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Harry Styles Is Definitely in Love
How do you know when it's love? This is a question that vexes every participant in the fraught emotional Capture the Flag game that is romance, from teen to 10 times that.
People can be coy or cagey about their feelings, so when in a relationship, it can be difficult to suss out just what the other person is thinking and feeling. Do they like you?
Do they love you? Do they want to be buried in your funereal pyramid and ride with you in the grasslands of the afterlife for eternity? These things are hard to know!
But there are some signs. Some little ways to maybe, just maybe, figure it out. Did she take you to meet her parents? Did he refer to you as "my boyfriend" when he dragged you to that god-awful work event?
Did they clear some space for you in their medicine cabinet? It's little, or significant, things like that that can help give you an indication that this person doesn't just want to sleep with you, they want to lock you in their basement forever.
Those context clues aren't always reliable, though. Maybe she just wanted to freak her parents out.
Maybe he felt like work needed to see that he had some sort of stable personal life in order to secure a promotion. Maybe they were actually clearing medicine-cabinet space for a new electric toothbrush, not for your stuff.
Really, there is only one fully guaranteed, surefire way to tell if a person is seriously sweet on you: if they hold your purse. Yep. Purse-holding, or l'amour d'un sac à main as the French call it, is an ancient and wholly trustworthy symbol of deep, abiding affection.
It's an act—yes, rooted in a deeply rigid and heteronormative idea of gender roles, but still based in some modicum of anecdotal fact—as steady and known as the tides, as dependable as the seasons once were. (Seriously it is late September and yet feels like July.)
So, it is quite a big deal that, on Tuesday morning, The Daily Mail—that drunken, leering fop in the corner of the pub—reported that Harry Styles was seen leaving a restaurant in Los Angeles with Victoria's Secret model Camille Rowe and he was—great gasp—holding her purse.
So you heard it here first. Well, no, not first. Second? Third? Who the hell knows.
The point is, you heard it: Harry Styles is deeply in love and he will probably get married and maybe already is married and has grandkids and lives in Florida with his wife of many years, Camille Rowe. Isn't that sweet?
It is. But, of course, it is also a little sad.
We've not been shy about expressing our affections for Harry Styles on these pages over the years, devoting reams of virtual paper and gallons of electronic ink to the minutiae of his journey from boy-band member to solo act to actor to participant in a perfect evening.
It's been a fun, heartsick sort of ride, all this faraway pining for our Cheshire cat, while also wishing him private happinesses that we would surely be excluded from. And now that Harry has held a bag, well.
It's all over, isn't it? Oh, sure, there will be other milestones to cover of course. Weddings and babies and first homes and all that.
But the dimmest and silliest of possibilities—that he might one day turn to us and say "I chose you"—has finally dried up and blown away like autumn leaves.
I suppose we always knew it would. But, still. To have the sorrowful sting of goodbye finally arrive—for surely it has, because Harry has held a handbag—has us in a bit of a bittersweet spiral today.
Oh what fun it was! And now it's done. Congratulations, Camille. Of all the myriad purses offered to our Holmes Chapel heartthrob since 2010 or so, yours is the one he picked up and strode off with.
There he went, proudly carrying this new weight, out into another shimmering Los Angeles night. Off to start his life, at long last, without us.
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