Laziest person - Gaurav Kapur.
Whenever we meet I have to go to his house.
Today he has to shoot an episode so he's coming to mine.
Oooh… lift smells nice.
Let's take a shot of this in case we get a sponsor.
Laziest person on the field - Zaheer Khan.
Mitsubishi.
Going up in a Mitsubishi lift.
Biggest miser, Ashish Nehra.
Followed by Virat Kohli.
With Odonil hanging and lights by Usha.
Generous, I'm the most generous. I always pay all their food bills.
Come, come.
Oh! That's why you made me go so that you can bad mouth me.
You think you are only smart, huh?
Wait, wait, we have to…
Sir.
Here come the men in black.
There's a rumour that you're a right hander. That's true, right?
That's true. that's true.
We're going to show you off spin, we're going to show you leg break and seam bowling.
That's too sweet, man!
Who is it?
Hi!
Selfie. Hi, sister.
- What is this selfie? It's young people thing. - Welcome.
- Hi, sissy, how are you? - I'm good, how are you?
Straight into the kitchen.
See the problem here is, what Zak said in his show.
... I know Yuvraj Singh is definitely not a good cook.
- He can cook up stories. - Yeah, that's what.
He can't even boil water, what good is he?
- You'll boil water? - Wait.
- Water… proof - Yeah, it's water.
One minute...
Tea, coffee.
This is to…
...tell Zaheer Khan that he's wrong, I can boil water.
He can't even boil water, what good is he?
It's not yet done, let it boil!
- This is enough, man. - Where are the bubbles?
You should tell them that you can make toast also.
Next, while the water is boiling, I can make toast also.
- Plug it like this. - Then?
- Then switch it on. - What technique.
Switch this off, so that it doesn't overheat.
Where's the bread!?
What kind of bread is this?
Gluten free bread.
Isn't gluten free bread cardboard?
- Healthy - Cardboard
Nice.
Thanks sister, what would I do without you?
Together, we can.
Should I switch the toaster off? Zaheer Khan, should I switch it off?
How many times have I cooked omelette for you in France!
And now you say that I can't even make toast? Shame on you!
He said you can't even boil water.
He can't even boil water, what good is he?
Healthy toast.
But this is still flexible. Toast cannot be flexible.
No, no. This has good taste.
But it's flexible.
This has almond and raisin on the top. The flavour is inside.
Almond and raisins are put in biryani also. Why aren't we eating that?
See I told you, Everybody cannot make toast.
You have to see that in the kitchen, you are not allowed to be unsupervised.
Just turn around and see.
And the wives are there.
I told you, I don't belong in the kitchen, I belong in the open world.
I don't belong as a wife but we all make mistakes.
You don't belong as a wife?
What is that supposed to mean, 'You don't belong as a wife'?
See that's the problem. You can destroy all England bowlers except this one.
This one's very hard to beat, boss.
Do you know that after marriage this cup has to be changed.
Mr. Wrong.
Because after marriage husband is always wrong.
It's been two months for me, how long has it been for you?
Two years for me. Mr. Wrong.
Mr. Get Out Of The House, Mr. Sleep In The Car.
Mr. Don't Talk To Me.
Mr. You Can Talk To Me But I'm Not Listening.
- Mr. Your Rented Room Is Ready. - Is ready.
I feel if we stay in the kitchen for another 10 mins we might blow the building up.
Did you just light the gas with your bum?
- Shall we go? - I think we should
And this?
I think this is enough.
Say Har Har Mahadev! Mahadev!
Excuse me, is that allowed?
Anything is allowed. It's the internet.
Burping is anyway a normal thing.
Don't know why people take it too seriously.
Gas, burping, acidity.
Normal things, happens to everyone.
Don't know why people take it so seriously in our country.
Because you're a sex symbol.
We can't talk about anything serious, can we?
Why are we here?
When was the last time we said anything serious?
We haven't so far. If you want to do it today then let's do that.
If you feel the need to share anything about our lives.
Which people might find interesting. Because there are some things we can't share.
There are a lot that we can't share.
I mean nothing romantic but…
Tell me one thing, after 2011, which was the...
...highest point in your...
...individual achievement as well as the country's achievement.
I of course know, but I'm sure people would want to know...
...how can any human being understand the high and the low of that one year?
I can't really explain it because...
...it's something which is unheard of.
It was very hard to digest, to win the World Cup and be the man of the series.
That's like peaking in your career.
And then you realise that you've been diagnosed with cancer.
And close friends and my parents and relatives actually know what I went through.
You sometimes think that why did it have to happen at 29...
...why couldn't it have happened let's say at 39?
I mean we all hoped and prayed that it never happened...
...but did you think that why did it have to happen at this time?
If this is the way God had intended then...
...I'll accept that but why not some other time?
Why now when I'm Superman, when I'm invincible.
- You can think of it… - Did it ever cross your mind?
It did. I mean why… It should have happened earlier...
...I would have been able to bounce back or happened after later.
But your destiny is your destiny, what is supposed to happen is supposed to happen.
You can't change it.
I mean it's also a blessing that I'm able to play cricket again.
I mean it's a huge inspiration to me and to people out there...
...who are struggling with cancer or whatever...
issues they are facing in life, it's a huge inspiration...
...it's a great story to be part of I'm proud to be part of that story.
So that's life man, anything can happen.
It actually humbles you, it actually makes you realise that you know...
...dude anything happens in life...
...and you've got to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
And I think I appreciate life a bit more after that.
Everything was cricket, cricket, cricket. Now life, friends, family...
...I look forward to these things in life, I'm married now...
...I look forward to being married and having a future with my wife and…
It was… I can say a nightmare, a blessing...
...a huge change, I don't know what it was...
...it was something which was pretty devastating but I'm proud how I came out of it.
2016-17, five years.
Five years, it's been a long time.
So yeah, slowly, baby steps.
I think it's all about believing in yourself and...
...it's been an amazing story to live.
Let's make it a bit lighter, getting a bit emotional now.
A bit too emotional, right? Now back to…
Take 2
I don't know if you remember this or not.
15 years ago when I was shooting in Chandigarh…
Yes, 15 year ago, shooting in Chandigarh.
Sounds like 115 years.
115 years ago. And you were there.
You had a Honda city that time, correct?
You came to pick me up and I told you that...
...we'll go elsewhere or people will trouble us.
And then we went to some garden or a park...
...and we were drinking cold drinks.
- Rock garden - Was it Rock Garden?
Rock garden or Leisure valley. I don't remember.
What did we do there?
- We just sat and had cold drink. - Cold drink?
Was that according to you our first date?
Yes, of course sister, that was my first memory of you.
Having cold drink with you.
I used to drink Pepsi, what about you?
Pepsi.
And In case we get some other sponsor… Coke.
Tropicana juice. Nescafe.
Name them all.
Tata tea, Taj Mahal tea. Kelloggs cornflakes.
Protein bar.
Tang.
Cups made by me.
Someone or the other might land up.
We have changed so much, right?
Before marriage, we had the late night parties.
And sometimes on a Saturday, if the next day was off...
...we used to be awake till the crack of dawn.
Nowadays we can't stay awake beyond 1 am.
Nocturnal…
Not nocturnal anymore. What's happening?
- Age, time, marriage… - Marriage.
Basically marriage. I think with time we have evolved.
First we lost one sister, followed by another.
So I just feel there's a place and time for everything.
10-15 years we had a lot of fun with our friends.
Now we're settled… we still have fun.
But we feel like sleeping more.
Have to think of the non-striker also.
You feel more sleepy when you are 35 plus.
But you're 34.
35.
I used to be 34 last year.
Really?
Our coach used to say, "If you are 15 years on paper then behave like one on ground".
What's the average up north, generally?
17-year-olds in an Under-15 team, isn't it?
- I would say upto 19-year-olds. - 19-year-olds!
It was a package of 15 - 19 year olds.
That's generally the case up north.
Punjab team is a little...
...there are countless stories.
Punjab team is special.
Our Punjab cricket team has a lot of intellectual kids.
Their English is so good that they'll even baffle the English speaking scholars.
Our then captain, Harbhajan Singh, made a rule that...
...since the boys spoke such enriching English, it should be explored.
So we made a rule that Sunday will be English day.
The boys were ready, 'Yes - no, yes - no'.
So the day of English day, the boys were on their way for breakfast...
...with their headphones on.
I greet them, "Morning boys". "Morning paaji".
"How's it going?" "Morning paaji".
Good english.
Now during the match...
...one of the boys…
We curse a lot in Punjabi, especially whenever some drops a catch.
Now we had a Rs. 1000 fine when anyone spoke in Punjabi.
So during one of the matches...
... there was a chance for a catch.
One of our players went for it but dropped it.
So the bowler says, "Oye you… waaaa, you what… c'mon".
So the one who dropped the catch says, " You ok take go"
So this is just...
...one of the inc… inc… incidents that happened.
Even I'm from Punjab so it takes time.
So there are many such stories of Punjab team.
I can send you some clips if you want to add.
Why not.
- Morning guys - What is this?
What is this (in Punjabi).
- 50 rupees fine. - Morning paaji, morning.
It's an honour to have you hear on a Sunday afternoon before the match...
...back to back matches against Delhi and Haryana but we lost the match.
We didn't have back to back matches, we had one day gap.
Where's Balli?
Balli! Balli!
Hi Paaji, how are you paaji?
So what are your thoughts on English day today?
I speak English and…
Where's Pargat Singh?
Pargat Singh, come!
What were you doing inside, Pargat?
I'm just going for fresh.
Not only the Punjab team but there are such stars from the national team also.
Rohit Sharma, during the 2009 IPL inauguration says...
"Paaji aren't you coming for the opening ceremony?
I said, "No". He says "Florida is coming".
"Who's Florida?" He says, "That muscular singer, rapper".
I said, "You mean Flo Rida".
"What do you know Paaji, it's Florida".
So...
And now our professor…
I can't say anything about our…
...cause I still want to play for a few more years and I don't want to be kicked out.
So I'll tell you the joke.
Do you watch football? Which is your favourite club?
- Chelse-ya. - Chelse-ya, come on, Chelse-ya.
He also told me once that there is Punjabi player in the Brazilian team.
I told him, "Brazilians are not going through such bad times".
He says, "No, there is", I ask, "Who?"
"Kaka".
Kaka!
Our dear friend, Harbhajan Singh...
big cricketer of our country, 100 test matches.
But once when we were roommates. He made a call, we had to leave at 7 am.
"Wake up call, please".
"Sir, what time".
"6:45".
I said, "Bhajji, ask for a reminder also".
"Ma'am reminder at 4:65 please".
I asked "What kind of time is this?"
"So what am I supposed to say?"
Say "6:50".
What is 4:65??
That was Harbhajan Singh's time.
Bhajji is serious now after becoming a father.
Yeah actually, with family time he's become quite a changed man.
With his daughter.
When there's a child in your home, it's a different type of happiness.
So tell me, it's harder to face whom?
Brett Lee's bouncer or the wife's googly?
See Brett Lee would bowl you two short balls and had to pitch you...
...another four to get you out.
Here, the wife bowls you six bouncers.
There is no warning from the umpire.
Wife is in charge.
- Wife is the bowler and the umpire. - Bowler and the umpire...
She's setting the field.
Dude, there's short legs there's silly point, there are 3 slips, there's backward short leg.
Sometimes she doesn't even let you hold the bat.
Yeah, she might say, "Along with his bat take his helmet also.
Take the box also.
So basically wife is in charge.
Today's the only time that they are sitting and listening.
They don't leave us alone, they don't trust us.
They know that we'll be gossiping about them so let's not leave them alone.
Look how they are wandering around.
I want ask you one question, how does it feel to be married to a Punjabi woman?
- Sardarni - Sardarni
Even I'm a Punjabi. But like a proper Sardarni...
...thankfully I had a lot of practice how to deal with them...
...because of hanging with you and Angad Bedi.
I had understood that this pitch has a lot of cracks and turns.
Basically a lot of cracks.
And also your wife has a lot of knowledge about cricket...
...what do you have to say on that? - She's very knowledgeable.
As is your wife.
Dude, my wife is a bible of cricket, ask her any question.
- She was born in Lords! - Yeah...
She'll ask me, "What's the score, I'll tell her we're five down".
"Oh baby, that's very good".
Yeah, she's hilarious.
It's good to have somebody who doesn't have a clue about the sport.
- It helps though, no? - It really helps.
It actually makes you laugh and...
Cause if I tell my mom we're five down "Oh, is this how you play...?"
Wife says "Oh, happy for you, you guys are doing well".
So it actually lightens you up and you're like…
So cool.
I think she's understanding now.
As your wife talks about yorkers, full balls…
Should we just do it? Let me take a…
Yorker meaning...
Are you googling a yorker?
Just to be sure that I got it right. And I was right.
I want to hear her version.
We have her version.
That ball over here…
From here when it comes like that and then it comes like that...
... and that's gone.
Should we get a coffee and go to the terrace.
And enjoy the view.
- We've also got to take a mickey out of the others. - We'll go up and do that
- You realise one thing. - What?
That if you do this...
...and she doesn't answer correctly and we laugh at her and people laugh at her.
Everybody will be laughing but who will be crying later?
- You… - Not me.
- Means me. - You.
So when do I not cry.
I have taught you so much and still…
- I'm very upset that… - Sunglasses?
Let's get the sunglasses.
Here come the men in black.
Sorry.
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