After having come out, not to my parents, just come out in the gay world, I know my
parents noticed a shift in my activities, a shift in my friendships.
These are two very good, kind, loving people who are devoted to their religion and devoted
to their children.
So, you really don't want to ask too many questions in that situation because maybe
they're starting to get an inkling about that I might be gay but probably wouldn't
even discuss it with themselves.
There came a time when I was coming home from college for the weekend.
I think I took a bus home and my dad picked me up at the bus station.
On the way home, he told me about a telephone call he had gotten at work.
A gentleman who did not identify himself had said, you know, "I just want you to know
that your son is being seen around town with known homosexuals and you should do something
about this before they turn him into one."
So, you know, I was taken aback a little bit.
But I said immediately, "Well, Dad, I am a known homosexual myself.
I'm gay and I know that I'm gay."
He didn't seem shocked by this information.
He jumped in immediately and said, "I love you.
Your mother and I love you.
We're there for you.
We don't really understand how this happened."
So when we got home, we sat down with my mother, too, because obviously she was privy to this
information as well.
The three of us sat down and discussed.
I didn't give them many details at all but that I'm gay, I'm happy being gay, this
is who I am.
So their initial response was to send me to a therapist.
I went for one visit.
It was a Catholic therapist, too, you know, so.
He actually told my parents that he thought I was quite well-adjusted and that they probably
shouldn't worry much about me, which was a blessing.
From that point on, their reaction was more containment.
And that's the way it would stay for a long time.
I would bring friends home from college or after I moved away out of Louisville, I'd
bring boyfriends home.
They accepted everyone that I ever brought through the front door.
They were kind, gracious.
Never wanted to know what the relationship was, really.
I'm sure they must have known.
They loved all these guys that I brought home.
I think it probably made them happy that I did have people in my life, but of course
they wouldn't ask questions and it stayed that way for close to twenty years, probably.
Until my partner - I got into a long term relationship and, of course, I would bring
him home all the time.
His name was Chase, and they knew him very well.
About five years into the relationship, he was diagnosed with HIV and full-blown AIDS
all at the same time.
And I knew this was a point where, okay, you know, we have to get real with each other
now.
So I sat down and wrote a very long letter to them.
I remember the first line was "Oh my God!
A letter from Mikey!
What's wrong?"
So I said, "Nothing's wrong, really, but I have things I need to tell you about."
The phone rings and they're both on.
One's on one extension, one's on the other.
They were so supportive.
They asked questions, actually, because they weren't prone to asking questions.
And they asked questions about Chase, how is he doing.
They responded very well.
Again, these are two very kind, loving people.
And they had grown also.
And my father as well, too, it opened the door.
He was never really that comfortable talking about it.
But one time, when I came home on a weekend and he - I was taking him to work.
I don't remember what triggered the conversation, but all of a sudden, he said, "You know,
I want you to understand.
A parent can't love one child more than another, but," he said, "I want you to
understand that I know that you've had a more difficult row to hoe than most people."
And he said, "I want you to know how proud I am of you for how you've lived your life."
And I realized later that I could have probably opened up the dialogue much earlier than I
had.
But you just don't know these things.
And as long as things were going really well between us, you know, I just didn't feel
a need.
I think it would be important to understand your parents first, because not everyone can
be upfront with their parents, and to understand that there might be consequences, negative
consequences.
It did bother me that there was so much of my life that I didn't share with them, and
I realized that I probably could have much earlier than I did.
So I would say sooner rather than later is what I would tell most people who are thinking
about coming out to their parents.
For more infomation >> What is Utopia? | Definition of Utopia | Meaning of Utopia - Duration: 26:55. 
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