Hi everyone hello Facebook it's time for this week's Facebook teach my internet
seems to be having difficulty so if I lose you here or in one of these pages
go to my other page because I have two pages so as I promised literally just
told Chad I'm really trying to take some of today off and as promised I said I go
I have to do my facebook teach I promised I would be doing a weekly
Facebook teach on Facebook hi Aubin hi hi so um so I am so as you all
know I am building hi Kelly hi Teri hi Allison I am building my YouTube channel
so Therapy Thursday Take Care Thursday's are all over on YouTube but I also love
my Facebook audience and all my friends and family are here and I love teaching
live so I am doing a weekly Facebook teach on both of my pages at the same
time so that's why I'm a big I'm a stickler about actually looking at the
camera whole when I do teaches and pictures so that's why I'm alternating
because I'm on both patient pages of mine hi Nora so I I'm starting to keep a
list of topics that I want to do life teaches on and I've already got a couple
things but this was not on my list until I just had my workshop my Rising Ever
Upward workshop the last two days so I also encourage you to comment below if
there is something that you want to hear me teach on and I'd be happy to add it
to the list and let you know when I'm going to be teaching on it so make sure
you comment below give me thumbs up I wonder hopefully you guys can hear me
and see me okay and I have the dogs settled down on warm towels so hopefully
they will be quiet for the next however many minutes that I teach so I called
this I don't want to be a burden or bother them or you I can't tell you how
many times I hear this especially as a therapist I hear this all the time I we
hear this all the time how much do you not reach out for help or ask for what
you want in need from your loved ones because you don't want to be a
bother to them or you don't want to be a burden
Thank You Lila Lila do you even you might even know what I 'm even gonna
say already because you follow a lot of my work so here's the deal like I
actually had someone say that to me in the workshop yesterday and I will tell
you what I tell all of my clients and all of my loved ones or my Plexus team
okay so well I didn't want to bother you I didn't want I didn't want to be a burden
I didn't want to bother you you're so busy I didn't want to bother you guess
what my boundary to set when you don't ask for what you want and need from your
loved ones or ask for help or seek support from someone who loves you
because you don't want to be a burden you're setting a boundary that is theirs
to set for them not your job it's their job to set boundaries
this summer I did was it this summer I did a Boundaries video for Therapy
Thursday and like the feedback was just unreal on it and so I ended up turning
it into the six six week series on Therapy Thursday so you can go to my
YouTube channel for that I'll link like video one on it in the comments of this
below later after I get this up but that's not your boundary to set if I
have someone ask me for help whether or not it's one of my friends or one of my
teammates on my Plexus team or one of my clients and I'm not available or I can't
or I don't want to that is my boundary to set it is my job to say I'm not
available right now I actually I can't help you right now
oftentimes with my clients I'm historical for before they I have taught
my clients like before you reach out to me for help and it's an emergency I want
to know three things that you have done for yourself to make it better like
yours their self-care and things like that
and so when you reach out for support and you ask somebody for help or you
don't do it because you don't want to be a burden
that's your problem not your loved ones the other side to that is that if you
are saying if you're saying I just my internets slow on my personal page sorry
if you're saying yes when you really mean no when someone's asking for your
help hmm that's your problem not the person
asking you for help so poor connection oh crap poor connection on my personal
page well technology loves to challenge me when I got good shit to share so the
other side of that is that if I am saying yes when I really mean no that's
on me that's my boundary to set so Brene says
in her teachings to say the mantra choose discomfort over resentment choose
discomfort over resentment choose discomfort over resentment in other
words I'm gonna say that to myself three times and then I'm gonna say no when I
really mean no and when I need to say no because I have nothing left to give or I
can't do that or I'm unavailable I'm gonna choose to be uncomfortable and
saying no rather than saying yes when I really mean no and then being resentful
towards that person because when we're not setting boundaries with our loved
ones and we're not when we're not saying no when we really mean no it only ruins
the relationship so there's two sides to this conversation I don't want to be a
burden or bother them for a lot of us we want to help our loved ones but we
cannot read your mind so you must ask for what you want and
need from your loved ones you cannot read their mind that you're gonna be a
burden to them and that they can't or don't want to help you because if they
say yes but they really meant no again that's their boundary to set and that is
on them I feel like I'm kind of talking in circles plus I'm really distracted by
two puppies now who are not settling down on their warm towels so that is
not conducive to Therapy Thursday but husband Chad accountant Chad is picking
up poop so I'm gonna take that as more helpful than dealing with the dogs
during the live Facebook teach because I don't want to pick up poop so hopefully I
want to hear does that make what questions does that make sense so
like if you if you have that urge of like but I don't want to bother anybody so
I'm just gonna do it myself I don't I'm not gonna ask for help so we're just
gonna keep giving and giving and giving and doing and doing and doing and saying
yes to all of these things I don't have time for in my life either
and then I'm giving from an empty vat and I am getting resentful with myself
and I'm willing to bet that you're even building resentment towards those people
that you're not asking for help from how screwed up does that like how screwed up
is that that we tell ourselves a lie that we're bothering people or being a
burden which means we're attempting to set a boundary for them that is not ours
to set why is my internet not working that's so annoying I will share this on
my personal page sorry guys so so not only are we telling ourselves a lie that
we're being a burden or bothering somebody and we're trying to set a
boundary for someone else that is not ours to set but then when we're not
asking for support from our loved ones and we're doing it all our all ourselves
and we're super frustrated with that then we probably build resentment
towards them anyways because they're not just helping us well they should want to
help us out they should know how much I'm doing for them that's that's BS like
our loved ones are not mind readers we must ask for what we want and need so
hopefully that makes sense Marian said some I asked for what I
needed and got some really negative response but then I asked another loved
one that I thought wouldn't receive and they were completely open and said yes
that's so true Gracie stop motherhood um that makes sense so here I guess that is that
is the other thing when you do ask for help or seek support from your loved
ones and they say no here's the other part that no is not about you
that's about them it's about them it's not personal to you The Four Agreements
take nothing personally sometimes people just can't
do it or they don't want to and again that's their boundary to set and trust
me you want them to say no when they really mean no and to not be saying yes
when they need and want to say no because that builds resentment and that
eats relationships from the inside out so that's what I got today my personal
page went dead because apparently my Internet's down and the puppies are not
cooperating so this is this week's Facebook teach pretty imperfect still
gonna go up on the YouTube channel it's still great content and I knew when I
heard this topic several times within my week that means more and more people are
struggling with it than what I am hearing and so like when you have that
thought I don't want to impose like Terry you just said I don't want to
impose on someone's time I don't want to be a burden I don't want to bother
someone you were not meant to do this life by yourself we are wired for
connection you weren't meant to do this alone and I can promise you this life is
so much tougher if you insist on doing it by yourself and if you insist on
doing it by yourself all that's gonna happen is that you're gonna be angry and
frustrated and empty and actually not have real great relationships because
you're super resentful to other people who aren't helping you because they're
not reading your mind and you're not asking for help so ask for help when you
need it seek support ask for what you want and need set your boundaries and
remember it's not your job to set other people's boundaries that's theirs so
again I am I'm gonna do a Facebook live teach sometime on Fridays Saturdays and
Sundays at this point I just don't have a live set up to give you a set schedule
so I will always try to give you a warning um by hey going live at this time
for the teach but you can also always head on over to my YouTube channel and I
will post them every week there also along with Take Care Thursday or Take
care Tuesday and Therapy Thursday so thanks for being here I would
if you have any other ideas for Facebook live teaches each week I would love to
hear your ideas so feel free to comment below so thanks thanks a lot for being
here you guys I appreciate it have a great rest of the day I'm here I'll show
you the puppies because they're being redic but don't judge me on my unmade bed
because this is the film studio and so I just put warm towels for them okay yep
so that's what we got thanks for being here
happy Sunday
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