hey everyone welcome to the show and first of all hey look I'm super excited
about something I'm running a competition on the channel recently I
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for the past two years to find connect and then build relationships with the
world's top leading experts in all different sort of fields and what I've
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you are watching this video right now what I want you to do is go ahead and
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what you get if you win the competition is free access to that course ok I'm
gonna give you free access to my brand-new course it's absolutely amazing
I have got really really hard on packing it absolutely full of values ok it's
just been launched for about two weeks ago and we've already got full five-star
reviews on that course so make sure you hit the subscribe button and leave a
comment now on to tonight's guest she is absolutely amazing she is actually a
life coach and she works with people in all walks of life and she helps them
accelerate in areas where they are feeling stuck now recently what's
happened is something that I have noticed this is this almost like a huge
demand for life coaches and there's been an increase in the number of people who
want to become life coaches as a result so life coaching was a gentleman when I
first came across it it was something quite new to me and I wasn't quite sure
what that entails but coming you know I've know a few people I've
worked with a few people so you know since then it has really kind of opened
my eyes in terms of what it can really do for you the power behind having a
good life coach and on this channel obviously we explore
realistic success we're always talking about what does it take to be successful
in every area of your life and many times for example like if your health is
suffering you go to your doctor if you need legal advice you go see a lawyer if
you need financial advice you see a financial consultant or an accountant
but when it comes to our personal issues we hold back it's like you know we have
this wall that comes up all of a sudden when it's something to do with our
personal issues and we don't really reach out and seek out an expert in that
field but the good news is in today's day and technology has made it really
easy to actually find people who are life coaches who could help you with
their personal stuff so I'm gonna stop Hawking I'm gonna actually do one
entities are amazing guests tonight her name is Bonnie and she is from New
Zealand we've actually become really good friends we met through a mutual
connection we were really good friends and she is absolutely tremendous of it
without much further ado let's talk some money to the show Bonnie thanks for
being here thank you it's lovely to be here I'm very excited about hearing
about your arm you online exciting yes yes it is very exciting and the cool
thing is I just recently launched it and you know a couple of my close friends
you know they're there jumps all over it and you know I've got you know five-star
reviews because they're just like you know we we and if you read the review it
it says guess what I thought I'll just get some information this is not that
this this is way beyond oh this is like we're actually being closed on a
one-to-one basis it's a whole nother level so yeah this is all right Bonnie
thanks for being here really excited to have you on I mean we we became really
good friends after we got first introduced we we jumped on a call
and there was a lot of synergy we had same sum of values and you know since
then we've had caught a few calls since then and working on different things
talking about different stuff but you actually you know are an amazing life
coach you work with so many different people so tell us about how you got
started what actually led you down this path of wanting to become a life coach
and helping people with their personal issues I think and I've always been
somebody that I really enjoy supporting others and that's just always sort of
been within my nature and I grew up when my dad was actually a minister of a
church and my mum was a grief counselor so that kind of flavor was always in the
mix and I kind of got to a stage where I I kind of thought well I want to give
really good advice which you know I will get to that later but what I realized
was there actually advice isn't helpful at all and that actually everyone has
their own answers with an in so I actually found a man claimed that you
know and when I spoke to him on the phone everything he said resonated with
me and I really wanted to learn more about what he had to offer so when undid
his training course to become a holistic life coach and I never turn back so
that's kind of as simple as it was for that so the part of the journey but then
once I said I'm taking what being a life coach means and actually going through
the process myself it really radically shifted my perspective of life and I
really started to enjoy things and unpack things I didn't get really super
curious about how I took in other people also and so and showings sharing with
others tools and skills to be able to help unpack their stuff seeing people
sort of sink into themselves and who they are and really love who they are
and find their brilliance and then become proud of that is a really
beautiful walk to to sort of support somebody in yeah awesome
awesome now how long ago was it that you made the decision that you want you want
to become a life coach and what were you doing before that well I actually just I
lived in the States for a few years and I actually just moved back to New
Zealand with my small daughter so I was kind of starting again really I was
starting from scratch and there you know that was no plain sailing when
I moved back it was you know who father was remaining in the States and so there
was a whole lot of stuff to kind of go through as far as you know I felt a lot
of guilt and I felt experienced all these really um unpleasant feelings
really so it was really around unpacking there in processing where I was kind of
what direction that was going to I was going to go in and I sing in the band
also and there was kind of that but I knew that I want something more out of
life had I wanted something with a bit more deep than a bit more fulfilling
then just doing it although I love that as well so really it became a became a
kind of the quest of what my life's purposes really which I found yay
that's great now what I have noticed and there seems to be a trend because I've
had lots of other guests on on the show and they're often different walks of
life right like they're not all life coaches they're not all you know
business consultants they're not all FBI special agents although I've had those
on the show but the thing is what what they all talk about is the fact that at
some point in life they had tremendous amount of pain or they hit a massive
obstacle and they couldn't get through it but they were able to find their
their passion and their purpose and the mission in life by just trying to find
an answer to their problems but just trying to find a cure or their own pain
do you feel that the same you went through the same sour process it's
really yeah and now on the other side of things I call that the opportunity life
gifts are slows opportunities all the time and it is about perspective it's
exactly it's about how we approach those things and in a viewpoint and if we can
reframe those experiences for ourselves usually the greatest gifts do come with
a lot of pain and the reason there's some others many reasons for that but
part of it is the the kind of universal annihilation that we need to go through
we need to kind of get refined and stripped back of all the extra stuff
that we put on ourselves that that life accountants if that's not actually the
purpose and so I think the universal spirit or what have you here faith
actually does a service by stripping back that that stuff but it's so
different and new to what we're used to dealing with an experiencing that it's
it causes a lot of discomfort for us and it's all part of the annihilation which
is the beautiful refining that we are gifted to either reroute our course or
to find a direction with a deeper purpose which is you know what we're
here for but yeah there's opportunity and it
happens and more than once there's quite quite often you know we get many
opportunities within our life and they can be incredibly painful and they can
be incredibly raw and I think that there's a real beauty and the richness
of their experience and their feeling but it can be super unpleasant in the in
the moment so what what we can do is actually perspective taken and finally
understanding and the purpose for those experiences and those opportunities that
actually yeah I mean I guess the kind of journey that I lead people through at
the end of it I believe that actually they will be grateful to those those
painful moments now volley there's like an ideology which talks about the fact
that you face adversities and then these problems and issues in life because they
are there to help you become the person you were meant to become now I totally
buy into that and I believe in that but for others it they find it quite
difficult because they said why do you have to go through all the bad stuff in
life in order to find some good or in order to you know become the person you
were meant to be so can you maybe clarify that for those people who might
be sitting in the audience thinking about how is that really possible when
you actually have to go through hardship in order to to become the person that
you were meant to be in and achieve like you know that transcend transcendence I
think and there's many many schools of thought around it and I think if to put
it and really super simple terms it's the street you can grow you don't you
don't grow with that discomfort so you know you think about the rubber band
model the the there's a comfort zone the stretch
zone in the brake zone no one wants to brake but you don't actually grow if you
don't get the discomfort of the street so that's important through through
anything you know even through mastering a skill through you know to become an
Olympic athlete you're going to have some you know there's some mornings that
you don't want to get up and that can be painful there's going to be some
training sessions that are going to be grueling but actually there's growth at
the end of it it's I think the differences is that you can see the kind
of light at the end of the tunnel or the point the direction you know exactly
what you're aiming for and the difference with with life and I elation
is that sometimes you don't you don't know the purpose in the moment and you
can't see why and that's that's what causes the discomfort because you
haven't cleaned it it's not your choice sometimes we get gifted those curveballs
which once you realize that life's a wave and you choose to ride it it
becomes a lot less traumatic because you stop resisting and that's in the
resisting the shift and the growth that actually the pain happens I'm not sure
if that answers your question but yeah okay okay but you talked about Universal
annihilation there to be honest I've never actually heard about that before
so that's the first time I'm actually hearing about that thing so can can you
maybe explain what that is and it's it's well I guess just to give a bit of
context within what I do and the things that I put on and we look at mythology
and so it's a really mythological term because we talk about the mythology
scenes and the themes and mythology themes that everyone experiences in life
to some degree some people will experience more say for example whether
some of the themes are there's the betrayal does the segunda thus the great
Joo Unni and the sacred journey so there's all these these experiences that
people have but to a list there are more degree depending on your particular
journey that you sort of choose when you come to this earth or that you're gifted
depending on your frame of reference for there so the annihilation is simply the
refining we are lifeguards do something that seems overwhelming and on paper
you're like wow how can I even manage this and how can I deal with this but
just it's simply the purpose of it is simply the refining just like you were
talking before it's the refining of the stripping bat it's that that pain to
invite that deeper purpose and their growth and it can be incredibly painful
but yeah the annihilation is just that that's where you feel absolutely
annihilated and you're like what can I do this where is this coming from and
what's the purpose of it so I'm actually having a having some kind of an we call
it Universal 'ti were like the kind of understanding it actually everybody goes
through that at some stage that it is completely normal
it's absolutely unpleasant but with a net you can find understanding from
others who also suffer their annihilation which possibly will
probably will look completely different mmm okay for people in the audience the
the connection just seemed a little bit shaky there I mean we still got
everything that money was saying it's just a little labored shaky but then
again I'm based in UK Bonnie's based in New Zealand even though you know I have
state of the art super high-powered
anyway so though you you you talked about growth in and that's that's
interesting the fact that you know you you cannot grow without adversity and
that's that's that's a that's a really important concept I think and many
people struggle with that but I you know do you follow UFC at all by any chance
no no Joe how did you know about UFC right you know about UFC okay have you
heard of Ronda Rousey she's she's absolutely okay alright so I'm gonna
have to fill you in and for people in the audience get ready because this is
one of those times where I so basically UFC is the biggest
promotion of MMA fighting you know they promote MMA fights and
fighters etc and it's the biggest proportion in the wall that sounds for
Ultimate Fighting Championship and for those people who don't know whatever
stands for mixed martial arts or otherwise also known as cage fighting
and one of the top female athletes that was I believe she's she's retired now
with the UFC was Ronda Rousey and and she was like she broke on the scene and
she was just like you know she was just next time like you know flipping people
and breaking their arms and like you know just unbelievable like she
dominated the scene for a very long time and she was a female world champion for
a very long time and then she's not transitioning to WWE and movies and
things like that but one of the things that she said was that when you fail you
grow when you win you maintain you don't learn anything and that that just really
stuck with me ever since that and then now that you mentioned growth I just
kind of make that link and then I I just thought I'll mention that because true
it's very true absolutely and so many people also fear failure which is
another kind of pocket did I often find myself in because of the fear of failure
is so huge for people who you know because of their schemer and their core
beliefs and how they grow up and their expectations on themselves and what they
you know perceived expectations from others so it's really around unpacking
there and I absolutely agree with what she said you know you don't grow because
you think I'll cool sweet now they're in its kind of will you stay but if you you
know you get weather there's there's often different ways that people can
respond to failure as well but ideally it puts a bit of fire in your belly and
you get curious and you go okay cool I'm gonna explore different ways that I can
do this you know it's the same it's the same as the light bulb dude you know the
whole I didn't learn I didn't fail I learned 9999 ways it didn't work
reframing it to learning yeah yeah I didn't I didn't fail 10,000 times I just
worked out 10,000 ways it didn't work so yeah yeah so failure and I think that
but there's there's also what you find is sometimes people have a fear of
success as like what if I actually do this oh my word like how would I deal
with that do you find that people say 100 percent does that as I'm always my
favorite quote in the whole word entire world that I always been on about is the
Marianne Williamson quote you know it's it's not our dark that that frightens us
it's actually a light and that's our brilliance and people are so sweet as
deepens their brilliance and people don't allow themselves permission to be
brilliant and there again it comes from core beliefs and schema that we talk up
you know there's lots of rules around you know it must be humble I must a
litter and actually I just think you know you everyone is given gifts
everyone is you know it might take a while to figure out what yours are but
everybody has gifts and it's about actually stepping into there and owning
it claiming it in smashing it like let's do this you know there's so many gifts
that go untouched or unshared because people are scared to seem like they're
boasting or to seem proud or to be you know they've been taught to be humble
for whatever reason and I really think that's that's almost an epidemic
actually people the people's brilliance is so hidden and it's just it's a crime
mmm-hmm and why do you think that is why do you think they're their brilliance is
more time hidden and why do you think they struggled at giving themselves the
permission to go ahead and you know explore their brilliance and succeed I
do I do believe it comes back down to schemer or core beliefs and so that
that's there's there's three things we learn in life this we learn about
ourselves we learn about others and we learn about the world and we learn about
those through three ways so from a parenting from our environment and from
our experiences so those three things usually by the age of seven all our core
beliefs sort of our foundation is built if you like and of course that you know
they can go on but but the kind of the bulk of what we know life to be what it
means or what the rules are is kind of ingrained and us by the age of seven so
if you look at when you were seven years old who was around you who were your
role models how were you growing up you know did did you learn that life was
abundant or do it was at scarce did you learn their life is fear or people
trying to cheat you so all these things we're absorbing like we sponges in Allah
what's that because I think so many so few people have role model living in
their brilliance and actually living in the light and it's just something that's
so rare and then you know the few people or the people that do choose to live in
their brilliance so quickly and really get shot down by you know jealousy or
criticism or people that are just trying to cut people down or tall poppy
syndrome people that are you know that kind of don't like people to stick up
above the rest where I believe they should be celebrated and let's just
bring it on we could have the most incredible you know incredible
neighborhoods but instead what these people living out of fear and what they
believe they are expected to be from others that's all perception yeah I mean
if you explore child development and child psychology him in that something
that may be talked about all the time that up to the oh my computer's pinging
I think I'm getting messages on facebook messenger for some reason but you know
in child psychology in child development there's alcoholic up to the age of seven
you'd like just like a sponge you absorb everything in the environment around you
and you know I think a lot of the life coaching work is the fact that you go
back to to that age and you explore what what is it that you that you took on
board at that time that's not actually serving you anymore and and how you can
shift that right 100% I'm sorry you know this the my facebook is still
pinging I'm gonna actually pause pause this and I'm gonna go ahead and actually
stop that okay this is just annoying sorry right okay so I've fixed my
facebook now move back okay so right so back to back to the work as
a life coach where you actually take the person back into the childhood and you
explore what they took on board and how's that not solving them right now um
I think that's really interesting simply because the the you know child
psychology and child development support that very much that you know you
this believes important you need to go back and and work with those I want to
go back to the the universal annihilation thing because us that's
like the first time I'm hearing or I'm kind of fascinated is that something
that actually stems from mythology itself because you talk about mythology
you know the hero's journey and betrayal and and love and you know all those
things that happen in mythology mythology so in terms of universal
annihilation is that something that actually some some mythology it sauce
and well my understanding of mythology and my approach of mythology is that
it's a reflection of life so I think life happened first and the mythology
took themes from that to teacher so the whole idea of mythology if we think
about you know the Greeks and Romans when the emperor theaters back up in the
day it was all about actually teaching guidelines and actually allowing people
to see and those experiences so they can make choices and hopefully avoid them
now that doesn't life doesn't really happen like that because we get
surprises but so I think I think annihilation is definitely a reflection
of life I think it's probably been the terminology preps has been sort of
founded in mythology but I certainly don't think that mythology kind of made
it up so to speak even if you think about all the great the great stories
and all the epic tales there's always been that that real that true test of
you know who you are and and that really kind of um it is it's just I don't
really know how else to describe it other than a refining and the stripping
back it's like you know getting getting refined by the fire where everything
else is taken away and you're left looking in the mirror go and Who am I
and it really strips you back and takes you down to that kind of real core
essence of who you are and there's so much strength and resilience in the air
that we can find and that we actually have already but perhaps gets lost or
the lights not shining on it because we're focusing on all the bells and
whistles of life that go on around us or if we get a bit distracted and of go off
paths that seems to be when the universe goes no and just kind of turns our
direction back but it can be really painful really painful yeah I mean
there's there's the thing that they said like
you know in Hollywood movies the the movies who have done really really well
they have this certain kind of format that they follow like the hero's story
format and you know the hero's journey is all about the personal experiences
all sorts of stuff like you know they experience loss and betrayal and they
experience bereavement and they experience joy and all sorts other stuff
but it's all there to teach them and they become a different person or a
better person at the end of it but in terms of mythology you know I
mean if you look at any culture they have their own sort of mythology
right any civilization even previous civilization they have a mythology like
you know ancient Egyptians and the ancient Greeks you know etc they have
their own mythology so when we talk about mythology are we talking about
like all of those together or are we talking about one particular one that
really kind of stands out and has all those values and things ingrained into
it that that can then be shared or you know in a sense maybe people people can
relate that to their own culture or their own yes so it's not we're not
looking at one particular culture or one particular religion with a methodology
as a whole and kind of the idea of story is teaching us and actually there our
life is a story our life has its own epic mythological
tale and actually on the retreats we get people to can't we invite people to
really look at their own story like a mythology we can actually give different
place names and give themselves a different name and actually kind of
stick back from this story and actually as they as they can kind of view their
story from an outside eye and make it into this tale they can understand and
you know perhaps some more purpose and they can see the reasons why and
actually have them grown from it and it's quite a magical experience they can
actually really be an outsider looking and at their own life as the junior as a
tale yeah yes so there's looking at mythology as a whole and I think that's
one of the great things about mythology is that there are themes that actually
cross over cultures and religion you know show me a show me a
culture that doesn't know what lavas show me a culture that doesn't know
battle show me your culture that or a religion that
doesn't know adversity or would you know discrepancy or anything like that that's
all of those things we all know they all experience death they all experienced
love they all experienced birth actually we're all the same it's just that we've
got different vehicles to explain our tales which is mythology right okay yeah
yeah and then I guess also the fact that you know you you might be experiencing
loss but it could be coming from you know so many different ways like
somebody could lose a loved one but somebody else might have a breakup and
somebody else might you know have you know go bankrupt in their business or
whatever so essentially just experiencing loss but it's just coming
from so many different like ways so I guess I'll your work as a life coach
released about helping them understand that you know there's a bigger theme to
this rather than just that one thing that you're experiencing right now well
there's within the mythology part and it's certainly a certainly a a you know
all of what I do within the coaching but it certainly as an SP because we can get
into the archetypes and the characters that you play out and all the rest of
that as well which has immense value in you can actually choose you know to
bring in qualities and choose to actually in some circumstance I tend to
be the tyrant but actually I'd like to be more of a nurse so I can actually
shift and change and my approach to different situations through the
archetypal stuff which again is all the mythology but I guess my as a as the
broader sense being a coach for me it's really around around people experiencing
their brilliance and knowing what they have inside of them and also changing
their experience of their life so actually being able to shift their
thoughts and feelings through the CBT model through through this schema and
core beliefs and you know you talked before about going back to the childhood
and absolutely that that's involved and that really around challenging Willie do
you want to go and you know what do you want and how do you want to feel in what
invites they're feeling from you and let's work with it people have
everything they need within themselves to be
able to shift and grow and change so it's not about me giving any advice or
opinions because it actually might their life's none of my business
it's actually about me being able to spot links and actually just see you
know we're talking about brands before and it's going ok so I noticed that you
have a fear of failure here where else does that wraps is that permeate all
it's in my relationships it's in my business it's in my you know when I go
down to the shop I'm scared that I won't fill in the blank you know so these
themes that we have running through our lives which also mythology and
encapsulate actually you run through so many different areas so people could
have you know that one belief of I'm not worth anything or I don't deserve
anything people start to sabotage their stuff will be you know it's just so
super common that people think they're not not worth it or they're not good
enough or they don't deserve a good relationship I don't deserve to have
money I don't deserve a good life well they haven't had it rolling on alert and
what happiness looks like I don't know what a functioning relationship looks
like so how are they supposed to actually exist in their life when
they've got this ideal of what they want but they've never experienced it they've
never seen it realized and actually when they win their schemer and their core
beliefs you know that work kind of most of them made before 7 teach them the
lecture life's not fair and people are out to get you and you don't deserve
anything good and you're not worth much it can be it can be a really tricky kind
of thing to grateful and I used to work and it means present in such incredible
experiences of more fiercely strength and courage and those mean that actually
are living this lifestyle that can be so painful and so difficult and challenging
in we as a society judge them but actually they have no anything else so
it's you know that these these schemas and core beliefs are kind of a grounded
people from their age and if they grow up seeing you know whether it's Gangstar
for whether it's you know really unhelpful relationship patterns or
whatever it is that's in norm and so what people don't realize is that you
know what even norm you grew up with there's someone out there with a
completely different norm that you might find wrong or offensive or you might
judge and but when you look at it from a schema point of view and as you know
people can get in at a pretty rough City compared yes actually and up to them
then to change that to change the air experience and
change their behavior and stuff and I think people certainly in situations
this fortunate have an incredible task ahead of them yeah that's really
interesting I guess looking at it from that point of view when you haven't
experienced anything different than you don't know anything different then you
know I I guess it's you're lost like you know for example you might end up in
prison but you're still lost because it's just like well where do I start
right like Here I am and like I'm stuck now I'm in prison and and where do I go
from here and that's great that you actually essentially they have somebody
like you there to to kind of help them and guide them
and say well actually this this this thing that you're experiencing is
because of this this and this let's get some clarity around it and then let's
see what where we go next from here so I see that's really powerful
yeah it's I'm not there anymore sadly but but it was a it was a great it was I
loved their vocation I think the fingers is that sometimes even in the air
because it's so normal you know most of the appearance of being too present you
know it's it's so kind of ingrained in the end kind of what is normal so it's
around just really and showing different options and at this choice there's
always choice so regardless of what your core beliefs have taught you or what
they tell you about yourself that might not serve you might be unhelpful there's
always choice to change there so yeah it's about really having people around
you that they are aware and have the knowledge and hear the understanding and
also see potential and see promise and actually can support you in a pretty
hearty fashion thankfully so Bonnie I think this is this is actually quite
cool because I I think I I don't I had I had Clement on the show but since then I
don't think I've actually had a life life coach
you know who's who kind of specifically works with people in this way I mean are
people who like work in a slightly different real life for example just on
relationship they focus on relationships another element but you know this this
is different where you're actually helping people with whatever they're
going through essentially so that's thus that's really phenomenal so can you
maybe take us behind the scenes and and tell us a little bit about what your
coaching practice actually looked like like do you have a system that you have
to followed or are there certain kind of things that you you have to cover with
with with the people that you're coaching and the only really no there's
not the only system that I really follow is they're in their first meeting with
me I'm really really clear that I don't offer for advice or opinions so a lot of
people come wanting answers and I'm here to say actually you have them all so I
think that that's really different and new for some people but actually people
need to be autonomous and they need to be empowered if they if they come to
someone else for answers they're not growing and they're not actually
learning to do it themselves so what I do is I empower people to never get at
their own journey so because of that I work in succession packages so when you
when you come on board with me that's what you purchase a six station package
and I guarantee a shift within it if you apply what we do so and you know it's
money back and I'm 100% confident that it works you know shifts shifts people's
experience and not necessarily in the way you think so what I am right people
to do is think of an overarching objective that they want to achieve with
well the shift they want to see over the six sessions and then with each session
and within each session sorry and something else inevitably will have come
up during the week or during the fortnight or whatever the Gipper's that
we move each other and that they want to look at so it's really around noticing
their triggers and we can talk we can sort of work with anything from
emotional management to communication skills to healing wounds that happen
when you were a child you know we're the core beliefs are formed challenging core
beliefs looking at the shadow which is one of my favourite topics in the whole
won-tae world which is that kind of thing of us that we reject that we deny
that we are ashamed of and that's kind of with everybody
one of my favorite symbols is the onion for exactly that reason it's the light
in the desert and perfect balance that's it with an all of us but we always try
and hide our duck because it's not so flesh and sometimes it's embarrassing
and some holds guilt and shame and all those really deliciously rich emotions
actually that we try and put in the corner so it's actually about shinning
the light on that stuff and going and what was this about so once people can
actually get a bit of understanding and perspective around how that came to be
there and hopefully accept it then it's no longer in the shadow so we might know
that on my behavior is this or my petal is to do this but we've got a different
perspective on it and actually it's all about accepting those parts of us and
actually giving it some love and what you find is that you just builds your
confidence in your love for yourself so much because you get to know yourself on
a rich deep level when you're no longer kind of denying or trying to push away
parts of yourself they actually have a right to media but we've got a voice so
the anger inside of us has a voice the jealousy has a voice all these parts and
us that we that are so yak and we just don't like to show the world they
actually they have a reason to be there and they're just as valid but we so
often try and squash them down which is when people get ill and unrest and they
get you know uncomfortable and they're not happy with them themselves so it's
really around shining a light on that so as the specific stuff that I'd showed
help people not really CBT or the core beliefs as a common thing that always
comes up I don't think I've ever had a coaching package where core beliefs
haven't come up we can look at the expectations in in I mean though
everything that we look at essentially stems from the core beliefs so it's
great for them to have that foundation within it so it's it's really around
what they want to experience and we do whatever it takes to shift that within
them yeah awesome now you you kind of talked about a little bit earlier and
this is something really interesting to me as well because I came across it and
I was like wow this is this is cool I'll never thought about it in that way but
it's the archetypes right like did I say that right yes interesting like it's
like you know are you the Galant more what does that mean and you know what
harder symbolizes and in my case I think my archetype will be the lost kitten
because I I tried to I'd have to approach like a lot of my life from a
place of curiosity like a lot of crazy stuff you know recently I've been
fascinated by fungal intelligence so that's that's the next thing I'm gonna
be looking into fungal intelligence and dark matter that's pretty cool so I
study like anything crazy out there you know I I'm into it I want to check it
out hence the lost kitten but yeah that that's really interesting archetype so
can you tell talk to us a little bit more about how they work and what they
are sure I've got another archetype for you by the way
the Masai wandering seeker oh the wandering seeker Oh dad that sounds cool
yeah again with the archetypes there's so many it's they're like Universal
characters as kind of a you know a nutshell so again you know same as some
stuff that sort of crosses over all cultures or religions you know everyone
has the lover everyone has the you know in this epic movies there's the villain
is the hero there's the the damsel there's you know this thing's the themes
were themes within characters that are kind of always there or they're needed
you know and there's certainly some that are he wrote so there's certainly you
know the hero is obviously it pretty clear one on a movie and in within that
there's there's usually the villain or the nemesis
as well that also form the archetypes now the archetypes we all born with four
so Caroline may sexually does she do talks about this and she's actually got
a card set of archetypes which is fascinating so we're all born with with
the child obviously with the victim The Saboteur in the prostitute so therefore
that that we all sort of have now the ideology around that is that we all have
12 and if we the other eight are made up of others that we either employ or that
warmer than us or that we are all modeled for us so it's
it's kind of our own personal schemer archetypes we have our own like personal
mixture which is quite exciting so what happens is sorry just just to clarify so
you're not born I'm not everybody's born with like you know like the universal
four types like everybody's four types is gonna be different is that right no
they're all the same everyone's born with the four also everybody's born with
doors for but I'd like okay yeah I'm sorry I just don't know how I feel about
till all the prostitutes well I can tell you clearly there's other connotations
of the words but really it's around it's around selling your soul short for
material wealth there's kind of those yep those kind of ideals that we all
sort of grapple with in and actually it was interesting on the last retreat that
Kleem and I rang somebody said you know how do you know that we're all born with
with those four yeah and they're brilliantly said okay so somebody put up
your hand if you haven't experienced sabotage somebody put up your hand if
you haven't even been a victim and nobody could move all I mean the proof
kind of speaks for itself so those are definitely four super super common
archetypes that everybody has said to people to be born with so the other ones
can come about through experiences in a life or can come about through our
choosing but when we can become aware and we can actually understand how we're
which archetypes were employing if you like and certain situations then we also
have the power to change those we'll just shift them so for example I was and
I had a really clear pattern I did my emotional timeline which is always
something interesting to do if you're born on a Saturday afternoon
I'm very colorful but um so what I did was only wigged out which archetypes I
was living and throughout my life and it kind of such a clear pattern of victim
CeBIT or warrior victim said but to a warrior and this would happen in my
relationship so I become a victim in the relationship for whatever II
and I could have been within my own mind and then I would sabotage the
relationship and then I'd become the warrior so the sabotage that would
happen the relationship would break off and they'll become the warrior so right
sort of got on my high horse and became really storage so the warrior became my
archetype and I was really good at being a warrior I'm totally comfortable with
conflicts I've got no problem slaying anything if you know if it I'm
just I'm quite comfortable and confident in that situation
so what then I found was actually in relationships the warrior is not always
helpful so you can imagine the nature of my relationships you know sort of post
bits that sort of pattern you know it's just really unhelpful so I was like okay
I'm I'm recognizing I'm the warrior but there's a lot of qualities that I like
about the warrior I don't wanna ditch the warrior the warrior is really strong
the warriors really clear the warrior knows what the warrior wants the warrior
doesn't get walked over that set up today so it's really around what can I
bring in to make that warrior I guess leaned itself more within my
relationship so then I chose the peaceful warrior
so it's around still having a backbone still not getting walked over and all
those great qualities that I've wanted to keep was still there but it didn't I
didn't necessarily need to have confrontation and I didn't need to kind
of be sort of staunch and I could soften in and probably be muffin with in a
relationship where I was kind of a little bit because of my experiences
like a so it's a bit staunch and I was a bit tough and I was like right no guys
gonna do this to me but Berber and so so then I was able to soften and actually
know that I was strong and know that I had a background and know that I wasn't
going to get walked over but not be so forceful about it does it make sense
yeah yeah so it's really around identifying what archetypes you have in
play and definitely in certain situations and then if you want to bring
in another quality then you can do that you know I've had some some people that
I've coached that have you know find themselves in relationships they're
always the opposite they're always like you know kind of becoming really passive
in their relationships and actually sealing for less than what they want or
what they deserve and so it's oh okay well who do you want to be in that
relationship well actually I want to be an Egyptian goddess it's like sweet
let's do that so when they approach their
is as Litha TT you know I mean they're not gonna accept less than what beggars
ooh that's really around just kind of trying different things on until they're
kind of you know measuring yourself against it so if I said if I said okay
I'm gonna be the peaceful warrior and I get into a conflict with somebody I can
then go okay how would the peaceful warrior manage this how do I want to be
still respectful and still get my point across so it's really around firstly ID
you define what you are with that judgment there's no there's no point in
judgment either and then going okay so we know what direction do I want to move
like we do I want to go - okay so in terms of these archetypes are is there
an infinite amount of archetypes or is it more the fact that you have certain
archetypes and then you get just different iterations or variations of
those I think I think there's less archetypes they're mean there's just so
many it because even the elements archetypes you know so the the ear and
the fire and the earth are archetypes so there's just this kind of like when you
start matching stuff up but it's just it is just limitless and you can actually
make whatever you want like you can be a lost cousin or you can be a wandering
seeker it doesn't actually matter
it's whatever fits you know like if you if you're like no so you want to be a
kid okay cool you know I'm not gonna argue so but then maybe maybe you want
to sweat maybe I don't wanna be lost in anymore maybe you just want to be a
kitten but maybe you want to be a ferocious kitten or a staunch kitten or
maybe you want to bring in something else that can that can kind of an air
equality to do what you already have mmm right that's the so interesting yeah not
not me being a kitten by the way
interesting yeah I
hence the lost kitten but anyway yes now I'm moving on
that's so interesting like I came across them and you know the first time I heard
about it what is this thing where's the peaceful but it was just so interesting
to see like well actually you know there's there's an aspect of you that
you're giving voice to by recognizing that archetype looks like you're
empowering that that part of you to come a word and then you know take take
charge and and I I thought that was that was really really interesting but yeah
sorry you mentioned just just you mentioned Nefertiti you know while you
were talking and I'm just wondering these archetypes who that then relate
back to mythology as well well that's that's with I guess that's
the vehicle that I exercise that archetypes within sometimes I can use
them in a coaching session but we do within the methodology retreat for
example we do sort of look at the archetypes and and it sort of stuff I
have used it in my coaching and you know you know it might have somebody who has
sort of struggling intimately and so they might step into the temptress or
what do you how do you want to be in that moment where how do you want to
feel and how can you channel that and sometimes it can just be the quality
there was you know a guy that I spoke to years ago who who just wanted to be more
kind of full of confidence within his workplace and so we did some some kind
of um we had some practices around him stepping into himself as confident and
actually just be confident was gonna say his name just be confident you so just
step into this and then he and he noticed like when he can kind of embody
that and bring it in and breathe it in he was like he and he had was hit up on
his chest was up and he looked me in the eye and he was just had a really
different energy around him and so it's actually when you can do it from the
inside out it always works better rather than trying to you know be fake because
that's that's something that's really important to to kind of outline is that
it's not about being fake it's not about play-acting it's not about putting on a
you know like all today I'm going to be just at us
it's not we're not acting it's actually about it like you see it accessing that
part within you and giving it a voice and giving it some fire so giving it
permission to be validated and actually step into that situation whatever that
could be so you've really got all the stuff inside you it's just it's just
accessing it and bringing it out rather than being fake or pretending that with
something that it's I think such a I think effective way to go and explore
places where people usually don't want to go and usually hide from so yeah it
is great and you know what I'd love to learn more about it and then see how
that can be like how I can use it personally
nothing oh can I just say it's not it's not to be just put on top either so it's
really important that I think if you do have an issue in a certain area or if
you do have a challenger struggle that you also look at what underpins the
beliefs in those area so it's not a kind of add-on does that make sense so it's
really important to look at the root of the cause as well and you know look at
like really unpack that that kind of work with it alongside it so it's not
sort of standing alone you know I caught today Michael I'm going to be it's not
it's not sort of like that it's really around you know unpacking mmm doing this
that the great work but you're going to have to change their behavior which is
going to feel really different and it can come out come about organically when
you do sort of heal those wounds but also in the interim it can be a wee bit
weird when you're changing sort of changing your perspective and all of a
sudden you're like ah and maybe I'm not so bad and maybe I'm this you know and
so we'll just try this on and see how how do you want to feel and what's going
to allow that there that road for you right okay okay
yeah that that makes a that makes a lot here in terms of like the healing work
involves I know that you work a lot with energy and then so does climate actually
he works a lot with energy as well and breathing fascinating because
traditionally when you think about energy it's like you know what you learn
in a science class you know the heat energy the light energy you know
gravitational potential energy it chemical energy and things like that but
it goes beyond that and it's really about you know how you interact with
energy and how you know energy can get it stuck and how you know and it's
really really interesting so can you can you maybe explain that a
little bit to the audience about how you actually use energy in the healing work
yeah that's a good question I think I guess it's kind of become second nature
now and I could almost call it intuition or you know okay it's just a sense that
you that you sort of experience when when you know something really well so I
think that while part of it is energy realistically it's it's made up of many
things which is my experience my intuition my skills my subconscious
skills and body language so if someone sits in front of me I'm like okay you
know and it can be really easy sometimes to sort of sense that stuff but I don't
think it's made up purely of energy work if I'm honest and for me so yeah so and
I do believe like I do a little bit of Reiki and I do a little bit of sort of
things that that do kind of use that kind of their energy because energy
holds so much of who we are everything we've done everything we've
been through all about thoughts everything that holds a shadow and all
of that stuff is really incredible so getting a real sense of somebody through
the ear energy I find really easy and but I do think it's made up of other
things as well for me yeah so it's made up of my experience and expertise and
knowledge around certain areas and student things yeah so I think that's
not answering your question but that's where silithus yeah I mean I think for
for people who might not be familiar with
you know life coaching and how that works or even you know a certain aspects
of mysticism and spirituality they I guess would struggle to understand how
how they're you know using energy for healing or you know how energy can get
stuck and all that sort of stuff because obviously traditionally you
think about like electrical energy and the heat energy and you know you have
those classifications of energy right but like you know when you when you
really can get into the the crux of things so thank you well everything is
made out of energy right energies just like the basic kind of element of you
know life in existence anywhere really exactly so it's it's really then
interesting to see how that can be employed in different ways in terms of
life coaching or spirituality or mysticism where you know all these
different disciplines are talking about how you know energy at the you know the
fundamental energy that makes up everything can be used for different
things including heating so area that I was kind of going towards and wanted to
explore and I think the brief holds a lot of that so we do a lot of breadth
work and clean because actually connected breathing which is really
about around releasing you talk about stuck about giving stuck on the energy
and that's exactly what that does so the breath is hugely important so we has our
emotions in our tummy and so a lot of people that shallow breathes which I
experience a lot usually they can like they usually
ignoring their emotions and I've got them boxed into the belly and they're
not that it's not living them any sort of life in there so they're not so you
can so the thing those things look like that so for example if I and that's
where I talk about the body language and stuff comes into it so if someone sits
in front of me I notice that they're breathing into their chest rather than
this stomach I think okay so they don't like to see their emotions that perhaps
are not you know comfortable being vulnerable with I've got some schema
around the fact that mean don't cry for example you know I mean so it doesn't so
that sort of stuff it's it's all of that and it includes knowledge experience
energy breathing you know blah blah blah so with breath work there's a lot
releasing happens in the breath and a lot of amazing relaxation and thinking
about sinking into yourself that I spoke about earlier a lot of that happens with
the breath so being really able to breathe into an emotion or give in to
yourself will breathe into your brilliance and breathe into an archetype
that stuff all kind of if you can breathe into stuff there's there's just
releasing releasing and heaven all over the place if you allow the space for it
so it's really we experience life with our bodies and we experience life with
our whole being not just with their mind or just with their heart or just for
their face so it's really around that's the holistic part of it and
that's that does make the coaching that Clemen myself do quite different to
other life coaching which can be more sort of face the fear and do it anyway
and and simply cognitive whereas we do include the whole of the our physical
being as well knowing that if you think about the breath and all the different
experiences that the breath has like if you get a shot you know that stuff can
get trapped or if you are scared does that sort of that micro reading you know
that all that stuff actually is completely different with an outlet than
a physical being and so the breath holds so many memories actually and within its
cells in our body so that's when stuff gets launched so if we have a trauma
particularly and and we do the brief can get stuck and that's what that's what
happens and that's what how it clean releases that through the connected
breathing which is just such a magical experience that they're so full on but
it really shifts really shifts energy and in an incredible way so the breath
is the breath is really really important yeah I was a encourage lady to hip ugly
bellies have ugly bellies just let me allow it to rise and fall
allow allow your belly to be big to allow to their emotion to kind of
release no I've definitely experienced that we've covered with the breathing
he's he's so good he's so good as well I mean it's absolutely amazing and for
people in the audience I will put link to Clements into me below in the
description about as well as the first very first few interviews
it's like so it's a while ago when I put the link below he's absolutely amazing
yeah and the is definitely the breath work that he does it's it's really
transformational you can definitely feel the difference you know before and after
it it really is amazing and I also know that obviously with both you and Clement
you you kind of take a holistic approach to to life coaching as well like like
you you know mentioned there earlier so that's really interesting that obviously
you can have different types of life coaches who have different approaches as
well so you know for people out there in the audience if you're thinking about
you know reaching out and you know getting a life coach
then maybe it's looking at what come approach they have and does that
resonate with you is that something that should comfortable with is that
something that you think will help you with the particular issue you have or is
it going to be adding more to the issue in the sense that you are already
stressed and then is this for the stress of like I have to do this but I'm not
comfortable with doing this and there are times you have to do that you know
of course you have to face the field and get past it but if it's a constant
struggle then obviously that's something that you you you might want to consider
before you you know reach out to a life coach and you know start start actually
you know taking their services on board Bonnie in in terms of you know life
coaching how much does mindset play into it we obviously talked about you know
the growth mindset and the fixed mindset and things like that but how much does
mindset play into somebody who will actually you know achieve results from
from the coaching and then actually carry that forward compared to somebody
who actually you know let's say for example have a fixed mindset and and
they just get stuck and they define it really really difficult to get past past
things that they're calm yes - it is an interesting one for me
because I believe that it's made up of schema or core belief so it's in with a
net many variables so yeah tricky I think
that's the benefit like when we do the one-on-one coaching is really unpacking
and getting a really clear picture of everything that's in there
and for some people actually who work themselves to the bone I'm actually
encouraging them to back off off and stop judging and you know like actually
how can you support yourself and actually what drives you so some people
that might be particularly hard on themselves or quite judgmental on
themselves actually all they want is respite love and care so it's actually
about meeting whatever needs then quite often those are needs that we unmet when
they were younger so it all kind of at all fits in so when you talk about
results it's quite ambiguous not from your perspective from your point but
just from there I guarantee people are shift in the area that they choose so
that that might not look like you think it would look so it might not mean
taking stuff off the list or achieving a certain thing it might be
achieving relaxation or achieving love for themselves and actually supporting
themselves or it might mean that they don't achieve which is an interesting
one so you sometimes you have clients that are push push push push push and
that kind of here because they want to you know they want to retire by 35 and
they want to make sure they get that food house and then they're actually
driving themselves and really grave because they've got these things that
they want to achieve and it's like okay well let's look at the values and
actually how do you want to be and what do you want to you know and engage they
go maybe I don't need that third house actually maybe I can actually just kick
back and start to enjoy stuff and so their experience of life is really
important to me and it's kind of the driver more important then perhaps that
third house so actually what what is life about for you what are the core
values and actually what's the driver why do you want to retire by their age
and why do you want to have that third house and what's important about
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba and usually it's green stems back from a core belief around
they're not good enough or they're not worth something I don't deserve
something or someone's told them that they can't do
all that my useless I can't achieve and so they spend their whole life trying to
answer or prove themselves to this notion that someone said 20 years ago
that actually if they want to have more valuable in life for what they perceive
as value that might actually just relax a little bit more and have a bit more
fun and go out with friends and actually enhance their experience of life so
mindset is a tricky one because it has it's so broad and what people are trying
to achieve can be really really different different quite often people
will come here with an idea of shifting one thing and they'll leave with
something completely different but something that they find more bearable
just like with my only program quite often people will start with her with a
goal of I want to lose more weight for example and knowing that weight has got
so much to do with Worth and Trust and safety and people actually carrying
extra weight for their own safety so once people once we actually go they can
heal some of that and the sort of underpinning wounds surprisingly enough
they're like weights just falling off me I'm not even trying I'm not doing
anything that's because it doesn't need to be there anymore you don't need that
safety barrier so it's really around going intrinsically which is what makes
it holistic going inside and actually working from the wounds out and when you
do that what you thought you wanted might shift organically and people will
be like can I change my goal because actually I really want to look at this
thing and it's like yeah that's fine so it's you know but the fact of the matter
is that no matter where you work in what area it's going and or effect where it's
going to impact the whole of you because you're one piece and then one energy
yeah I loved it and to be honest with you I think if he had the time I love to
stay on and you know go on for four good few hours and explore more it's been
absolutely fascinating bhavani I'm you know before we started to finish off can
you tell us a little bit about where people can go to find out more about you
what you do your online course your retreats that your organizing you have I
know you're doing so many amazing things so talk to us a little bit about that
how people can reach out to you find out more about you and how can they help you
right now yes so the the easiest way at this moment is probably through the
Facebook page the beyond is the business so the beyond on Facebook also there's a
website which is a space beyond calm so that is getting judged at the moment so
but but it will be up and running and hippies very shortly so yeah probably
through Facebook is the easiest way or email but yeah Facebook at the beyond
you can message me through that for sure cool and what is the email the which
ones right there your email what is it and so there's there's the one through
the website the space beyond calm okay right so you can email can come through
you yeah and within it so there's the one-on-one coaching packages that I do
which is the succession package that I talked about earlier and guaranteed a
shift with with anything that you want which will turn out to be more amazing
and you'll sleep itself in reality which will be really nice experience there's
an online program which is a seven-week program which goes over some tools and
skills that you can apply as yourself and so that includes it's called how to
change your challenge to Chile's with the seven keys to freedom so that's
really around flopping up those annihilations in looking at it as an
opportunity so it's changing the challenge under something pleasurable we
look at core beliefs we look at in a child work we look at the shadow we look
at the mythology and stuff we look at communication skills at thinking styles
the three minds so there's a lot of a lot of really great stuff in there and
about the change cycle as well and so and it includes like a phone call once a
week as well to try and apply those models to who your chosen goal over the
seven weeks and in those there are traits as well so and we do the
mythology retreats which has we've got a couple happening next year we've got a
shared o retreat coming up in November now that's not an entry level
trait so that's only for people who've done some work before because it gets
really gritty and can be quite hard going and we kept the number of
participants on those retreats as well so we we have a cap of 15 on mythology
retreat and a cap of 12 on the shadow retreat just because of the nature of
the work is really in-depth and quite challenging for people so we need its
we're kind of I run these with clean by the way so it's really around us making
a really safe emotional environment for people is the most important important
thing for us yeah and then there's that online community which is the tree house
which we hang out and because the blue yonder has a tree as its logo which is
really important to me so the tree house is where we play so that's a free
anybody can join the tree house and what happens on there is just so thoughts for
the day and kind of ideas and perspectives and we look at things like
Tiffany - pepper fire which is a New Zealand as a Maori native model of
well-being and balance we've looked at the elements we've looked at lots of
different things within the air so we have different days of the week which
sort of invite you to claim your brilliance so today is right Thursday
because of what have you got going on that's right there so it's really around
claiming your awesome self and around encouraging people to start to see the
brilliance and to really and own their bit guys there you have it this is an
absolutely amazing conversation and Vani is truly world-class she has helped
hundreds if not thousands of people and she really understands what she's
talking about I mean you know when I every every single interaction that
pretty much I've had Advani but we try to talk about anything around life
coaching related etc I mean she is just absolutely honored she also is very good
at explaining things and I found that those that's really important in the
life case life caging life coaching life coaching sort of environment simply
because you want some not just help you in the moment but also
help you understand what is it that you need to do in order to carry it forward
so it's become a permanent transformation and she you know
guarantees results and that's what I absolutely love like she talks to you
and she will say look I guarantee you results 100% or your money back
I mean how many people out there are doing that and she has so much energy so
much charisma I mean you saw this throughout the interview her energy was
just spilling over right okay like it was just coming out and creating the
flood around me and I was actually getting in her perfect so I would highly
encourage you guys to go reach out and you know just start the conversation
with Bonnie I mean what we all have stuff that we go through in our life
okay we all have things that we want to work on we all have things that we want
to achieve we all have things that we want to fix and get better at and their
pains and their problems that you want to solve and alleviate etc but a lot of
times we put up a mental block and saying you know oh you know what if you
know money is an issue or time is an issue or commitment is an issue or you
know I don't feel you know comfortable sharing this stuff and should I be you
know saying this or is it just in my head cetera but here's the thing when
you have any other sort of issue like your house related issue you go straight
to the doctor okay you don't just try and sit at home and try and figure it
out for yourself you have a legal issue you go to a liar for their professional
appeal that's what they've trained it right because you're not qualified to
sit at home and deal with a legal issue same with finance and you know an
accountancy and budgeting or whatever else like you go to an expert so a lot
of times when you have those walls coming up it's it's just superficial and
I would encourage you to go and reach out to one if she is a holistic life
coach she deals with all sorts of issues like you heard in this conversation so
go R and reach out to Bonnie and I I guarantee you you will get resolved
so with that again Vani thank you so much for being here this has been an
absolutely awesome conversation maybe we can go for round two sometime absolutely
for sure maybe you want to come and get some coaching to level online so there's
no there's no problem with it in the world she has online coaching so that's
absolutely a plus use our online programs and stuff going on as well so
which is perfect like you don't have to physically be there and then you could
just literally reach out and you know
and it's a six six you know call package that they yeah that I buy right so it is
and the reason for that as well as they don't believe in people to come okay I'm
and codependent on me I want to empower people to be able to you know to be able
to sort of shift their own stuff after that so there happens more often than
not so it's it's also really interesting well yeah there you go guys we've kind
of been restricted by time I love to stay on and explore other things but we
will just certain that in round two but with that make sure you subscribe to the
channel and enter the competition which is absolutely huge I'm super excited by
it and on the first of September I will announce the winner make sure you
subscribe to the channel and just leave a comment on this video or any other
video and to be honest me and Bonnie would love to hear your ideas opinion
and thoughts and takeaways from this conversation and what what strategies
what kind of ideas you will be employing and what what is it that you found most
fascinating who love to know what you have to say so leave those comments down
below and subscribe so you get entered in the competition as well if you
haven't already other than that stay awesome hustle hard
and I will catch you in the next one
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