- Hello little buns, it is Stef, welcome back to my home.
I know y'all have been worried
about me and here's the thing, okay.
I posted a video, a very dark video, most of you saw it.
It's got the most views out of most of my recent videos.
Where I basically talked about relapsing
into suicidal shit and being really depressed.
And then I posted another video
about three weeks later where I was
really happy and really excited.
And a lot of you interpreted that as me...
Now, I'm not saying that a bipolar 2
diagnosis is inaccurate, I'm not saying that.
But a lot of you interpreted that video
in a painful way, because I was so...
It was like whiplash and I understand that,
but I really just want to make sure
you guys understand that I am stabilizing, okay?
And I wasn't "crazy" in that video.
I was just really happy and really excited
that I could feel good for a day.
And I felt good since, thankfully.
I haven't had a bad day since then.
And I just really want you guys to understand
that I'm in a good place, I've moved, oh my god.
Look at this concrete wall, is this not the coolest thing?
This is gonna be hung eventually.
I'm in early days, I've been living here for two days.
And it's the exact style that I've
always wanted, it's warehouse style.
It's so pretty, I'm really happy with it.
New couch too by the way, I've named her Velma.
So, this is the introduction, thank you.
Anyway, let's get to the point of this video.
Which is kind of dark, but it's more just pondering.
And if you guys follow me on Instagram,
today, the day I'm recording this,
I posted a picture basically saying
I realize that I've become a creator
that is making things for brands and companies
instead of making things for the audience.
And I don't want to be that kind of creator.
I am taking control and I'm gonna start doing
more videos like this, where I'm just talking
at a camera and I'm not gonna worry
about it having to have a sponsor.
I'm not gonna worry about it having to be a
high-production value or lit in the perfect way.
I'm not gonna care, I'm gonna be raw and real,
which is what I've always been.
And talk to you face-to-face like I've always done.
'Cause I feel like I've lost that and I don't like it.
Also, are we loving this no-makeup right now?
Are we loving it?
Anyways, let's focus up.
I've recently received a message from somebody
that I care about that was, very existential.
This is young person, a little bit younger than me,
that is going through a lot of existential right now.
They're dealing with a lot of shit.
One of the things in the conversation was this,
"I'm gonna spend my whole life wanting to die
"and in the end I'm gonna die anyway, so pointless."
I'm smiling, but I'm not laughing, I promise
it's a coping mechanism, okay, I promise.
"Everything is so fake, how are people happy?
"I do not get it."
And what they're referring to basically is they see the
world in a different way than most people,
and I see it this way too, where it's like
there's so much darkness and it feels so heavy.
Because you see, you know, racism, transphobia,
you see ableism, you see all of this shit.
Murder, violence, war and people just going
about their day like it's not happening.
And when you break through that realization,
it's incredibly hard to have a
day-to-day life and not think of all of
that stuff happening right now, constantly.
And there's way that I deal with this,
but I'm gonna kind of guide you through
the conversation that I had with this person.
'Cause I think it's insightful
and I think it's interesting, and I think
a lot of you guys, as my audience,
because I talk about this stuff, okay.
And I think you guys kind of pickup on it.
And that maybe some of you are also having
this weight on your shoulders,
like the world needs to change
and who's gonna do it if not you and all this shit.
So, let's talk about that okay?
So, I replied to this person saying,
in regards to the everything is
so fake how are people happy, I replied saying,
"Sometimes I used to think it's because they're stupid."
I go on from here so don't jump to
a conclusion about what I think here.
"And it's like there is this curtain
"that we've been pushed and forced through."
Through things like mental illness or through
things like experiencing racism and transphobia
or going through things like experiencing ableism.
Living a life that is harder,
because of a system that you cannot change yourself.
It's those situations where you are
not in power, you are not in control of
your circumstance, you are not in control
of your life and people are actively
preventing you from getting that control.
That is when you get into this place of,
holy shit everything is broken
and I can't fix it, how do I fix it,
and why is nobody helping me fix it?
Why does nobody see this broken world
and this broken system, it's when you get into that place
that you can easily slip into some serious darkness.
I say, "It's like this curtain that
"we've been pushed and forced through
"and we've seen what's on the other side.
"And now we can't really go back
"to not knowing what's there."
So it's like, imagine a big, huge room
and all of the people are on one side of
this curtain on the other end.
And everybody thinks it's just a wall
and the curtains just a decoration.
So, you either fall and trip
or you're pushed through by somebody else.
Pushed through this curtain and now you see...
Let's just say for the sake of an analogy,
a huge mound of rotting corpses of all the
people that came before you, let's just, let's just--
Just for the sake of an analogy, okay?
Let's say that's what you see on the other side.
And nobody on the other side knows that's there.
But you're expected to just go back to
the other side of the curtain
and act like you didn't see anything
and act like that problem's not there
and just go back to your normal routine.
That's not really possible, you can't go back from that.
And that's very much like what, waking up...
And I don't like using this phrase in a serious way,
but it's kind of wokeness, right?
It's like when you realize that all this shit happens
and all these problems that people just ignore,
you don't know what to do and it is so heavy
and it feels so heavy and it can drown you.
Anyway, let's go back to the conversation.
And I go on to say, "Everyone else hasn't been
"pushed or fallen through the curtains.
"So, they can live happily without this feeling."
Right, 'cause if you don't know it's there,
if you don't acknowledge these problems,
or even if you know there's something
on the other side of that curtain,
but you don't want to look at it,
you can still manage without having to
deal with this problem and it's different.
"But that in itself, is what makes me not want to die.
"Those people haven't seen what life really is
"and I think that's kind of sad."
It's not that those people aren't living life,
it's not like they don't have a life,
it's not that I think that they're stupid,
it's not that I think...
I don't think badly of those people.
Especially when it's not willful that
they're on this side of the curtain,
the happy side of the curtain.
I think it's sad that they don't
understand the actual scope of the world
and the scope of humanity and the scope
of their power as an individual.
That is where I've kind of come out on this
other side of the curtain and I've realized
that I have the power to let people know
there's something on the other side of the curtain.
That's why I'm able to live everyday
and not feel like I just need to die,
because there's so much I can't help, right?
I realized that I have a platform
and that I can show people there's
something on the other side of that
curtain and you need to look at it.
Because we need to deal with it, okay?
And I know that I can't deal with it on my own,
so I need you to help me deal with it.
And if all of us deal with whatever's on
the other side of that curtain,
i.e., the rotting mound of corpses,
who killed them, why are they there,
let's clean it up, right, for the analogy.
If all of us do it we can make it happen.
We can fix this problem if we work together.
If we realize this is broken,
this curtain needs to come down,
because we need to all know the same reality.
We need to all be aware that--
Well, not even the same reality,
because everybody has a different
experience - that's very important.
But we need to be aware that there are
other experiences, that that curtain is there.
There's something on the other side
and it's not all just what is
on this side of the curtain.
Let me keep going. "So, yes we are trapped
"in the same bullshit system they are."
Meaning on the happy side of the curtain.
"And we experience these feelings for better
"or for worse, but if everyone knew what
"was on the other side of the curtain,
"the curtain wouldn't be there anymore.
"We would rip it down."
Because all of us are like, "This is a problem.
"This is blocking people from seeing what is real."
What is reality, where the power really lies?
Who is really harming all of us,
who is really polluting the earth to shit?
It's not plastic straws, it's the big corporations.
Who is really causing all these wars?
Who is really...
Like it's all on the other side of the curtain
and so many of us can't see it 'cause the curtains there.
So, if we just take that curtain
down all of us would be in shock,
all of us would see this horror.
But I think, because all of us
can see it we would all fix it,
we would all know that this has to change.
And there are some people that know the
curtain's there and they use it to their advantage.
And those are the people that are
really at fault for a lot of the problems
in the world, not all of them, but a lot of them.
And that's who we need to be blaming,
that's who we need to be going after.
Not undocumented immigrants, okay?
That's not the problem, the problem is way
higher than that on the food chain, okay?
"What's on the other side of it wouldn't be bad,
"because we'd all work to change it.
"A.k.a we all work to make a world
"that we can stand living in."
"Does that make sense or was it super dramatic?"
I ask them...
So, that's the thing is like at first
when that curtain comes down,
or when you get pushed through,
or trip through that curtain,
you can't bare what you see.
You can't bare the reality of humanity
and of the earth and of everything.
It's just too much, but if all of us
bare it together the weight is much lighter.
So much lighter, one ant cannot carry a concrete block,
but eventually there's gonna be enough
ants that they can carry that concrete block.
Let's carry that concrete block, let's get rid of it.
Get rid of the concrete block we don't need that, okay?
We don't need the curtain.
Listen, I realize I sound literally "crazy"
and I might actually literally be "crazy"
according to most peoples standards,
but what I'm saying is true.
And what I'm saying is not a lie
and it's not an exaggeration
and I think it's a great analogy
and I will own that and I will
say it's a great analogy, okay?
'Cause that curtain is real and I know you guys know that.
I know you do, so what I want to hear from you,
in the comments is your experience with this curtain.
When you first realized the real earth,
when you first realized what humanity
and existence really is, what did you feel?
What did you go through, 'cause I think
a lot of us go through the same kind of feelings.
Hold on.
That looks way better.
Yeah.
I think a lot of us go through the
same kind of feelings when that first happens.
Some of us deal with it better than others,
that's totally fair, but I want to know
what your experiences are, because honestly
I want to help this person that I was talking to,
'cause I care about them a lot
and I want them to be able to find their footing
now that that curtain is gone for them.
So, I think if all of you that
have had similar experiences talk about them
in the comments, maybe they can read it.
And they can get a little bit more understanding,
a little bit more perspective
and be able to find that footing.
And I think there's other people out there,
not just this person on my phone,
there's other people out there that
need this kind of thing to relate to.
They need to know, yeah okay,
reality is not what we thought,
but it's okay, because we can
make it what we want it to be.
We have control over reality, we might think we don't.
And as individuals we might not have the
amount of power to take control of
certain situations and circumstances,
but in a group nothing can stop us, okay?
And that's what I need you to know.
Nothing can stop a unified humanity.
And I'm not suggesting that we hold hands with Nazis,
'cause I think a lot of people that say
we need to unify humanity just want
to brush issues under the rug.
They want to unify humanity on
the other side of the curtain,
on the happy side of the curtain.
I don't want that.
I want to tear the curtain down
and unify humanity after - which means no Nazis.
Anyway, that was fun.
Please let me know your thoughts on this.
I know I probably gonna get some
comments saying, "You're crazy."
But I know I'm not and you know I'm not.
And I think we need to talk about things like this,
because the world is huge, the universe is infinite.
I think you know what's up, okay?
And I think you know that I'm telling the truth.
And this isn't a conspiracy, this is not a
conspiracy theory - this is just real.
This is not a theory, this is not some
cooked up kooks lizard, reptilian, shit.
I'm not saying there's reptilians on
the other side of the curtain,
I'm saying there's people that want to keep us unaware.
There's people that want to keep us
not caring, complacent, busy.
And I think part of the reason I've struggled
so much lately is because I'm not busy
and because I have the freedom with my job,
which is this, to have the time to
look at that and to see it and to explore
the other side of the curtain
and it fucked me up, okay?
But I'm not fucked up anymore,
because I--
Well, (laughs) maybe I am.
I just...
I know we can fix it, I know we can fix the world
we just need to work together.
Consider this the most important video I've ever made.
'Cause this is me, officially
saying we are changing the world.
we can change the world and we're going to.
I love you so much, until next time
just remember, we can change the world.
Okay, I just said that, but I'm gonna say it again.
And, I love you, if you want to
follow me on other social platforms
you can find that all in the description box
and you know, until next time,
I already said that, holy crap.
Just leave, just leave Stef.
Bye. (fast kisses)
Where's the off button?
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét