Okay just a little forewarning on today's episode. Why is it important to
be grateful? The guest that's coming Kevin Clayson is going to bring some
energy. Be ready for that.
Why is it important to be grateful, to have gratitude? Well that's why you're
here Kevin. This is Kevin Clayson. Quick introduction to Kevin. Flip the Gratitude
Switch by Mr. Kevin Clayson. We should give it a Vanna White. Do one of these. Do
one of those Kevin. This is big time, okay?
Kevin in your book you illuminated something that just really caught my
attention. I think is a really key element to gratitude. I think we're going to
get to that. The question that we're addressing first off is why is gratitude
important? And I bet you got some thoughts about that, huh? I might have a
few. I might have written a book about it. And here's the thing, I was
thinking about this in the shower this morning actually. For me gratitude was
this idea and this concept and this touchy-feely emotional thingy that
people talked about that seemed kind of weird. And I didn't really understand or
fully comprehend what gratitude would do in my life. The short answer is gratitude
is absolutely instrumental to your ability to have a joyful disposition and
the ability to experience happiness no matter what life may throw at you.
Because the one thing we can't change Dr. Paul is life's coming at us. The only
thing we have control over is how we react to life as it comes at us. And for
me gratitude has been the key to having a happy life. Wow! stuff happens. It does. I
think there's a bumper sticker. I don't think it says stuff, but yeah.
You're right. I mean things happen on a regular basis and you don't always get to choose
what happens to you or what shows up in your life or what it is. What you always
get to choose is what you do with that. And gratitude happens to be one of the
options. Gratitude for me has become the definitive option. You know and this
morning I was having a conversation with my daughter about this. She was a little
bit sad because mom did her hair. She has bangs right now and she didn't want
bangs or she wants banks mom did her hair up. And believe it or not, that was
like World War 3 for my nine-year-old daughter. She's like, "I've been rehearsing
for a play with my bangs down this is going to be strange." And so I had to say
Brooklyn, you understand the idea that most people don't. Which is life just
happened. Something happened that wasn't ideal for you based on your current
outlook but what do you have? Brooklyn you have a mom who loves you and stands
and does your hair every morning. You have the ability to go and play at the
piano and get ready for a play. You got a part in a play that you really wanted to
get. Brooklyn think of the things that you could be thankful for. In the
situation you have right now. And I'll tell you, it shifted her disposition and
it shifted her day because gratitude is the ultimate game changer for us
regardless of what's happening around us. Well you get to choose what you focus on.
You do.What happens when you focus on what you don't have? What you
don't want? yep what you don't like and can you find that stuff? Always. Oh it's
there and sometimes it's right in your face and it's glaring. Or you can make
that other choice to focus on what you do have that's right.
I got a mom. Yep. Wow! you know what that reminded me of Kevin. Do you remember
Monsters Inc? Oh yeah there's a couple of times in the movie where a little Mike
Wazowski the little one-eyed green guy. They show up on the cover of a magazine
for example and little UPC code is right over his face.
right? Right. Yep. And he's looking at it and his little eyes darting back and
forth and Sully is about ready to console him, right? And he says, "I can't
believe it. I can't believe I'm on the cover of a magazine!" He's all excited. The
great example. Yeah he does have. It's right nobody doesn't have same thing. On
the TV episode, where the logo flashes right over his face and that's an
example, right? And one of the biggest things that I think a lot of people
don't understand, is something I had to learn and learn the hard way as I was
writing the book. Which is this key fact. Gratitude is something you do, not just
something that you feel. Yeah and the idea that we can make gratitude and
active, conscious decision especially inside a moments of frustration and can
literally shift the entire trajectory of her life. See I used to believe that yeah
I should be thankful. I should have gratitude. I should be thankful that I
have food for lunch, yadda, yadda, yadda and you know what sometimes, I would feel
thankful. Most of the time I wouldn't feel thankful because my mind would be
so fixated on what wasn't working, like you talked about. Things that I
didn't have, right? And so what I found is that if I can understand that gratitude
not only shifts my emotional state. But it can literally have a physical impact
on me. Meaning, when we exercise and experience and activate gratitude,
especially in the middle of frustrations. Our body releases chemicals that make us
kind of feel awesome and it propels us forward and we feel like we have this
new lease on life. So for me gratitude became this act, this thing that I could
do in the middle of life's frustrations. Where it was this conscious decision to
find a way to be thankful in my frustration and what do you know, all of
a sudden, my my life would shift, my mind would shift, my mental state and my
actual physicality would change. And it would make me a different human in that
moment and then going on later that day. Okay we have to emphasize this because
you said especially in the frustration. Yeah. This is
something that I really got from our conversation when we had that chat at Live
on Purpose radio. Yes. And we'll put a link in the description down
below where you can listen to my conversation with Kevin at Live on Purpose
radio because we dig into it there. Yeah and something that really stuck out for
me is that it's easy to be grateful for stuff that's already awesome. It is. Yeah.
everybody can do that. It doesn't take much work. Yeah. You're
talking flip the switch on these things that you've been telling yourself are
hard or difficult or frustrating or painful. Yeah. When you can flip the
switch in your own mind to look for it instead of why do I hate this. And
there's plenty of reasons. Okay we're not diminishing you. No, not at all. They're
real, okay? Pain is real. Great. But what we're saying is flip the switch and ask
your powerful mind to go a different direction and find what you're grateful
for, in that, from that as a result of that, what do you gain? what is your
benefit from this painful, difficult horrifying experience? Well and here's
the thing Dr. Paul, you know this better than anybody because you're the doctor not
me, right? I am just a guy who figured some stuff out so that I could hopefully
experience more joy in life. But here's one thing I've come to know and I know
there's medical backing for it. It's this idea that if you think of how we
generally interact with life. We're surrounded by news media, we're
surrounded by social media where we're constantly comparing ourselves to others.
There's a lot of negative influences on us in the world that is around us and what
happens is our brain gets on this track. And it just keeps chugging along down
the track. Right. And we do this thing when I go and I speak to
schools or to audiences. I always talk about I used to wake up in the morning
and stub my toe all the time. And I would get so angry that I wanted to, not that I
would ever do this or ever have, but I felt angry enough to want to punch a
puppy. I've never punched a puppy. Let me just
be clear but that's how.... I know, right? But you know what I mean you stub
your toe and it's like the incredible hulk is you know bursting from within.
And what would happen is on those days, if I didn't shift my
mental state when something so frustrating and painful
happened, then it was like easier to find the next thing that was painful and made
me angry. And the next and the next and then before I knew it, I was saying
something hurtful to somebody I love because my mind like most of ours was on
this track and it was chugging along down the road of, "oh my gosh the
weather's bad and my boss is terrible and I'm not making enough money." You know, yeah
exactly. We do this thing where we love to one-up each other my life's worse
than yours is and I don't know why, but we do it. I played an improv game once in
that training. Where it was the end not only that game and it's that train that
you're talking about. Yeah so not only that and then you try to up it. Right? Right.
And not only that and it just takes off and it's this negative cascade. Chug, chug
chug and so what I came to realize is if I can take that moment of frustration
and isolate it. If I can isolate it and actually I do this thing where I ask
this question. It's a few words but it creates this tiny millisecond in my life
that gives me space to create something different. If I am frustrated, I literally
asked the question, why am i frustrated? Because it's really rare that we
actually become conscious to the fact that we're frustrated. We just chug along,
right? But if I say why am i frustrated, I create this tiny little space in my life
to go, "we'll wait a second, I'm frustrated because I stubbed my toe for them nine
million times." Identify that trigger. That's right. Got
it in your sights. And in the book I say at that point, you now look for something
that's awesome embedded in the frustration. And so what could be awesome
whenever I do this in front of audiences, I love this because they don't know
what's coming. And I'll say okay what could possibly be awesome about me
stubbing my toe. And it'll be quiet for a moment, right? And then one person will
raise their hand, "oh you have a toe." And I'll say, "yes absolutely. Beautiful. And
then the next person shortly thereafter, "you have a bed." Yes and then the next
person, "you have a house, you have a job, you can afford your house, you have a wife."
And all of a sudden, there's all of these responses coming from the audience and
always tell them it's.....And not only that. Yeah, exactly. And I always tell him we just
conducted a science experiment because what we effectively did is as I was
telling you about the pain I experienced with the toe we were all thinking down
that track then we flip the switch, we changed
the track and I gave you a suggestion to think of what could be awesome inside of
stubbing your toe and then low and behold, everybody's mind is on that track. And
then when you can express gratitude with language and words and feeling for those
things that were awesome inside the frustration. Your body will change, your
mental state will shift and all of a sudden you're on this new path. It's a
new trajectory. Yes and there is brain chemistry behind this. Yeah which affects
every cell in your body because your brain triggers the release of different
chemicals. That's right. Oxytocin dopamine. Yeah it goes to your bloodstream,
right? There's physiological reasons why this is true. There are psychological
reasons why it is true. I think you nailed it earlier Kevin when you said
the purpose that we're doing this, is to increase our joy. To have a more joyful
experience and what other reason do you need. Well and here's the thing you've
got your life. I've got mine and you've got yours and it's here. It's right here.
and we can coddle it and we can we could put it in our hands and we can protect
it and not want it to experience much or we can kind of let it fly and so often
when we do we fall out of that dog on this and it hurts and we think maybe I
ought to just move back into that sheltered space. But what we're saying is
if you will spread your wings and get out of the nest, yes you may get hurt but
if you can express and feel and trigger and activate gratitude for the fact that
you gave it a shot, it shifts your feeling of that moment and of that
experience and it actually motivates you to want to try again. And and this is the
other thing that I think is so incredible because you nailed it Dr.
Paul. There's brain chemistry. Here's the other thing, when we do this, when we
exercise active gratitude especially inside a life's frustration. Our brain, we
feel something different and over time creates these new neural pathways,
doesn't it? Right. And we literally shift our entire disposition to the life that
we have because we literally become someone new. We shift the neural pathways
and on our very makeup of how we view the world that's around us. And it
becomes this magnificent, exciting adventure. Something incredible and
awesome, not just something to be tolerated and dredged through. Ah it's
living on purpose. Oh I've heard of that. This powerful mind that we have, is capable of
finding all the reasons why your life sucks, all the things you hate, not happy
with. Yeah, we can do that same powerful mind is capable of finding the gratitude
switch and flipping it in a way that allows you to see... it's like flipping the
switch on the light. It illuminates the whole place, in a whole different light
and literally gives us a different life. It does. In fact the reason I called the
book "flip the gratitude switch" as I started to go through the process of
figuring out that gratitude could be something I do not just something I feel
and that it can change my life. When I would exercise gratitude in this way. I
started to call it flipping my gratitude switch because it felt like I was
flipping this internal switch and what was interesting is the same journey
before me, right? If you imagine walking into a dark room and there was all these
pitfalls and things in front of you and you had to navigate from one side of the
room to the other. And it was dark. How difficult would that be? You
stub your toe. Yes you would. Which would be good. But with one simple flip
all of a sudden, that challenge doesn't change but that challenge is illuminated
and the way you can navigate that challenge changes. And all of a sudden,
you have a new, maybe more powerful ability to navigate the right way to
ultimately achieve success as opposed to kind of stumbling around in the dark and
bumping your nose on the wall or your toe on something. Same life and same
journey. All of a sudden with a flip of the this internal gratitude switch, the
path becomes more clear. The journey becomes more enjoyable or at least
easier to undertake and it can be done in an instant. In your
brain with what you have. You don't have to go out and buy some fancy you know
contraption. It's right here. You have the ability to literally this very second. I
don't care what your days look like or how bad you feel like it's been. If you
were to sit right now and take one of those frustrations you've had today and
isolate it and say, "what could I, why am i frustrated and what could I possibly
find that's awesome, embedded in this frustration?" It is a mental exercise but
if you will do it, I guarantee you, you will sense a shift and it's a shift that
could come again and again and again and overtime become a permanent, new
disposition on the life that you currently have. It's a choice. Isn't it?
And tell you see it as a choice, it's not. That's right and that's why taking a
moment to think about your own thinking and like you were saying Kevin to
isolate that moment of frustration. Take a look at it honestly and see that you
have a choice. That changes the whole game. Sure does.
Thank you. No, thank you.
Thank you. I love to work with people who are bringing the energy and that's why I
love to work with you. So glad that you're here.
Will you consider sharing this channel with some other people? Let's get some
other folks to join us. I saw standing in the street alone alone
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