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Drop Your New Year's Resolutions and Try This - Get Psyched with Ayan - Ep3 - Duration: 11:28.In this video I'm going to talk about
how New Year's resolutions can be harmful
for your self-esteem and what you can do
to achieve your goals in a realistic manner
which is good for your self-esteem. Stay with me.
Hey folks, I am Ayan Mukherjee and you're
watching another episode of Get Psyched with Ayan.
In this vlog series, I bring
important personal growth concepts from the
world of psychology and psychotherapy and
make it available to you in a way that's
fun, practical and
easy to understand.
I must admit that i suck, suck big time
with new year's resolutions and i have
sucked for a while and it used to always leave me
feeling guilty and feel like a loser and
I did try all those goal-setting
tricks, like breaking them into
small pieces, creating action plans, making
it realistic, etc. They would work
for me a couple of months, but then I
would still give up. So not until maybe early 2015,
when I started actually working with
therapy clients, as part of my clinical
internship that I realized that I was doing
something wrong and that I was going at this goal thing
in a very ineffective way and I needed to change
things up. Before I go into what I
discovered, i want to share with you
these important reasons why New Year's
resolutions can be quite harmful for our
self-esteem. First, many of these new
year's resolutions are created with the
sense of fear, disgust and lack. Things
like, I want to be rich, I want more
money because I feel poor. I want those
big ratings at work, because I am afraid that I will be sacked
I want six pack abs, because I
feel disgusting and I am disgusted at my belly.
As you can see, these goals have a deeper
self image and self worth issue
sitting underneath and even if you get
that amazing six-pack, it will still make you
look at your body in a way that
makes you feel disgusting.
On one hand, it can make you feel
depressed, that
oh my god, i got my six pack abs and
still I feel terrible. Or it can turn you into
and anxious perfectionist, where you're
like, now Ineed to get 8-pack abs.
It does not give you the
fulfillment you are looking for or
wanting, if you're coming from a sense of
lack, fear or disgust. Second, failures
create and strengthen a narrative that you
are a failure. So every time you create a new
year's resolution and you fail at it because it
was unrealistic, then what it does is, it
strengthens this narrative that I am a failure.
Our brain is hardwired to focus on the
negative. So even if you had a lot of small
successes in the year, you might
remember that, oh I failed those
3 new year's resolutions by
the end of january and that's what
remains and that strengthens this narrative, this
part of our mind, the psyche that says that I am a
failure. So it's actually more
harmful if you create these
emotionally charged goals and then you
fail and them, versus you accepting
yourself and not creating those unrealistic goals.
So having said that, let's shift gears
and let me tell you to as to what I discovered in 2015.
What i like to call it is, setting a new
theme for the year, or setting themes for the year.
let me illustrate this with a personal
example and i'll give you more tips
on how to develop your theme.
So for 2016 i decided to continue with one
existing theme of mine and added two new themes.
My existing theme was that of
self-expression and that started in 2014.
Even though i started it in 2014, I didn't
really know what I was doing back then and only
later in 2015 I figured at that
this seems like a cool idea, a better
way to go about it, rather than new year's
resolutions. So as a part of
self-expression, as a part of this theme
in 2014, I developed my blog from scratch
and started writing. In 2015 I
started with 2 dance forms. One was contact
improvisation and Brazilian Zouk. And I really
got into dancing as a
form of self-expression through my body. In 2016,
I have been strengthening this theme through
developing my skills in contact
improvisation and i also created my
youtube channel and this vlog, which you're watching,
to improve my self expression, because I
have perspectives that I want to share with you and put it out there.
T he two new themes that I added - the
first one is working on my masculinity
and reconnecting with the Wild Man
archetype. So in this i started doing men's work.
I accomplished the New Warrior Training
Adventure in June 2016 with the Mankind Pproject
and I've been working on developing new
relationships and friendships with men.
and i am also into bushcraft,
backcountry camping and into survival stuff as well.
Second one, owning my
psychotherapist personality and getting into and embodying
the full personality of that of a psychotherapist.
And in this theme, i pushed for it and finished my
psychotherapy diploma. I got my Registered Psychotherapist designation,
which was a huge pain in the ass process and I started
working at the Holistic Healthcare Centre in Vaughan.
And I finished these 3
important psychotherapy courses.
As you can see, this sounds, looks and feels
different from your typical New Year's
resolutions, which we are familiar with
and I will break down these 3 ingredients
which make it different.
First one is, how do you want to feel on
your journey through your theme.
This is the most important ingredient
and it's about how are you feeling, how
do you want to feel through the
journey, rather than the destination?
So it's not so much about the goal, it's not
about what I want to feel
after I achieve the goal.
No, it's not about the destination, it's more about the journey.
How am I feeling as i go through this journey?
Second one is, strengthening your under-developed self,
the under-developed parts to you and the
questions that you may want to ask
yourself is, what do I think are some of my
under-developed parts?
What can I do to develop some of these parts?
What resources do I need to develop some of these
parts and how does developing some of
these under-developed parts, tie in to my
self-esteem. These are very important
questions and as you answer these
questions and flesh it out, i'll help you
in developing a theme for yourself.
Thirdly, letting the goals for the theme
evolve themselves, over time, through the
year. So when i started with a new theme, I
don't have like a set list of goals.
I just have a general idea
this is what I want to do this year,
this is the part of me that I want to develop
this year and as and when things
come, as and when experiences and
opportunities come my way, I ask
myself, this thing that's here, this
opportunity, does it tie in with my theme?
Also what value does it add to myself and also to my theme.
Am I strengthening my theme
or am I getting distracted?
Then looking at what can i do to
add this new opportunity to my theme and
then getting really, really excited about
this opportunity. I think that's very
important for us, to be excited about
working on our themes and once that
happens, once I feel convinced that
this path, or this opportunity ties in
very well with my theme, then I feel very
excited and then, only then, do I
doing all your goal setting, i start
creating an action plan, I create a to-do list.
But i do it only after i've got that emotion
buy in and that's very important.
Don't go the other way around, where
you create goals and create action plans
and then you try to get an emotional buy in.
Get the emotional buy-in first.
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Soccer tournament honors 3, raises funds for suicide prevention - Duration: 0:56.THESE SOCCER GAMES HAVE A GOAL
AND IT ISN'T JUST TO SCORE THEM.
WE'VE GOT TO DO WHAT WE CAN TO
MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
PLAYERS ARE HOPING TO RAISE
$4,000.
AFTER LOSING THREE TEAM MATES
AND LOVED ONES.
TO SUICIDE.
>> IT IS REALLY HARD LOSING
SOMEONE.
>> THREE YOUNG GIRLS, ALL OF
THEM SOCCER PLAYERS,
NOW BEING REMEMBERED BY THEIR
TEAM MATES AND LOVED ONES.
IT HAS OPENED MY EYES MORE THAN
ANYTHING.
>> THEIR FAMILY AND FRIENDS HOPE
THIS FUNDRAISER STARTS A
CONVERSATION.
>> OPEN UP ABOUT IT, TO ADMIT
THAT YOU'RE DEPRESSED, ADMIT
THAT YOU'RE HAVING THOSE
THOUGHTS, YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE
HELP.
HOPING THAT THEIR EFFORTS SAVE
>>HOPING THAT THEIR EFFORTS SAVE
ANYONE WHO MAY BE SUFFERING
SILENTLY.
IT IS DOING SOMETHING THAT CADY,
CIERA AND CAROLINE ALL LOVED
DOING, IT WAS A HUGE PART OF ALL
OF THEIR LIVES SO WHAT BETTER
WAY TO REMEMBER THEM THAN BY
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2016 Recap! + live stream on 1st Jan - Duration: 2:56.Hey guys!
So 2016 was a really hard year for me in many ways,
but such a year of growth.
When I actually took the time to take a look back at my videos and the whole year
I realize there are so many blessings that I've taken for granted.
So here we go!
I was selected for YouTube's Next Up Class in April.
And spent a week learning about production
and how I can make better videos.
It was a turning point for me,
and I decided that I needed to stick to a schedule.
(And anybody who knows me knows I hate schedules.)
But I decided to stick to it,
and I decided I was going to upload something to a YouTube channel every Thursday.
I've played less shows this year,
but I've had the opportunity to meet and write with some incredibly talented writers and producers
and had more time to make regular videos for you.
I got to visit Japan and sing with my 93-year-old grandma,
which was something I didn't think I was going to be able to do again.
And sing cover songs with some of my incredibly talented friends all over the world.
I went to my first-ever trip with my mother to Europe.
This is my favorite house because it matches my glasses.
Started blogging more.
And doing some let's talk music series.
So today I want to share my thoughts on...
Then I got to release my first-ever Christmas song for you.
WHAT?!?!
🎼🎵🎶 I'm going home. Singing all the ... 🎶
Thank you so much for allowing me to share my journey with you.
It means so much to me
that you would take time out of your day to come and watch my videos
to like, comment on, and share them.
I've been building a collection of songs that I'm so excited to share with you next year.
I'm actually going to start a crowd-funding campaign on my birthday, the seventh of January
So stay tuned for that!
YAY!!!
And I'm also going to do a free live sreaming concert
on the first of January at 7pm PST.
So in Japan that will be...
[Speaking Japanese — 日本人と話す]
[無料のライブストリーミング変換は、正午、1月2日、東京時間になります]
I'll sing some songs.
I'll take some requests.
So if you plan to join us, let me know in the comments in this video, and I'll keep you in mind.
I might do some dedications.
For anyone in LA, I'm also playing the 7th of January at Hotel Café.
So if you're free, c'mon! YAYYYY! Woooo!
Thank you again for such an amazing year.
I hope it's been a good year for you.
but if not, I know that next year is going to be better.
Next year is going to be awesome.
I'll see you at the LIve Stream! First of January!
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