No.
I had a late class, then I came down here at 3 a.m. to work on
this new campaign video, and then I had a morning class, and then I
had like ten cups of coffee and then I dosed off and
then I had a nightmare about talking coffee and then
I woke up and then I screamed and now I'm here.
What?
I can't go to bed.
The flow is off.
And if the flow's off, I can't let this video be badly
edited on top of everything else that's wrong with it.
No.
Everything is
awesome, everything is so good and I
am so happy and I-- OH NO! DAMMIT you useless thing if I wanted to move
the ENTIRE audio to a different track I would have punched myself in the face for not
knowing how to edit!
Sorry.
This video is killing me.
Oh it is really not fine.
It's definitely not fine.
It's the opposite of fine.
It's anti-fine.
Like antimatter, except this is that because this video doesn't
matter, or shouldn't, cause it sucks.
I know, well
you try making sense, after staring at this mess for days on end
trying version after version
while Portia and Anne yell
contradictory notes over you at each other.
For three days straight.
I know.
But this video is different.
And I'm trying to be all in for Portia and Anne, but I just
can't get there.
It's an attack ad.
Against Treville.
They're both really into this piece of crap idea for a video, except they want totally
different things from it, so they've got this demonic tug-of-war thing going on
where if I take a note from one of them the other one goes nuclear.
and I feel like we flashback to my parents' divorce,
except I actually think this is more traumatizing because I
actually like Portia and Anne.
Or I thought I did.
I'm trying to make this work, but I don't know --
Okay, I am here!
Let's watch the new cut.
Um, actually I --
There are other things that I wanted to work on and I'm not quite finished yet.
If you took all my notes, it would be perfect.
Well Anne' isn't here so--
Well
she's just the campaign manager.
She can catch up.
But if we waited for her that would give me time to-
Okay but,
I want to see it now.
Okay.
*music from video begins to play*
Dorothy!
I brought your dress for--
--the event tonight.
Did you guys start watching the cut without me?
I actually wanted to talk about-
Dorothy, could you have let this happen.
Kay well Dorothy
is not in charge.
I am.
And honestly, Anne, you don't need to be here.
We can handle it.
It's fine.
Really.
No trouble at all.
No you look tired
I don't want to wear you out.
That's funny, I was gonna say the same about you, actually.
Would you like some lotion for the bags under your eyes?
Because I have some.
It's just in my purse- Dorothy press play now.
*video plays* What if I told you Mu Sigma Theta is facing a terrible threat?
And that the danger is someone you
already trust?
Jeanne Treville plays with swords. *Swords Clashing*
But just because you do something a lot
doesn't mean you're any good at it.
Take her three-year tenure as MST Vice President.
-I'm sorry, pause it, pause. *Video Music Stops*
What's with the bit about the swords?
You wanted her to sound scary.
Swords are scary.
No.
Swords are badass. Take it out.
I like it. Dorothy press play.
*video plays* Treville acts like she's flawless. *Drum Noise*
But does that mean she's actually flawless?
*Crowd Yelling* No!
So if we all think she's perfect,
doesn't that mean she's hiding something?
Is she embezzling MST money to pay for all her swords? *Cash Register Noise*
Probably.
We don't know.
Why doesn't she tell us?
What are your secrets, Treville? *Ominous Boom*
Jeanne Treville has been an MST sister for three years. Anne: Okay that's a little much.
*video keeps playing* And yet, did you even know her first name
until you just heard me say it?
*Group Yelling* No!
What's her middle name?
What town is she from?
What is she hiding??
Perhaps a secret lover in the Psi Pi Alpha sorority?
WHO KNOWS!
If we don't know who she is, how can we trust her with the
Presidency?
Only a fool would trust someone like that. *Boingy Spring Noise*
Anne: Okay okay, Pause.
Pause! *Video Stops*
You just blatantly called me a fool!
Oh gosh, Anne!
I'm sorry. I must have accidentally stepped into
a wormhole to an alternate universe where YOU'RE the candidate!
Portia.
You're being unreasonable.
It stays in.
I am not going to lose this election to save the reputation of
someone who's graduating and will soon be forgotten.
AKA you.
Dorothy, press play. *Video Starts Up Again*
Don't-
Treville talks about 'sisterhood' - but she doesn't trust anyone.
She's cold, and hard, and stubborn.
And she doesn't have any friends. *Ominous Boom Noise*
Does that sound like the President of a
sorority, or your grandmother's weird friend who visits from out of
town, who owns too many cats?
*cats meow*
*sword being pulled out sound*
Protect Mu Sigma Theta.
Don't vote for her.
Jeanne Treville: *Sword Clash* She Will Cut You.
That was terrible and I have so many notes.
I think we've heard enough of your notes on this video, Anne.
You should go home and get some rest.
Get some sun!
Wear some of that eye cream you keep hawking.
Okay Portia, I know you're under an incredible amount of stress as a candidate, trust me I understand, but you
need to start listening to me because I know politics better than you.
Based on your notes for the video, I'm starting to doubt that.
I've won three campaigns-
-as the candidate.
That means you probably don't know anything about running a campaign.
Portia,
You're on very thin ice.
Except I'm right.
Back me up, Dorothy.
hmm
Dorothy isn't going to 'back you up' that because she knows you're
wrong.
Dorothy, are you...
awake?
What do you want me to do?
We need a tie breaker.
Call Rochefort.
Rochefort isn't a candidate.
Dorothy, your voice matters in this campaign.
I don't care.
Dorothy,
You MUST have an opinion!
This video could win or lose us the election!
I don't care.
I don't care, because honestly, the only opinion about this video
is that it's garbage, that I'm garbage for editing it, that you
two are garbage for making it, and that this whole campaign is a pile
of garbage for releasing it, and honestly
I would just prefer
to trash the whole thing because
I don't know if I've mentioned this. it's GARBAGE!
So just tell me what to do and I'll do it.
Well then.
Okay umm,
You can change whatever you want.
I have plans.
Byeeeeeeeee!
Dorothy...
I'm sorry.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
No, it's okay. We have put you under a lot of pressure over the past week.
We've worked you very, very hard.
And Portia's notes don't help.
So: I'm going to give you one final round of notes within the hour.
Just execute the notes.
Okay?
Nobody here yelling at you, nobody bothering you,
you don't even have to think.
And then you can take a nice long hot shower.
Sounds nice, doesn't it?
Doesn't it?
Okay.
Good.
Don't worry, my Little.
Everything will be just fine.
And
We have a big donor event tonight, we need looking your best!
And please shower.
Wouldn't look good for the campaign if you show up looking like garbage eh?
It's fine.
I'm gonna finish this video.
And then, I guess I'm going to a party.


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