LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT FROM
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" AND "30 ROCK," AND NOW HE'S GOT A NEW
STAND-UP SPECIAL, "STAYING ALIVE."
PLEASE WELCOME THE ONE AND ONLY TRACY MORGAN!
( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ SHE'S A BRICK HOUSE ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> NICE-- NICE DIGS!
I LIKE THIS!
>> Stephen: IT IS A NICE PLACE, ISN'T IT?
>> IT IS.
>> Stephen: WE'RE RENTING TO OWN.
YOU WERE AT THE KENTUCKY DERBY LAST WEEKEND.
>> OH, YEAH, I WAS THERE, MAN.
I WAS DISAPPOINTED, THOUGH.
I WAS THERE WITH MY FAMILY.
YOU KNOW, I WENT THERE AND I BET ON SEABISCUIT, AND THEY SAID,
"HE'S NO LONGER WITH US."
AND I SAID, "WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?"
I'M UPSET.
>> Stephen: THEY SHOULD LET YOU BET ON ANYONE YOU WANT.
>> I SAY THE SECRETARIAT.
THEY SAID HE ISN'T WITH US.
>> Stephen: PLACE THE BET ANYWAY AND DEMAND REALLY BIG
ODDS.
>> I WENT TO THE RACE AND BET IT ON MAYWEATHER.
HE'S NOT A HORSE YOU.
>> Stephen: CAN'T GO WRONG.
I BET MAYWEATHER COULD TAKE A HORSE.
>> THAT PIECE.
YOU REMIND ME OF J.J. FROM "GOOD TIMES."
I LOVE J.J.
DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!
>> Stephen: >> Jon: J.J. WAS HIP.
>> HE WAS COOL.
>> YES HE WAS.
HE CAN'T PLAY LIKE ME, THOUGH.
>> NO, HE CAN'T.
>> Stephen: HE'S NOT DEAD.
HE'S STILL ALIVE.
>> JIMMY WALKER?
>> Stephen: HE'S STILL ALIVE.
>> HE WENT TO MY HIGH SCHOOL.
>> Stephen: THAT MEANS HE'S DEAD.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT HIM IN THE PAST TENSE.
JIMMY WALKER IS STILL ALIVE.
JIMMY COME OUT HERE.
>> NO, NO, NO!
JIMMY BETTER NOT COME OUT HERE.
WHAT IS JIMMY DOING ON THE COAL BAY SHOW.
I DROPPED OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL.
>> Stephen: YOU DID.
>> I DROPPED OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL WITH FOUR CREDITS TO GO.
I LOVED IT.
I LOVED DROPPING OUT SO MUCH, I WISH I COULD GO BACK AND DROP
OUT AGAIN.
I MIGHT HAVE BEEN STUCK IN A JOB LIFTING HEAVY BOX S.
>> Stephen: THIS SHOULD BE A P.S.A. YOU DO FOR THE CHILDREN--
"KIDS," DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS."
>> I LOVE WHEN THE PLAN COMES TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: I BARELY GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL.
>> YOU DID.
>> Stephen: YEAH, IF I HADN'T ACED MY FINAL EXAMS MY TIME
YEAR, WOULD STILL BE IN HIGH SCHOOL RIGHT NOW.
I'M NOT JOKING.
I WAS A TOTAL NE'ER-DO-WELL.
UNTIL RECENTLY.
>> HIGH SCHOOL TAUGHT ME HOW TO PICK UP CHICKS.
>> Stephen: HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS.
WERE YOU AN ATHLETE?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS YOUR SPORT.
>> TRACK AND FIELD.
I THOUGHT I WAS CARL LEWIS BUT I WASN'T.
I RAN THAT FAST RUNNING FROM THE BULLIES, YOU KNOW.
BEING BULLIED.
AND THEN I LEARNED HOW TO BE FUNNY SO THAT KEPT THE BULLY
OFFS MY BACK.
IT WAS EITHER THAT, OR COOK THEM HOT DOGS UPSTAIRS.
CHEESE BURGERS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
( LAUGHTER ) GLA.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT PART.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN COOKING THE HOT DOGS AND THE CHEESEBURGERS?
YOU MEAN FOR THE BULLIES?
>> YEAH, DON'T BEAT ME UP.
COME AND EAT HOT DOGS AND PORK AND BEANS.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A REALLY UNIQUE RESPONSE TO BULLYS.
I NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE.
>> TRUE GRIT.
I WAS A DUDE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I WOULD SCALP LUNCH TICKET S.
>> Stephen: YOU WOULD SCALP LUNCH TICKETS?
HOW DID THAT WORK?
DID YOU MAKE MONEY ON THAT?
>> I WOULD BRING $20 TO SCHOOL AND BUY ALL THE LUNCH BOOKS AT
HOME ROOM.
MY LUNCH TICKETS WERE SHOT, WEPS SLOPPY JOES AND TATTER TOT S.
>> Stephen: IF THEY RAN OUT OF TICKETS --
>> I WAS THERE.
"WHO NEEDS TICKETS?
WHO NEEDS TICKETS?
JUST LIKE YANKEE STADIUM.
"WHO NEEDS TICKETS?
WHO NEEDS TICKETS?
PEOPLE STILL OWE ME MONEY FROM LUNCH TICKET.
>> Stephen: SO YOU WOULD LET THEM GET IT ON CREDIT.
YOU YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
>> SOMETIMES.
IT WAS LIKE OWNING A BOR DIEGO IN THE GHETTO.
IT'S TRUE.
YOU GIVE CREDIT, YOU NEVER GO HUNGRY.
>> Stephen: YOU STARTED -- EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU GOT YOUR BIG
BREAK ON "S.N.L.."
DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR AUDITION?
I REMEMBER YOUR AUDITION BECAUSE I WAS THERE.
>> UPPER.
>> Stephen: YOU AND I WERE BOTH THERE IN THE FINAL
CALL-BACK GOING TO NETWORK IN 1996?
>> I NEVER WORKED WITH YOU-- OH, YOU DIDN'T GET TO-- MY BAD.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET THE
JOB!
( APPLAUSE ) I'M SORRY!
OF.
>> Stephen: I FORGOTTA THAT PART OF THE STORY, TRACY.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR REMINDING ME.
>> EVERY SAVVY JEWISH MAN IS SUPPOSED TO LOVE ONE BLACK MAN
IN HIS LIFE I'M GLAD HE CHOSE ME.
>> Stephen: HE DIDN'T LOVE EDDIE MURPHY?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
I WASN'T THERE!
>> Stephen: BUT I REMEMBER YOU AUDITIONS.
I REMEMBER YOU AUDITIONS.
I THOUGHT I'M NOT GOING TO GET THIS JOB.
WE'RE TOO ALIKE.
>> WOW.
YEAH, I REMEMBER SEEING YOU IN THE GHETTO.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> AND I SAID, WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT DID YOU ALL DO!" >> Stephen: THE GHETTO WAS
WRITING FOR NORM McDONALD ON "WEEKEND UPDATE."
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: I ENDED UP DOING THAT FOR ONE MONTH WRITING FOR
NORM.
>> THAT WAS GOOD.
THOSE WERE GOOD TIMES.
THOSE DAYS ARE STILL IMPORTANT TO ME.
MY DAYS ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" ARE STILL IMPORTANT TO ME NOW.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) STILL IMPORTANT TO ME NOW.
I LOVE LORNE MICHAEL.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG WERE YOU THERE?
>> I WAS THERE FOR SEVEN SEASONS.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND A LOT OF WORK.
IT'S REALLY EXHAUSTING.
YOU GUYS PULL UNBELIEVABLE HOURS.
>> IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND YOU'RE ON "S.N.L." SHE'S BASICALLY A
WIDOW.
YOU'RE THERE 24/7 BECAUSE THE SHOW KNOWS IT CAN CHANGE YOUR
CAREER IN 60 SECONDS.
AND THEY-- WHEN I FIRST GOT THERE, PEOPLE WOULD TELL ME,
"WELL, YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO HAVE A REOCCURRING CHARACTER."
I SAID, "FIRST IT HAS TO OCCUR."
( LAUGHTER ) "WHAT IF IT NEVER OCCURS!"
>> Stephen: YOU HAD A CHARACTER BRIAN FELLOW WHO LOVED
ANIMALS.
>> "I'M BRIAN FELLOWS."
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: THAT'S KIND OF REAL.
YOU DO LIKE EXOTIC ANIMALS.
I UNDERSTAND YOU HAD AN OCTOPUS.
>> I HAVE AN OCTOPUS.
I LOVED MARINE LIFE SINCE I WAS YOUNGER BECAUSE MY
GREAT-GREAT-GREAT GRANDFATHER WAS JACQUES YO COUSTEAU.
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