it's almost everyday I get either an email or a comment on my video about
child custody and in that video it shares my story it shares advice I give
advice I give about finding a lawyer and all these different things and I want to
make a couple of videos actually about that video in particular because there's
so many men that have this tragic nightmare of a story which no father
ever wants to go through about being a father
losing access 100% to your kids or even part-time you know nobody wants to just
be a weekend dad when you've been involved in these kids lives the stories
about just female manipulation fights in the court systems and so on and I want
to get to this and actually want to make a series about this because what you
need to know about this is very important because this situation could
go wrong in so many ways now in this video I don't want to talk about the
legal stuff I'm not a lawyer a lot of guys email me about like hey I need a
lawyer in Boston or you know Florida I don't I don't know that sort of thing I
live in Austin Texas I could tell you about a few lawyers that I've used in
Austin Texas or in DFW and I can tell you that you need to be really careful
about finding a lawyer because a lot of times they sell you well and you give
them a ton of money and then midway through the case you realize they're not
that committed to it and this is clearly their business model
hey guys my name is Steve Mayeda and I'm a men's coach in Austin Texas I'm a BJJ
practitioner wim HOF enthusiast I have an amazing family for awesome boys at a
beautiful wife and what this podcast is about is about being the better man what
we talk about is tried and trued because we've been doing it with groups of men
just like you for over 12 years listen up what I want to talk about is what's
gonna give you a great relationship with your kids because for me I almost always
had a rocky relationship with the two kids that were taken away from me for
five years now since then I've been married I have amazing wife I have an
amazing family and I have two other kids have four boys in total only boys and
what's so important about this is where I see so many men go wrong with it and
this is what you need to know guys this is very very important I just read a
comment on the video today and it inspired me to make this video I just
kind of posted this up in my house and I'm about to run it's it's Saturday
morning I just wanted to say this because what makes you a great father
which is what you need to be is you building your foundation what your kids
are going to need most and even though you don't see them now even though
there's all this stuff with you're the mother of your kids and I've had stories
too and I'm not trying to minimize your story but I understand I understand that
frustration of Christmas I remember Christmas of I don't know if it was 2010
or eight or whatever showing up and dropping off presents to my kids and
then getting pictures back saying that that are showing that the gifts were in
the trashcan and saying that my kids were told that I didn't care about them
because that was the truth about me that I didn't care and all this crazy stuff
and that my kids said that they wanted me to kill myself people do crazy stuff
I don't want to get caught up in the blame game because that's not gonna help
you I get those stories so number one it's very important for you is a man to
be around other men where you can share the
stories it's frustrating you're not alone this is common sadly common this
is a terrible thing this is one of those things where you could categorize it is
it is an assault against masculinity we hear that over and over again and that
could be there I'm a men's coach just what I do full-time that's what I've
done full-time since 2006 and there's truth to that but the fight for man the
fight for masculinity the unfairness and the court systems how men get screwed
with alimony and divorce and custody and all these different things has almost
nothing to do with you being a father you being a father is a completely
different journey your court case how the government decides your life or your
family life with your kids does affect you but that doesn't take away your
ability to be a great man this also doesn't mean that you can't bitch about
it this also doesn't mean that you can't be angry about it that doesn't mean that
you can't fight for masculinity like I said this is what I do
this is my life as a men's coach but what I learned early on in being a
father at his kids taken away that didn't see his kids for five years that
was court-ordered that zero contact I couldn't write a letter if I had contact
from them I couldn't respond if I did I'd be put in jail immediately you know
and if you hear my story you know my ex had done multiple accusations of me
being abusive and one of them stuck I got charged I have to take a plea it was
terrible I would say that the legal system and I'll even say this my choices
in handling that legal case screwed me or they they were wrong it didn't work
out but I still have the opportunity to be a great dad I see my kids all the
time now we have a great life we have stability I have a beautiful family that
they can integrate into I have the ability to build that foundation and
this all came down to in 2012 when for lack of a better term the shit hit the
fan I was bitching I was on my calls I was on part of my group that I built for
men's development and I would highly recommend you looking into something
like this whether it's my group or another group my group is extremely
unique for the amount of service that it gives you can check it out I'll put a
link in the comments or in the shownotes
whatever you call it I was complaining I was talking about the court hearing
there was so much depth up this that went into it it was so wrong it was so
wrong and frustrating how that came about and the worst part about this is
the judges the CPS workers the social workers involved they'll say oh it's for
the kids for the beste they don't give a fuck about the kids they don't care
about the kids because what they did was not best for the kids and how it's all
been resolved one of the guys on my calls said this and it changed my
perspective on a lot of things and that was he told me that he said Steve being
a father's forever I get it then you're pissed off but your job as a father is
that you can be 100% your best whenever your child's in front of you being a
father is forever I get it then you're pissed off but your job as a father is
that you can be 100% your best whenever your child's in front of you and right
now your child's not in front of you that doesn't mean you can take the day
off from being your best now at the time I didn't know it would be five years I
thought it might be a couple months which hurt I was angry I spent you know
maybe six months four months of 2012 looking at a lot of men's rights groups
and I realized they were so based on victimization they heard these stories
and like they're tragic man I just I just read a story from a guy that is
just tragic but the problem with that is that when guys listen to that it becomes
an echo chamber there's a lot of anger that can come from it and you should be
angry you should fight for your kids I'm not saying any of that but I'm saying
you got to get perspective to be your best because when your kids show up they
don't care about how crazy the month their mother is they don't care about
how wrong the court system is they don't care about any of the fight for a man
they don't care about your fight they care about you they need guidance from
you then you at some point need to man up and fix the things in your life part
of this is your fault the only thing that you can change in any situation
even when you're a victim is you when your kids show up they don't care
about how crazy the month their mother is they don't care about how wrong the
court system is they don't care about any of the fight for a man they don't
care about your fight they care about you they need guidance from you in you
at some point need to man up and fix the things in your life part of this is your
fault the only thing that you can change in any situation even when you're a
victim is you and this is such an important part of men's development I
get this all the time especially when I work with clients on addiction or
extreme trauma trauma gets done to them and there's a pain in that and you need
to decompress that pain and you need to maybe be angry about it you need to hit
the walls maybe need to cry about it maybe need to write about it maybe you
need to analyze and define how effed up all those situations are but at some
point you need to accept a responsibility for you punching the
clock of that resentment of that rage of that anger of that confusion that you
won't let go of so that you can be your best because to be your best to be a
great man for your kids who will need you in my case five years down the road
who don't know how to talk to you who now have heard a lot of crappy things
about you from you know other people they need to be able to have that
guidance they don't want to have that discussion anymore they don't want to
hear about who's right or wrong they don't want to hear about the unfairness
they need your love they need your attention and they need you to not have
that conversation with them what I needed to do to find my best self
so that I could be a hundred percent in front of my kids so that I didn't bring
the fight for a man the fight against their mom into my relationship with them
was I needed to fix the stuff within me I needed perspective from men I needed
perspective from men who had been there and come out on the other side I didn't
need men who were bitching about the fight for man or the unfairness of all
this stuff that's a separate battle and maybe maybe you do need that but your
kids don't read it the you that shows up in front of your children does not need
that and so what I say to you guys you've lost your kids you're gonna see
your kids again you're going to see them again I get that there's so much wrong
with it I get that there's probably emergencies happening that are gonna
change them for the rest of their life because they're in the situation that
they're in I understand all that you need to fight for that you also need to
build up your best self too sadly in this common story in this common story
of men who've had their kids taken away and been wronged in all these crazy
absurd horrific ways my story is rare my story of seeing my kids being
reintegrated with them and having a life that is positive having a life that got
better after all of this having a situation where they're in a better
situation after all of this that is rare and I want you to have it look if you do
have a commitment towards this to being your best self
if you do see it as something that's important
look at my links down below you can join our free group but if you could invest
in yourself there are men who have invested the last 10 12 years of their
life because that's how old my groups are and to being a better man they're
ready to invest and like-minded people check out those links below you will not
go wrong you will not be disappointed in it you need a good perspective and of
course if my group isn't right for you find one that is find one that speaks to
you that gives you a healthy perspective but does not feed this subculture
blame resentment hatred and so on need to get well in here so you can get well
in here so that you can be the best man in front of your kids
in any case hopefully that helps I'll speak on this quite a bit more that's a
good synopsis of kind of what I think and thank you so much for man emailing
me and messaging me it's it's awesome I never knew that video would make such
impact alright talk to you guys later
you
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