Hi there, I'm Angela Brown in this is Ask a House Cleaner.
This is a show where you get to ask a house cleaning question
and I get to help you find an answer.
Now, today's question comes from a youth.
A kid of some sort who has been grounded for the entire summer for not cleaning his room.
And he wants to know "How do I get ungrounded quick?"
Well, that's an interesting question.
But let's back up just a couple of steps.
If you got grounded for the entire summer that's a really big punishment
for some really big behavior.
My experience has been that kids don't get grounded for an entire summer for being obedient.
And so, if you got grounded for the whole summer you probably
were not obedient multiple times.
And so, parents ask you "Can you please clean your room?"
Again, and again, and again, and again, and when you don't, that's where
the big punishment comes from.
Now, before we talk about cleaning the room let's talk about respecting authority.
Because what we're looking at here is a really weird situation.
You can say "well it's my room, why do I have to keep a clean?"
You have to keep a clean because although it's your room, your room lives inside a house
that your parents own.
They purchased this house.
They own this house and so whatever happens under this roof belongs to them
these are their rules.
And if they say we want your room clean, they have every right to ask you to do that.
And so, if they ask you again, and again, and again, and you don't clean your room,
what that shows them is that you don't respect authority.
And if you don't respect authority when you're young, it's unlikely you're going to respect
authority when you're old.
And so, it's a lesson that we have to teach kids as youth because if you don't learn to
respect authority when you're young and you can't follow along with the rules in your
house, as you get to be older there's a tendency not to follow the rules of the land.
And if you don't follow the rules of the land and of where you work, and what happens outside
your house, then what happens as you get grounded for life.
And they put you in what's called a prison.
And so, the people that are in prison are grounded for life.
Or they're grounded for several years or whatever they're their sentence or their term is.
And so, if you don't respect authority that grows and that grows along with you.
What your parents are trying to teach you right now is "Hey, we have a house.
We have rules, and we have expectations.
And if you're going to be our kid, and you're going to live in our house,
you have to follow our rules."
So that's the big picture of what's really going on here.
Your parents don't hate you.
I promise they don't hate you.
I don't know why but there's this thing with parents and kids.
Kids can be really mean and evil, and the parents still love them anyway, right?
You're an extension of your parents.
They love you anyway.
If they grounded you for the entire summer they're probably trying to teach you a lesson.
Now, there's a really quick way to get out of this situation.
And you asked me "how do I get out of it quick?"
How you get out of a quick as you decide.
You decide as a kid that you are going to be obedient.
Now I know that I'm talking about house cleaning and that's my specialty
and obedience is not my specialty.
But I will share this with you.
I grew up in a really large family.
There are 19 of us kids.
And I do know a little bit about obedience.
Here's what I know about obedience:
If you are obedient and if you follow the rules whatever the rules are, whatever game
you're playing whoever is in charge, life is so much easier.
And your choices go far beyond what you might suspect.
Because when your obedient and you follow the rules what happens is that creates an
environment of reciprocity.
That's a really big word but what reciprocity means is if I do something nice for you, you
want to do something nice back for me.
It also works in a negative way.
If I don't clean my room and I don't be obedient, then I get a punishment.
So, if I give something out something comes back to me of the same kind.
If I'm obedient then your parent comes back and says "Wow you were really obedient.
How can I help you get what you want?"
And it works the other way.
Instead of taking away your privileges they want to give you more privileges.
Right?
So how do you get out of this quick?
The very first thing you do is you ask your mother or your dad whoever grounded you.
"What does a clean room look like?"
And have them explain it to you because it might be that you honestly don't know.
And if you don't know, you need to clarify.
"Does that mean that my clothes are picked up?"
"Does that mean that my shoes are picked up and put away?"
"Does that mean that all the books in my room are put up on a shelf?"
"Does that mean that all my Lego toys are stacked or in a bin?"
What does that look like?
Because once they explain the rules to you and you know exactly what it means to have
a clean room, then you can go and do those things.
How do you get out of grounding quickly?
My suggestion is this play a game.
Here's the game between you and me.
Let's see if you can keep your room so clean that your mother or your dad never,
has to ask you again.
Because that would really freak them out, right?
If they've asked you all summer, and you have not kept your room clean all summer, thus
your grounded for the summer?
If suddenly you started cleaning your room and you always maintained it.
And you always kept it clean, and they never had to ask you again.
That would spook them, wouldn't it?
And that would be awesome.
Let's spook your folks into never having to ask us to clean our room again.
That would be so cool.
Okay, and then what happens is after you've kept your room clean for a week, go back to
your mom or your dad.
Whoever grounded you and say; "Listen, I've decided that having a clean room
was a good idea.
And I respect your authority.
And so, from a week ago, I started cleaning my room.
And I've kept it clean every day for a whole week.
And my goal is to keep it clean every day from here on out.
And I would like to prove to you, that I can keep my room clean every day
from here on out.
So, let's make a new deal.
I don't like being grounded.
And if I can keep my room clean every single day and you inspect my room every day, every
day that my room passes that inspection, can I be off of grounding?
And if for some reason I don't clean my room on a particular day, you can put me back into
grounding."
And make a deal.
It's called negotiation.
You make a deal with your parents.
And if you make that kind of a deal that's a reasonable kind of deal.
And if they grounded you for the whole summer for not cleaning your room, if your room is
clean every day for the rest of the summer, there's no reason to keep you in grounding.
Your parents don't want to keep you in grounding.
It's like when adults are in prison they do what's called a parole.
They have a hearing, and they are judged on their good behavior.
And if they're good behavior is appropriate,
sometimes they let those people out of prison early.
So, it is possible that you could get out of your grounding early.
But if you will follow the rules starting today…
and it doesn't matter what the rules are.
If they say "We're going somewhere.
Please go get in the car."
You want to be the first one in the car.
If they say "it's dinner time."
You want to be the first one at the dinner table.
You want to be as obedient as possible because with obedience comes rewards not punishments.
Does that make sense?
Alright, so I'm going to let you go and I want you to go clean your room.
Find out from your mother or your dad what that looks like.
And then follow all of the rules that they give you, all the instructions.
And do that every day from here on out - and you will be out of grounding quickly because
that's how parents work.
Alright, that's my tip for today.
And until we meet again,
leave the world a cleaner place than when you found it.
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