take everything that you ever thought about people with disabilities and throw that in the trash
none of it was true
Hi guys welcome back to the channel. Today I'm going to do something a little different
Since starting this channel a ton of people who have children with disabilities have
messaged me and asked me questions and asked me for advice
I usually answer them privately but I've been meaning to really sit down and share those questions and answers
So here's the footage guys. It is a little raw but I hope this information is helpful to you
I don't know why I feel like I'm gonna cry.
Sounds really funny but my first piece of advice is to take everything
that you ever thought about people with disabilities and throw that in the trash
none of it was true
Gather information, put yourself out there, look around on the internet
but also develop your own way of thinking because a lot of inormation
you'll find may also be problematic
it may also portray people with disabilities in a certain way
make sure the information that you find is the right kind of information
channels like this where the person who is disabled has the belief that they can do whatever they want
that's what you're looking for: people who are just trying to live a normal life
trying to live their best life
you'll find other views out there, of course, but...
I'm not sure those views get you anywhere or help your child
that's my first piece of advice is just really change the way that you look at disability
change the way that you view it
it's not the end of the world
it certainly isn't a great thing either
you will find some information out there that might say it is
to me it's just something that's happened to me
something that's been in my life. hasn't been a great thing
I would certainly prefer not to have dealt with it
but it's something that over the years I learned to deal with
and I learned to overcome
that's what your child has to do
and that's what your goal as a parent has to be
give them whatever they need and every child
need something different. some are going to need
emotional support, some physical barriers removed
some need an extra push because they're shy
there are so many different variations of what's needed
the important thing is to identify what they need to live as normal a life as they can
their best life
that will make you a successful parent
If you find out that your child is going to have a disability
the one thing I would say to you, the one piece of advice is:
Do everything that you would've done if your child didn't have a disability
One of the things that helped me most in life is that
My mom always treated me like I was normal like I was just like everyone else
She pushed me to accomplish the things in life that I wanted to
If the kids didn't want to play with me because I was disabled
she wouldn't pity me or do any of those things that
I think people naturally want to do
Instead she said "this world is a tough place. You're going to have to figure it out"
and she'd encourage me and push me
to go back and find someone who would play with me
either convince those kids that I'm great and they should want to play with me
or find a new group
That is a gift to anyone who is disabled
It teaches you to put yourself out there
To carve your own path and to not be afraid of what other people think
or of anyone judging you
and to take control of your life and to hopefully reach the goals that your child wants to reach
That starts with the parent
The parent doing certain things that make the child feel like they CAN reach those goals
Like "Hey you may have a limitation in life. Things may be harder, but you can still figure out a way"
I would say to them that this kind of thinking will guarantee their child will have a bad life
Take a step back and refocus on how they're thinking about the situation
As a parent I can put myself there
I certainly didn't want my child to go through the things that I went through as a kid
we had genetic testing to make sure my child wouldn't have this disability
but in life you can't always plan for everything
and sometimes these things happen unexpectedly
and in that case it's the parent's job to
set the example, set the tone
of that child's life because they're going to grow up thinking
just like you do and if you think they're going to have a bad life
they're probably going to have a bad life
they're going to play that part
they're going to give up easily
feel sorry for themselves
take all the things that happened to them
to heart and let it really change
who they were supposed to be as a person
focus on what CAN be done. focus on the idea that
you're going to do things differently. Some things are going to be hard
but there is a way to accomplish pretty much everything
and it's all about working together
supporting them and giving them the things they need
to actually achieve their dreams and their goals
It's important to always be educated
Know what current research says
know if there are treatments or exercise programs
whatever it is that your child might need
it's important to know about it and also understand what causes your child's disease
and whether or not other children you might have will have that disease
That's when knowing the science is important
but I also think there's a balance
I don't think that you want to put so much focus on that with your child
because you never want to worry too much about
whether things are going to change or not
I've met a lot of people who will say things to me like
I'm praying for you to be cured
or have you seen this latest research
maybe you'll be cured soon
They may mean the best but it's risky
to count on a cure whether you believe it's going to come through science or religion
or whatever you think
it's risky to put all your eggs in that basket
and the important thing is to focus more on
adapting to the way your life is going to be if you're disabled
the way that I look at it
I would love for there to be a cure or a treatment that would help me some day
but if there's not, I've learned how to live this way
I've learned how to build a beautiful life
I have a husband, a daughter, college degree
I own a business. I've done all the things I would've done
if I wouldn't have been in a wheelchair
Now I've had to do things differently and sometimes that's been hard or painful
Maybe I haven't been able to do things 100% the way I would've wanted to
but for the most part I've been able to reach my goals
I got there by focusing on how to make those goals happen and not by sitting around
wishing that tomorrow things were going to change
The first mistake they might make is spend a lot of time
sad, and depressed, and panicking
maybe having anxiety, worrying
all of these things would take away from the moment
the precious moment of "we have a new addition to our life"
our beautiful baby has arrived
that's really unfortunate for the parents, to be honest
they should experience that moment just like anyone else
that is easier said than done because you're still going to worry
you're still going to wonder "what's going to happen". So many things will run through your mind
Still try to intentionally enjoy the moment
it does take a lot of self-discipline to do that
also try to give that little baby who just arrived
a normal as possible beginning
that's always crucial. that's always important. you're going to hear me say this a lot
trying to give some sense of normalcy
is very important at reaching success later in life
that's the first thing I'd want them to focus on
That wasn't avoided in my household
My mom definitely talked about it. We talked about me being disabled
We talked about it being challenging. We talked about the daily things I'd come across.
It was always a very open topic.
There was none of this pretending that it didn't exist
I've seen that a lot.
I work with kids. A lot of families come to me and sometimes they need parenting advice
or tutoring or whatever it is
I'm an educational consultant by the way so even in those situations I've seen that parents
of some kids with disabilities come to me
and we'll go the entire hour and no one ever mentions that the child has some type of disability
especially if it's a disability that isn't physical
but perhaps there are signs or clues
it becomes this elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about
I think that sends a message to the child that it shouldn't be talked about
that it's something to hide
or something to be embarrassed about
I never really felt that way because I always felt like
despite this difference I can still
be a normal, typical child
there's this story that my mom tells me
quite often over there years that she's talked about where
she was nervous about me going to school for the first time
she never mentioned it. she never showed it. I certainly
had no clue as a child that she felt this way
but she said that she went over to the school
she went to pick me up and she asked the teacher
where I was and the teacher said "She's over there playing kickball"
" with the kids". My mom was like "kickball? She can barely walk"
At the time I used a walker at 3 or 4 years old
she said "the kids figured out a way to include her"
That moment for my mom was really eye opening and meaningful
it made her feel like things were on the right track
it was because I learned that despite my difference
I could find a way to fit in. I could
find a way to be included and
to be honest, most kids and even a lot of adults
want to make that happen too
it does take some work. I will say that
one of the things your child has to learn to do is to be the one that
is confident and comfortable in approaching others
people can naturally be afraid of difference
yes, there are exceptions. there are plenty of people that could care less
that will approach you no matter what
but the average person is a little bit nervous about things that are different
from what they're used to. Whether it's lifestyle, ethnicity, a religion, whatever it may be
they may try to shy away from someone who is different for 100,000 different reasons
one of the things I learned to do over the years and my mom really encouraged was
to be the one to do the approaching
to put myself out there and not care about the result
sometimes it went well, sometimes it didn't
that's just kind of how life is and that's the way life is for everyone
it just happens to be in a very specific context here
that's one way to really help your child
along the way. it's to kind of say
"You know what? You are different, but that's ok"
"It's ok to be different. that's what adds to this world. If we didn't have different people, we
would probably miss out on a lot of things in life
and differences give us different perspectives. It helps us solve problems
it leads to things that make this world a better, more interesting, more exciting place"
Sending that message to your child is really important and can really
help them discover who they are and to
really help them become the person that they want to be in the future
that's it for today guys
there's so much information and advice that I do want to share
with the parents of children with disabilities
this video really only scratches the surface and hopefully it is helpful in your journey as you go forward
for parents out there of kids with disabilities
just keep in mind that as long as you're doing your best. as long as you're trying
each day to give your child the best life that they can possibly have
then you are definitely doing your job
and also remember to take a little time for yourself once in a while
because being a parent is a hard job and being a parent
of a child with disabilities can be even tougher
thank you so much for watching. if you're new here be sure
to subscribe. we would love for you to join us in future
videos and be sure to hit that like button. thanks. bye!
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