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My husband spent 21 years in the New
South Wales police force in the forensic
services branch but what I didn't
understand was the sort of jobs that he
went to and how that would affect him.
I could see when he was starting to get
sick and I could see when he was going
downhill and looking back now I could
see he avoided some work.
There was issues with drinking and he's not an
alcoholic in any way but sometimes he
needed to drink to fall asleep. He was
having nightmares, he became short
tempered with the kids, he was bad mannered,
and he was horrible and he was argumentative.
So there was that impact.
But he is a wonderful man and he was very
open to getting help.
He was hospitalised for three weeks and
I think it was a turning point for us.
What I should have been proactive in
doing was asking the question 'can you
tell me when you've had a bad day?' And I
should have been accepting the fact that
the job that he did does come home.
One of the strategies that we used was
EAP, the employee assistance program
I think that even the spouses
are allowed six visits. But my husband
made contact with them and she was a lovely
lady and she really did work with him
for about 18 months. And we talked through
what was needed and we talked through
the sleep patterns and better sleep. We
talked through mindfulness.
But a lot of the things came from within still.
Like the support of my husband's mates,
or colleagues that he worked with,
was unbelievable.
One of the things that we've used in our
strategies is the SUDS scale.
It's Subjective Units of Distress.
We would use it right throughout our family and it was 'what's your SUDS today?'
And we would ask that question.
1 being quite relaxed and 10 being explosive.
It allowed him to just own
where he was feeling but it also allowed
me to know that it was his illness that
was causing these problems and it wasn't
anything I said or did.
I was a wife and I had a husband and I had kids
so I didn't know that I needed help.
And there was a light bulb moment way down
the track that somebody said to me, and I
can't even remember who it was, they said
'what are you doing for you?' And then I
started to realise I did need help.
I think talking helped. Seeking out that
professional help and not feeling that I
was dobbing on my husband because I
wasn't dobbing on him, I was helping.
By getting help for myself and
understanding, it was helping him as well.
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