Would I like to babysit your kids tomorrow night? Yes yes sure. Would I like
to take on that extra project because you're too lazy to do it at work and I'm
the only person who takes the slack up? Yes okay yes. Would I like to go to that
event with you tomorrow night to network which i really freaking hate doing? Okay
yes I'd love to. Saying no is a very very powerful response to things that don't
feel in alignment with you that you simply don't want to be doing. Why then
is it so freaking hard to say no? That's what today's episode is all about here
on my vlog where I Natalie Sisson aim to give you tips, tactics, tools and
resources to create more personal and professional every day freedom and
become a freedomist like me. Because I am passionate about this stuff. None of
us should be living lives that we don't love. None of us should be doing things
that we absolutely can't stand to do or that make us tense up inside and feel so
icky. This is different to fear and I'm going to cover that in a future vlog but
I'm talking about the stuff that just with your heart and soul you have no
desire to do but because you simply can't say the word no, which by the way
it has one less letter than the word yes so it's even easier to say. Because you
can't say that word no, you are doing all these things in your life that don't
serve you and frankly don't serve others. So how do you get past this.Well, step
one is to try it out. so practice it in the mirror. if you need to practice up
with your friend and the next time somebody makes a request of you that
simply does not light you up, turn to them and say no but thank you. Let's try
that again. Turn to them and say no thank you.
You don't even need to smile just let it rest and then watch and observe their
response. It might be "What?!" It could be "Oh, oh I see.
Are you sure?". To which you get to say,"No thank you
and yes I'm sure". Just try it out. Try it out to the next request from your
colleague, from your friend, from your mother, from your sister, from your mother
from a lover brother lover, you know one of those people.Try it out on them
because we just don't practice the art of saying no. Why do we want to practice
out of saying no? Because saying no to the things that don't serve you allow
you to say yes to the things and the opportunities that are absolutely going
to be right for you. First of all you have to create space by turning down
things that aren't in alignment with your values, that don't actually help you
to get ahead to be able to serve the people that you want to be serving in
your life or spending time with the people that you want to be spending time
with in your life. You're also allowed to say no to the things that don't allow
you to grow, that basically put more into your schedule that you don't need. That
are completely unrelated to what you love to do in life and they feel like a
guilt trip. Step two is to appreciate that you simply can't please everyone. So
if you're one of those people pleasers who says yes because you just can't
stand letting people down, you need to really dig deep and look at the actions
as to why you do this because if you're always saying yes and you think you're
pleasing people, what you're really doing is becoming a pushover. Somebody that
everybody can come to and go oh that Natalie she always says yes to anything.
I shove all my work onto her because she simply will never say no bugger off. I've
got too much work and you keep asking me to do stuff that is your responsibility.
So step back for a minute and think, are you pleasing people or are you actually
losing respect for yourself and with others because you simply cannot say no?
Which leads me on to step three you need to become more assertive. If this is a
problem in your life and you simply can't stop saying yes to everything and
as a result your life is chaotic and out of control and you're miserably unhappy
you need to be more assertive. So once again let's try it it's blue steel. No
thanks smiles. You don't need to do that if you
don't want. It takes courage it takes confidence and it takes practice. I know
of many people who are consultants and coaches and they will look at a mirror
and they'll go, "That'll be 75 five thousand dollars thanks". When
they're putting out their price. So maybe you need to stand in the mirror as I did
at the start of this vlog and go no thanks and they're not oh no I didn't mean
it actually mean yes. It's all about being more assertive and you can become
more assertive when you know what your wires, your fundamental reason for saying
yes to the opportunities that you really want to take in the first place. This
will allow you to be more assertive about saying no to the things that
completely do not need to be on your to-do list
and aren't relevant or important to you. Step 4 it's about apologizing less. I
actually have to catch myself out because I will say sorry and I know if
it's from the time when I lived in Canada but I will say sorry quite often
for something that's not even my fault. So I brushed past somebody in the
kitchen, a friend, a visitor I'll be, "Oh sorry".
Hmm that's not even something I need to apologize for. It's just you know
we brushed past each other. Or I will say something and then I'll just go sorry
and my partner started picking up and he'll be like why? And I'm like I'm not
actually sorry. He's like why'd you say it? Like I have no idea sorry. Then I'm
like no no no. So there's this cool little rule that a few people that I
know have have been using and it works really well which is if you say sorry
and you don't actually mean, it was just an impulse or something that's a
reaction on you, you say, sorry not sorry. So if you kept yourself saying it and
you go oh yeah I'm sorry not sorry. It actually gets you out of the habit of
saying of when you don't need to. So being less apologetic is a big part of
being able to say no more because you're not saying sorry for saying no. You're
simply saying no. So start recognizing when you're apologizing for things or
feeling guilty about saying no to things and just realise that it's a totally
legitimate response to a request that you don't need to agree on. Got it? Step 5
is learning to put you first more often so the reason why I think so many of us
say yes to things that we really don't want to do is that we're really really
good at giving. This is particularly important message for women because
we're really good at putting others first and so what this is saying is that
I'm not good enough to create some time and space for me so therefore I'm going
to say yes to to you cause clearly what you're doing
is more important than my own awesome life. So it's really about putting you
first and going, does this align with what I want to do? Does this make me
happier? Is this going to make my day more awesome? Is this going to make my life
better? Am I going to feel like I'm doing something really great, being a better
person as a result of saying yes to this and if no? Then it's a no thank you.
Step six is to then be happy with your decision right? So these are steps that I
need to take as well. So the minute you've said that, as I've said don't back
up and go oh wait no I probably yeah okay yeah all right I'll squeeze it in.
If you have, to just smile and walk away. You don't have to say no and then back
it up with an excuse, "I'm actually gonna be having my tonsils taken out that day
and I just I just need a little bit of time because I won't be able to
speak or". You don't need to give an excuse. No thank you is fine. You just have to be
happy with your decision and after you can go and skip and jump and hop
around and go oh I got out of doing that extra report or I got out of doing that
extra meeting that I didn't want to or I got out of this thing that I really
didn't even want to volunteer for and now I don't have to do it whoo-hoo. Now I
have space and time to do the things I want to do and love doing with the
people that I love. It's a beautiful thing. Step seven is letting go of guilt.
You do not have to feel guilty for saying no even if it's one of your best
friends will you be my bridesmaid at my wedding? Okay that's a that's a pretty
important question but you can't even say no to that. That you may want to give
a bit more of a reason for but if your friend respects you and loves you and
you legitimately do not want to do this thing that they've asked of you it
should stop there. No guilt. If this person thatrequested something of
you that you don't want to do is making you feel guilty, one they're not a good
person and two you actually have my permission to tell them to bugger off.
Unless it's a really bizarre scenario everybody should be understanding. Sure
hearing a no is disappointing. Nobody likes rejection but if it's done in a
good way and no thank you and a smile and then you are able to talk to them
after it about opportunities and things they could do instead of you being the
person that they're requesting something from you shouldn't be feeling guilty. You
can still help them without actually having to be
the person doing the thing. Are we clear? Crystal. And finally the result of the
seven steps before us is that you instantly earn more respect. Think about
a time that you have asked somebody to do something for you and they have
politely declined whether by email, to your face, over the phone your like
"Hmm that person's got their shit together" Right? Or they know their
boundaries or wow that's that's ballsy. Oh man I wish I could do more of that
How did they do that so easily? I love working with clients who have finally
said to their clients no I won't be available after 5:00 p.m. No you can't
call me at 8:00 p.m. at night. No you can't call me when I'm on holiday. It
instantly puts you at the forefront of their mind as somebody who has one, their
shit together. Two, knows their boundaries and three, won't be messed with
and that's instant kudos and respect right? And that's what you want as an
entrepreneur, as a freelancer, as the master of your career you want respect
and the only way to be able to do that is to be very clear on what you will and
won't say yes to and to stay true to your boundaries, stay true to your word
and stay true to the integrity with which you approach everything. So that is
the power of saying no. I hope you practice it. In the comments below please
please please tell me if you tried this out this week and what the result was
and also any feelings that came up for you. Was it fear? Was it guilt? Was it
shame? Was it oh my gosh this person won't like me anymore? And just note that
down, write it in a journal, note it in your head and next time you go to say no
I promise it'll be easier and then the third time it'll actually be delightful
and the fourth time it'll be addictive. Nnow I'm not saying you need to say no to
everything but to the things that do not feel good, that do not align with what
you want to do, that do not serve a purpose that helps you to go out and be
the best possible version of yourself. That's it I'm done with the lecture.
You are amazing, yes you are and no you don't have to go and do that thing that
you don't want to do. You have the power to say no. I'm Natalie Sisson, your fellow
freedomist. If you like this vlog please give it a
thumbs up and of course subscribe to my channel so you can
get weekly vlogs from me all about creating more personal and professional
everyday freedom because you frankly deserve it. Yes you do yes you do
Yes you do. Yes you do. Yes you do
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