how does weight gain or weight loss weight loss exactly significant weight
loss affect your sex life? and how how do you talk about it? thank you so much for
joining us again on another episode of our second act with Paige and Silke for
your second act of life - hi Paige we have an interesting show today yes we do
we need to give a little bit of background on our topic today we were
preparing for a series of videos that will be upcoming on weight loss you know
this is the time of year new users around the corner new year new you and
we're also preparing for a very interesting we think interesting series
on sexual health there's some great stuff coming down the road this episode
you brought up the topic it sort of combines the two and that is how does
weight gain or weight loss or weight loss exactly
affect your sex life and how how do you talk about it because this goes on a lot
mm-hmm I've had spouses significant others come
in and say you know I don't know what to do it's really hard for me to continue
to have sex with that person because they don't look the way they usually are
and they don't feel good about themselves and all I want to do is get
close with them and be intimate but when they don't feel well and they have extra
weight you have the other person going what do I do
how do I bring this topic up what do I say to them and then you have the flip
side where someone's adamant about I want nothing to do with them because
they let themselves go and and how could I possibly be how could I possibly
be sexually you know I'm stimulated or want to have sex with this person so
I've seen every single facet about how weight affects someone's sex life and
not just gaining weight sometimes when people have an eating disorder
or they have an illness where they get so thin the significant other
doesn't feel comfortable having sex with them because they just feel like they're
gonna break them or hurt them or they're so fragile so there's different
components that go on it's not just weight gain it can be the other way as
well do you think from your experience that
you know if you started a relationship at a certain weight both people had certain
interests a certain weight and then one changes drastically that that's more apt
for conflict if you will rather than if you meet you know obviously we're
attracted to all sorts of people so if you choose a person at a certain weight
that that's different than when the person you have chosen changes I've seen
it all I've seen that happen and it'd be devastating to a marriage I've seen that
happen and it doesn't change a marriage I mean it really is how do you love the
other person and that's what I bring up you know with my clients and patients
and you and I spoke about this we live in a society where everything is how you
look on the outside including weight right so we still have not yet learned
to perfect and we never will in human form how to clear through the weight
issues wether lots of weight or a little weight and love somebody just
soul to soul and that includes sexually as well
so it's really hard in human form to get past some of those things but that's why
having a conversation about it and communicating about it in an authentic
real way is really really important because most people won't say anything
and then the relationship goes like this and then it's too late to do anything
about it I guess the reason we're bringing this up because it is is so
hard to talk about and it you know how do you bring that up I mean it's really
a tough topic and it goes back to what type of a relationship are you already
in are you already having open honest communication with your partner because
if you're not that's a hard place to start to learn to have open
communication that's why it's so important that you find verbage to speak
to someone and let them know yes I do love you yet this this piece is getting
in the way can we talk about this and a lot of people would just rather just
nor it or go have affairs or just deny it or make up excuses why they don't
want to have sex and you know both people are starting to feel certain
things and it just you know bottom line is it's like anything if there's
something going on between two people and it's affecting things and not a
healthy way for either person emotionally mentally physically
spiritually whatever it might be you have to have a conversation about it I'm
kind of thinking about men right now you know are they bad guys if this is if
they're not attracted to their wife to their girlfriend of the long term
anymore because she's gained weight does that make you a bad person or is it how
you handle it that makes you not such a good person well I don't think that
anyone that bad person I think we just get caught up with what do we do this is
affecting us that I want to hurt their feelings or or they're not being healthy
and I'm staying healthy and then I'm getting angry and more resentful because
they're not taking care of itself and there's so many different layers as to
why this is tipping the scales no pun intended but what's gone on long before
this situation has come up to because nothing is ever one layer there's always
multi multi layers so yeah and sometimes when people bring it up they can be
really mean about it and that does no good for anyone at all well and I just
said that I thought you know automatically thought the man would have
these issues really women think you know that that's the same thing you know if
they're part I've seen a lot of weight they you know they made the attraction
may not be there either you know and how do you handle it and is that wrong or
right you know I still think of terms of wrong or right I don't have that high
level view that you do and just remember I want to reiterate it's not just the
weight gain it's someone who has an eating disorder or someone's really sick
and they've lost so much weight and and even though the person's been sick and
they're so thin they want to have sex with the partners like no way I don't
feel comfortable it doesn't feel sexual to me it feels
like there's so many different reasons that go on behind sex and weight and
it's not just gaining the weight it's also when you've lost a lot
weight and you're you know unhealthy with your weight loss as well and it affects
both men and women you know like both both sides struggle
with this issue when it comes up and let's face it as we get older our bodies
change gravity takes hold spare tires occur like lots of different things
happen and you can be working as hard as you can on it and you're still gonna put
a little bit of weight on as we get older that's the reality so I would you
know I would challenge our followers out there just begin to look at their
significant other in a couple ways if there's an issue there with sex and
weight begin to have the conversation and at the same time I challenge you to
begin to look at someone past the weight issue whatever that might be
and learning to love them from a soulful place and I know some people might be
out there going oh god that's horseshit Paige come on I just want to have sex
that's fine too you can be that too I'm just giving you different options if you
really love somebody and you're in love with somebody it's all about how do we
grow deeper from a love standpoint and how do we go deeper from a soulful
standpoint and how that comes together you know there's no one recipe there's
no one perfect way and it's always going to be a challenge one of the things that
I was encouraged by some of the blog's I read was and I think you've mentioned
that too that a lot of men don't care they love you know and I was with a
beautiful one you know I love my wife no matter what but she's lost her
confidence she doesn't feel yes and she doesn't feel good about herself because
you know as we go through midlife let's face it I can speak for myself hormones
change gravity drops weight gain gets put on you know spare tires all
that kind of stuff you got some cottage cheese going on in the back of your rear
you know and it goes back to how do you love yourself how do you accept yourself
no matter what's going on and embrace that how do you allow how do you allow
the person who's with you to embrace you no matter where you are as well so
there's a couple different layers that we're talking about in this whole topic
of sex and weight well we're just about coming to the end of our segment Paige
what would you like to leave our viewers with on this topic if
you happen to fall under this topic with sex and weight you know speak to your
significant other about it be open and honest that's how anything can either
improve shift or whatever it happens and also at the same time begin to learn to
love the person from a soulful level as well and also accept what's going on in
your own body no matter what's going on with it no matter if you've gained some
weight or you're sick and you've lost some weight you know it's all about
self-acceptance and being okay just the way you are and hopefully having your
partner look at you and say hey you know what honey I love you no matter what and
we really want to hear from you on this yes you know leave us your comments you
know does any of this makes sense do you fall into this could you
you know love somebody if they gained a lot of weight does it matter
lost a lot of weight you know with an illness and like what do you struggle
with what works for you it doesn't work for you do you feel stuck whatever it
might be let us know because this is a topic that goes on and through every
relationship this is there yeah and nobody knows how to talk about it Thank
You Paige we'll see you next time on another episode of our second act with
Paige and Silke for your second act of life
thanks so much for joining us today if you haven't already done so please just
take one quick second and subscribe to our channel buttons right over here and
for more information and videos on living your life to the fullest after 50
go to our websites 2ndact.tv see you soon bye
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