Defining success...
What is success anyway?
What does it look like?
What does it mean?
How do we get there?
You know we ask ourselves that question when we're searching for the answer to why is
my life a mess?
Why have I failed at life?
You know maybe if you're like me and you woke up one day and you're like, uhm how
did I get here?
Like I did not sign up for this, I made great decisions, I thought I was achieving goals,
to make me successful, make me happy and here I am.
And I am not happy.
Raise your hand cause that was me for fifteen years.
The thing is, success is really defined by you.
It's not a cut and dry one thing for everybody.
Everybody needs to follow their own path for success because once you end up at a spot
that someone else has told you to go, you're like how did I get here?
This is not for me.
Think about going on vacation.
Somebody says hey you should go to XYZ hotel and then, so when you get there you're like,
well, this sucks!
Because everybody has their own perspective and different desires, different priorities,
and that's the same with success.
So if that sounds like you, if you felt like you have failed at life, at one point in time
or maybe you're just not happy of where you are this video is for you.
If you're new here, if we haven't met yet, my name is Erin Cook and I teach incredibly
busy people just like you how to be happy and feel freedom and joy again by simplifying
their daily activities and their lives.
And that's what I'm gonna do tonight and one of the most important things I do is to
help people redefine success based on their terms, not on somebody else's.
And also achieve that success as well in order to be happy cause that's what it's really
all about, right?
So here is my 5-step process going about this on how we define success.
And if you haven't already, subscribe to my channel.
We do weekly trainings like this just for you to make your life easier, to make your
life more simpler and to make your life more fun and enjoyable.
So go ahead and subscribe right here and I want you to stay tuned.
So let me take you back when I was in College back in 1995 I started College.
My first couple weeks, I absolutely hated it.
The reason why is because I was going to be a physical therapist.
Now I came from high school where the girls told me I would be nothing, I was too ugly,
too yucky or whatever.
You know so I really had low self-confidence.
I was gonna become a physical therapist because that's what my boyfriend was gonna do.
Right?
I couldn't think for myself back then.
Ugh, I was a mess.
Okay?
So the thing was I really inside wanted something to do with music or theatre.
But do you think people said, oh that's great, go for it when I told them that?
Nah, come on!
It was what are you gonna do in that area?
You can't make any money.
Right?
Can't make any money?
Ugh, if I had only known.
So I went back to school to be a physical therapist and right away I knew that I would
hate every minute of it and I would love physical therapy no matter what I'd get.
But guess what, what stuck in my head was people's reactions.
What would they say if they found out that I was switching majors and going to be something
in music or theatre major?
They wouldn't be as excited right?
So I didn't feel like I would be successful if I did that and that's what I was longing
for.
I wanted to be successful because my whole high school career I never did felt that way.
It didn't matter if I had good grades, that I had a wonderful family I didn't feel successful
and that's what I was searching for.
And I was doing that by trying to be something that I wasn't.
So guess what?
I stuck with it.
I hated every minute of it but I became a physical therapist four years later.
I chose to do it in four years instead of five because I wanted to impress people more.
Okay, it was the four to five year program and I chose the four-year track.
Completely, just piled on top of me the stress of being a physical therapist.
So fast forward 9 years later.
I lost my daughter.
She passed away shortly after birth.
And that's when I started evaluating everything in my life.
I mean I evaluated my work, my family, my house, where I'd lived, what city I lived
in, what I could change everything in my life because that's when crap hits the fan right?
It's when you go through a tragedy.
And that's exactly what I did.
I said, okay can I change this because guess what my life is not where I want it to be
and it's gonna stop right now.
Have you ever had that moment when you say you know what?
Enough is enough.
I cannot live like this!
And maybe you're having that moment now and it was what brought you to this video.
But it was enough is enough for me.
And that's when I started figuring things out okay?
It was a long process for me and that's why I wanna share my answers with you.
I didn't know exactly what to do.
All I knew is that I needed to change.
So success, is different for everybody, right?
If we think about a roadmap and say that one person says they want to go to California
because that's their way to success.
They're gonna take a different road than you to California if California is success
okay.
Visualize with me, you know what I mean?
If somebody's from New York they're not gonna take the same roads and the same map
with somebody from Florida.
You're coming from two different places, two different paths, you're gonna take two
different paths to that success.
That's what you need to figure out okay.
In order to get success you need to know what it is first.
And that's what we're gonna do today and then you can figure out how to get there.
So grab a pen and paper, that's the best way to learn this, if you don't write things
down, you won't remember it and you won't to action.
So grab a pen and paper right now, put me on pause and do that.
The first thing that I want you to write down are your VALUES, your MORALS, and most importantly
your PRIORITIES IN LIFE.
What do you put an emphasis on in life?
When you die, what do you want to be remembered for?
Do you wanna be remembered as the person that had a fancy house?
Or do you wanna be remembered as the person who helped other people?
Do you wanna be remembered for being honest?
For teaching your children how to work hard?
For teaching others about God?
What is it that's a priority in your life that matters and that you want to be non-negotiable
about?
Meaning you don't want to cave under pressure and sacrifice any of those things.
What are your non-sacrificial points in your life?
Priorities, morals, values, all that stuff that's important to you if you're hardworking
put that down.
If that's a priority, you want to be hardworking.
Alright so these are things that we will reference later so you need to write these things down.
So that's number one, PRIORITIES, VALUES and MORALS.
Point number two, what have you done in your past, or maybe what are you doing right now
that you feel like hmm you know what?
If I achieved this or maybe I achieved it in the past I don't think it's really
gonna make me happy or make me feel successful in life.
Can you think of something that is like that?
Mine was physical therapy but I've also done a ton of other things.
You know I've said yes to being a leader of something just because I thought it would
make me feel more important and have people look at me differently.
What have you been doing or trying to achieve?
Maybe you're just trying to go you know you see people going like this in the mirror
on their facebook and posting on pictures of their big muscles and you're like, man
I wish I look like that!
I'm gonna make that a goal in life.
Is that gonna make you happy?
Is that gonna make you successful?
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that.
But some people do things just because some other people are doing them.
They feel like they should be doing them too to be successful.
Okay, you see what I mean?
So think about anything in your past that you want to acknowledge, which is good, it's
good it's one of the points of this exercise, and anything that you might be doing now that
you're thinking hmm kinda doesn't jive with my priorities.
Okay, so I want you to write that down in step number two.
Alright, step number three, I want you and this is the fun part, to figure out all the
activities that you have to do if you had a dream day.
Just a day for you to do whatever it is you wanted, whatever made you happy and valued
those priorities that you wrote down.
So would it be that you were sleeping till 8 o'clock if you had kids?
Would you go to the gym?
Would you join that exercise group that you wanted to join that maybe you haven't had
time to?
Would you want to coach soccer?
Would you want to spend a day with your kids without your phone?
Like what would that day look like to you?
That would be one of mine.
Throw away my phone for a while that would be awesome.
You know it's just a dream day because it will say a lot about what it is that actually
fulfills you, that makes you happy, okay?
Now I don't want you to consider material things.
I don't want you to say I would go on a shopping spree.
I would you know spend a million dollars on a mansion.
You know not material things.
These are activities, fun things that you would do if you had a chance to do them okay.
So step number four, I want you to write down the reasons that you can think of that you
do things that you probably don't need to be doing, like saying yes to maybe like say
you don't want to be a soccer coach but you've done it for ten years.
Write down the reason that you're scared to leave if it's not making you happy.
Okay, so I want you to think of the things that you don't like doing, see if they kind
of defeat your priorities that you wrote down in step number one, and then tell me the reasons
why you choose to do them.
Is it a confidence issue?
Is it something where you don't wanna disappoint somebody where you think they're gonna think
bad of you or tell other people how awful it is that you didn't do this to me.
Do you genuinely not want people and to stress about something?
Why is it that you do the things you do?
I want you to write those reasons down and really start to work on them.
We're gonna get to that in a minute but going through these four steps brings you
to step number five.
So that's why I want you to write all these things down.
So if you haven't done it yet put me on pause and do it.
Alright, step number five is where we're gonna physically write out the steps that
we just did but in an actionable plan okay?
This is something that you wanna reference.
I would love for you to do it every single day but something that you can reference and
say you know what?
I feel so off-track again what is it that I should be doing and I shouldn't be doing?
And you're gonna check it and that's what you're gonna write down right now.
Okay this is your definition for success for you.
Alright and it's these 5 simple paragraphs and I say paragraphs not like essay paragraphs,
it's just a few sentences okay?
So here's number one and I want you to write this out, and again we're at step number
5.
So first sentence and I'm gonna read it to you write this down.
It's important that the decisions I make allow X, Y, Z to happen.
Now your XYZ are your values, are your morals, so if your values are family time.
You have to make sure that the decisions you're making are not gonna sacrifice family time.
If it's church, you're gonna make sure that soccer practice that's scheduled on
Sunday you're kid's not going to okay and you're gonna tell the coach this is
non-negotiable, my kid's going to church on Sunday.
That's not gonna be soccer practice.
To some that's gonna be like oh you can't do that, your kid's not gonna play and that's
disappointing to the team and you know what?
Find a different league to play in or a different whatever team to be on if it's gonna mess
up your schedule because that's a non-negotiable.
The more you miss church because your kid had soccer or game, the more frustrated you're
gonna feel.
And I know a lot of people are not gonna like this but it's true right?
If something is constantly barging in on what's important to you you're gonna feel ticked
off and you're gonna feel unhappy about it and that's where this all comes down
to play.
So go ahead and write down one more time in a sentence, it is important that the decisions
I make allow X, Y, Z to happen.
So you're gonna fill in the rest of those paragraphs or you can just list again the
things that are important to you.
But I want you to reference this whenever you take on a new activity or whenever you
feel like your life is just chaos.
Alright so that's the first sentence that you're gonna write.
Paragraph two.
In the future I will avoid any activity or goals that waste time or energy even at the
risk of disappointing others, if it does not align with my priorities.
Okay, so that's again talking about taking things on that don't fit in with your priorities
okay.
And this is just a sentence but just say it's okay.
You know it's okay to say no to these types of things.
It's okay for me to follow my path and not do what others expect of me.
Now that means that if you make a promise with somebody I don't want you to break
without speaking to them but you know really think about this for a minute because if you
continue to allow things that invade whatever it is that's important to you, it's gonna
make you feel unsuccessful in life.
Unhappy.
Okay so again we're reinforcing that it's okay to do this and that's gonna be something
that you're gonna reference to.
You don't have to make a whole paragraph about that but you wanna let yourself know
and remind yourself it is okay to say no to the things that you don't want to do that
don't fit in to your definition of success.
Number three.
I will feel good about focusing more time on blank, fill in the blank, because this
activity or activities fulfill me and fulfill my priorities.
Alright so what that means is let's say that you feel guilty because your job takes
away from your family.
Okay?
I have four kids and a husband and three businesses but guess what on the flip side, I get to
work from home.
And who's at my home?
My kids and my family, right?
So I'm a recovering workaholic, I know that about myself, I love what I do.
Sometimes I do more than what I should and that sacrifices my priority list, remember
number one was our priorities.
That sacrifices that family time.
So what this paragraph is saying, that it's okay to say no to the money like me I work
harder so that I can give the life that my kids that I want them to have and I will be
able to stay home, and make more money from home, than having to go back out and work
and force this being a physical therapist because I'm no longer one.
Right?
It took me 15 years to quit that.
But if you can let yourself know that it's okay to spend time doing things that may not
further what other people's success definition is.
Right?
So if somebody says oh what are you doing tonight?
Are you just watching TV?
Oh yeah that'll get you far in life.
Okay you're not gonna mind that.
They don't have any right to tell you that.
If you say, you know what my kids love movie nights and you're gonna do that once a week
instead of coaching soccer, by all means do it!
Because that's your priority.
Okay?
So I know this sounds harsh to some people.
But that's what we need to do.
We need to stick to our priority.
And you can see how success is defined by that but that's why you have to go through
that priority list and those values and those morals to be successful and feel happy again.
Number four, I will begin to cut out these activities from my life that don't align
with what I feel is important.
And this is just what?
The list of things that you need to cut.
Cut soccer, cut whatever.
Make a list and it may only be a couple things but it can make a huge difference in the way
that you feel, the time that you spend doing what it is that you want to do with your life.
Okay so number four is just a list but you're gonna reference this because if you're just
gonna think in your head right now and you're not gonna write it down, it ain't gonna
happen.
Okay I want this to happen for you so you have to write it down.
Last but not least is number five, writing out your goals.
Okay so listen to this.
I will begin working toward the following goals that will define my success not the
definition others set for it.
Okay this is where you're gonna say you know what?
Here's my list of sentences that I wrote and these are the things that I need to work
on.
Lastly I'm gonna set those goals.
So by October 4th I'm gonna say, can't coach soccer anymore.
By this date, I am staying with my kids 10 more hours a week or whatever it is.
Okay set those goals in sentence number 5 or paragraph number 5, and then look at them,
work toward them.
This paper is not gonna do you any good if you don't look at it right?
You have to create your plan and that's where these goals come in.
The different hotel stays that you have on your way to California which is success if
you think back to our visual.
It really is something that you need to do.
You need to think about life.
We can sit there we can think about our problems right?
We can think that's so easy for us to do right?
We can say oh my life I can't pay the bills.
Oh my life, my house is too small.
I'm involved in too many things I work from home, I work too hard, I'm not paid enough.
Yada yada yada.
It's easy to think about those things but it's not easy to sit down and make a plan
on how to change it.
Right?
Why?
Because we don't always know how to do that.
As much as we may want to do that it's not easy.
And that's why I encourage you to define your success on your terms, through this method.
And if you are still one of those people who say you know what Erin, that's great but
I don't have time to do that.
Ain't nobody got time for it, okay?
That's where I actually want you to head to my course where I teach you how to find
free time to work on whatever it is you need to work on.
So if you're super busy which I know you are because you're here, head to FindYourFreeTime.com.
That's my 20-minute training okay?
It's a pdf walk-through it takes 20-minutes.
It comes with a video guide if you need it but I teach you in 5 steps just the length
of this video, how to go from a chaotic schedule to one that's prioritized, so that you make
the one that's productive day happen, you're getting more done, you're doing things that
you need to do and you're not wondering what to do.
It's how to setup your schedule, how to prioritize it, and guess what?
You get things done and have time left over.
Okay this is how I got 1-2 hours a day of free time and I want you to find that too.
This is the same system I use, FindYourFreetime.com, I want you to head there right now and grab
that training if this is something that you're serious about.
Okay?
So again if you're new to this channel subscribe.
And we do these trainings every week.
I will help simplify your life and help you find freedom and joy every day.
That's my goal and I hope you learned something today if you did go ahead and comment below
what you learned, and give me a thumbs up or thumbs down I need your feedback please.
That's how I know what people are interested and what they're not interested in.
Okay thumbs up if you're interested in this if you learned something, thumbs down if it
sucked, I need to know.
Okay so please do that for me.
Subscribe and don't forget to join us next week.
Stay tuned and we'll talk to you soon.
God bless!
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