[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
Welcome back to the show.
Birth control is a goddamn miracle.
It lets women choose if and when to get pregnant,
and that time is exactly when we want
to steal the thunder from a friend's
engagement announcement.
Birth control is incredibly useful.
The problem is that it's so useful,
it's being used as a treatment for a hell
of a lot of things that aren't "keep that baby out of me."
Now we all know that birth control is
basic preventive care that women rely on for a whole host
of reasons--
not just pregnancy prevention, but also health conditions
like endometriosis and fibroids and other health conditions.
Other health conditions like PCOS and dysmenorrhea
and wanting to hit and quit Derek.
If a cis-woman is having a problem between her belly
button and her knees, birth control
is often the only non-surgical treatment option she has,
and for conditions like endometriosis,
that really sucks.
Actually, everything about endometriosis sucks.
At times, it feels like there's just a chainsaw
going through you like nonstop, and--
to the point where it goes in your back and into your legs--
just nonstop pain.
SAMANTHA BEE: Aside from the intense pain,
it also causes a host of other problems,
including infertility and chronic fatigue.
It also increases your risk of a heart attack
by 52%, which is awful since we already have increased risk
of heart attack from worrying that Jen
secretly doesn't like us.
Eye contact is always so short.
You would think that a disease that is so painful it can
actually stop your heart would at least be well understood,
but doctors seem to have no fucking
clue what endometriosis is.
What is endometriosis?
Well, it is a disease, but it's a condition [LAUGHING]
where the cells that are normally inside the uterus
occur outside the uterus.
How do they get there?
We don't know.
It's like finding all of your furniture on your front lawn
and the police are like, "That's life.
Want to take the pill?"
One in 10 women suffer from endometriosis,
and it's just one of the many painful, debilitating lady
diseases that gets treated with birth control and a shrug.
There's also dysmenorrhea, irregular
or excessive bleeding, and polycystic ovary syndrome.
PCOS afflicts one in 10 women with symptoms
like weight gain, hair growth, fertility
problems, and diabetes.
The only way that women could hate this disease more
is if it also gave you Trump's dick pic.
Ew.
Since these diseases are incredibly common, poorly
understood, and so painful it's like your body is reenacting
"Saw" every month, you'd think there would be tons
of medical research devoted to curing them,
but you would be wrong.
10% of women have endometriosis, and it gets around $10 million
of funding per year.
10% of people have diabetes and it gets $1 billion
of funding per year.
I mean, to be fair, people have a better grasp
on diabetes thanks to movies like "Steel Magnolias"
and babysitters like Stacey.
Stacey, don't go into the candy shop.
In the meantime, all you get is birth control.
So if you have these diseases but want to get pregnant,
you are shit outta luck.
But the good news is we have literally dozens of medications
to help men fuck good.
Well, good for them, anyway.
I mean, there's no pill to teach a dude to cut his fucking
nails before he puts--
you know what?
That's a subject for another headline.
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