Waching daily Aug 3 2017

Is It the Silent Treatment or Estrangement?

"Devon's in the doghouse.

He blew the month's grocery budget fixing his motorcycle, and his wife hasn't spoken a word to him in 3 days." (Silent treatment)

"Rick doesn't talk to his brother.

They've been estranged for years." (Estrangement)

There are probably as many areas of overlap as there are distinctions between the silent treatment and estrangement.

But for this post, let's focus on some of the differences.

1.

Punishment vs.

Self-Protection

By virtue of its name, the silent treatment is something that's done to somebody.

It's on purpose, and its purpose is to send the message, "I don't like what you did."

In contrast, while estrangement often feels punitive on the receiving end, punishment is not the intent.

Estrangement happens when one person pulls away from another in order to protect him- or herself from experiencing harm.

In the case of family estrangement, painful interpersonal dynamics can reach a breaking point where one person says,

"I can't do this anymore."

They may not say it out loud.

They may just leave.

The rejected person is left to figure out what exactly went wrong.

Thus, while the silent treatment is often understood as a response to a specific behavior, estrangement may have the flavor of a mystery.

2.

Hope vs.

Despair

The silent treatment is an inherently optimistic tactic.

If I stop talking to you because of something you did, I'm sending you a message that I hope for better behavior in the future.

If we're estranged, it's a sign that one (or both) of us has given up on the other, at least for the time being.

We would like the other person to change in some way, but we don't think they're either willing or capable of change.

So we resolve to keep our distance to maintain our peace of mind.

3.

Temporary vs.

Open-Ended

Every treatment has a goal, and the aim of the silent treatment is to shame, punish, or warn someone who's crossed a line.

Once the treatment has had its intended effect, it comes to an end.

In contrast, we've seen that the purpose of estrangement is self-protection.

That purpose is ongoing as long as the target appears not to (want to) change the offending behavior(s).

4.

Local vs.

Distal

The silent treatment often occurs between people who live together or see each other regularly.

It's hard to administer any kind of "treatment" to someone who's not around.

Estrangement on the other hand may occur under the same roof, or from thousands of miles away.

5.

Acute vs.

Chronic

The loaded quiet of the silent treatment creates an extreme contrast with normal conversation.

The pain of the experience may be intense, but it's short-lived.

There's the conviction that "this will be over one day," making it psychologically manageable, albeit very unpleasant.

The pain of estrangement is also intense, but it's an ache with potentially no cure.

Eventual relief is a hope, not a given.

In time, estrangement may eat away at self-esteem, confidence, and quality of life.

Both the silent treatment and estrangement can leave rejectees feeling powerless and resentful.

Many decide to walk away from rejection, leaving the rejecter with nothing more to do.

Both types of cut-off can destroy relationships.

Those who were brought up learning to use the silent treatment as a communication tool should be aware that doing so is playing with fire.

Such behavior can morph into long-term estrangement before you realize what's happening.

The Silent Epidemic

There are people in the world who are, let's face it, very difficult for anyone to get along with.

Similar to an armless and legless person who receives no invitations to dance, such people will unfortunately find themselves rejected over

and over again.

But as a therapist specializing in family estrangement, I can say with certainty that it's NOT just those who are "difficult" who find

themselves rejected.

Estrangement is a silent epidemic affecting all kinds of people in our society.

The antidote for many is better communication.

Children should never learn what the silent treatment is, or how to do it, or what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

Better communication skills will eradicate a large portion of needless emotional cut-off and a source of deep pain for many.

For more infomation >> Is It the Silent Treatment or Estrangement? | Conscious Reminder - Duration: 5:50.

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Bella Thorne: Here's My New Man and This is the INSANE Body He's Touching! - Duration: 5:04.

Bella Thorne: Here's My New Man and This is the INSANE Body He's Touching!

Bella Thorne has probably kicked Scott Disick to the curb. For real this time. This news is encouraging, at least. It looks like the actress already has a new man in her life, and their relationship is spilling over onto social media.

In addition to flashing some PDA over Snapchat, this couple is also openly gushing over each other on Instagram. His professional name is Blackbear. His birth name is Matthew Tyler Musto, and hes a hip-hop artist, singer, songwriter, and producer.

Speaking of his birth, he was born in 1990 -- making him, like, seven years older than Bella. (Bella turns twenty in a couple of months).

Bella Thorne hinted at her relationship with BlackBear a short while back, if youll recall, when she announced that she was done with Scott Disick. I have my eye on [someone], she said at the time.

Im sure youll figure it out soon enough. Well, we sure did.

But just in case their photos together werent enough (and we have some PDA of theirs below), theyre taking their cutesy affections public in the Instagram comments. Under this picture of Bellas:.

First of all, she looks great. Her top is barely opaque, as you can see from her nipples popping out to say hello.

(Scott Disick isnt there to touch her boob in a gentlemanly effort to conceal her nipples, this time). Her bottoms appear to be less like panties and more like boxer-briefs.

Those are less revealing than panties but they might be more comfortable. In a way, theyre sexier -- tight clothing might show you the goods, but loose clothing invites access.

If youre already in a relationship, looser bottoms would be ideal if youre going to Netflix & Chill with someone special.

And speaking of relationships. Blackbear commented under Bellas photo:. Blackbear put his words between two emojis for nausea, and we dont know if it was an inside joke or if he was just trying to convey how overwhelmed he felt by her appearance.

Now, plenty of folks comment about Bellas hotness. Thats basically her whole Instagram. Bella doesnt always respond, but she did in the comments:. She followed her message with two hearts. (Shout out to HollywoodLife for catching that exchange, by the way).

In case youre like well, this could just be banter between friends, know that some of their photos are less. platonic.

Dont get us wrong -- if every photo of a guy hugging a girl in lingerie meant that they were dating, the world would be a different place and our own dating histories would be pretty different.

But. these two seem really, really close. And while Blackbear may seem like an older knockoff version of Justin Bieber at first glance, it looks like Bella Thorne likes him well enough.

she thinks that hes hot. And, say what you will about her, but she would know hotness, right?.

Like, if youre gonna plug whatever ridiculous tea or whatever sponsored product shes promoting here, you might as well look ridiculously hot while you do it, right?.

Bella Thorne is young -- again, shes still 19 for another couple of months. Were glad that shes experiencing so much freedom, thanks to her career and her empowered attitude.

Part of that freedom means dating, even if you wish that she were with a different guy. Its her love life, and she can live it how she wants.

(But can we please keep Scott Disick at least 5,326 feet away from her at all times?).