not gonna lie - it's pretty risky to me
because those are photos I don't show to too many people.
I think they'll be very useful.
I honestly don't remember when it all started.
I think I started having skin issues
at around the end of my elementary school
or at the beginning of my secondary school, I think.
But in the secondary school it was just terrible.
By saying terrible I really mean a very bad acne.
I didn't have a few pimples here and there,
I had my whole face full of acne.
The whole face!
The whole neck, cleavage, shoulders and back.
So imagine a 13-, 14-, 15-year-old girl
looking this way and standing out among
all the classmates.
I think it started at the end of elementary school
or at the beginning of secondary school because
I didn't really have bad experiences in my elementary school
if it comes to other kids in my class.
But it was totally different in the secondary school.
I noticed a big difference between how I looked
and how all the other people looked.
Really, I didn't notice anyone who would have such a
big problem like me.
Of course I'm not saying nobody else had acne
but mine was the worst case.
I, as that 14- or 15-year-old girl didn't really
know what it was all about, what to do.
My self-esteem was very, very low.
Not because of the way I felt about my appearance,
but rather the hurtful comments others made about my appearance.
Because if others didn't comment about my face and so on
I suppose I wouldn't have such a big problem with it.
I think I'd know that there's something wrong
but my self-esteem wouldn't drop that much.
Unfortunately,
people were telling me that
while looking at my face, eye to eye,
"you're disgusting",
"Aga, you look so bad!"
"Aga, do something with your face!"
I remember that once
in a bus or a train
one person told me she couldn't sit by me
because I had terrible face,
because I was gross.
And it used to happen often,
it might seem weird that strangers
were leaving comments like that...
But it really happened.
I suppose that they wouldn't do it if they knew how old I was
but I always looked older than I was.
Because of my height, for example.
So I think they didn't realize that I was just a kid.
And imagine what this 15-year-old
feels when she hears comments like that.
I was broken down the whole time.
I was embarrassed while being outside.
There were moments when I just stayed home,
didn't go to school or anywhere else
because I felt ashamed.
And, you know, make up didn't help at all
because you can cover some little pimples
that are reddish, let's say,
but if you have the whole face, cleavage and shoulders
full of the same stuff,
you won't cover it, it'd make things even worse.
Everything would still be visible,
there's no way to cover it all.
I used to use a very heavy foundation
which helped with coloring of my face
but I could see all the pimples all the time anyway
because there's no way to make the skin be totally smooth.
I had a very difficult life,
I don't want to make a victim out of myself
and I'm not waiting for comforting or anything.
It was all in the past, it's gone now,
now it's all good.
I feel sorry for myself, to be honest,
because of everything I've been through.
My mental health was down,
I felt terrible and ashamed to go out.
I didn't have friends...
I didn't go anywhere, just stayed home and that's it.
I mean, I was dancing at that time but
it was the only thing that I could do,
I was just embarrassed about my face, shoulders...
After all those comments I heard
about how people reacted to me...
I don't want to preach here or anything but
I'd really want to ask all of you that
if you want to comment someone else like that
think about it first, for real.
The fact that she has acne doesn't mean it's her fault.
Maybe she doesn't know what to do about it.
Calling people disgusting
and accusing them of not taking care of themselves,
that they don't clean their bodies,
which I heard too, that I didn't wash my body...
and that's why I had acne...
It's a little too much and can really ruin others' mental health.
And I'm admitting that mine was ruined.
At that time I didn't have much knowledge about it.
I didn't know pretty much anything...
Only what doctors told me and that was all.
Nobody could tell me why I had such bad acne.
Nobody could tell me what to do about it.
Nobody paid attention to my diet or anything like that.
The only thing I knew was that
I looked different than others.
That I just wanted to hide at some points.
That was the only thing I was aware of.
At that time I wasn't a "Google mistress"
so I didn't surf the Internet in order to
find this kind of information.
So like I said, I didn't have knowledge,
didn't know what was happening with me,
why I looked different than others.
Why my sister didn't have problems with her skin like me.
Why it all fell on me, why I was the one who had to
go through all that...
I've never gotten answers for these questions
and I don't think I ever will.
I can only guess, I don't know for sure.
I can only guess this or that...
If it comes to my stories with doctors,
I was given prescriptions from the very beginning...
I think it all appeared on my face just like that.
I suddenly got it all over my face.
And then it started getting worse.
I started going to dermatologists very early.
And I was fighting a few years.
Let me tell you, it was a very unequal fight,
very stressful, tiring,
very expensive too.
I got tons of gels, ointments,
solutions, washing liquids, everything possible.
Nothing, totally nothing helped.
I had no improvements after anything.
I looked on the Internet for some home made masks.
I made them with honey... don't remember the rest.
I had a mask made of activated yeast for sure.
People were saying it helps a lot
but it didn't help me at all.
And it's not that I didn't see improvements
because I was supersensitive or anything,
because people who I was around at that time
saw me and saw what was happening.
Nobody was able to say it was better in any way.
So I kept fighting, kept using those masks,
ointments and everything else doctors gave me.
But there was one point when I just walked into
my doctor's office, my dermatologist,
and I cried.
I stayed 40 minutes in that office!
I told her I couldn't do it anymore,
that I didn't have any strength anymore,
wasn't able to live that way.
I told her I wouldn't make it, as simply as that.
Imagine that one doctor,
an occupational medicine doctor, I think...
Yes, I'm actually sure.
I even remember where it was and I remember his face.
What he said got stuck in my memory so much that
I remember his office, his face.
I remember that a nurse was sitting behind him.
What he told me was:
*quoting*
"Do something with it because you'll never get a job with a face like this."
It was a doctor who said something like this.
Occupational medicine doctor told me something like this.
Can you imagine that?
Something like this can NOT happen!
Doctors have no right to say things like this.
Besides all the other people...
You know, I left the office crying.
Now I'd slap him in the face for this.
But then I left crying and I broke down again.
I obviously found a job
but I looked different then
so I don't know how it'd be if I still had those issues.
Which doesn't change the fact that nobody
can say things like this to anyone!
Listen, I'm far away from telling others what they can and can't
but there are some limits, I think,
and this doctor crossed them a lot.
I had to mention this story to you
because this is one of my negative experiences with doctors in Poland.
Like I said, it's stuck in my memory,
still remember his face and everything there was
in the office so...
Yeah, that's how it went.
So I told that dermatologist I mentioned before
that I wasn't able to live like that anymore,
that I didn't want to go out at all.
That people stared at me, laughed at me,
that they say they can't sit by me because
because I was gross and so on.
So...
And one more thing I need to highlight here
is that a 15-, 16-year-old girl
starts wanting to be attractive to boys.
And, in my opinion, nobody would get interested in me
with such a face, really.
I thought I was in such a state that
nobody will get interested,
nobody will pay attention to me.
Since they laughed at me...
What to do about that, right?
It was very, very hard, I'm serious.
It was hard.
So I told that doctor what I told you twice already,
that I wasn't able to function like that,
and I wanted something stronger.
Something that would get rid of that...
shit.
And I'd live in peace.
She said she couldn't give me anything like that
but she sent me to a dermatology clinic
that's located on Koszykowa street in Warsaw.
I'm from Warsaw.
And she said there were doctors who would
be able to help me a little more.
So I made an appointment with
dr Ambroziak who I really recommend.
From what I remember he doesn't work there anymore.
I think he has a private clinic in Warsaw now.
I waited for the visit for a month, I think.
I didn't have to say anything, when I went in his office
he already knew what the problem was.
He knew right then what was happening.
He said there was one medicine he could prescribe
but first he wanted to try something else to see
if it'd do anything.
He gave me some drug, and by the way, I had so many
drugs in my life that now that I think about it
I get nauseated, that I took so much...
I wasn't aware of anything, totally nothing.
I suppose that some of those drugs
caused the acne I had,
I think that was one of the reasons
why my acne was so bad.
But, like I said, it's all just my guesses.
Yeah, so I got that other drug
for like three months, I think.
I was taking the pills and taking them, and nothing.
No improvements.
It was exactly how it was before...
Totally nothing changed.
So after this time I went back to the doctor
and he noticed that there were no improvements.
So he said ok, now we can reach for
something stronger to fight with your skin.
He told me about Izotek. [In the US it's called Accutane, in some other countries Roaccutane.]
And a lot of you asked me about it too.
He told me how it works,
he said the effectiveness is very high,
that if anything comes back after the first time
then the second round gives 100% chance of a cure
and no risk of relapse for the rest of your life.
He told me about some side effects
and how it all looks about that...
April is knocking on the door.
- Mamusia?
He gave me some flyers, catalogs, booklets
and told me to learn about it all.
And also told my father to learn about it too
because he was taking me to see doctors then,
and told us to come back together if we decide to do it
because he had to sign some papers
that he agreed for me to take those pills.
We got back home and I read more about them.
But it was kinda like, I read those booklets
about common side effects like
dry skin and so on,
and that's it.
I knew I was in a situation when I had to do something
to fight it off finally,
because, like I said, I couldn't live like that.
So I obviously decided to take those pills.
So after a while we went back to see the doctor.
I said yes, I'd take the meds.
I need to say that it was pretty exciting
and stressful at the same time
because I knew that it was the only and the last thing
I could try that could help me at that time.
Now I have a different opinion but I'll tell you later.
But I knew it was going to be hard,
I knew I'd have a hard time during the treatment.
I was prepared for that
but not enough...
I don't know if it's possible to get ready for something like this.
One of the things I had to do before each visit,
and I had them every month
because you need to be under your doctor's care at that time,
I had to have blood work done, together with
cholesterol level because those pills can
greatly increase cholesterol level
and decrease iron, I think,
I think that anemia is pretty common.
So I signed a consent.
I also signed a paper saying that I was aware of the risk
coming from getting pregnant during treatment.
You absolutely can't get pregnant during the treatment,
it'd be terrible for a baby.
The baby would be born with deformations,
so you now see how strong this drug is.
For some time after you finish taking the pills
you still can't get pregnant
but I don't remember how much time it was.
I'd like to tell you about some side effects and give you some other facts...
[This is my face soon after I started taking Izotek. My shoulders, cleavage and back looked like my skin in the photo on the left side of the screen.]
[This is my face now. No make-up, no creams, the only thing I use on my face is coconut oil.]
I don't want to scare anyone here but I want to share
things you might not know yet.
If you're not interested in this part, fast forward.
[I'm translating those quotes in Polish.]
Remember that side effects like, for example,
early wrinkles, loss of elasticity of your skin
scars after acne,
and other like that aren't reasons to laugh at others,
to tell them they're exhausted,
that they should take care of themselves,
that they look terrible
and as if they're always tired.
A lot of people taking this drug aren't aware of
these kind of side effects.
Some of them come up after years, like I said before.
And people commenting others have no idea
what kind of story one can have.
Izotek leaves traces not only inside
but also outside your body.
My first treatment lasted several months.
It was very hard because my skin was peeling off so much
that I could, and I'll explain literally,
I could grab a peace of my skin on my forehead
and take it off just like this.
And it didn't hurt at all because it was so dry
that it was peeling off by itself
but it's just the fact that it was so extreme...
I had to use eye drops because my eyes were
very dry, very irritated.
I had incredibly bursting lips!
Terribly, to the point that
pretty much nothing was helping me.
I'd use some very greasy lip balm
and they'd break again in 5 minutes because they'd get so dry again.
Those are the most common side effects.
I had frequent headaches.
Which was related to the pills as well.
My bones hurt.
I mean, I had an issue with my back which hurt a lot.
I had to stop dancing for a while
and I didn't go to PE during this time either.
I wasn't strong enough and my muscles
were very, very tired which also is one of
the side effects of taking Izotek.
This is how things were for some months.
Let me tell you, at the beginning...
For a while I didn't see any difference
but then things got worse
and this was horrible...
In my opinion, I looked seriously bad then.
Others thought the same.
So when it got even worse, I thought, damn...
Great, now I don't know what to do even more.
This happened after a while and went away pretty fast.
And then everything started getting better.
And at the end of my treatment I had a very clear face.
There was nothing on it.
My face, shoulders, cleavage and back were all clear.
Everything went away!
During the treatment I had no issue with my blood tests.
All of my results, including cholesterol,
were great.
Fortunately, I had no issues.
Oh, and I had to avoid products with
high content of vitamin A.
So I wasn't allowed to eat too many tomatoes, for example.
Which is related to Izotek as well.
Everything was fine for a while
and then everything was coming back.
I was in a small group of people who had
recurrence after the first treatment.
So I did it again...
I had a second treatment.
It took a few months as well
but shorter because my doses were higher.
I think it was even worse for my body
but the doctor said we had to really fight that time.
I agreed, of course, still not being aware of things,
still not really learning anything.
I just trusted the doctor
and I saw him as the only person who actually helped me.
So how could I not trust, right?
I know he meant well but I myself didn't really
dig into the whole thing too much.
I kind of regret that now but I'll talk more about it later.
So I had a higher dose every day for a while.
And this time my side effects weren't that serious.
I still had dry skin and my eyes were getting dry too,
I mean lips, not eyes
because my eyes were fine,
I didn't have head or backaches.
I think my body adjusted to it
which I honestly don't really like too much now.
I'd rather have it reacted stronger because then
I'd know it tried to protect itself.
And when I didn't really have side effects
I didn't really know what it was all about
but, obviously, I liked it a lot at that time.
Now I'm a little confused because of this, to be honest.
So yeah, I went through the second treatment and
it cleared my skin again.
On my whole body - cleavage, shoulders, back and face.
And nothing came back.
I haven't had any issues with my skin since then.
Of course, when I don't sleep enough
or I have a lot of stress
my skin gets worse but I never, ever had
those kinds of pimples anymore.
I never had to use anything on them at all.
Nothing like this happens anymore.
The only thing is sometimes a little "rash" showing up
when I have a lot of stress and I lack sleep.
And nothing else. My last treatment was...
I don't know... 8 years ago?
Something like that maybe,
I don't remember exactly.
Anyways...
I talked about this with Nathan and I wondered
if I regret taking those pills.
Would I still make this decision?
I mean, right now I'd definitely not take them.
I don't want to advise anyone,
I don't want to tell you yes do it or no don't
because it's only your decision.
I'm talking for myself that right now,
knowing what I know,
I'd ABSOLUTELY not take those pills.
Not only because the side effects are terrible,
not only if it comes to your skin being dry
because this is the smallest issue.
But what happens inside a body is a massacre.
But also because now I know that I could
fight it off in a different way.
One of the most common causes of acne is
dairy.
I used to eat a lot of dairy.
At that time I didn't eat meat anymore but
I ate tons of dairy products.
You know, a lot of cheeses and yoghurts and stuff.
I know that this was one of the reasons why
my acne was so severe.
This is one of the causes so I highly recommend
to those who have acne problems
to change your diet and you'll notice a huge improvement.
Other than that...
The time in my secondary school was very stressful for me
and during that time I also didn't have...
I don't know how to say it...
Too happy a time in my home, let's put it this way.
It was pretty poor if it comes to that
so I had a lot, a lot of stress.
A lot of worries, didn't get enough sleep.
I was just afraid, anxious and so on.
So it was a huge problem too...
Stress affects your skin pretty badly.
This definitely can be one of the main reasons
why you have problems with your skin.
Sleep and stress.
Stress just simply ruins your health.
And other causes like, for example,
make-up...
By the way, during my treatment I didn't use any makeup
because my skin was peeling off
which was very hard especially when
my skin got worse so...
Congrats for me that I made it.
I used some moisturizing creams
but they didn't help that much.
But going back to the causes...
A lot of make up products affect skin in a bad way.
They clog pores, everything is stuck and skin can't breathe.
Later a lot of people don't remove their makeup right
and leave it for the night.
Other causes are, for example,
added salt, highly processed foods, etc.
Grains, breads can also cause skin problems.
Then I didn't know any of that
and now if I had that issue, I'd probably
change my diet.
I'd switch to veganism right away.
Now that I'm talking about it, I suppose that
I'd switch to raw veganism.
I'd eat as many as possible of raw products,
as many fruits as I could.
I wouldn't eat processed foods,
I'd cut off breads and so on.
Pastas and ready meals too.
I'd drink tons of water because
hydration is extremely important so I highly recommend
drinking a lot of water if your diet doesn't have much of it.
I recommend drinking lemon water in the morning
which helps to detoxify your body.
I recommend drinking cleansing juices.
And also taking care of your mental health,
rest when you need and as much as you need.
Find time for yourself.
Get rid of stress or at least try to minimize it
because this is very important too, like I mentioned before.
If it comes to whether I regret this decision or not,
no, I don't regret taking this drug.
At that time it really helped me
not only if it comes to my appearance
but also my mental health.
I felt much better,
I wasn't afraid to go out,
I wasn't afraid to be around people,
I wasn't afraid to go to school
if it comes to my looks and so on because
I still didn't like school for other reasons.
It was a huge change.
So I don't regret looking at those things.
But, like I said, this drug destroyed my body so much
inside for sure that I'm sure I'm still paying for this now.
I'm sure that everything is still inside of me now.
Maybe not everything but some part of it for sure.
And it'll stay for a long, long time...
Maybe even forever which is scary for me
so... you know, I do and do not regret.
It's hard to say, I normally don't regret my life decisions
from the past because I think that
at that point when I made that decision it was the best
decision I could make based on my knowledge,
how I felt, what I thought and so on.
So it doesn't make sense to regret it because
I didn't know better.
Right now I have a different knowledge,
different opinions, I know different things,
so I would not take it now.
But I don't regret...
You know what I mean?
I hope you understand the sense of what I'm trying to say.
So, yeah, this is how it all went.
Right now if it comes to my face,
you exactly know that I'm very often with no makeup,
pretty much everyday.
Wherever I go, to a store or to see my friends,
and so on, in most cases I don't wear makeup.
I don't have makeup in a lot of my videos,
the same with photos on my Instagram.
And this is amazing because some time ago
while having those problem, first of all
I didn't take photos of myself and second,
when I took a photo, I'd edit it on my computer so much
that you'd think I'm lying now saying I had such issues
because I was editing it all.
There was no way for me to post a photo
with acne to the Internet
even though people knew how I looked,
those who knew me.
I guess I tried to change the reality.
I showed you some of those photos,
so you know what it was like, what I struggled with.
Like I said, if you have issues with acne,
I highly recommend paying attention to what I mentioned
which was changes in your diet, stress, sleep.
I'll add some interesting articles in the description box
so if you're interested take a look.
I suppose all of them will be in English
because it seems like here I can find more information
but I'll try to find something useful in Polish
for those who don't speak English that well.
Read about it, learn how it all works.
Don't believe doctors in everything just like this
and make a decision based on your knowledge
and on what they say but not entirely
on what they say because you need to be sure about it.
Like I said, I don't want to recommend or advise
because I totally understand that acne is a serious problem
especially living in a society where people...
keep insulting each other all the time...
They don't respect each other at all.
Of course I'm not talking about all of them but
unfortunately there's a lot of those.
In a situation like this I totally get it that you want to
do everything you can to get rid of your acne.
To finally breathe easily.
To finally feel better!
Just the way I felt because after I got rid of the acne
I started feeling much, much better.
I'm not saying I felt totally well because
I felt totally well after I moved to the US.
But it was much better so it's a difficult decision.
For some it might be like "oh, there are pills so take them,
why worry..."
Effects on your body will stay for a long, long time.
Like I said, possibly forever.
So it's worth remembering this,
read about this too.
Like I said, information is in the description.
And that'd be all for now.
So this is another video from
"I'll tell you my story" or something like that.
It's not that easy to talk about things like that
because I was going through hell.
I handled it and I talked about it with my husband
a million times and it's seriously much easier now.
But going back to those memories
and putting myself in my own shoes one more time,
I think, man, I feel sorry for myself that something like this happened.
I just feel sorry for myself.
And I feel sorry for all of those who are going through this.
Who have to struggle not only with how they look
and with the fact their skin isn't healthy,
but also with others' comments...
Because I think the worst is lack of support.
If there was some support it'd be much easier
to fight with this and the stress would be lower
so the acne would be smaller...
See how it works, kinda like a vicious cycle.
To those who struggle with it -
good luck!
I wish you health,
ease of making decisions.
And to those who insult those struggling people,
who try to make them feel even worse -
I'm sending you tons of understanding,
acceptance, respect and empathy
because those people really don't need any other
things that will make them feel bad.
They just need support.
So with this I'm ending this video.
I hope you enjoyed.
If you did leave a thumbs up and subscribe
and I'll see you next time, bye!
I haven't added comment of the day recently
because my videos were pretty long
so I'm going to add one here today.
Several people told me the same thing
they suggest that I deny everything if it comes to
medicine and so on so I'd like to correct it real quick -
no, absolutely not.
I'm not talking about the whole medical field,
I'm aware, I know and believe that
a lot of fields of medicine are so advanced
that they help a lot of people who
need it like, for example, plastic surgery.
With people after accidents who
can get their normal life back.
Or surgery in general.
There's a lot of fields and procedures
or skills that some doctors
that save people's lives,
save children's lives...
I'm talking about accidents, serious diseases and others.
Like I said in the description box under a different video,
where not many people look in, I noticed,
I know that there are meds that are necessary.
That sometimes it's necessary to take an antibiotics.
There are situations when you have to take them
because otherwise you'll die.
There are situations with no other way out
when there was some serious accident
or something like that,
or even situations when one's body is so destroyed
that it won't handle flu.
So for real, I'm not talking about everything.
I talk about specific situations,
specific problems I've noticed,
specific medicines
or specific moments...
It's not that I deny everything because
I don't have enough knowledge to do so.
I deny things I have knowledge about,
what I see as pointless like, for example,
eating pills to reduce fever like candy.
So don't accuse me of being against everything
because I'm not, I know there are situations
when it's necessary to use that help
or someone just really want to,
they have a huge scar or anything else.
So this is my correction of it.
And one example will be that a year and a half ago
after my first colonoscopy
I got a terrible infection that was life-threatening.
So of course I took antibiotics.
Even though I'm against them in general,
at that time I preferred to take them than to lose my life.




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