Hi, I'm Dr. Steven Ravnstag. Creator of
The Ever Better Life Course and Developer of Ever Better Thought Technology.
And I want to tell you a little bit about how you can bounce back
from rock bottom. A lot of people in their life, no matter
whether it's with drugs or alcohol or a really bad relationship
maybe a promising career comes to an unceremonious
end.
Very often we hit what we
experience as "ROCK BOTTOM EXPERIENCES" in our life.
Some people respond really effectively
to those thing, some people are like the Phoenix and they come up
from the ashes and they transcend the situation
and are better off than they were before it happened. Other people really struggle
and I think it has less to do with the nature of
experience and MORE to do with HOW the person RELATES to
it. I've studied people who do these things and I've found
consistently the people who rehabilitate
the people who get back to where they started
have different patterns than the people who aren't able to get back and the people
who actually go way beyond where they were before the event even happened
have different ways of relating than either of those two groups.
One of the things about hitting rock bottom that noone tells you is that
there is a trampoline down there! And the harder you hit
if you say "man the lower i go
and the harder I hit when I got down there, the higher I'm going to come up"
AS SOON as you start to think in that way rather than thinking
"someone in a situation like this
at best I could hope to get back to half
as good as I was before" If you think that way, you WILL create outcomes
that are consistent with that.
One thing to understand is that the way that you relate to
your rock bottom will determine what your experience of hitting rock bottom
and rebounding from it will be.
Another thing is that too often
rehabilitation programs, there are so many of them
and many of them do really wonderful things for people, I think that
one of the big mistakes that really really good people who really want to help
One of the big mistakes that they make is that they teach
people to shoot for simple "rehabilitation"
Which is to say we just want to get you back to where you were before
you became addicted to this, before this bad thing happened. And I think if we're
going to go to all this trouble, if we're going to do all this
stuff and go through all this pain of change and invest all this time
and money and effort and blood and sweat and tears
WHY would we shoot for getting you back to where
you were before the bad thing happened? I really believe that EVERY adversity
carries with it the seed of a greater benefit. Not an equivalent benefit
not something bad happens and you can get back to where you were
before, sure you can, BUT why not double it?
Why not take it and times it by 4?
Because did you know that you that your mind can do that? You mind is this Goal Seeking Mechanism
If you have a troubling event in your life, if you
go through a Dark Night of the Soul, if you have a period of time
where you are sure you'll never come back and you say
in that moment, "god, this is it, this is that moment for me"
"AND this means that it's time to sky rocket to a hundred times
more than I ever would have had or become
or achieved without that event" That your mind will begin
to set into work the THINKING and the ACTING and the
ways of perceiving information and relating to your environment
that WILL CREATE that reality for you.
One of the 5 things that have held me back in my life more than anything else is a simple lack
of Imagination.
And in this really
scientific, super rational, we've got protocols,
the way that we respond to people who are having
a mental health crisis or a substance abuse issue sometimes
we can lose sight of the REAL INTANGIBLE MAGIC
of the HUMAN MIND and the POWER of IMAGINATION.
And its great to give people what they need in a given situation
BUT always the MOST important things is
to connect them to THEIR INTERNAL RESOURCES. WHY
did they become addicted to this in the first place? The ONLY reason anybody
ever does anyTHING is because
they did have something BETTER TO DO. And if you want to
keep people from doing things that have been self-destructive in the past
it doesn't matter WHAT it is, whether it's a clinical diagnosis,
or if it's some kind of a habit that is not resourceful
You better give them something BETTER to do!
If people are THINKing in ways that are causing them to FEEL
bad, you need to give them BETTER things to THINK about, you need to give them
BETTER ways to FEEL, give them Experiential Reference Points
for preferrable alternatives and
then you don't have to tell a person to get excited about
a delicious plate of food that's in front of them. You don't have to tell somebody who's into
making money to get excited about a million dollar deal,
Human Beings are Naturally Addicted to Perpetual Improvement.
If we can get you addicted to the RIGHT things
if we can get you to be WRONG about the RIGHT things that you believed about yourself
that aren't true that were limiting you, that were holding you back and get you addicted to
the right kinds of things like: Making Money or providing Value to
other people or helping other people or teaching people things that they need to know
then ALL of a sudden the same mechanisms that created
the catastrophic problems in your life can begin
to catapult you to places WAY beyond where you would have been before
I've worked with people who have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and
bipolar disorder and I made it very clear
that the point here is not to
get you so that you can be out of the
hospital, the point here is not to get you off your medication because
I think that's lame, I think that shooting way too/putting the bar way too low
I want you to be WAY above average
Because that's what I've found, the hardest thing to cure people of
is GENERALIZED MEDIOCRITY. The hardest people to work with
are the people who don't have an "acknowledged problem"
because they've got the problem that everybody has, which is that they're falling
short of their potential.
If I've got a person in crisis I love it
that's my favorite kind of person to work with. You're easy
because you know how bad life can be and that gives you a reference point
If we can get you out of that we're just going to fling you
slingshot you way up into a really really incredible life!
That's so much easier to fix than the monotonous,
somnambulistic complacency of someone who just
sits in front of the tv. Pff If you see things that aren't there
No problem! We can sort that out
easily enough, tell me what you want, tell me how you want to feel
don't tell me about how you're feeling, tell me how you WANT to feel, oh you don't know?
oh well NO WONDER you're doing the stuff that you're doing! You don't even know how you want to
feel. I can't imagine what I would be doing if I didn't
know what I wanted in my life. I can't imagine what I would be thinking about
if I didn't know what I wanted to be thinking about, how I wanted to be feeling
the behaviors that I want to engage with. So this is a very, kind of,
sort of irreverent, very unconventional way of approaching
people and this is why it works SO WELL. Because I come in
with the exact opposite of all of the assumptions
of all of the therapist, substance abuse counselors,
experts, that sit down with these people, who do very good work
but there is also a place for saying- hmm
what do you WANT in your life? Aren't you glad that you're at this point
right now? Where you are forced to confront what is not working
in your life? And since we have you here
why don't we engineer and build from the ground up
an incredible life experience that you would have never
thought to live,
had you not hit rock bottom in the
way that you did.
When you change the fact
When you change the way an addict relates to their personal history
so that they don't accept it, but they embrace it and they're glad that it happened
because they recognize that it saved them from the lame kind of
mediocre life that they might have otherwise lived. Now that's
a really powerful person.
Someone who is able to accept
the past is able to respond to it and kind of get along okay
someone who is GLAD that the worst thing in their life happened to them because
that is THE THING that is going to get them where they want to go
then that's a different person, that's a different level
that's a new level of Personal Power and
when the person has that, that level of Self-Efficacy, when they've got that
level of conviction, when they KNOW that not only can they
survive something, but they can UTILIZE that thing to create
exactly what they want in their life. Not doing
drugs again is not an accomplishment
for that person, that's just embedded within all the
tremendous accomplishments that they're going to create in their life
and that's the thing that I found you take those remedial changes "I want to stop
doing this, I want to start doing this..." You take that stuff and you embed
that within a bigger picture. The problem with so many people is that they
shoot for where they want to go instead of shooting for 1000 feet above it
and then they run into problems and then they fall short and they
slip up and create problems for themselves, but when you really shoot for
really outlandish stuff, get crazy about what it is
that you want in your life, because the crazy thing is not that you want that, the crazy
thing is that you think it's crazy to want it, the CRAZY thing is that you think you can't have it!
And if you get a person shooting for that stuff the SAME mechanism that
created problems for them start working for them
they start going to achieving those things.
That's the benefit
of Rock Bottom. I think it's great, I think it's perfect
I think it's EXACTLY what was supposed to happen, I think it perfectly positions
the person for moving forward and creating what they want in their life
moving into the future. I don't think anything better could
have happened to them, I think the worst aspects, the most loathesome
the most shameful, the things that they hate the worst
about the person that they were as a result of those bad things happening to them
THOSE ARE THE BEST THINGS THAT EVER HAPPENED TO THEM. AND I can convince them that
that is TRUE too and once you convince them of that
there is NOTHING to stop them. Their full force
of their personality is aligned behind creating what they want. There's no
part of them that is resisting it, there is no part that is ashamed,
there is no part that says "Oh I hope it doesn't happen again..." because they don't have time
to think about what they don't want, because they are SO BUSY Consciously and
intentionally focusing on and Obsessing over creating
exactly what they want in their life.
So if you know someone that has hit rock bottom or maybe has hit rock bottom many times
and hit rock bottom and is hanging out down there. Maybe they had a divorce,
really bad financial situation, health crisis,
addiction issue, if they're just struggling to get their life together
and you know they want to, you want them to, you know
they can, but it's just not happening
GET THEM ON THE PHONE WITH ME.
Let me talk to them, send them to EverBetterLife.com set up a phone consultation
with me I will talk to them, I will get their gears
turning in the right direction, I will get them thinking
the same thing you're thinking when you're watching this video and once you start that process
once you start rewiring them, once you start getting them moving in the
right direction, that's ALL THEY NEED. So please
LIKE this video, COMMENT, SHARE it, because there are people that NEED
to know this information, there are people that NEED to bounce back
there are people who have the capacity to bounce back, but no one told them
that it's not a climb up, it's a bounce up, that it's ALL about how you RELATE
to the situation, UTILIZING the situation, and making that stuff happen so
thanks so much for watching, I really really appreciate it, I'll see you
again very soon.
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