Have you ever busted a nut in a fat bitch you kidn- I mean, made a genuine connection
with at the bus stop and thought: yeah, that's pretty much all I wanted to do with my life,
I might as well drink the rest of my chloroform because its all downhill from here?
Bill Cosby and I can't be the only ones.
Luckily, we remember that there are other things to do in life besides blowing a virus
laden soup of steaming penis poop into the inner folds of a life-weary single mother
of four, well, six if you include the abortions, and we go on with our lives.
I mention this, because at times, Stalker: Clear Sky feels like the developers busted
that fat Shadows of Chernobyl nut, and were ready to call it quits and switch to sucking
dicks for donuts behind the 711; as we all do from time to time, but one of those potato
drinking haters of capitalism remembered that they never got around to implimenting a faction
war system into the original game, and that also, there was a whole shit-load of annoying
glitches left on the table that were just begging to be utilized.
As a result, that man was sent to the gulag and Stalker: Clear Sky was developed in his
memory.
Clear Sky is a prequel to Shadows of Chernobyl, with the content of an expansion pack, and
sells for the price of DLC.
Gameplay is mostly the same as it was in the original game.
You're still sniping ukrainian rock collectors in order to steal their last 3 bullets and
loaves of bread.
Except now, enemies can hit you with perfectly cooked grenades from miles aways, while you
might as be flinging your own grenades using only your buttcheeks and dick.
You will also occasionally have to run inside a building while the zone has it's period.
These are the deadliest blowouts and emmissions since that time I tripped and caused an accidental
six man pile up during a pick up of game of butts vs nuts basketball at magic johnson's
home court.
Turf wars between warring factions are the focus of Clear Sky, and as a result, you'll
rarely encounter mutants outside of scripted encounters.
If you want to see a blood sucker while playing clear sky, you'll just have to bring your
laptop to a meeting of the european union like the rest of us.
This land grabbing mechanic is pretty cool when it works, and makes the reused enviroments
less of a bore to cross.
Unfortunately, the game will occasionally do it's best impression of Isreal and deny
that the anyone has captured land.
And in my four play throughs of clear sky, I have never succesfully captured the bandit
base.
During my first three attempts, I cleared out the base and waited for reinforcements
that never came.
If I took one step outside of the bandit base, the bandits would respawn and shoot me down
faster than a kennedy who knew too much.
During this playthrough, the door to the base glitched shut, and not even these ferral feminists
could get inside despite their cries for inclusivity.
When the turf mechanic works, the more locations you grab and ammo you supply to outposts,
the better your rewards, available shop items, and gear upgrades will be.
Safe passage through previously contested areas is just icing on that delicious cake.
The three new areas in Clear sky are well designed and remind me more of the open locations
of Call of Pripyat than the narrow passages of the original game.
Though, overall, Clear Sky is the most linear entry in the stalker trilogy.
Since it has to lead to the events of Shadows of Chernobyl, there is only one ending, and
only one way to reach it.
Once you reach the point of no return in Limansk-13, it feels like you're one long winded conversation
about communism short of playing a Metro game.
The new areas mesh well with the old, save for the Clear Sky camp.
For some reason you are forced to wear a blind fold while traveling to or from the Clear
Sky base, much in the way that I bring prospective lifelong hunnies to and from my secret basement.
And if you think a life time is a bit long to keep a girl chained to a radiator, surrounded
by what she can only hope are discarded chicken bones, take into account that I'm talking
about their lives, not mine.
Unfortunately, I cannot complete a review of clear sky without mentioning that the artificial
intelligence tends to break when you quickload.
An enemy path finding glitch prevented me from being able to take out the final boss
and if it was my first playthrough, I would have been appropriatly pissed.
Overall, clear sky is ok.
If you like shadows of chernobyl, you should probably skip to call of pripyat first, but
when you finish with that, clear sky is still worth a play.
Thanks for you time and GOODBYE.
[Click the videos.
Because if you don't click videos.
I'll probably stick my fist in your grandmothers butthole.
Lalalalalalaaaaaaa.]
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