Duke: Have you ever started dating a girl and you were so enraptured by her
gorgeousness that you were not aware that she was absolutely f*****g crazy?
So many of us when we're looking for new partners we just go around finding new
people it's all very exciting but we don't notice all the little red flags
that are popping up that should alert us to the fact that we're gonna spend the
next six months in misery. I'm Duke Deleat from The Attractive Man team and
today on this video we're gonna give you six dating red flags that you can look
out for so you don't spend all this time doing stupid crap that was not useful
for you, your heart, or your relationship. Make sure to stay till the end of the
video because at the end I'm gonna give you two ways to make sure these flags are real when you see them.
Narrator: Many Boot Camps encourage men to be assertive.
Josiah is a master of Day Game.
Matt: We've done all the testing we know what works Duke: Few years ago I had a friend. He was
a tall good-looking Croatian guy and he hit me up for help. He's like "Let's go
get girls" so we jumped in the car, went to the nightclub, I taught him a few
things, and lo and behold he's starting in dates left and right. But he kept
getting in relationships with girls that would do crazy s**t. They call him up
every couple of hours trying to figure out where he's at. Always keeping tabs on
him like throwing tantrums in front of everybody trying to make him look bad in
front of people and just doing over all nonsensical stuff that doesn't really
belong in a mature relationship. One girl in particular would just nag him over
and over and over about spending time with her and then when he wanted to
spend time with her then she would always be busy or marginalize him off to
the side and he got so frustrated he was like what is the point of dating all
these girls when I can't find one that fits? Just because she's hot doesn't mean
she's compatible with you. That's an important word: compatible. If you could
spend a whole bunch of time with somebody you got to make sure that she's
qualified to be in your life so what's the purpose of dating? So we go out we
talk to new people we get caught up and we do this all to start dating. What's
the purpose of dating? Well, we here at the attractive man team think that dating is
for qualification. It's to qualify whether or not she's compatible with you
enough to keep in your life. She's got to be compatible with your status like
she's gonna kind of fit in your world she got to be compatible with your
values and standards and belief systems so that she's not thinking something
totally different over here than you are over here and then she screws with your
mission and you've also got to be sexually compatible. Now relationship
goals can vary, I mean you could want a wife you could want a girlfriend, you can
want multiple girlfriends, you could just want a whole string of one-night
encounters, whatever kind of relationship you're looking for if it's gonna carry
on more than once you can future-proof that relationship by looking for one of
these or all of these six dating red flags. First red flag: She has an external
locus of control. An external locus, in psychological terms means that she puts
her control in the hands of something else. Another situation, another
person, another inanimate object, sometimes she'll blame her parents,
she'll blame her work, she'll blame all the people around her, she'll blame
anything but herself, and she won't take responsibility for building and creating
her own life. I get it, we're living in the world all the stuffs
going on around us, people say things, cars are moving by, temperature changes,
bills are coming up, all of these other external things are happening around us
and we have to deal with it. That's life. But when we place the control of our
emotions in some other place and we give that responsibility to control us, then
we don't have responsibility for how we feel and act in the world and when you
meet a girl who does that stuff she is very quickly likely to blame you for the
problems in her life. That's gonna come up after a couple of weeks, it might come
up right in the beginning, you don't even see it but if she starts to blame other
things for her issues, like if she's late she blames traffic, she blames the alarm
clock, she blamed the dog, she blames her roommate, she blames or whatever. She's
also gonna blame you the next time, and then the next time, and
the next time, if that becomes consistent behavior, she is going to create so much
drama because she refuses to take responsibility for her part in the
relationship and then the relationship is neither mature nor balanced. Also if
you're not subscribed to us hit the subscribe button, and click the little
bell so you get a notification every time we release something new. We're
doing it like twice three times a week now. Dating red flag number two:
Her social groups values don't match your own. Now when you get caught up in a
new relationship and everything's great, your eyes are all wide and and the
oxytocin's running and the dopamine's running and everything's like oh she's
so great future projecting off, holding hands in the park when you're old. That's
gonna burn off eventually and when you're in that state you're more likely
to act in ways that she expects and conversely
she's more likely to act in ways that she thinks that you're gonna like and
that's just kind of how we build rapport as humans. If you go on hang out with her
friends and you realize they have completely different value systems than
you, chances are she has completely different
value systems than you. She's just not showing it or you're not seeing it
because of all the my god she's amazing things that are
going on in your brain. Every social group has different values than you, the
people who've known her for years and years, and years, and years, chances are
she's that kind of person. Not the standout in her crowd. Conversely, if you
went out with her friends and all of her friends talk smack, and they're like... "So
you're you're dating Katie? So what do you see in her?" And they kind of clown on
her in the public spaces and they're, they're, she's kind of the low status of
their group, then she's gonna see you, know chances are she's not gonna bring
you around those people, but if she unabashedly brings you around those
people and those people are like "Um, yeah you're out of her League." that's a big
red flag. You should listen to that, and you should explore more why her friends
think she's a tool. Dating red flag number three: She acts entitled to all of
her requests. Now I understand confidence, I understand
pride even, it's okay to live in a space where you expect things from people.
However, those things should be earned. You can tell in the way she treats
people of lower status, you know the classic example is like how she treats
the waiter. "You are a moron" If she expects things from him and and she
talks down to him as it comes back, there if she talks about her friends in the
same way, like and while they should just do this, and they should just do that, man
then people always need to call me first and all that stuff. She's gonna end up
doing that to you once the initial attraction burns off. And if she started
acting entitled around you she's more likely to put you in a zone where you're
starting to provide, provide, provide, and then start chasing after her which will
kill the attraction even if that's something that you wanted to do. Dating
red flag number four: You two are actually incompatible. So many people
they'll roll up, they'll talk to each other, then have a nice beautiful evening
wherever they met at the nightclub, or whatever, and then they'll they'll go off
and they'll consummate everything. They'll get all connected and intimate,
and then they won't realize that they were actually incompatible on a
fundamental basis. Signs for this, are you arguing all
time? She's always criticizing everything that you're doing she doesn't agree with
your mission and your purpose and the core things that you're doing with your
life and she doesn't listen to you when you talk about your passions. These are
things that you guys can't fix. She can't just be like: "Oh I'm gonna be a little
bit more attentive to his passions.. mmm yeah..." No. If she's into you, she's
into you, if she's not into you, she's not into you. And many times people are into
each other for the feelings that create for each other, and a lot of times for
their own personal validation, it's like "Oh look! I have a hot girl next to me
look how important I am!" And it may seem kind of sad from an external judgmental
perspective, but most of us do it all the time. You know we have good days and got
bad days, and our bad days we tend to like hey maybe I could have a little
validation. That's kind of normal as a human self-worth thing, so a lot of times
we'll date our partners for the feelings or the status or the validation that
they give us and we won't pay attention to the fact that they are actually
themselves and we don't actually get along with them so watch out for signs
that you're not actually compatible and you'll go a long way into not dating
somebody who's bad for you in the long term. Dating red flag number five: She
sucks at relationships in general. You can see this in a relationship with her
friends, relationships with her family, how she talks about her ex-boyfriend how
she talks about her friends ex-boyfriends. You can see her views on
how relationships work, how communication works. Now there's not necessarily right
or wrong to this, but how she communicates should either be as good as
or more effective than how you communicate. That way the communication
stays balanced and you guys can actually get to know each other without all of
these weird dramatic significant things happening. So you can tell that she sucks
at relationships in general by hearing about how she talks to her family, how
she talks to her friends, and how she talks to her exes, if she has commitment
issues you'll be able to see that if you just pay attention to it.
If she has a string of bad relationships and she keeps doing the same thing over
and over and over again, you can pick up on that if you aren't just blinded by
her beauty and her awesome girlishness and,
and, just pay attention, and when you pay attention to that stuff you can pick up.
Oh she tends to do things like this, and I'm kind of the next one in the line of
these things she's probably gonna act very similarly. And the sixth dating red
flag is: She plays power games. People look at life in the number of different
ways they look at it as a game, they look at his competition, they look at it as a
collaboration, they look at it as an experience, a journey, there's all these
metaphors to use for life, but if she looks at life as a competition where she
must win and everybody else must lose, she will do things that will hold her
power over you on a constant basis. Relationships should be a back and forth,
whether or not you look at it as a competition or not, it should be fairly
balanced as it continues to move along and no one person should be dragging the
other person along, you know the initial attraction phase we say make her chase,
you and all that stuff, but in any sort of relationship where you're becoming
intimate, that intimacy will die if there's too much of an imbalance in the
power dynamic. So if she starts to play games, especially like if she like
withholds sex, or she's super violent, or she flips out and starts screaming at
you to get you to shut up, any of those types of like just over-the-top
responses. Those are not real, like those that's not her natural way of doing
things. She does them because it gets her in the winner position, it gets her in
the higher power seat in the relationship, so if she exhibits all that
stuff super early it says a lot about how she's gonna treat you later on in
the relationship when the relationship gets deeper and more invested and more
settled in. She's gonna continue to do those types of power games later on and
they're just gonna be more and more intense as you begin to challenge her
for her role of power in the relationship. A lot of girls because
they've been hurt so many times they don't trust themselves to make good
decisions with mature relationships and so they go into relationships trying to
maintain a one-upmanship over their partner just so that when they cut bait
and leave they don't have to feel responsible for giving up too much
investment or too much of their heart into the relationship. Now spotting these
red flags can be pretty tricky because people are pretty dynamic, but if you can
know what to look for you can get pretty good
filtering people out who aren't compatible with you. So if you're taking
notes, write this thing down because I'll help you be sure these red flags and
you're seeing them is super simple. Tip number one: Look for consistency. If she
does these things over and over and over and over again, then obviously that thing
is a pattern. So look for consistency, however if she doesn't one time, or two
times, or very infrequently, then you can't really count on the fact that
that's her normal behavior. Sometimes specific situations or certain stressors
will bring up a type of behavior because she's handled it in normal life but then
she gets something that she's not expecting and she'll flip out in a
little way, I mean I still do this and sometimes when I get super panicked. I have
a mentor, his name is Johnny Sapporo, and he says that "A sample of one only
determines that the behavior exists but it's not sufficient data to determine
frequency." And that's it, right, if she flips out over something or in a
particular situation, or she's super tired, she acts a certain way that she
doesn't normally act like... you know just pin her down: "Oh no red flag get
out of my life!" That's bad news. We don't wanna do that,
but if it happens over and over again pretty consistently you could be pretty
sure that it's gonna continue to happen over and over again on through the rest
of eternity, and if you're okay with that, then you're okay with that. But if you're
not, then get out. Verifying red flags number two: Communicate early when you
see things happen. Just call it out. Like, "Hey um I noticed you did this and I
don't understand why anybody would do that, what's what's going on? What's going
on in your head while you're thinking that?" And she'll either respond, she'll
not respond, and blow it off, or she'll cut you off and punish you for calling
up something that's been a problem her entire life, and be gauging by her
response you'll get a feeling of how she's gonna continue to handle these
types of situations as you bring them up. Like if she has something that you and
she are not compatible with and then you kind of bring that up, and she flips out
like crazy and and abuses you, then obviously you're gonna want to know that
as you carry on a future relationship with her because any little thing that
you guys disagree on she's going to become abusive, and that's
not acceptable to me, and I sure as hell hope it's not acceptable to you. So
you've been going out, getting dates, and now you know what to look for so you
don't get stuck in a crazy time wasting long relationship that isn't good for
you. If you're not getting dates, check out Matt's video where he shows
you how to go from the approach all the way to the date, and shows you exactly
what to say to keep a sexual vibe going, so that you can get the date super super
quickly. Check out the link in the bottom of the video to access it, go check it
out now if that's your problem. And if you want to train live with us, click the
link below, because we're going all over the world doing live workshops probably
in your city. Until next time, Cheers!
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