Stronger legs.
Better math head.
Maybe better singing voice?
Health for my entire family.
Everyone I know. Everyone close to me.
Next I'd take something like...
The classic 'as much money as possible', for myself.
And after that, a better downtown Montreal with less traffic.
I'd like to know how long I was going to live for.
I'd probably wish for a private jet.
My whole family, I'd like to take them to Hawaii for a year.
To be invisible.
Insane speed, to be able to travel the world.
I think I'd want to be... I think I'd want to be an animal for a day as well.
I'd wish to be able to fly.
I'd wish to be able to be as fast as Paulie.
And I would wish to be as good at hockey as Carey.
For my youth back.
Hands like Patrick Kane.
And vision like Sidney Crosby.
My first wish would be... To never have to sleep again.
I feel like it's a waste of time.
I have trouble sleeping at night.
I'm a night owl, so I would love to just get rid of that.
I'd love to be able to see into the future.
And... I'd love to be able to fly.
Winning a Stanley Cup would be first.
Maybe to send myself onto a deserted island for a week, to relax.
Third wish would maybe be...
For me it would be to have a chef at home.
A chef every day, so that when you get home, the meals are ready, the house is clean, and all that stuff.
Probably to still have skills.
To have a big house that my kids could get lost in, and give me some down time.
And...
Unlimited toys for my kids.
Wish number one:
The opportunity to win a Stanley Cup with the Montreal Canadiens.
To be able to play on a line with...
The Rocket Richard and Jean Beliveau.
And number three:
Be able to play in Game 7 in a Stanley Cup Final at the Bell Centre.
Is it possible to get unlimited wishes? If I asked for unlimited wishes?
So I'd probably ask for unlimited wishes, and then...
I don't think I'd need the other two, really, because they'd be unlimited, so...
Easy question. I'd ask for more wishes.
I'd never run out.
I don't even need to answer the other two.
Endless wishes.
Wishes.
For more infomation >> What would the Habs wish for if they found a magic lamp? - Duration: 2:47.-------------------------------------------
Wiper-Activated Headlights May Become Standard For New California Cars - Duration: 0:23.
For more infomation >> Wiper-Activated Headlights May Become Standard For New California Cars - Duration: 0:23. -------------------------------------------
NEWEST & BEST KODI BUILD 🔥 FOR KODI 18 & 17.6 FEBRUARY 2019 🔥 DIGGZ XENOX BUILD KODI XBOX ONE - Duration: 12:26.
Subscribe to the channel and turn on the notification bells. So you never miss an update
Hello guys, I'm kodi best build and back with you again with another video
I wish you all do and well having a great time with your friends
with your family
Enjoying your time at home or work or doing whatever. I wish you the best. I wish you to be safe and happy
so guys don't forget to subscribe to the channel and
Join me in the social media links as you can see right down in the video
so don't forget to share the video with your friends and follow me on Twitter to get all the posts and
notifications from my Twitter and channel on youtube
So guys I got you a VPN. The ipvanish is a really amazing service
You got the link down in the description below if you want to use the service. It's really quite fast and easy to use
You won't have a lot of troubles after using a VPN
so guys if you install it with me this build
yesterday
So and you are back to the normal skin of Kodi press on system right here and then guys click on
interface
So here guys again press on skin
Click on it and then back to stre is the difference kin of Kodi and here got colors
Change to any color. You wanted brown gold. Whatever
So here guys you got the homepage of Kodi
So here with me guys press on settings to get this build
We're gonna install the Z Knox build from the Diggs or the chief kodi wizard
So press on settings right here in the top
Then press on system
And here press on add-ons
Then click - allo as you can see right here, press on. Yes, and that way you allow to install from announcer says
I'll press back and here click on file manager
Scroll down all the way to
Add source as you can see press on add source
So if you use to install builds, you got a lot of files right here if you don't have anything
Install it yet. You will only get add source, press none and
here guys, just
Copy and paste the source
So as you can see with me
Copy the link from my website and paste it right here without any problem once you press on ok
We got a triple. So click OK
It's gonna be added to your files without any issues and any problem now press back
click on add-ons
Right here, press on install from the file. So here scroll down to your repo your file
So here guys you got it click on it
Then press on Install repo and install the repository the digs
Repository as you can see it's in solid now press on install from repository
Here scroll down all the way to the digs repository click on it
Press on program add-ons and
Here guys, you got the chiefly a wizard if you're watching me from Xbox one or any other device
you get kill the 18 press right here and
Then click on install
It's gonna be install it into your kodi
So here guys you get the chip layer wizard install it now press continue
press ignore
Click on it and here open it manually, so press on here
On open and you guys get maintenance you get backup and restore you get tools get
Installer balls and clothes, but press on builds
So here guys you get the Xenon build and you get the zmax build as you can see press on the xenix
Right here and you got this page right here the install and the fresh install
So the standard installed if you have a previous build or you don't have anything install it to your kodi
You just get Cody install it on a fire sake
Xbox or any device?
Press on the normal install
If you have a previous build you get a lot of errors you get a lot of dem shit files click on fresh install
I'm gonna do a fresh install to get everything brand-new
from this great build
I
really respect
the work of the tics or
This great
Developer of this builds. They are really amazing
Especially the Zenon built. It's great and having all the content on
Carry, all the content you wanted you're looking for is on the Zenon build or Z Knox build
Somewhere back after the demo process is done. Then we're gonna review all together this build
I'm here guys, you get everything done, right?
without any problem now, press on ok to get this work done and
restore kill da gain
Into your xbox one or any other device working with cody 18
Repeat Tori 18 Leia
You can install this great builds on it the Zenon build or the z knots
So press ok to allow the change and restart cody to get this build
working
So right here guys after installing this Z Knox Cody build you will get this great homepage
So you guys you got all the cody adams?
Where you can watch?
movies
TV shows and
Too many great things
So you got all the greatest gaudi add-ons this is really amazing build
So here guys got all the greatest
To the add-ons so he got legendary
So he got a lot of movies
As you can see you can surf by most popular
people watching the box office or anything you want just
Get a VPN for a better experience
To not be in or to net to not get tracked by the ISP
So if the ISP is tracking your device, it's gonna block you from watching
Movies and you will get a lot of problems a lot of buffering
So they want you to pay its normally some normal thing. They want you to pay for
Movies like this as you can see I love the the work of this Cody Aaron
it gives you the quality of the movie and a brief story and
Generous of movies drama or comedy or whatever?
And you guys press back
So and
Here guys got TV shows in this TV show section
You also got a lot of amazing stuff
So we got right here as you can see you got all the work including add-ons and
Here in the top. You got the TV shows
We got widgets to watch TV shows
So here guys got real deep breath you got the trending movies on real debris
Here got library and
Here got live TV
so here got sports and
Here we got youtube as you can run bogeys and a lot of things and you've got music
You can listen to all your favorite songs right here with this great amazing section
Calvin Harris you got Sam Smith Louis, Ariana Grande
And you guys you got kids Dunn?
and this
kids on you got a lot of
Stuff for your kids if you want to watch any
Movie for your kids got uncredible. You got fantastic beats. You got spider-man
So here we got kids TV shows kids movies
And you guys get add-ons
All the working Kodi add-ons in this build
It's really fully loaded build with the best
OD add-ons on it
You will have a lot of things
So it's really amazing just install it and enjoy and
You regard the Zenon?
Where you can switch back to the normal skin of Kodi once you press on this section on xenyx
Here you got this page and you can change and back to the normal skin of Cody on interface
You click on it. Then you press on skin and then skin and you back to is tre as you can see with me
Right here you can back to is tre once you press on it
So as you can see with me
Press yes to allow the change or no to keep your build
Or your skin as you can see with me right here
So guys
This is the the end of the video. Don't forget to subscribe to the channel. Share it with your friends with your family
Don't forget to get a VPN to protect yourself. I got you a
Promotional link down in the description below get it and enjoy it
Thanks a lot for your time and see you tomorrow for another Kodi build
-------------------------------------------
Grand Theft Auto V - Online | Malayalam Gameplay | P FOR PLAY - Duration: 4:32:02.
For more infomation >> Grand Theft Auto V - Online | Malayalam Gameplay | P FOR PLAY - Duration: 4:32:02. -------------------------------------------
Moringa Tea Recipe | How to make Miracle Moringa Tea for life long Health - Duration: 5:42.
For more infomation >> Moringa Tea Recipe | How to make Miracle Moringa Tea for life long Health - Duration: 5:42. -------------------------------------------
COLD SNAP: Snow possible for all of SoCal except coast today | ABC7 - Duration: 2:27.
For more infomation >> COLD SNAP: Snow possible for all of SoCal except coast today | ABC7 - Duration: 2:27. -------------------------------------------
Microcontroller programming for beginners - Duration: 6:07.
Starting with this video, we will proceed to the immediate implementation of our first project
it will be to just light the LED to one of the conclusions of port B.
I remind you that the microcontroller will be powered from a voltage of 5 volts.
Connection scheme is very simple all we need to do is connect the power to the microcontroller
Connects to the 20 output plus power and 10 output connects the power minus.
Next to one of the output port b, you must connect the LED. LED must be connected through the current limiting resistor.
The LED can be any low-power resistor, the resistor can also be any low-power resistor from 200 to 500 Ohms.
We work with port conclusions b and port b starts with 19 Contact and 12 contact
In this case, you can see that the led is connected Port B 1
There is if we give to the output of PB 1, 5 volts respectively, this LED will be lit.
In order to light this LED it is necessary to pin logical 0 volt.
Now let's get acquainted with the software part of our first project.
I hope you have already installed the program atmel studio 7.
Run the program create a new project
-------------------------------------------
My Dogs Ate Like YouTubers for a Day | Vegan Edition | The Edgy Veg - Duration: 11:36.
For more infomation >> My Dogs Ate Like YouTubers for a Day | Vegan Edition | The Edgy Veg - Duration: 11:36. -------------------------------------------
Mark Harris Calls For New Election In North Carolina House Race | Katy Tur | MSNBC - Duration: 4:20.
For more infomation >> Mark Harris Calls For New Election In North Carolina House Race | Katy Tur | MSNBC - Duration: 4:20. -------------------------------------------
Time Out New York's NYC Happenings For Feb. 22-24 - Duration: 2:56.
For more infomation >> Time Out New York's NYC Happenings For Feb. 22-24 - Duration: 2:56. -------------------------------------------
Bitterly cold by Friday morning for SW Montana - Duration: 1:47.
For more infomation >> Bitterly cold by Friday morning for SW Montana - Duration: 1:47. -------------------------------------------
Meghan Fashion - Kate MISSED Meghan Markle's baby shower for skiing trip with William, George and C - Duration: 4:37.
Kate and William took advantage of their free schedule and the half-term break to spend some quality time with their children and head off to the ski-slopes, a royal source said
The Cambridges are known for loving winter sports and are not new to skiing breaks
Three years ago, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge took George and Charlotte to 4-star ski resort Courchevel in the Trois Vallees in France, where rooms can be booked from £279 a night
As Prince William and Kate are not booked for any official engagement in the near future and the second half of the spring term doesn't begin until next Monday, the Cambridges are expected to be far from the public eye until the end of the week
Prince George is in year one at the prestigious Thomas's Battersea in London, while Princess Charlotte is attending her final year at Willcocks Nursery, Kensington, London
The skiing break took place at the same time of Meghan's lavish baby shower party across the pond
READ MORE: Kate and Prince William CLEAR ROYAL SCHEDULES for Prince George and Princess Charlotte Meghan flew to New York on Friday for a five-day break in one of his favourite American cities, during which she has enjoyed good food, done shopping and experienced afternoon tea in the fashionable SoHo district
On Wednesday, however, the low-key trip attracted a lot of attention. The Mark, the hotel where the Duchess of Sussex was staying, saw the arrival of dozens of celebrities, including Amal Clooney, Meghan's best friend and fashion stylist Jessica Mulroney, tennis star Serena Williams and Suits actress Abigail Spencer, all attending Meghan's baby shower
The party, believed to have been organised by Mrs Mulroney, saw the attendance of 15 of Meghan's closest friends - but none of her relatives or royals
READ MORE: Meghan Markle SHOCK as baby shower held TODAY - CELEBRITIES arrive to 5-star hotel The baby shower is thought to have cost hundreds of thousands of pounds
It was organised in the hotel owning the most expensive suit in the US, where rooms can cost up to £57,400 ($75,000) a night, and featured harpist Erin Hill and expensive party favours
Following the bash, which started approximately at 6pm GMT, Meghan was seen leaving the hotel wearing fitness gear and trainers and hop on a Gulfstream G450 private jet
A source who spoke to Harper's Bazaar had previously confirmed Meghan would embark on a relaxing solo trip, where she would meet her friends and respect the American tradition of the baby shower
They said: "The trip is a lovely chance to catch up with friends and spend time in a city she loves
"This will be the last time a lot of them will see Meg until after the baby is born so it's nice to share precious moments
" The New York break took the public by surprise, but the source revealed it had been carefully planned for months
They added: "It's been a relaxing visit. Nothing beats face time with your friends
"Meg will be flying home refreshed and relaxed - and with a lot of new baby clothes
" The trip to New York comes when Meghan is believed to be approximately 30 weeks into her pregnancy
Most airlines allow pregnant women to get on their plane until the 37th week, and the NHS advices not to fly after the 38th week
-------------------------------------------
How to Edit a Video for Your Business (Start to Finish) - Duration: 34:59.
Hi there, this is Jacob, Jacob le video production.com.
And in this video, I'm going to walk you through how to edit videos you shop on your phone,
or on your DSLR or for your business on your computer.
Now I'm going to be using Final Cut.
But you can use any editor to do this, you could use a free one I'm movie Da Vinci resolve.
So if you want me to do an exact tutorial on using I movie or Da Vinci resolve or free
program like that, please leave a comment down below.
If you're new here, please subscribe and click the belt to be notified when I come out with
new content.
I have so much content on Marketing your Small Business using video.
So for organization, I find that sometimes useful to put a number one in front of the
things that I need to access all the time.
I generally sort things alphabetically, YouTube, I do all the time.
So you want we want to make our own folder and call it something that we can remember.
So I'll say advance shooting videos on your phone and want to make subfolders one for
the video clips.And another for the audio if we shot it separately and maybe connected.
And then we also want if we have any graphics and if we have any music.So I shot a decent
chunk of this on my phone.
So I'm going to take my phone and connect itand I'll want to open up image capture.So
there are three files that I shot that I needed to import.
So we're going to choose the folder to import to will go to otherand find the one that I
just createdYouTube advance on your phone.
And she's video clipsand then not import all that'll do everything on the phone.
But just importshould give you update that it is importing.And
you can see the progress right here.
I'll probably speed this up starting now.Alright, so it is finished importing, I find it's useful,
awesome lens, even just name the exact files, you can name it within the editor.
But sometimes it's just easier when you're getting organized or need to move stuff around
later to actually do title the files themselves a different name.
So I'll just say main discussion.I also did separate audio.
So by labeling things, it'll be more obvious to sync them together and choose the clips
that go with one another.
This is justlights stand andlight stand to.So those two are B roll, which means they don't
have voice with it.
They're just insert shots shots that I can put over top of me speaking.
And I also for this one shot a few clips of my DSL or my camera that records to an SD
card.
It looks like this.
On some computers, you can insert it directly into the computer.
But like for this one, I have a card reader that plugs into USB as well.
So since I have that I have my audio on an SD card.
And I have my video on an SD card.
So I am going toplug that in.Alright, so it has now shown up.So I will find where those
files are located.It should be just these four.
So I'm able to take them and I can just drag them as well.If you have a ton of clips, you
may want to separate the phone or the camera.
Since I just have seven.
This should be fine.
So I'm going to speed up the process of transferring over these clips as well as my audio clips.Alright,
so we are building I have transferred everything over, I added the audio files from my SD card
that's with recording audio separately to another device, which is higher quality, you
can run audio directly into a camera or into your phone, it won't be quite as high quality.
But you won't have the separate audio file so you won't have to sync it.
But I'll go through the steps to sync really quickly.
And I have a few little graphic elements.
And yeah, I'm not going to use music for this one.
But you can also have a folder for stills and potentially for your project file.
Because sometimes you may have a few different versions.
So it's nice to have them in a folder.
So your overall editing file, you need this saved.
And I'm going to open up one right now this is Final Cut, it'll be the same steps.
Pretty much no matter what you're using,I will I do a two screen setup.
But I'm going to switch to one screen.
So it's easier to follow along.
And everything is contained right there.
So I have my existing projects open.
Instead, I'm going to do a new depends, it could be a project, it could be a library,
basically, your overall document that it's going to live in, I will find my advanced
phone project file.
And advanced phone is a good name, you do want to make it something often you can pull
up like recent projects.
So if I've had all that, like version one, you know, I know what that was within the
folders.
But it would be a little bit confusing.
If I go into the list of project files I've opened, you want to be able to tell what it
is.
So I'm going to close the other libraries.
So we just have this blank canvas.So importing, you can do it through file, you can click
this button, pretty much every application, you'll have the option to import your media,all
of the photos or videos or graphics.
So we will find the folder we created.
We can just go down with these.And you can just select them.
And then click Import selected.And I do have it set.
So it doesn't automatically close the window, you can choose different settings.
But since I'm keeping this more general,this should work.
So I have my graphics.
Now the nice thing with these graphics, these have an alpha channel.
So if you're not familiar with that, if you are familiar with pn, geez, it has transparency.
And what that means is, you know, if I export this just as a flat image with black over
top of it, then if I place this off top on top, it would just cover up the whole image
with black.
But because it has transparency or the background is transparent, I will this I'll go into setting
things up.
But just to give an example,because they have that transparency, it shows up here.
So none of the background color shows up.
So you can stack it on top of other things, which is really cool.
So maybe you have graphics, maybe not.
I could do tutorials on creating those if you want.So I'm going to create a new project
and other programs.
This may be like a sequence.
But this is a timeline of what your project is.And you want to give it a name phone, and
I'll do rough cut one RC one.
So I know this is kind of a first edit, I think it is good to kind of chronicle the
different versions and have those backed up kind of like doing different save.
As for your Word document, it does auto save.
And it may be possible to try to jump to an older version.
But this has clearly dialed out different versions that you've done.
1920 by 10 is sort of the HD standard.
And for YouTube, this is what you want to go with.
You could do 4k.
But that's I think, overkill.
I have a 4k camera and I upload in 10 at it takes longer to edit longer to export longer
to upload to YouTube.
And I can't really see a big quality difference because it's compressed and it's streaming
on the internet.
So if it's TV, if it's YouTube, 1920 by 1080 is a great format to do.
However, if we're talking Facebook or Instagram or LinkedIn, a square video does better, or
even one that is 1350 high by 10 at wide.
So the resolution in any program, you should be able to set this resolution.
This is the width by the height.
So if I did 1085, 10 at that would be a square one that'd be perfect and ready for Instagram
or Facebook and were like Instagram or Facebook, they have it where it's slightly taller than
it is why the resolution for that isby 1080 and the frame rate like on my camera on the
shoot at 23.98 like the film one.
But since I shot this one of my phone, it should be 30 frames per second.
So that's one thing to think about.
If you set this incorrectly, it can be stretched out or wonky in a weird way.
So but this one is for YouTube.
So I'm going to dojust standard Hd 30 frames per second, you don't have to mess with the
other setting.Now we have this project where we can load clips too.
Sosince I have this longer clip, what you can do is, you know, go through and set an
endpoint and an out point.
So if I drag this down, it'll just be that little 10 second clip.However,
since it's so long and Final Cut is good at this, I'm probably just gonna bring the whole
thing down, it's up to you how you want to work.
If you have like, for this one, I'll probably just hit I.
And then oh, this is true for all applications that just grabbed the little portions of the
clip that I want to use and move them down.But for this one, it's a longer clip.Andyou know,
when I'm in here, I think can hit Oh, and Iandlike trim it like that, or even grab the
handle.
But it's nice as you'relistening through.
And for all the applications j is go backwards.
K is to stop or space is to stop and start as well.
And l is go forward.And if I hit l multiple times, that will go forward really quickly.
So my audio levels are a little bit quiet.So you can see the audio is really bad, which
is why I shot the audio separately.And you can see like the length of the clips.
So this long clip goes with this audio.
So I do right click and do synchronized clipsand do main discussion synchronizedyou'll do audio
for synchronization.
You can disable the audio components for AV I kind of like to just open it up andturn
it off just in case like I hit it or something and need to bring it up again.
So if I double click on this, you can see what's happening.
I have my audio clip and my video clip with the original audio.
And if I take the audio down, so it's offeither This is Jacob Jacob le video production.
Andso that's the new audio.
This is the originalvery bad,so it should be synced.
You can adjust it manually otherwise.
So I'm setting the audio level for this the volume and I'm looking for you know areas
where it is clipping or peaking audio can get really distorted in a bad ways.
So you know I have it set up so I can see the audio levels shootingon your phone with
a backlightthat it will clip so it doesn't sound terrible now, but if I were to export
this, it would clip and get really distorted and sound bad.
So you have two options.
One is to turn down the overall volume.
The other if you have a couple areas that are just crazy loud in comparison to other
things, you can go in and turn down the level for that part option.
Clicking and other programs that can be p for the pen tool.
But so I'm just turning the audio down at this one part so it doesn't clip anymore.
But it looks like it's peaking in a number of places.
So I can probably just turn down the overall volumea little bit.
Andso this is the where they're both together.
If I go back to the main clip,so I'm just hitting space or JK.So I have two options.
One is the razor blade tool which will cut the clip and I can I can move it around and
makes it its own separate clip.
Or alsolet me undo command Z control Z on a PC.If I hit the Oh, that'll set the out
point.
And if I delete that, that will not start it at this spot.
Hi there.
This is Jacob, Jacob le video production.
And this tutorial.
Hi, this is so I restarted again.
So I'm going to go in and hit Oh.
So at that point, I could also use the razor blade tool.
But I find this to be a little bit faster.
Hi,this is Jacob Jacob le video production.And this is the advanced Ultimate Guide to shooting
videos on your phone for your business for social media.
Orso sometimes if I know I did it for a while pretty well, I can do it.
Listen to it.
double speed to save time be listening if I messed something up and had to repeat it.
So you can doon your phone.
This isI don't want to use the end or the out now because I just want to take out a
portion here.
I started again there.
So I want to take out this part.
So I'm going to hit be for the razor blade tooland clip that switch to the selection
tool on Final Cut.
That's a$300 in total, you may be able to hear an ambulance in the background I am going
to wait to get.So I actually am keeping in that little bit about it.
Because it's tips on film your own video.
And I'm just saying there's ambulance in the background, you want to pause and be listening
for loud sounds like that that are going to be distracting for your videos.So I'm going
to speed this up quite a bit.
This is the process I go through of just going through and clipping the bits just like that,
basically just cutting out the extra parts that are bad if it would be completely out
of order.
And you're just talking about random things up there.
And you had to, you know, go in and set the order yourself.
And makes makes sense to, you know, up in here, listen for things and then construct
the edit in order that way.
But for this one is basically in the order that I want it to appear already.
So it's simpler and easier to just have it in the timeline and cut out all the different
portions that I don't want.
Or if I made a little mistake, just chop that out.
So I'm going to go through the whole video, make sure it's all set up in order.All right.
So I cut out all the portions where there was a mistake or to cut out.
And this is for YouTube.
So jump cuts are very normal for and what it really I'll mute it.
What a jump cut is, is where there's a cut.
AndI like jump in the frame because I cut some out.
But it's the same angle.
And with YouTube, these are super common, that is a completely fine, normal way to do
it.
But you know, if I was doing something for a corporation, or super professional, you
know, beyond YouTube more casual talking to the camera, I probably try to find a way to
cover that up.
Or sometimes you can like zoom in on the footage.This isn't quite high resolution enough.
And it's a little too close.
But if it was a further back higher resolution clip,you can see is that it's more like a
completely different cut something else.
But this is YouTube jump cuts are completely fine.
Same would be for Facebook, really for casual social media stuff.
So I just need to get the in the right order.
So it's more or less in the right order.
Toward the end, there were a few portions that I found that I was like, Oh, I mentioned
earlier, this thing, let me add one little thing.
So the next thing I'm going to do, I'm going to speed it up.
But I'm going to find those clips and move them around, insert them where they need to
go.
So you know as taking the clip and changing around the order that it appears.
So this is the exact order it's in.All right.
So everything is in the correct order.
Now it is all set up.
I can go through, you know, see if any of the audio is peaking or too quiet.
It actually looks pretty good.
And I think a good next step is to see like in these transitions, make sure they're happening
smoothly.So that seemed fine.
You don't want like way too long of a gap.
Or sometimes you cut it quite right.
And it like cuts off a portion.
Or sometimes it's really challenging where like words are combined, kind of like mesh
together.
So if you're trying to take out and that someone said remove it, and it's like, so I was going
to the store and I go, when you take that out, you have to be really finessed and careful
with not having it and like abruptly.
So you may have to feed it or something like that, which is how the audio level like ramp
up so it transitions properly.
So it's good to go through all the transition points and make sure those are you know, good
length.I have this right here thatso that's a decent length, I kind of like turn here.
I think I was checking something out.
So I make hot out, you can just drag it here.
You can also hit Oh, and select that.
But if I just drag I'm going to cut out that portion,I had this right here that allwhich
is fine.
I would be a little more finessed if this was a big commercial or something like thatway.
Like there are someyou can see right here, it like cuts off the very first portion.So
I want to get in that full beginning way.The light there are somein any way daylight.Actually,
I don't want this little portion.
So I want to cut it herein any way.
There are some where you can do any range from you canzoom in and out on the timeline.
For me, it's command plus minus.
So you can, you know, get really close in there, because it's a little harder when I'm
zoomed out like that.
But when I zoom in, I can seeso you can adjust all the transition points.
Because you know, and it's this like four minute portion that I did, I don't really
have to mess with that.
But I want to make sure between the different cuts it edits really well.
So I'm going to watch this all the way through one more time to make sure that nothing is
repeated.
Or there aren't mistakes or something missing or the wrong order.
And the reason I'm doing this when I add music if you want to add music later, you want to
get the Edit kind of locked into place before you're adding music.
Because with music, you may have to figure out how long something needs to be or transition
from one to the other.
So you want to get the Edit as close as possible.
Now, if you're editing to the music, if you're bringing in the music, and then having the
clips go along with it, you want to bring that in early so that they can match with
one another.
But if it's a clip like this, where I'm just talking, and I don't think I'll use music
in the final version.
But I'll show you how you would do that if you want to music.
So I don't know if you've heard the term a role and B roll basically, I have all these
things I am talking about and discussing in this video.
And it's just me talking to camera.
So on some videos that can be the entire video, it's just you talking to camera.
But like in this one, I'm talking about some of the accessories that I use.
For example, I'll pull up you know, I have this thing to hold the camera and you know,
the mic pack that I'm using and the lights.
So as I watched through this again, I'm going to be looking to see if the transitions work
well and to make sure everything is in the right order.
But I'm also going to be listening for areas where I have like a clip.
For example, when I talk about having a device that will hold your phone, I can, you know,
choose the endpointchoose the out point.
So if I drag this down, it won't be at the right portion right now.But now the video
on a muted or turn off the audio.But now I'm talkingand it is windy.
And the second thing I have going on I have two light sources in front of me.So now I'm
talking but this clip is over top.
So I want to be looking for the portions of it where I can put that footage over top.
And not all videos I do this but for this one since I was talking specifically about
different devices you can use it's very valuable for me to shoot a couple extra shots and then
put those over tops that people are seeing those things as I'm talking about them.Alright
so I have put everything into place on my timeline, I have you know different parts
where it goes with it.So if I have music or graphics I can do that or you know I intentionally
didn't adjust this you can see the footage is pretty Arne so if I want to change that,
I'll select the clip and you'll select your color correct.
Orwhat I can do is go into color.
This is the color board but you can do other ones often like starting with the mid tones,
you can see that you can sort of adjust the overall imageand you know, make it brighter
or less dark.
And I also did this intentionally You know, when I have my clip before it was cut up.
I could have adjusted the color grade because if I choose this clip and you know adjust
add color.This one I probably like the white stone look too bad.
It's mainly like my skin tone, which is often the mid tones.
So if I take the orange out of the mid tones,maybe a little desta touch out of the shadows.So
you have your your bright parts your highlights the other parts the mid tones and the shadow.So
I would say you know this isn't perfect.
But this is an improvement.
Here's before very orange.
And here's afterI may back off on the bluejust touch via here's before after you can keep
fine tuning in and tweaking it if you want to.However, so this clip bye bye applied that
too.
But all the other clips are now separate.
But luckily, there's a really easy way to do it.
I'm going to click Copy.
And then select all the clips.
And I will paste all of the attributes color board.
Now when I paste this, all every single one has this color great applied.
And since the lighting was the same all the way through, I can just apply it to all of
them.
If it was changing or changing shots, I couldn't just apply it in mass to every single one
of these clips.
Soyou know, I might go in and collaborate all of these, I think it looks pretty fine,
especially for YouTube.
And I'm not going to have music in here.
Butyou know, I can give an example I have a full video on using music and importing
it, I will have a card up at the top.
But let's say I have this piece of music, it's going to be very loud.And I would turn
down the audio.
And now if I later it underneath,I'll be able to play both of them at the same time.
You know, and I talked about like, fading in the music that's the and Final Cut is this
little button.
But that, you know, fades it in.
Sothese are LED lights which are awesome.
They are battery power.
So you could be shooting in the woods at night and still have nice lighting be able to act.So
this is I would say definitely a bit on the loud side.You haveto be pretty careful this
was music you don't want it to overpower it.
You wanted to compliment it and you know be at a good level in comparison to the voice.
And the very last little thing if you have graphics like the one I have here I have my
social icons I design so I just drag it in.
And because I have that alpha channel or like a PNG where it can be transparent.
Hi, this is Jacob, Jacob.
It just shows up like that.
on all of these clips, you can adjust the size and the scale.
So you know I've been recording for about an hour.
But it's definitely taking me longer to talk through to probably take me 3040 minutes to
cut these together.
But I've showed you how we could have the whole thing edited.
And then B roll clips over top and in the right order.
Good color grading.
Good sound I showed you how to do music if you want to do that.
And once you get it all set, it never hurts to watch it one more time all the way through.
But then you can export the whole thing and you'll be able to upload it to YouTube.
And that was probably where I'm going to leave off on this video.
But I am putting together I'll have a card for it one on everything you need to know
on uploading to YouTube, how to optimize it the file type what keywords to use, things
like that.
I will say you want to figure out the keywords before you do the video because you know that'll
influence what you actually talk about.
And if you actually say the keyword in your video, they are going to let you rank better
for that keyword.
So please I'll have it at the end as well if you're interested in uploading it exploiting
it.
That whole process of getting it online and ready watch that video.
But that is it for this one.
Thank you so much.
I will see you in the next one.
-------------------------------------------
UC Davis Collaborating With IBM For 'Aggie Square' In Sacramento - Duration: 1:02.
For more infomation >> UC Davis Collaborating With IBM For 'Aggie Square' In Sacramento - Duration: 1:02. -------------------------------------------
Losing an Heir? What Jussie Smollett's Possible Exit Could Mean for Empire - News Today - Duration: 6:53.
"Let's get this straight, I'm in it with Jamal for the long run." That is what Jussie Smollett, who has played Jamal Lyon on Empire since the beginning, told EW ahead of last fall's season 5 premiere
That feels like years ago as Smollett is suddenly embroiled in one of Hollywood's strangest and surprising controversies
On Thursday, the 36-year-old turned himself into police on a felony charge of filing a false police report, with Chicago Police Superintendent Eddie Johnson saying that after being dissatisfied with his Empire salary, Smollett orchestrated the racial and homophobic attack against himself
Get push notifications with news, features and more. Follow Following You'll get the latest updates on this topic in your browser notifications
With a criminal case and jail time staring him in the face, Smollett has bigger concerns, but, despite Fox's previously backing him, it has to be likely that he could soon be on his way out of the show that launched him to TV stardom
EW previously confirmed that scenes centered on Smollett has been reduced and rewritten, while Fox and 20th Century Fox Television's latest statement says, "We understand the seriousness of this matter and we respect the legal process
We are evaluating the situation and we are considering our options." Empire was built around established stars Terrence Howard and Taraji P
Henson, but Smollett and Jamal have always been at the heart of the series. Co-creator Lee Daniels pulled from his own childhood experiences for the gay middle son of the Lyon music dynasty, including for a disturbing seasonscene of a young Jamal being put in a trash can by his father after wearing women's clothes
Jamal's storylines have often been viewed as a high point on the series and continued to break new ground this season with Jamal being in a relationship with an HIV-positive man
Smollett is also the most important musical element of Empire. Cookie (Henson) and Andre (Trai Byers) are only involved in the business side, while Lucious (Howard) rapping is a rarity, leaving only Jamal and Hakeem (Bryshere Y
Gray) as the prominent artists on the show. And while rap songs from Gray can often be catchy, it's Smollett's sultry R&B tracks that stand out, explaining how he's been able to launch his own music career outside of Empire
With all that being said, Smollett's forced exit would be a loss, but not one they can't overcome
Shows such as Two and a Half Men and The Ranch have proved that shows can survive and even flourish in the wake of high-profile firings
And while Empire is not the pop culture phenomenon that it was upon premiering and is down 15 percent from last year in the coveted 18-49 demo, it's still a strong ratings performer, often winning Wednesday nights for Fox, which is dealing with its own uncertainty amid the Disney merger
Speaking to EW, crisis communication expert Don Tanner suggests Fox "not do anything rash
" He added, "Considering today's racially and politically charged climates, our society tends to rush to judgement before it has all of the facts
We see it time and time again – including in this case. At most Fox might issue a statement could say something along the lines of: 'We are hopeful Jessie and law enforcement officials will work together toward identifying the truth and resolving this matter
' Any actions related to firing the actor should be deferred until more is known. When asked about the show possibly nearing the end of its run, Smollett previously told EW, "Obviously it would be up to the network, but I still do feel like we have good wattage in us, because it ain't been that damn long
But I do think that our stories are firm and grounded. And I definitely would say that I want us to dip out while we're still telling great stories
My whole thing is this, as long as we're telling great stories and we're able to entertain the fans and as long as we're still excited about doing it then we'll go
But I think all of us are smart and all of us are artists and all of us will know when the time is right to be, "Alright y'all, it's time for the Lyons to sleep
" But that time is not now, not with season 5 on the horizon." Well, the time could be now for Jamal Lyon
If Smollett is indeed written off of Empire, which Fox and the creative team continued to deny before his arrest, then there are options
Could he ride off into the sunset with his fiancé Kai, or could the show pull a last-minute audible and have Jamal be the person in that mysterious coffin? Empire returns March 13, but with many of season 5's remaining episodes in the can, we likely won't know until the end of the season — or maybe even next
Fox continues to insist that Jussie Smollett isn't being written off of Empire Empire is killing off a major character — Fox insists it isn't Jussie Smollett Jussie Smollett officially charged with felony for filing a false police report
-------------------------------------------
hoops for kids sake - Duration: 2:22.
For more infomation >> hoops for kids sake - Duration: 2:22. -------------------------------------------
When Addiction Strikes a Family: Writing for Recovery - Duration: 59:47.
MARCIA DAY CHILDRESS: Good afternoon.
I'd like to welcome you to today's Medical Center
Hour, a program entitled When Addiction Strikes A Family--
Writing For Recovery.
I'm Marcia Day Childress from the Center
for Biomedical Ethics and Humanities
here in the School of Medicine, and we're
happy to bring you these weekly Medical Center Hour programs.
Amid our nation's current opioid epidemic,
discourse around addicts and addiction
tends to be negative, pessimistic, quite hopeless,
reinforcing negative stereotypes.
And negativity about addiction prevails, too,
throughout health care, often making
it more challenging for clinicians and organizations
to respond with appropriate care, services, and resources.
No question, the toll of addiction is staggering.
But while statistical and fiscal analysis
of the current epidemic can also overwhelm and fuel
further negativity, might we gain a different view
of addiction by accessing the particular experience of it
as it affects individuals, especially their families?
To know better what is at stake and how to foster recovery,
this Medical Center Hour turns to distinguished poet Kate
Daniels and Owen Lewis for their responses
to addiction when it has struck close to heart and home.
How can writing access and elucidate
the lived experience of addiction inside the family
circle, addiction complicated by kinship, loyalties,
and obligations and fraught with powerful emotion, with love?
In particular, Kate Daniels and Owen Lewis
will help us grasp how writing can aid
and recovery for everyone involved.
We've set this program just ahead of Valentine's Day,
because this is about love and compassion
and care, the hard work of the heart in dealing with addiction
in those we love.
Kate Daniels is the Edwin Mims Endowed Professor in English
at Vanderbilt University.
In addition to writing and teaching poetry,
she works increasingly at the intersection of poetry,
health care, and healing.
This semester, we're delighted that Kate is in Charlottesville
and a visiting scholar at UVA in residence
in our Center for Biomedical Ethics and Humanities.
Owen Lewis, who will offer a response
to Kate's presentation, is a poet and child psychiatrist
in New York City.
A clinical professor of psychiatry
at Columbia University, he teaches in Columbia's narrative
medicine program.
Both Kate and Owen have published widely,
and some of their books of poetry
are available here from the UVA bookstore
just outside the upstairs door.
We're grateful to the Department of Psychiatry
and Neurobehavioral Sciences and the Creative Writing Program
in the Department of English for being
our partners on this program.
I will quickly say that neither speaker disclosed
any conflict of interest related to health care goods
and services.
So please welcome Kate Daniels, to be followed by Owen Lewis.
Welcome.
[APPLAUSE]
KATE DANIELS: Thank you very much for coming.
I'm really particularly pleased to be here,
as I spent 10 very formative years of my life right
here at this university, from age 18 until 32.
I even worked for a year as a nurse's aide in the hospital.
So it's quite an extraordinary opportunity.
And a very nostalgic one, also, to be able to come back at what
is nearly the very end of my teaching career as a visiting
scholar in the Center for Biomedical Ethics
and the Humanities.
And I want to particularly thank Marcia Childress,
the current director, and Danny Becker, the former director,
for the invitation to be here and for making that possible.
I'm going to talk for a few minutes.
Then, I'm going to read a few poems.
And then my friend and fellow poet
Owen Lewis is going to respond.
And just let me know if you can't hear me.
I think this will be OK.
Is it OK?
I'll begin by saying that I am used to bringing poetry
into health care settings and situations,
and I have spent a good deal of my career
in academia working in health care arts.
Over the years, I've served as poet in residence
at Duke Medical Center and at Vanderbilt Medical Center.
I've taught writing for more than a decade now
at a psychoanalytic training institute in Washington, DC.
And I've presented in various types of health care settings,
inpatient and outpatient alike, addressing
patients, their families, and care providers.
At Vanderbilt, I'm part of the medicine, health, and society
faculty, and I offer courses that
combine creative writing, literature,
and medicine, the medical humanities and narrative
medicine.
One of the things that I've discovered along the way--
oh, wait.
I'll never figure out how to do a PowerPoint.
One of the things that I've discovered along the way
is that many of the quiet, intensely focused, mindful
habits of poetry reading and writing
are applicable, or can be, in health care settings.
So though it may seem odd to some people,
I have found that there is a convergence between some
of the mental qualities that poetry both cultivates and is
dependent upon and some of the qualities that allow us to be
supportively present with someone who is ill
and whose narrative of illness we are committed to witnessing,
whether that is as a care provider
or as a poet in residence.
And I would say that some of those qualities
include the following--
an openness to whatever form transformation
might take; a robust ability to endure one's
own aloneness, as well as the weight of someone else's
aloneness; the stoicism to sit calmly
with failure and uncertainty, something
that I think the poet John Keats might have called
negative capability; the patience to return repeatedly
to the same texts or situations in order to re-imagine
and revise; and, finally, the capacity to absorb an outcome,
even if unwelcome or negative.
As I'm used to bringing poetry into health care settings,
I'm also used to having the exigencies of my life
enter my poetry, flowing easily from everyday reality
into the realm of art.
As an autobiographically inclined, highly narrative
poet, I have thought of my aesthetic preference
and my poetic practice as a kind of magpies nest--
able to make use of whatever my life might
plow up as raw material and turn it, somehow, into story.
Thus, over the years, certain aspects of health and health
care have entered my poetry and become an organic feeling
part of it--
pregnancy and childbirth, the death
of a young nephew by drowning, suicide, my mother's lung
cancer, my son's asthma, a home accident that nearly
cost my daughter her index finger, and actually,
more than a few times, my work here as a nurse's aide at UVA
medical center.
But in 2012, my assumptions about my ability
to poetically encompass the challenging
situations with which my life presented me were blown to bits
when I discovered that one of my grown children,
away at college in another state,
had become addicted to both alcohol and opioids
and was using heroin and was in dire condition.
I will take a moment here for a public service announcement,
because I can't do this without that.
You all are surely aware that we are, in fact,
in the midst of a true public health crisis with regard
to the opioid epidemic.
More than 130 people die every day from overdose.
Some of the startling statistics are
that in 2017, more than 72,000 people
died from drug overdoses, and about 2/3 of those,
more than 47,000, were opioid related.
It's estimated that for every successful fatal overdose,
at least 30 nonfatal overdose episodes take place.
So we are talking about something
that brings in millions of people
when you consider everyone who is affected by this.
Along with addiction, officially known
as substance use disorder since 1994,
comes something that 12-step support groups routinely
call the family illness.
This is a term that refers to the systemic, wave-like effect
of addiction on all those who are in relation to a person
with substance use disorder.
And this is the subject of the poems
I'm going to read you in a few minutes.
What is meant by this term "family illness"?
Typically, family and friends of people with substance use
disorder find their lives hijacked
by the chaos and crisis mentality that
characterize addiction.
As addicts organize their lives around alcohol and drugs,
friends and family often find themselves involuntarily
organizing their lives around that
of the addict and the increasing dysfunction
that addiction tends, over time, to engender.
And though they are not substance dependent themselves,
family and friends of addicts may find themselves,
nevertheless, engaging in some of the forms of behaviors
that we have come to associate with addiction.
And these are some of those-- compulsive thinking and acting,
but about and/or on behalf of the addict;
the inability to refrain from undesirable behaviors;
over-focus on the addict or enabling behaviors;
self-neglect; shame; living in crisis mode
with an impaired sense of time, something
that may be analogous to craving, the cravings that
characterize withdrawal from a substance.
So it was that the opioid epidemic, previously
familiar to me only from media representations,
entered the narrative of my life.
I remember exactly how I felt sitting
in the office of my child's psychotherapist in a family
counseling session when I learned
what the situation was--
as if the world was falling away beneath
me and I was tumbling down after, but never landing.
A completely totalizing terror and sense of unreality
took hold of me and kept hold of me for almost a year.
I was trapped inside what I eventually
came to think of as a double narrative.
Closest to my heart, I was mired in a deeply painful
and profoundly threatening personal narrative--
the annihilating fear that my beloved child might die.
But that narrative itself was enclosed
within something larger--
an external, society-wide story which
circumscribed not only the personal loss
I might suffer, but also weighed me down
with negative stereotypes of addicts and addiction,
a widely accepted narrative that stigmatizes people
with substance use disorder and shames them and their families
and often prevents people from seeking help.
You know this larger demonizing storyline,
the one that tells us that addicts are not like us,
and we are not like them.
They are weak-willed and hedonistic and devoid
of human caring.
They are morally flawed people who rob their own families,
ignore their responsibilities, and fail
to care for their offspring.
If they were really serious about getting sober,
as the 1980s public health campaign so glibly phrased it,
they would just say no to alcohol and drugs.
Even now, in 2019, when we know that addiction
is far more complicated than this finger-waving, moralizing
tale of personal weakness and character flaw,
it is hard to resist the shaming shadow
that addiction's negative narrative casts
when our own lives or those of our loved ones
become part of the story of substance use disorder.
Counter-narratives that suggest the possibility
of a different outcome can help resist the lure
of this prevailing narrative.
The first counter-narrative that entered my mind
came almost a year into this experience from a friend who
was a judge in New England.
Like most judges, she is even-tempered, rational minded,
and of a judicious temperament.
She had known my child since birth.
We were on the telephone, both of us crying uninhibitedly.
Then, she said this, "You need to hear me.
The opioid epidemic is very, very bad in New England,
and I see a lot of it in court.
But you need to know some people do get better.
Some people get through it, and they recover."
When I heard those words, my entire approach
to the situation that my family and I had been drawn into
was re-framed.
The moment felt like that moment when
everything changes in the writing of a poem and the words
take a turn you did not or could not anticipate and fill you
with surprise and even a kind of awe, inspired
by the power of imagination.
For the very first time in almost a year,
it occurred to me that there might be another possible
ending to the story my family and I were living inside.
In that moment, I was able to remember that writing
was my oldest friend.
It had always helped me understand my life,
and that putting words down on paper
had never failed to sort my thoughts
and had always been able to show me
things I knew without knowing I knew them.
It has come to be my belief, my conviction
even, that the mental qualities that writing both
requires and develops--
intense focus, mindfulness, perseverance,
extraordinary patience, and the ability
to deploy intention and abandon simultaneously--
can have efficacious effects for people
striving to reclaim their lives from the chaos of the family
illness.
Certainly, this was the case for me.
So what I want to do now is read you some of the poems
that I wrote during this experience.
I have to make a couple of caveats first.
First is that only about 1 in 10 people in the United States
who needs drug treatment ever gets it.
Our family was extremely fortunate.
Over the course of two years, my child
had two psychiatric hospital admissions, three
residential treatment stays, was accepted
into a highly selective suboxone program at Vanderbilt Medical,
lived for a while in a post-treatment halfway house,
and, finally, was part of a long-term recovery
community for the last six months of the process.
All of these cost money, lots and lots of money.
Our access to good health care, decent health insurance,
adequate financial resources, our level of education
that facilitated our comprehension
of the complexities of addiction,
as well as our location at a research university
with an excellent medical center that included an addiction
psychiatry department, all these were
instrumental in what has turned out, thus far,
to be a good outcome.
My child is, in fact, in recovery, recently celebrating
five years of sobriety.
I tell this story and read these poems
with the permission of everyone in my family,
including, first and foremost, that of my child
whose situation prompted the writing of them.
And then, secondly, I want to say briefly
that I was taken right away by a good friend--
I mean right away, within 24 hours
of finding out this news--
to Al-Anon.
And Al-Anon was instrumental in my ability to--
Al-Anon is a 12-step support group for families and friends
of people who have substance use disorder.
Al-Anon worked for me.
But in talking about it or reading/seeing representations
of it in some of these poems I'm going to read you,
I want to be clear that nobody thinks I'm advocating
Al-Anon or anything else.
As far as I'm concerned, whatever it takes to get sober,
that's what it takes to get sober.
And there's a lot of different approaches
and programs and treatments available.
Plenty of different variations on 12-step groups, which
is essentially group therapy, but also programs
that are cognitive behavior therapy based.
There's a lot of excitement right now around something
called MAT, Medication-Assisted Treatment.
There are religious faith-based programs,
various types of psychotherapy.
So I just want to make sure that's a disclaimer.
I'm not advocating anything.
This worked for me, but it doesn't work for everyone.
OK, so I've written a lot of poems out of this experience.
And I'm going to begin with one in which I think I was--
one of the hardest parts of the entire situation
was accepting that this was the situation.
That, in fact, my identity as a late 50's
English professor, poet, with three grown children,
moving along in the middle class had
all of a sudden turned into mother of a heroin addict.
That was extremely difficult for me.
There were times when I locked myself in my bathroom
and stood in front of the mirror and just look myself in the eye
and said, you are the mother of a heroin addict.
Because until I could accept the reality that I was living,
I didn't feel that I was going to be
able to make any progress in reclaiming
my life from the chaos that had engulfed it.
So this is called "In the Mist of the Heroin Epidemic."
Oh, let's see.
Was I going to--
I think I was going to put this one up so you could follow it
if you want to.
When I heard the news that Cynthia's daughter had
died all alone, slumped over on the ground
beside a dumpster behind the convenience store where she'd
made her final buy, I logged off and walked outside
to look at the water before I could think too much.
It's become a habit now, losing myself
in the soothing image of moving water, before the headlines
and the stats start blaring out the way they do,
performing themselves inside my mind that has always
imagined too vividly, too much.
You think too much, my parents always said.
But thinking about this or not thinking
won't reverse the events that have captured Cynthia
or bring back the daughter who's been carried away
in the opening chapter of a terrible plot.
Addicts destroy themselves.
That's just where we start.
And why they might have wanted to or if it was an accident
is beside the point.
The aftermath is what's at stake--
the human flotsam captured in addiction's filthy wake.
Ordinary citizens like Cynthia, with her stone
face and her dead blue eyes, single mother of one child,
deceased.
She works at the bakery down the block from me.
I pay her for a cappuccino and a buttered roll every morning
on my way to work.
Afterwards, I linger on the wooden pier
and drown my eyes in the river's watery embrace and lick butter
from my fingers and fill my head with the strong smell
of hot coffee Cynthia poured for me--
small actions that distract.
They minimize, but can't efface any of the suffering.
This is called "Molecules."
Certain phrases or items, even, in this case, a place,
took on terrible sort of totemic significance for me
during this process.
And it felt necessary to try to write them out of myself
in poems some way.
The totemic location in this is the store
in Nashville called Cash 4 Gold on 8th Avenue South, which
is known for being a place where drug addicts go
and hawk things that they've often
stolen from their families.
I'm sorry?
No, no slide.
AUDIENCE: OK, I'm sorry.
KATE DANIELS: It's all right.
"Molecules."
Oh, and I have a friend, Mark Jarman, who says,
it should be atoms, Kate, not molecules.
And I'm aware there's a lot of STEM-minded people in the room,
so tell me afterwards if it's really supposed to be
atoms instead of molecules.
"Molecules."
Whether it's true or not that all our molecules replace
themselves each seven years, his body seems halfway new
again one year into sobriety.
I keep my distance now, but recall
his painful 10-pound freight, the torpor
of late-term pregnancy.
All those final weeks, I rested, famished,
calling for food I could spin into blood and bones
so he could thrive.
Even then, his cravings ruled us both.
Mindlessly, he craved to grow, taking
what he needed from my willing body,
as, two decades later, he would steal what he needed
from my dresser drawers--
bankbook, string of pearls, his grandmother's tiny chip
of diamond-studded wedding ring.
The latter must have brought him almost nothing
at the Cash 4 Gold store, where all the junkies hang out.
Addiction is hard on every member of a family.
I have come to believe that it may be particularly
fraught for mothers, partly because of the fact
that mothers not only love their children
but have created the bodies of these people
in their own bodies.
And so the defilement, the physical destructiveness
of addiction is a particularly hard aspect of that,
of the whole situation, I think, for all family members.
But possibly, in a particular way, for women who have given
birth to their own children.
This is called "Birth Story--
The Addict's Mother."
And I love reading it in a room that has some docs in it,
because it has some image associations to the delivery
room for a C-section, where the mother is awake.
"Birth Story-- The Addict's Mother."
She wasn't watching when they cut him out--
C-section, you know-- green drape
obscuring the mound of ripened belly they extracted him from.
He spilled out squalling, already starving.
Still stitching her up, they fastened him to her breast
so he could feed.
There, he rooted for the milk, so lustful in his sucking
that weeping roses grew from the edges of her nipples.
For weeks, they festered there, blooming bloody trails
anew each and every time he made a meal of her.
I know what you're thinking, but he was her child.
She had to let him do that to her.
That was one of those poems where you start out
writing it thinking it's about one thing,
and it turns out to be about something else entirely.
As I said, I wrote a lot of poems in this sequence,
and quite a number of them addressed the, to me,
somewhat mysterious structure of 12-step programs, particularly
the Al-Anon group that I go to.
I go to a group of all women that's been around since 1978.
It has, in the jargon of 12-step recovery, a lot of experience,
strength, and hope.
There's a lot of wisdom in the room.
And so I'm going to read this one poem that is about that.
It's called "Support Group."
Of all the poems I wrote, it is the least poetic.
It's very jagged.
I don't even know if it's a poem,
but it's in a book of poems, so I guess it's passing that way.
I have to have a trigger warning.
It has the F-word in it, but you all can probably take it.
If you've never been to a 12-step meeting,
or you haven't seen a convincing representation of it,
you may or may not know that a--
these meetings are, for me, like a cross
between a Quaker meeting and an old-time psychoanalytic
session.
They're extremely controlled, but there's also
a lot of silence and compassion and acceptance in the room.
In the group that I go to, you have three minutes of testimony
that makes up the bulk of the meeting.
And you can't respond to what any anyone else says.
So it's a very interesting dynamic in the room.
You speak for three minutes.
You be quiet.
Without responding to what you say, someone else starts up.
You may or may not know that the first step of the 12 steps,
considered the most fundamental and the most important,
is we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and drugs.
That's referred to in here, too.
"Support Group."
Oh, and one more thing-- the time.
It's very funny.
12-step meetings are timed in all different kinds
of ways-- timers, cell phones, hand-waving signs.
"Support Group."
For a long time, each day was a bad day.
Truthfully, for years, each day was a bad day.
The nights were worse, but she could slide the deadbolt
on the bedroom door and swallow an Ambien or two
to summon sleep.
Thank God she never dreamed about it.
The meetings helped, but it was hard to go,
because the first thing you did was
admit you were fucked and had no power.
But it was worse to stay home, sitting
on the fear like a solitary hen hatching poisoned eggs.
There were a lot of rules and tissues in the room.
The rules were followed.
The tissues were dispensed to those who wept.
Many wept.
In the rooms, there was infinite suffering.
It had three minutes each to describe itself.
A little timer went off or someone waved a cardboard clock
face in the air.
One suffering stopped talking.
Then, the next suffering started up.
A lot of suffering in the world.
That's the first clear thought most people have
when they come here.
I'm having a hard time seeing this clock up here.
For people who decide that inpatient drug treatment is
the best option, or have access to it, the first stage of that
is always a detox.
And so this poem comes out of that experience.
One of the interesting parts of this whole thing for me
was the ways in which the experiences that my child was
having going through treatment caused me
and other members of my family to be
self-reflective about our own habits.
And that, I think, is what this poem is about.
"Detox."
So she wouldn't judge, she practiced empathy,
sitting for months in full Lotus,
palms open, thumb and forefinger touching to make a circle.
She could empty her thoughts inside
until emptiness was all that filled her.
To complete the ritual, she purified her body,
deleting the nightly glass of Spanish red
she savored while preparing dinner.
Her medications, all prescribed, were next--
the benzodiazepine she seldom took, trazodone
to help her sleep, the antidepressant she
swallowed every day.
It surprised her how long they took to leave her body,
how reluctantly they exited.
They bothered her for weeks, waking her at night,
throbbing through the lengthy spans of muscles,
the quadriceps and gastrocnemius complaining
as her system forced them out.
It was harder than she'd thought, giving up
her little pleasures, taking the shine off things
she'd gotten used to polishing up at the end of the day
to anesthetize their prick.
Still, it wasn't all that difficult to shed those habits.
And she barely noticed any difference, until she saw him
in the detox unit behind the glass, lined up on a bench
with other addicts, with many drunks.
They looked like convicts, sitting side by side,
with their laceless sneakers and their beltless pants,
locked in and shackled to beeping monitors and IV drips.
She was clean herself by then, so nothing softened the blow
or diluted the force of awful feelings
that slammed up inside her chest when she saw that sight.
She had to take it raw, because she couldn't rush home anymore,
as she would have done before, to calm herself with a soothing
dose of Zoloft and Merlot.
I have to say, it's an incredible pleasure
to be able to read a poem with the word gastrocnemius in it
and believe that some people in the audience
are going to know exactly what muscle that is.
An inevitable part of this almost entirely
harrowing process is, of course, relapse.
Relapse is almost always inevitable.
On average, it takes people who ultimately achieve
long-term abstinence or sobriety about seven years from when
they first decide to make a serious attempt at getting
sober.
So relapse is almost always part of this process,
and that's what this poem is called, "Relapse."
If you're familiar with inpatient drug treatment
programs, you'll know that they almost always include
some version of what's called a family program, where
family members are invited to come in and get educated and go
through various types of group therapy situations
with each other and with their addicted family members.
"Relapse."
Several of the young men from the treatment center
are already dead.
They spanned the demographic spectrum,
so no conclusions can be made about why
they did or didn't make it.
They just went back to using.
I remember their mothers from the family program,
where we gathered for a week to educate ourselves
about addiction as disease and to learn to not enable
and to practice letting go.
We held hands and role-played and chanted healing mantras
and shared "experience," strength, and hope.
But in the restroom, we dropped our masks and wailed full blast
and held each other and collapsed on the floor,
showing cell phone images of our boys,
suited up for Little League and tumbling with their puppies.
Like every other addict's mother,
I have cried myself out, wrung dry
and ground down by the grief and fear that fuel my weeping.
The single lesson I have learned is this--
a person can only feel so much.
Eventually, affect overflows and loses shape
as it escapes from its container.
If the thing inside is hot, it scalds or scorches
every part of us it touches, and if it's cold, it freezes.
"Metaphorless," which is to say, without metaphor.
"Metaphorless."
The dryness, dead center, of deep pain.
The bone-on-bone grinding that goes on for months
preceding the surgery.
That's the way the parent whose child is using heroin again
feels in the middle of the night, unable to sleep,
standing at the bedroom window looking out,
just barely conscious of what the moon looks
like drained gray.
The moon is a popular literary image--
solipsistic misery, misplaced love, whatever.
Tonight, it's nothing but a source of milky light swinging
high up in the sky, shining weakly on the bleakness inside
and the bleakness outside that has
no other meaning but the cold, uncrackable rock of itself.
Addiction can destroy families.
It can also bring families closer together
in certain ways.
It can make heroes of certain family members.
My daughter-in-law was a hero in our family.
She's a tiny, very beautiful, very fierce young woman
who showed extraordinary strengths I didn't
know she have in this crisis.
This is a very autobiographical poem
that refers to the attempt to extricate
my child from the college town where they were living.
And we could not get our child to respond to us,
so my daughter-in-law said, I'll take care of it.
"The Daughter-In-Law."
She called them the night before to let
him know she'd be there early in the morning.
Of course, he called her an interfering whore
and hung up on her and got high.
She was there anyway by 8:15, and when he wouldn't open up,
the Swiss army knife she always carries
on her belt sliced right through the window screen.
I keep seeing her crawling in to wake him up
and how she would have entered feet
first, and the colorful tats on her calves and ankles
I'd always hated until then.
Turns out, she also took a gun, though no one ever told me
if she unholstered it to make her point
or exactly what she said or what it
took to extract him from the filthy blankets on his bed.
Or how she forced him in the car and child-locked him
in and drove to the airport and walked beside him to the gate
and stayed until the plane had lifted off.
She doesn't talk about her feelings
very much, so who knows how much it cost her.
What I know is this--
because of her, he made the flight I'd booked.
It landed in another state, where
his father picked him up and drove him
straight to treatment.
I want to read two more poems, but OK.
So if you're lucky, if you have the gift of grace,
if you have enough money, if you have access to good health
care, and if your family is supportive,
it is true that you may go into recovery and save your life.
But a essential aspect of that is that life is never
going to be the same.
You're not going back to anything.
You're going forward into something brand new.
"Recovery."
Nothing's the same anymore, now that the drinking is stopped
and the drugs have been flushed from the system,
now that no one who lives here is snorting or shooting
up or coming home deranged with craving
or littering the bathroom with tiny bits of balled-up tin
foil blackened by flame.
Despite the brand-new quiet that forms a fragile skin,
tranquility eludes.
Something uneasy still moves beneath the surface
of daily life.
Tentative, nervous, I strive for rhythms
that will make it right.
In grade school, skipping rope, we girls
rocked our bodies in staccato time with the turning ropes,
trying to isolate the perfect moment we could jump inside
without rupturing the pattern.
It's like that now, I think.
That's what I tell myself, anyway, to keep my mind off
how powerless I am and how I can't control what he's doing
or where he is or who he's with or if he's back to using.
Every time my mind jumps away from me like that,
I do the next right thing--
I bring it back.
Ditto when I fail again.
Ditto after that and after that, ad infinitum.
And then I'll close with this poem.
It's written in tercets.
One of the central concepts of any 12-step program
is something called detachment, the ability
to remove yourself emotionally from the object
of your concerns in order to pursue
recovery and health for yourself and your loved ones.
"Detachment."
The things you love are still beautiful in the new dark
they live in now.
Is that it?
AUDIENCE: Yup.
KATE DANIELS: The things you love
are still beautiful in the new dark they live in now.
They're in their own stories, part
of a larger plot you are too small to see the sense of.
You can go on being unchanged yourself,
still wrecking your hands and throwing out
your back trying to force open the window that's
been stuck for ages.
Or you can give it up and sit still in the center of the room
and just breathe and feel the grinding
without trying to change it.
Thank you for listening.
[APPLAUSE]
OWEN LEWIS: OK.
Wonderful.
Wonderful.
I want to thank Marcia and Danny for bringing me here.
And I also want to say this has special meaning, being here.
My father, son of immigrants from Brooklyn, sometime
in the '30s, found his way to UVA and graduated, I think,
1937.
And I know he would be unbelievably pleased to know
that I was here speaking.
Kate, what magnificent poetry and what
daring poetry, and how important to document your experiences.
There's so many poems I could speak about,
and the one I wanted to focus--
I thought you were going to read and didn't, but I'm going to--
KATE DANIELS: It was too garrulous.
I had to cut something.
OWEN LEWIS: OK.
So you're going to hear a little bit more from Kate.
This is from a poem called "At The Meeting,
They Say Detached With Love."
I could not make it fit the rage-filled narrative
I lived inside that starred a drug-addicted son who
jacked his mother's car and traded it for dope.
I settled for detachment minus hatred.
Regardless, love's cellmate, hate,
germinated and grew until the bilious pit in my stomach when
his name blinked into view on the iPhone screen
had eaten me in two.
For longer than you might imagine,
I lived like that, the two halves of me
detached, one from the other, heart from mind,
my body from his.
Now, I want to look at what's happening in that section.
The narrative is calling for detachment
and very much following the advice of the program.
She writes, "I settled for detachment minus hatred."
Really?
Well, you know, poetry means to invoke, not instruct.
And immediately, she goes on to talk about hatred,
love's cellmate, grows.
The two halves detach--
heart from mind.
So I want to reserve judgment for a moment
whether this is detachment or, in fact, something else.
I want to read you the opening poem from my book Best Man.
It's a different sort of recovery narrative--
my brother didn't make it--
but there is always the recovery of the family.
And the book consists of 23 poems for his 23 years.
And the set begins with this poem "So."
I am still mad at you.
Every week, another call from a pharmacy, a burnt-out Bronx
neighborhood or Brooklyn.
Percocet, Dexedrine shopping lists, benzos.
That last visit, you took my prescription pad, sold it.
I refused your calls from Florida, from the ICU.
Frantic, your girlfriend overdosed.
Our grandmother told me you were OK.
She cooked you a pair of fried eggs.
I've never known how to think about your end, so often,
I just don't.
So I want to ask you, what do we make thinking,
"I just don't know what to think about your death,
so I just didn't."
What is that?
Now, this being written, mind you,
30-plus years after the fact.
I want to say this is not just denial.
This is not just not remembering.
I think this is a statement of dissociation.
In Kate's poem, is it detachment?
I'd like to suggest something more is at work.
The anger at a brother who steals a prescription
pad, a son who steals a car, more emotion than the system
can handle.
And these facts are just the tip of the iceberg.
They're not isolated.
Kate and her son, my brother and I, what happens, I think,
when the emotional system is overwhelmed,
it just splits off what it can't cope with.
And this, I would say, is the process of trauma.
And in fact, if we think about one of the hallmarks of PTSD,
it's really a kind of numbness.
In one of your poems, you said, "What's hot scalds, what's cold
freezes."
And I would say a lot gets frozen.
So if we are speaking of dissociation,
we are speaking about trauma.
I want to further make this point.
Kate very generously wrote a blurb for my book Best Man.
And in it, she said, "A bold and gritty elegy."
And then she went on to say, "The book
is also a poetic treatise on the aspects of addiction
and the systemic effects of one member's
illness on an entire family."
And when I read that, I have to tell you,
it was like I was hit in the stomach.
The book was written.
I had seen my brother in and out of treatment programs and yet
never, until I read Kate's blurb, had the word--
I associated the word addict with my brother.
So again, what is that?
I think that this is not your garden variety detachment.
This is real dissociation.
Now, I have eight minutes allotted to me,
so I have to make some bold statements here and move
quickly from bold statements.
So the first bold statement is this,
that in the family of every addict and in the addict
him or herself is trauma.
And I don't mean from an epidemiological point of view,
because we know that there are high rates of trauma
in individuals who go on to develop addiction.
I mean the trauma that is caused by the addiction itself
to the individual and to his or her family.
And then, I want to ask the question--
OK, that's maybe a half bold statement,
to say there's trauma in every family system.
But what about the clinicians?
What are we feeling when we're listening to these narratives?
I have to say that, for myself, lots of psychotherapy
didn't get at, for me, what the writing did for me.
When we read narratives, both of addiction and recovery,
particularly when we're reading in small groups,
we can step outside of ourselves.
When we are listening on the spot, whether as physicians,
nurses, social workers, we have to listen to get information.
We have to listen to provide some empathy.
We are listening and, at the same time,
planning what we are going to do next.
And in the mix of all that, can we actually
sit and take in what our own feelings are in relation?
I think not.
And in fact, that is the process of being
in a healing profession.
We have to learn to detach.
And if not, I think--
and I think the detachment is on a straight line
to dissociation.
So what I learned in thinking about narratives of addiction,
I realized, could apply to all the helping professions.
And here, I want to make a very bold statement, which
is to be a doctor or a nurse, to be attending
to humans in their most pained moments,
is in itself traumatizing.
And I think because of the nature of being in the trenches
with human suffering, we all come to some dissociation.
You know, I think of my students,
and they start out so full of aspiration and idealism
and hope.
And one of the things that they most fear
is being turned into their attendings, who they sometimes
see as grumpy, irritable, not empathic.
And so I would say because of this dissociation,
we put aside feelings.
And in the normal process, we cannot bring those feelings
back.
We can't access them unless we step outside
of the clinical process.
So those feelings, we can't--
don't find us.
They find us.
And when they do find us, they really
interrupt the normal flow of empathy in caregiving.
So here's my next bold statement.
Do the healing professions need poetry?
You bet they do, in a very, very big way.
And it's not that I think poetry, per se,
is going to be curative.
It's the reading and dwelling on poetry,
particularly in small groups, where
we can learn from others what we are missing
in the reading of a poem and, therefore, confront us
with something that we've put aside.
So I think if you accept the statement
that the practice of caregiving is, in and of itself,
traumatizing, I hope you'll consider the solution
that poetry offers.
I want to close with a wonderful poem
by Franz Wright called "The Drunk."
I don't understand any more than you do.
I only know he stays here like some huge wounded animal.
Open the door and he will gaze at you, linger.
Close the door, and he will break it down.
And the magic, I think, of this poem is, one,
I think this is a metaphor for alcoholism, per se,
how overpowering it is.
But I think that, at the same time,
this is the story of a child being traumatized
by an alcoholic father.
So is there trauma in all of this?
I think so.
But to quote Franz Wright, "I don't understand any more
than you do" Thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
MARCIA DAY CHILDRESS: I'd like to thank both of you
for amazing presentations.
Very moving, very open, and, I think,
provocative for all of us who've heard what you have to say
and are working on it.
We have just a few minutes for some questions and comments.
We have a couple of microphones.
You may direct your question or comment
to either Owen or Kate or both.
I'll ask you, please identify yourself
when you ask a question or make a comment.
So it's awfully soon after such intense things to think about,
but we'll see what people have to say.
Yes?
AUDIENCE: Hi.
I'm John Ashley.
I'm retired now, but I used to be here.
So the value of these kind of writing and poetry to you,
as caregivers, or in the case of family members, is obvious.
Do you encourage, and if so how do you encourage,
the addict themselves to engage in writing
and in reflecting on what those feelings are that they record?
KATE DANIELS: Well, I can only tell you
that writing therapies of various types
are increasingly being considered
a kind of soft component of various treatment approaches.
And there's a lot of research that some of you
all may know about.
It started in the 1980s with a guy
at University of Texas named James Pennebaker called
expressive writing, about the ways
in which writing can be helpful in slowing down
compulsive thinking.
And that is part of what's being used sometimes
in treatment centers.
I do Writing For Recovery workshops
with people whose lives have been affected by other people's
addictions, which is similar but not exactly the same.
AUDIENCE: I had a comment.
I'm Danny Becker, one of those grumpy attendings.
James Pennebaker was at UVA, also, before he went to Texas.
KATE DANIELS: That's right, before he went to Texas.
That's right.
Well, I didn't want to bring that up.
MARCIA DAY CHILDRESS: Go ahead.
AUDIENCE: I'm Katie Snyder, from the transplant office,
and we've had personal addiction in the family.
And I'm just wondering, as a parent,
I can see how it's therapeutic to do
the Al-Anon and the writing.
Do you find it as helpful for the siblings of the addict?
You mentioned that you had, I believe, three children?
And how are the other in-laws and your other children doing?
KATE DANIELS: Yeah, well, so in our case--
and I have three children.
One of them was affected.
My husband chose not to go the Al-Anon route,
though he did participate in the family programs
at various treatment centers.
One of my other children participated
in family programs, but did not go to Al-Anon.
My youngest child absolutely refused,
was in college at the time herself,
and said this extraordinary thing to me--
I'm not going to let his problems destroy
my time in college.
I thought, good psychological boundaries there.
I mean, that was not a position that anybody else was
really capable in our family of holding, but she did.
So yeah, Alateen is a version, you know,
a form of Al-Anon for younger people.
I encourage everybody, but it doesn't work for everybody.
OWEN LEWIS: I would say it would have been helpful for me,
but as I said, there was such denial.
Even at the same time we were taking my brother
to treatment programs, somehow we didn't connect the dots.
But I think it would have been very helpful to me.
AUDIENCE: I'm Janice Park.
I'm a fourth year medical student.
Thank you both so much for coming.
I had a kind of more technical question.
I noticed in, Ms. Daniel's, your poems
that you kind of switched between first person
and third person in a number of them.
Was there kind of like a conscious choice
in the beginning of writing those,
or was there a reason that some of them
were kind of from an outside eye rather than first person?
KATE DANIELS: Originally, they were all first person,
but I couldn't bear that ultimately.
Some of them were just too hot to use the first person.
So it was a form of-- it was like a lightning rod, in a way,
to back away from it.
I'm pretty comfortable in the first person.
I'm a very autobiographical writer,
but this was too incendiary, I guess, some of the time.
MARCIA DAY CHILDRESS: I think sometimes the third person
helps to universalize it, as well.
Other people can find a place in the poem in that way, too.
AUDIENCE: Speaking, again, as an attending,
I wanted to commend Janet.
That's a good pick-up that you noticed that.
MARCIA DAY CHILDRESS: Yeah, acute listening.
I'm afraid that we're at the end of our hour,
but I would encourage those of you
with additional questions and comments
to come down front and talk with Kate and Owen.
Also, remember there are books outside,
and we'll also want Kate and Owen to move up there to sign
books, if they will, please.
We welcome you to come back next week, the 20th of February.
We have Pulitzer Prize winning author David Oshinsky here
with us in a program that is also a history of the health
sciences.
Lecture entitled Bellevue--
Three Centuries of Medicine and Mayhem
at America's Most Storied Hospital.
This is a talk based on Oshinsky's recent book
about Bellevue Hospital.
So we look forward to seeing you then.
Again, please thank Kate Daniels and Owen Lewis
for a splendid presentation.
[APPLAUSE]
-------------------------------------------
Art Makes Us | Telling Stories through Art for Almost 90 Years - Duration: 2:23.
I'm an artist and an advocate for the arts.
I was on the Board of the Vancouver Art Gallery for 10 years
and I'm a collector and supporter of artists and their vision
and what they're trying to do for our community.
It was actually a very transformative experience for me.
I'll never forget in the '70s, Evelyn Roth
did this amazing installation where she knitted videotape
and the entire façade of the old art gallery building was covered in this
this big artwork that she'd made out of knit videotape
I think it's part of the reason why I ended up becoming an artist
and why I continue to be so fascinated by art.
It's outgrown the space that it's in. In the same way that it outgrew that small box
that brought so many wonderful things to our city on Georgia Street
and it moved to the law courts, which did amazing things and was a big change.
Ross Hill, my husband, and I are committing $1M to the Capital Campaign
because I think that this is the most important thing
to happen in our community in my lifetime
and we want to make a commitment that's going to make a difference.
And it's really the last major opportunity
for us to make a long term difference to the community as a whole,
and not just the cultural community, the entire community
of the entire country, really, when you think about it.
Everything makes sense for us to do this right now.
We have the space. We have an incredible building.
We have a group of incredibly passionate trustees
and members of the community who want to support this.
Everything is in place. The time is now. We really need to make this happen.
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét