If you are a person who stutters then you are a covert stutterer. I'll tell you why.
Fear of speech, hiding my speech impediments and pretending to be fluent, it's all a big
part of stuttering. For us, for people who stutter it is stuttering actually. You see, other
people see our stuttering as our physical speech impediments, the external part of it. We
see stuttering through the lens of fear speech, through hiding and avoidance behaviors. That's the
inside of stuttering, that's how we see it, how we feel and we are masters of that.
Each of us at some point has found itself in that box, in that shell. This is stuttering.
Fear of speech, my hiding and avoidance behaviors they go hand in hand with not doing what I
want, not saying what I want. Actually these are the pieces, the parts of the one and the
same thing. We give in to our fear.
Sooner or later, we get sick of that. We realize that we don't want to live our whole entire
life like that. This is not the right way. Something strikes us and we realize, we decide
that we want to live freely. We don't want to be a slave to that blackmailer.
Because stuttering is like a blackmailer who knows some secret, some bad truth about
us. And who's telling, "Don't do it or I'll tell everybody the truth." And the truth is
bad, we don't want everybody to know so we follow the instructions, we keep moving this
way but we're always ready for a rebellion against that blackmailer, bad guy.
There are actually two ways out; first, is to start speaking with your speech impediments
to be open about it. What is called an "overt stuttering." Second, find a way, try to find a way to
stop stuttering.
So the first one is like telling everyone the truth. The blackmailer is going like
"What? You told everyone the truth?" And you go, "Yeah. I told everyone the truth." So
the blackmailer, the bad guy loses all his power, right? No power. It's fast. A great
way. The downside is that he can come up tomorrow or the next time we go to speak to
somebody new or we get into some situation where we have again a choice what to do to
be open about it or to fall back to our previous position, to our stuttering shell.
I'm not a great expert in that "overt stuttering" thing. I've met some awesome people at
National Stuttering Association Conference who were very open and who are very open about their stuttering.
I was truly amazed and I still want to know more about that.
I've always been more about finding ways how to stop stuttering. And that second option
always included, involved for me the first option because with the training speech which
was slower and it was kind of awkward. It was absolutely clear and you get open about
the fact that you do stutter, you have to admit that and everyone can see that.
Second, you are open about your effort to stop stuttering. So for me it was like getting
double-open, double-overt about stuttering. The second option was also helpful to me because
it gave me additional encouragement why I should get open because I am getting free
from stuttering. So it gave me additional reason why I was doing it.
Again, I respect both ways. Both options are brave, daring and courageous.
Now, let's come back to being covert. Is it bad or good? I would say three things.
First, it's obviously bad because our life is guided from a place of fear, from the place
of not doing something where we're always instructed not to do something. Our life should be guided from
a place of abundance and possibilities, so that's a bad thing.
Second, it's a good thing. "Why and how in the world it might be good?" you're asking.
Well, as long as I stay covert I still believe, I still hold on to the dream. I hope, I search
for fluency. I still have a potential to get free from stuttering completely. I have an
opportunity to go both ways. I can choose either of these ways, right? I can choose any of
these options.
When we choose acceptance (I'm not a great expert in that but that's what I see from
my observation) we find it very liberating and the way how
we feel about stuttering. We also feel improvement with our fluency. But most of the time we
close the door for the second option, for getting free from stuttering. There are two
objective reasons for that.
First, on a very physical level we stutter more so, we gather those stuttering experiences
into our muscle memory. Our automated stuttering speaking pattern gets stronger
and stronger; we get deeper into that on a physical level.
On emotional level what happens is we desensitize stuttering so, we don't feel that bad about
stuttering anymore. And that's a good thing but that is why we kind of don't need to
change anything dramatically, drastically. We agree with ourselves that this is fine.
So covert stuttering is bad. It's also can be good. And the third answer it's just natural.
You see it's in our guts the desire to stay safe. We don't want to be exposed to negative
feelings and emotions. That's absolutely natural. That's absolutely okay. And again,
everyone, every person who stutters has found itself there. No doubt.
My wish to you is that you don't stay there for too long. Life is short, don't put it
off. You have something to accomplish in your life and you can't do it while sitting in
the shell. And getting outside the shell means either acceptance or finding ways how to stop
stuttering. Both options are courageous. Both options are a hero's journey. Both options
are something we can be proud of.
So covert stuttering, is it bad or good? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments
below the video. For more videos you can head over to freefromstutter.com blog, subscribe
to this youtube channel, join Free From Stutter Facebook group and thank you so much for watching.
I'll see you in the next video.
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