ONCE UPON A TIME SO VERY LONG AGO,
IN AN ENCHANTED "PINKDOM,"
NOT THE ONE THAT YOU KNOW,
THERE LIVED MANY LOVABLE CHARACTERS,
THE GREATEST, THE BEST,
BUT LITTLE PINK RIDING HOOD
WAS LOVED MUCH MORE THAN THE REST.
HE WAS GOOD, HE WAS KIND, HE WAS
OH, SO SWEET, BRINGING TREATS
TO HIS GRANNY, WHO WAS NURSING SORE FEET.
HE SKIPPED QUITE A LOT.
NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHY.
LITTLE PINK RIDING HOOD WAS JUST THAT KIND OF GUY.
(woman whistles)
THEN THERE'S THE PIGGY WITH HOUSE MADE OF STRAW,
WHOSE EFFORTS TO THWART HIM
MADE BIG, BAD WOLFY GUFFAW.
(wolf howls)
BECAUSE THAT CLEVER OLD WOLF
WAS A GARDNER BY TRADE,
HE FIRED UP HIS LEAF-BLOWER,
AND PIGGY'S HOUSE WAS PUREED.
THOUGH I DON'T THINK HE PLANNED IT...
HE CRASHED THE HOUSE MADE OF STICKS,
LEAVING THREE FRIGHTENED PIGS
IN A HOUSE MADE OF BRICKS.
WELL, THE WOLF WASN'T DONE.
NO, HE WAS HUNGRY AND MEAN,
AND HE RAN OFF TO FIND AN EVEN BIGGER MACHINE.
A GIGANTIC THING WITH A HUGE WRECKING BALL,
HE'D FRICASSEE THAT HOUSE.
A SIDE OF BACON FOR ALL.
"UH-OH" WAS THE THOUGHT I THINK THAT HE HAD
WHEN THE GIGANTIC BALL CRASHED DOWN ON HIS HEAD.
LITTLE PINK RIDING HOOD WAS WELL ON HIS WAY.
NOTHING COULD STOP HIM FROM GETTING TO GRANNY'S THIS DAY.
(accordion plays)
(wolf laughs)
BUT WHAT? WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
THAT WOLF IS UP TO SOMETHING,
SOMETHING AWFUL, I FEAR.
"THREE BEANS FOR THE BASKET I'LL TRADE YOU," HE CROWED.
BUT PINK RIDING HOOD SHOOK HIS HEAD,
"NO, NO, NO,"
SAID BYE-BYE TO THE WOLF,
AND SKIPPED OFF DOWN THE ROAD.
BUT IT'S NOT OVER YET.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW.
A STRANGE MAN IN SHORTS SHOWED UP WITH A COW.
BUT STOP. WAIT A MINUTE.
THOSE BEANS ARE POSSESSED.
THAT STALK IS GIGANTIC.
I'M REALLY IMPRESSED.
MM.
BUT GIVEN SOME THOUGHT, AND IT'S ONLY A HUNCH...
I'D RATHER CLEAN UP AFTER A COW THAN BE SOMEBODY'S LUNCH.
ROUND ONE.
MANY GREAT SCHOLARS HAVE BEEN PUZZLED
BY THIS FAMOUS CONUNDRUM.
ONE PLUS ONE EQUALS WHAT?
TAKE YOUR TIME, CONTESTANTS.
THIS IS A TRICKY QUESTION.
(laughs)
EL DESTRUCTO RINGS IN FIRST.
WHAT IS YOUR ANSWER, EL?
(scrawling and murmuring)
OH, NO, THAT IS JUST SO WRONG.
IT'S SLIME TIME!
I LOVE THIS GAME.
ROUND TWO: SUMO MADNESS!
TO ADVANCE TO THE NEXT ROUND,
YOU MUST REMOVE YOUR OPPONENT FROM THAT PLATFORM.
(air horn blows)
AFTER YEARS OF TRAINING,
EL DESTRUCTO'S BODY HAS BECOME A FINELY-TUNED MACHINE.
JUST LOOK AT THOSE HANDS!
DESIGNED TO DISTRACT AND CONFUSE HIS OPPONENT,
HE CAREFULLY MOVES IN TO DELIVER THE FINAL--
OH, WAIT!
WE'VE NEVER SEEN THIS ONE BEFORE.
THAT IS QUITE A FALL.
(splat)
OUCH, WHAT AN UPSET.
ROUND THREE:
PUGIL STICK BATTLERAMA!
OUR CONTESTANT MUST STAY ON HIS TOWER
TO ADVANCE TO THE NEXT ROUND.
(electronic crackle)
EL DESTRUCTO WASTES NO TIME.
LOOK AT THAT COMBAT-TESTED PRECISION.
WHAT TECHNIQUE.
WHAT STYLE.
OUR CONTESTANT SHOULD BE GIVING UP RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
OH, THAT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE!
ROUND FOUR.
TREADMILL MAYHEM!
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS MAKE IT TO THE FINISH LINE
ON A TRICYCLE TO COMPLETE THE TASK.
OH, AND WATCH OUT FOR EL DESTRUCTO AND EL DESTRUCTO, JR.
(laughing)
(air horn blows)
THERE HE GOES, AND THERE GOES EL DESTRUCTO.
THAT E-Z CHAIR'S NOT GONNA MAKE HIS LIFE ANY EASIER.
AND HE BETTER NOT START FEELING TOO SAFE.
EL DESTRUCTO WANTS TO TIRE THIS GUY OUT.
AND HE'S NOT JUST CLOWNING AROUND.
HE'S AL-MOOSED DONE HIM IN.
THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE TOO PICKY, FOLKS.
(laughs deliriously)
SOMEONE PLEASE STOP ME!
NO, SERIOUSLY, STOP ME!
(springs)
(cheers and applause)
WELL, WELL, OUR CONTESTANT SURE MADE SHORT WORK
OUT OF THIS OBSTACLE COURSE.
BUT WAIT, EL DESTRUCTO HAS ONE MORE TRICK UP HIS SLEEVE:
AN ELEPHANT TOSS.
OR SHOULD I SAY AN ELEPHANT DROP?
OUCH.
ROUND FIVE.
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU'RE THE FIRST TO EVER MAKE IT THIS FAR!
BUT ARE YOU READY FOR THE FINAL CHALLENGE?
THE GAUNTLET!
(audience gasps)
(metallic clank)
HA HA HA HA!
(gulp)
READY?
GOOD!
GO, GO, GO!
LET'S SEE HOW HE FARES AGAINST THE COLLOSAL ROBOBASHER!
WITH EL DESTRUCTO, JR. IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT,
I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE IN THE CHALLENGER'S SHOES.
FOR THOSE WITH WEAK STOMACHS,
NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO TURN AWAY.
THIS IS ABOUT TO GET UGLY.
(explosion)
(mechanical whirring)
IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S ALL OVER
FOR OUR COURAGEOUS CHALLENGER.
BUT WAIT, IT'S THE OLD CRAYON DUMMY TRICK!
VERY CLEVER!
(toys squeaking)
(knobs squeaking)
(funky music)
♪ ♪
(knob squeaking)
(record scratches)
(teeth chattering)
(knob squeaking)
AH.
(groaning)
(knobs squeaking)
(water running)
(objects clattering)
(monkey chattering)
(hair dryer whirring)
(object whirring)
(knobs squeaking)
AAH!
(groaning)
UNH!
AAH!
(whistling)
AAH!
(groans)
(crying)
AAH!
AAH!
(birds chirping)
(air hissing)
(groans)
(chuckles evilly)
(laughing evilly)
(refrigerator whirring)
(ice clinking)
(toys laughing)
(laughter in the distance)
(beep)
(wind whooshing)
(laughing)
(jazzy Pink Panther theme)
♪ ♪
(squeaks)
(electronic blasting)
MM?
(cackles)
(running)
(chimes)
(bell ringing)
boing! boing! boing!
(bell ringing)
(bell ringing)
thwack!
(bell ringing)
(growls)
(laughs maniacally)
(screams)
(birds chirping)
(pop)
(bell ringing)
(tires squeaking)
(bell ringing)
(tickets clicking)
OW!
(bell ringing)
(tickets clicking)
(growls)
(grunts)
OH!
(grunting)
(hollers)
(exclaims)
(groans)
boing!
(dance music)
♪ ♪
(bell ringing)
(chuckles)
♪ ♪
(whirring)
WHA?
(Irish-style electronic music)
♪ ♪
(grumbling)
(exclaims)
(soft breezy music)
♪ ♪
(drill-like whirring)
(blabbers)
(exclaiming)
(exploding fireworks)
(wheels squeaking)
(celestial tones)
♪
(squeaking and muttering)
(monkey chatters)
(flatulence)
(chittering)
(shrieks)
(item rubbing against package)
(triumphant tone)
(remote control beeps)
(beeping)
(engine racing)
(tires screech)
(vacuum snarling)
(vacuum sucking)
(remote control beeps)
(engine racing)
(glass shatters)
(remote control beeps)
(garage door opening, closing)
(crash)
(airplane flying overhead)
(remote control beeping)
(engines blast)
(remote control beeps)
(plane swooshing)
(bike bell rings)
(remote control beeps)
(growling)
(howls)
(remote control beeps)
(remote control beeps)
(werewolf snarls)
(remote control beeping rapidly)
(bike bell rings)
(gasping)
(grunting)
(thud)
OHH!
(grunting)
UHH!
(whimpers)
DOH!
(crash)
(rollers clanking)
(murmuring)
OOOOH!
(sheepish laugh)
UHH!
(grunting)
(grumbles)
(sheepish laugh)
(growls)
(whimpering)
HYUH! AH! AH!
(clucking softly)
(chuckles deviously)
(imitating chicken clucking)
(crows)
(worried grunt)
(sheepish laugh)
(growling)
(angry clucking)
(panicked clucking)
(laughing)
(screams)
(devious chuckle)
(remote control beeps)
(remote control beeps)
(deep bass)
(gentle breeze sound)
(gale force wind sound)
(system shuts off)
(articles clattering)
(remote control beeps)
(monkey chattering)
(chair crashes)
(chair growling)
(remote control beeps)
(chair hollers)
(remote control beeps)
(remote control beeps)
(remote control beeps)
(pop)
(boing)
(remote control beeps)
(remote control beeps)
(remote control beeps)
(remote control beeps)
(remote control beeps)
WHEW!
(handle squeaks)
(faucet running)
(television playing)
(handle squeaking)
(channels changing)
(water splashing)
(handle squeaking)
(channels changing)
(lasers firing)
(droid beeping)
(lasers firing)
(remote control beeps)
(water pouring)
(lasers firing)
(sipping)
(horse whinnies)
(grumbles)
(giggling)
(grumbles)
(whistle blows, echoes)
(laughs)
(whistle blows)
(laughs)
(laughing) HEY. HUH?
HEY!
(grumbles)
(gasps)
AAH! OOF.
HUH?
(bell clangs)
AH HA HA HA HA!
(wheelbarrow squeaks)
(laughing)
(pumpkin squeaks)
(rumbling)
(sighs)
RRRR!
(panting)
(air hose squeaking)
AH!
(escaping air squealing)
UGH!
(explosion booms)
(laughing sinisterly)
(rabbits snarling)
(panting)
(buzz saw grinding)
(panting)
(laughing)
HMM?
(snarling)
MMM!
NNNH!
(growling)
HA HA HA HA HA!
(rabbits growling)
(buzz saw grinding)
(crashing)
(birds tweeting)
(groaning)
(contestants giggling)
(mud bubbling)
HEH HEH HEH HEH!
(straining, laughs)
OH HO HO HO HO!
HMM? HMM.
HEH HEH HEH HEH! NYUK.
AHA! HA HA!
(neighs)
OH!
(crash)
(air whistling)
(oink oink)
OOH!
(pigs growl)
RRR!
(boing boing)
(riders screaming)
RRR!
(grunts)
MMM!
(riders screaming)
(shouting)
(growling)
YAAH!
WHAA!
HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!
(grunting)
UH!
RRR!
YAAH!
AAH!
(jet engine streaking)
AAAH!
(air whistling)
(splat)
(splat)
HEE HEE HEE HA HA HA!
HUH?
NNH!
(cheers and applause)
RRR!
HUH?
(rabbits growling)
AAH!
(screaming)
(dog whimpers)
(barking)
(baby crying)
(child laughing)
(whistle blows)
(whistle blowing)
(motor whirring)
WHA--
(whistle blowing)
(laughing nervously)
(barking)
(whistle blows)
HMM?
(birds chirping)
(whistle blowing)
(barking)
(bleating)
(bleating)
(spraying)
(yawning)
(eerie whispering)
HMM HMM HMM!
(evil laugh)
(growling)
AHH!
AHH!
(lawnmower running)
(rustling)
(bleating)
(stretching)
(lawnmower running)
(high-pitched squeaking)
(bleating)
(screeching)
(bleating)
PHEW!
(bleating)
(bleating)
(high-pitched speaking)
(screeching)
(giggling)
(gulping, chewing)
(jackhammer hammering)
(heavenly music)
GOOD MORNING, PINK.
HOPE THAT THE DAY FINDS YOU WELL.
HO, HO, IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE ANOTHER SCORCHER.
ICE CREAM?
INSPIRED CHOICE, SIR.
NOW FINDING YOUR ROUTE.
RIGHT. WE'RE OFF, THEN.
APPROACHING YOUR FINAL DESTINATION.
YOU HAVE ARRIVED.
PINK LEMONADE SHERBET?
OH, WHAT AN EXCELLENT CHOICE, SIR.
THAT CERTAINLY BRINGS BACK MEMORIES.
AH, YES. MY FATHER WAS A COMPASS, YOU KNOW,
AND HE JUST LOVED PINK LEMONADE.
(electricity crackling)
(jumbled speech)
WHERE AM I, DEAR BOY?
ICE CREAM?
OH, DEAR, NO, NO, NO.
MY BABY DESERVES SOMETHING MUCH HEALTHIER.
UH, NOW, UH, LET'S SEE HERE.
AH, NOW A HEALTHY SMOOTHIE
WOULD BE JUST THE THING FOR MY LITTLE POPPET.
NOW LET'S BUCKLE UP.
YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO SAFE.
OH, JUST LOOK AT GRANNY'S LITTLE PRINCE.
LET'S GET GOING, SHALL WE?
(tires screeching)
(blowing whistle)
(tires screeching)
HELLO, DEAR.
I'D LIKE TO ORDER AN EXTRA-LARGE
RAZZAMAGOGO OMEGA GAMMA THREE-B HAPPY TILAPI FIBRO BLASTER,
WITH EXTRA BROCCOLI FOAM TO GO, PLEASE.
BOTTOMS UP, DEAR.
NOW, ISN'T THAT SO MUCH BETTER THAN ICE CREAM?
AH, WHAT A LOVELY DAY.
AH, THIS DRY HEAT DOES WONDERS FOR MY COMPLEXION.
DON'T YOU...
ICE CREAM? THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, BROTHER.
(engine revs)
WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?
TIME TO PUSH IT TO THE MAX, BROTHER!
PEDAL TO THE METAL!
(screams)
WHOO-HOO!
(siren wails)
HERE COMES OUR SHORTCUT, BROTHER.
THIS'LL SAVE US LOADS OF TRAFFIC TIME.
TO THE EXTREME!
(siren wails)
AAH!
YEE-HA!
WHO NEEDS A HIGHWAY WHEN WE CAN GO MY WAY?
NOW THIS IS MY KIND OF TRAFFIC.
RIGHT TURN COMING UP.
HA HA! HA HA! HA HA!
(electric music plays)
♪
(thuds)
(jazzy music continues)
♪
(struggling)
(electric jazz melody)
(jazzy duet)
♪
(electronic music)
♪
(upbeat jazzy music continues)
♪
(loud musical blast)
AH!
(yelling)
UMPH!
♪
(shrieking)
OOF!
(pounding on glass)
AGH!
(growls)
♪
(bagpipes play)
♪
(bagpipe, accordion duet)
♪
(Latin music)
♪
(zills clacking)
♪
HEE HEE!
(laughing)
WHOA, WHOA.
OH!
(snaps)
(whistling)
♪
(chuckling)
(whistling continues)
♪
(Arabic music)
♪
(snake hisses)
♪
(musical fanfare)
♪
(birds chirping)
(laughing and growling)
HA HA HA HA!
(screaming)
(quacking)
(sizzling)
(quacking)
QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!
QUACK! QUACK!
(beep)
(speaking fast)
(screeching)
(quacking)
(quacking)
QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!
AH!
(electricity crackling)
(swirling)
(loud explosion)
(chirping, quacking)
(growling and yelling)
EEH?
(whistling)
(splash)
(chuckling)
(cackling)
(cackling)
UGH!
AHH!
MMM!
UGH!
GRRR!
HMM.
UGH!
AW!
(alarm clock rings)
(electric static)
(birds chirp)
YAHOO!
(laughing)
(heroic music)
♪ ♪
(machine computes, whirs)
(evil chuckles)
(maniacal laughter)
(alarm rings)
(ripping)
(crumbling)
(cheers and applause)
(buzzer sounds)
(grumbles)
(electric whirring, grumbles)
(suction noise)
(electric whirring)
(grumbles)
OH! (chuckles)
MM. (evil giggling)
OOH, WHOO-HOO!
(laughing)
(cheers and laughter)
(chuckles)
(suction noise)
(electric whir)
HMM?
(growls)
(whirring)
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