The
Unwanted Awakening Denying Your Self & Your Love
By consciousreminder
Spiritual awakening is always a surprise. As many of you already know, I speak of awakening
as the spontaneous shift from unconsciousness to consciousness. But the light of awareness
doesn�t mean that we are free from all unconsciousness.
Instead, that light allows us to see unconsciousness. It allows us to have a perspective and discern
the difference between unconsciousness and consciousness that may have been totally invisible
before.
What Is a Spiritual Awakening?
For someone who has been spiritual and wanted some kind of revelation or enlightenment,
the arising of a spiritual awakening is a gift�most of the time. Because even with
these types (and I suppose I�m in this rather small group), awakening does not bring freedom
from pain. Freedom from suffering requires us to clean up our inner mess, and most people
I know upon awakening find a lot of dirty dishes in their inner home. That can be surprising
to the more naive spiritual people who think that spiritual awakening erases all problems
and pain once and for all. While the problem-maker (the ego) may start, START to dissolve, the
challenges of the world will remain. There is still hunger. There are still diseases.
The world is a challenging and often painful place, and a spiritual awakening doesn�t
change that. Rather, it helps you to see all of those challenges clearly along with all
the beautiful opportunities.
To the point of this post, many people who awaken are not spiritual, and some don�t
want to be. However, a spiritual wakening doesn�t care if someone is overtly on the
spiritual path or not because all of life is ultimately spiritual. Oftentimes, I get
emails from people who tell me that they�ve never been spiritual, never meditated, never
prayed, nor much of anything else. And then for whatever reason they awaken.
But some people don�t want the illusion to end. Some felt comfortable in their lifestyle,
and this awakening is very much an unwanted house guest. As such, they fight it tooth
and nail. Today, I want to talk a little bit about that fight, what is really being resisted,
and why this awakening is one of the greatest gifts you can ever receive.
The �Ah-ha� Moment Followed by the �Oh-no� Moment
Not everyone has a big ah-ha moment. Some spiritual awakenings are quite understated,
but there tends to be this shifting from one way of seeing the world to another. It�s
irrevocable, as far as I�ve seen and sensed. But as I said, that doesn�t clean up the
inner debris someone has. It simply illuminates it and often brings with it a kind of energetic
push to start mopping your soul�s floors.
But let�s pause and remember that most people don�t know about the gift that has arisen.
Most people are completely mired in the illusions presented by the world. Now let�s create
a scenario of someone awakening. Here is a 42-year old male in a comfortable corporate
job with a wife and two kids. He has a house with a mortgage. He has a boat. He goes golfing
with his buddies on the weekend, and he is content with life because this is what everyone
told him he should have and he got it. �Bravo,� he thinks to himself. �I did it.�
And then one night sitting in a lounge chair, he awakens. Something dissolves, and he sees
through to the truth. Maybe he gets a period of bliss. That could last for hours, days,
weeks, and even months. But at some point, the �oh-no� moment comes. That�s when
he realizes what is going to have to change and when he realizes all the pain and illusion
he�s been trapped in.
Avoiding the Big Inner Clean-up
When someone like the man above awakens and doesn�t want to give up his illusions, he�s
likely to go through a a lot of types of Self avoidance (Yes, that�s Self with the capital
�S� because his true Self is stepping forward). He may attempt to go on living his
current lifestyle, but the truth that his wife is a superficial, cheating tramp becomes
equally apparent as well as her innate shining beauty. His neglectful behavior with his kids
and how they�re developing into spoiled, contentious brats become obvious. The fact
that he absolutely loathes his job is undeniable, and he realizes that he doesn�t even like
playing golf. None of this is actually earth-shattering on the awakening seismic scale. These are
actually just fore-shocks of bigger realizations, but to someone like this, they�re life threatening
because he doesn�t want to change and is afraid of who he�d be if he started to change
and give up things.
So he keeps doing what he�s been doing. Life becomes a daily grind. During the initial
parts of a spiritual awakening, the energy in a lot of people tends to be very strong.
This makes him feel like he�s being torn in two pieces. He may be going through moments
that feel like panic attacks or a nervous breakdown. He wishes it would all go away.
For some people, it will. For others, their awakened Self is too strong for whatever reason.
He may start to lose energy and feel more and more exhausted. Different physiological
problems may begin to arise for which doctors can�t find any reason. For some people,
they completely crash and can no longer function in the world, and here we have someone in
a full blown dark night of the soul.
The Harder the Ego, the Darker the Night
Even for those of us who consciously embrace our awakenings, dark nights and long periods
of deep churning tend to come up. We have to go into all the dark corners of the soul
to know them, to love them. Through that love, that darkness is dissolved, and we become
integrated and whole.
In the scenario I�m painting, this type of individual isn�t doing any of that inner
work. So he�s subjected to the same fears again and again. They don�t process. They
just repeat. When he gets upset, he is wallowing in emotions such as self-hatred, self-pity,
fear or perhaps even terror, and others. This doesn�t process emotions. While I talk about
needing to feel to heal, we learn to notice what we are feeling and breathe into it mindfully
without feeding a story around the upset emotion. This person probably hasn�t found the tools
to do this (because he isn�t searching), and as such, all he wants to do is to get
through this awful time period. That�s another hallmark of the unwanted awakening�the person
just tries to get through it. S/he wants it to be over and done with to get on with her/his
regularly scheduled life. After a Spiritual Awakening Unleashes All Your Emotions.
And the good news is that nothing lasts forever. This intensity will pass. The bad news is
that this awakened awareness is one of the greatest gifts humans can ever receive, and
it�s tough to say if he�ll ever fully enjoy his old illusion and ignorance even
after this intensity is over knowing what he now knows.
Repercussions of Denied Self Love
At the root of awakening is love. It is self love and Self love. It is our union with our
human self and our innate divinity to which we all have access. From that space, we see
life with open eyes, open hearts, and easeful bodies. In this clarity, we see what is really
happening in us, in others, and in society. It makes us powerful change agents, teachers,
catalysts, leaders, and healers. Without clarity and when we�re still lost in ignorance and
pain, we spread more pain unconsciously. We also make ourselves suffer. Unconsciousness
is like walking on a broken foot when its numb; we continue to damage the foot because
we can�t feel it.
Today�s example persona, who probably thinks he�s just in a mid-life crisis or something,
will continue to suffer. In turn, he will continue to teach suffering through his example
and through his words to his partner and to his kids. Many of the ways he has suffered
will be passed on to the next generation, and more cycles of pain and suffering will
continue. He will not really understand love, how to express it, how to receive it, and
how to flow with it although if you asked this type of person, he�d tell you that
he absolutely does know what love it. That�s horrible truth of unconsciousness.
We don�t know that we don�t know. A spiritual awakening simply shows you what is. It helps
you to know yourself. In that self-awareness, you find love, and in loving yourself, you
more fully love and serve all those around you. That�s how we begin to break the cycles
of pain and suffering. Without love and open eyes, all of society will continue to struggle
through illusion, and suffering will be a mainstay in our collective human experience.
Giving up the Unconscious Ego
I wrote a post not too long ago called, �Giving Up Something You Don�t Want to Give Up.�
For many people this crossroads comes later in their spiritual shifts, especially for
those who actively follow the spiritual path. For anyone like this fellow, you have to do
this letting go now. It�s the only way to continue further on your journey and to begin
to heal.
And make no mistake about it; we all need to heal�A LOT. Healing is a natural part
of life and the spiritual process. It doesn�t mean you�re bad or have done anything wrong
(although if the latter is true for you, then healing requires penance). It is simply the
fact that we have become magnets for pain. We hold onto pain, hide pain, avoid pain,
and so on so that it festers and worsens within us. Lancing the wound is often a messy and
uncomfortable process, but it is such an important one to come back to health.
Spirituality Blogs About Healing
Coming back to health is often one of the first steps after awakening. The more profound
and deeper growth in our life tends to be reserved until we have created a clear space
in our gardens for seeds to grow. That means cleaning up the trash, debris, weeds, and
old roots so that there is room for new tender shouts to sprout. If we do that and let go
of lots of unconscious illusion and pain, a renewed life can be born in this world.
The Gift of Spiritual Rebirth
I know that many of you did not ask for a spiritual awakening, but it is here. It is
always here actually. For whatever reason for you, the clouds parted in your inner sky,
and you saw the truth. That truth stayed. How could it not? It could never leave anyway.
It could only be forgotten.
Once that opening arises inside, a great surge of you�yes you!�starts to move on its
own. All I can say is to trust that surge. Trust that inner flow. Your old life will
very likely be demolished, but space is being made for more love and more kindness. Denying
awakening is denying yourself, who you really are, and the depth of your love and truth.
It is denying reality.
If the man in my example today embraced awakening, he would be making space to be a better father,
to be a kinder husband, to potentially find a kinder partner, and to go find a job he
loves. He will not understand just how truly miserable he is in his illusion until he has
let go of these old ways of living. And when he does, he will probably wonder how he could
ever have not wanted a spiritual awakening.
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