Looking for a Wife with a Child
Very funny.
I'm going into curling.
Wake up, sir.
There are good news and bad news.
There. And don't even think about spitting it out.
Hello.
-Thanks for the alarm, honey. -What alarm, honey?
The one you put under the bed, honey.
Honey, it's a second grade level joke.
-I see. Are you coming home already? -Yeah, but
I got zilch this night.
Spent half the night in repairs, only had one client, imagine that. So I have
-to do some work. -Wait, but you promised to take Sasha
to the doctor, he was coughing all night.
Those doctors are all useless.
I'm telling you, we'll go to the sea and he'll get better right away.
-Am I right or am I right? -Fine. I'll go make breakfast.
Bye.
Sasha, Oleg can't take you. Get your things, you're going to work with me.
-And the doctor? -I'll ask for the day off.
By the way, if you put the alarm under my bed againů
Mom, it really wasn't me. It's Uncle Oleg and his second grade level jokes.
We agreed that you'd call Uncle Oleg Dad.
Okay, it's Uncle Dad and his second grade level jokes.
Go brush your teeth, maybe I can have three minutes rest from you.
Maybe I could manage to get some coffee?
-Honey, have you seen my phone? -No.
Can't find anything in the morning. Where is it?
-It's like some kind of poltergeist. -I don't get it, is my clock is slow,
or did you really get up at 8:00?
Do you ever listen to me or do you only pretend?
I told you three times yesterday that this morning I was meeting my friend Karina
who's flying in from Rome.
I'm so goddamn late.
And Karina is the psychic you keep running to about every little thing, right?
Why every little thing? And she's not a psychic, she's an astrologer.
Why do I even bother? I don't have any time as it is.
Vera, can you warn me next time you let your animal walk around the place?
Honey, Leonard is walking around the apartment.
Yeah, like that. But next time, before I spill my coffee, okay?
Uh-huh.
Private Kasatkin, you were ordered to leave five minutes ago. Come on, Sasha.
-Rightů -Hi.
You scared me.
Sorry, baby, I didn't know it'd be like that.
It's all right, I've made breakfast and brewed coffee.
-I'm going to take a shower first. -Okay, but please
-have at least an hour of sleep. -I'll have some restů if you let me.
-Hey there, gangster. -Hey.
-Sasha, we're running late. -See you.
No, no. The car stays at home, I don't want it running over my clients' feet.
Pardon my curiosity, but what was that Karina doing in Rome?
Was there a phonies convention or did the sale season start?
You can joke all you want, but Karina isn't like you imagine her.
She's a stylish, smart, educated woman. She's got clients in Rome, by the way.
And not just Rome, all over Europe. Zip me up.
A stylish, smart, educated psychic astrologer?
Is she in the Guinness Book of World Records by any chance?
I don't know. I'll ask her.
-We're leaving. -Good luck.
If we're not taking the car, we're having lunch at McDonald's.
Then we're going to a museum on your birthday.
-Then I'm not doing the dishes for a year. -Not eating any ice cream either.
-Let's order some frigging pizza then. -If I hear the word "friggin" againů
I get it, I can't win.
U FORGOT UR CHAIN, TIGER CUB :) ur kitty
Mom, I thought we were running late. Aren't we?
I think I forgot something. You go on ahead, I'll be right down.
Honey, I'll be back late tonight, I need to do some shopping,
buy some beach things. I hope you remember about our vacation.
I do. But honestly, I don't see why we can't wait a bit and go together.
I'll be free in a month.
You've been promising to be free for two years now. How long do I have to wait?
And if you're jealous all of a sudden, let me remind you I'm not going alone.
I'm going with my friend Karina, her husband and daughter.
To be honest, I don't see why you can't leave your futures and options alone,
take your daughter for a family holiday. Besides, I want to be friends with Sveta.
Right, let's get off this subject, I'm tired of feeling bitter.
Feed Leonard, please, food is in the fridge.
Whoa!
What did you scare me for? Do you want to give me a heart attack?
What's wrong?
Your car is in the way. They asked you to move it.
-Who did? -Some lady.
Damn it. Fine.
-I don't get it. -What is it you don't get?
Oh, "ur kitty" asked you to move your car to her place, so I thought,
why do you have to go back and forth? Got it now, Tiger Cub?
-Wait, I can explain everything. -You explained everything six months ago.
And now, get out.
Lada!
-Mom, did you kick Dad out? -If you call that bastard Dad one moreů
Stop that, people are looking at us.
What's wrong, my dear Vera? I've missed you.
It's been a week since I saw your wonderful eyes.
-Eyes up and get into the car. Va bene? -Va bene, signora.
-Stop that. -What's wrong? I've missed you.
I understand that perfectly, Borya, but you're going to have two weeks.
-What? -Two weeks, Borya.
-You pulled it off? -Of course.
Tomorrow, I'm going with my made-up friend Karina, her husband and her child
to Crimea for two weeks.
-Two weeks? Crimea? -Yep.
You did it, you pulled it off. My smart little cookie.
It's wonderful. Tell me, why Crimea? Is your husband's business going bad?
Bite your tongue. I just don't want anybody to see us, that's all.
-All right, damn it, Crimea it is. -Yeah.
What difference does it make where exactly we're going to spend time in bed, right?
Get your hands off, Karina. You're such a nympho.
Come on, Mom, stop it. Moscow does not believe in tears.
Life only begins when you're 40.
You only have eight years to go.
Thanks, son, that's a relief.
Late again.
How are we going to ask for the day off now?
I told you, I'll definitely come pick it up.
I'll call you back later. Look, Kalinina, do you possess a clock?
Do you possess a conscience? No, all you possess is the will toů
You should be glad there's children here.
Rustam, we're only a little bit late.
How about I cut your salary by only a little bit?
If you're fire again, I'll late you.
If you're late again, I'll fire you.
-Got it? -Got it.
It's always the same, every day.
I remember.
-No conscience at all, none. -Rustam, I wanted to ask youů
Can't you see I'm gone already?
What were you wanted to ask?
No, nothing.
Is that it? I'm gone, then.
-When will you be back? -You have to be working.
And you already miss me. I like that. I'll be back when I am!
Look at that. You have to be working! Customers won't comeů
-So we're not asking for a day off? -He wouldn't let us go anyway.
So we're just closing the shop and going?
No one buys flowers in the morning anyway. We wait ten minutes and we're off.
Got it.
-I no speak Russian! -Borya, think about something else.
Tell me, how was your trip?
I shouldn't have gone at all. No coati, anywhere.
Lemurs, boas, no coati. I'm running all over Europe, saying
"Give me two, five... well, one! Give me a fetus, I'll feed it with my own breast,"
but no! And the oligarchs' wives just want to
rip my poor tired body apart, "Give us some coati, Boris!"
It's a trend, coati are in. By the way, does Leonard need any company?
No, thank you, this one is killing my husband as it is.
Borya, stop it.
How I want these legsů
-Wait, my husband is calling. -Oh, our husband.
Yes, honey.
-Hey, honey, how's it going? -Hi,
everything is great, I drove Karina, going shopping now. Why?
It's justů I thought about our morning conversation for a long time and you know,
-I think you're right. -Right about what?
That I give family less
-time than work. -Finally you realized that.
Well, I took care of everything. We can go on holiday together now.
You, me and Sveta.
Hello? Vera?
-Vera, can you hear me? -Yeah, honey, it's just so sudden...
-Is it a sure thing? -Absolutely.
I'm picking up Sveta and we're joining you in the shopping.
Call me when you're downtown, I'm going to call Karina first.
-Tell her the good news. -Say hi from me. Well, that's it, bye.
Well, what did he say?
He says hi.
You idiot. We're going to Crimea the three of us.
What for?
Baby, are you okay?
-I have to pee. -Wait a little.
How did youů Why did youů
-Didn't you see us walking there? -I should be asking you something.
Don't you know that you cross where the sign is, not where you want to?
Don't you know that the speed limit in the city is 60, not whatever you want?
Excuse me, are you trying to say that it's my fault
that you threw yourself at my car like a chicken?
Like who?
The fact that you bought a car like that doesn't allow you to be rude to women.
I'm not being rude, I'm just stating facts.
Stating the fact that you're rude.
Be glad that I'm not built for it or I'd ring your bell a few times.
There, son, remember this man's license plate
and you'll make Mom happy when you're big.
-On your birthday? -Or New Year's if you want to.
Let's go, we've wasted enough time on idiots today already.
You owe 15525 rubles.
-Excuse me? -For the cabbage.
And that's with the wholesaler discount.
What do you mean I'm not going? I have to go, Vera.
-Calm down, Borya. -How am I supposed to calm down?
I haven't seen you for a week and now I won't see you for two more.
It's madness.
Vera, I'll lose my mind, this can't happen.
Borya, quit your hysterics. Do you think I want to go to Crimea
with my husband and his daughter Sveta?
I don't know which one has got it worse. Give me food for Leonard and I'm off.
Taras, give me a cup of crickets, right now!
-Vera, come on. -Boris, please keep it together.
My husband is waiting for me.
-I'll come by tonight to say goodbye. -We just met
and already it's saying goodbye? Vera, this can't be.
-We need to come up with something, Vera. -Borya. Come up with what exactly?
I don't know.
-Put something in his tea, after all. -Are you insane?
I just really want to go.
Well, get a sex change, then. Boris to Karina, how do you like that?
-Or find a wife with kids. -What wife, what kids?
What's wrong? I'm going to Crimea with my best friend Karina and her family.
-You could be the husband. -What husband, what do youů
Wait. So simple, you're a genius. How come I didn't think of it myself?
Wait. Where am I going to find a wife and kids before the evening?
-You find your coati somehow, don't you? -Vera, my girlů
-You'll figure it out. -What do the coati have to do with it?
-Everything. -I'm beging you, stop.
I'll call you. Bye.
Boris, a shipment of feed has arrived, you need to sign the receipts.
Ira, are you married?
No.
Do you have kids?
No.
I won't be on time.
I won't be on time at all.
And the head of the tax office called about the coati.
Tell everybody I'm busy.
Hey!
Hello.
Ksusha, you my little princess. My darling.
-Call Nanya. -Nadya. Thank you.
You're welcome.
-Found anyone? -It's not as easy as it looks.
-Good luck. -Thank you.
Girls, I'm off.
I called all around Moscow, nothing. And then it dawns on me.
Andryukha! He's got an entire sewingů what's it calledů
-Place must be filled with single moms. -Of course.
Thank you so much.
Girls.
Any holiday or anniversary, you're always welcome here.
-Thank you. -Daughter-in-law's anniversary, orů
Excuse me. Rustamů
Look who's here! Wait, don't say it. I'll guess myself.
You've found a new, promising job
and you've come to the old one to say that's it, you're done.
Sorry, I had to take Sasha to a doctor, his bronchitis is tearing him apart.
You're tearing me apart, Kalinina.
Okay, I've packed the shorts and T-shirts, and I also found this.
Tell me, did Vera give it to you or did you get an attack of bad taste yourself?
The label there says who had an attack of bad taste.
And please, stop looking for bad things in Vera.
She's trying to make friends with you. Meet her halfway.
Is not putting a tarantula in her bag considered meeting her halfway?
Definitely, yes.
-What did you put in there already? -Nothing.
Look into my eyes.
-I'll go check. -I told you, there's nothing.
-What did I tell you? -So this is how it is?
Yes. That's it, woman. Go and let me work.
-Then give me money for these two weeks. -Nothing's owed.
How many times have you been late? How much of my blood have you sucked?
No, that's all, you're the one who owes me. Go.
-So you're not paying me? -No.
You've been to the hospital but you haven't cleaned ears. I'm not paying you.
Screw you. You think I'm going to beg? Think again.
-Let's go, son. -Look at you, all proud.
Tomorrow you'll come crawling, I'm not going to take you back.
You're as useful as teats on a ram. Kirzhim morda.
Hold this.
You're the kirzhim morda.
-Mom, what was that? -A gesture of desperation. Don't do that.
Kalinina! I know where you live.
So you don't really want to go with me.
Then you should have gone through all of Moscow, not just half.
Boris. Don't make me mad, now.
Borisů
"Boris", that's the one.
That's the name of the clinic, Karina.
Something happen?
Oh, it's terrible.
That husbandů Karina's husbandů
-He's got appendicitis. -Really?
They say it's really bad. The called an ambulanceů two!
They're saying cutů even worse. My uncle, he's got, what's itů
-Peritonitis. -Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Peritonitis, imagine that. What were they expecting?
With what they eat, they're vegetarian. Must have gotten stuck there.
In fact, cases of appendicitis are extremely rare in vegetarians.
I must have mixed something up. Definitely.
Oh, of course.
She's the vegetarian, he's normal. Absolutely.
He eats meat and he drinks. Karina is gonna be all right. What can you do?
We're going on vacation. Two of us, right?
Three of us, actually.
Or aren't you coming?
I told you, don't even think about it!
I didn't.
What theů
You're sick.
Do you have any idea what you broke?
-Do you have any idea what youů -Here you go.
You need help, Kalinina.
And you need a place to spend the night, Stoyakin.
Here.
I'll find one, don't you worry.
Hey there, neighbor. Social unit in tatters?
Don't ask.
Are you out of your mind?
-What did you do? -That was his, too.
But I gave it to him. We could have sold it.
-Sorry. -Get lost.
And you get lost too, Stoyakin.
Forever, cab driver!
Mom, let's sell the speaker at least, if it didn't work with the CD-player.
No one needs this garbage. Let whoever wants it get it.
Why didn't we throw it into the window then?
Sasha, go home, will you?
-Hi. -Hi.
Why didn't you throw it into the window too?
-Another one! -That's what I said, Uncle Borya.
Get lost, watch your cartoons.
-See you, Uncle Borya. -See you, Sasha.
-How are you? -Better than anybody.
Almost got run over, fired from my job,
Sasha is sick, three years of my life down the drainů Best day of my life.
-Full of life. -Oh, you bet. And how are you doing?
I thought it wasn't very good, but now I see I'm actually okay.
-Thank you for your support. -Keep your chin up.
-You're smart, you're beautiful. -A single mother.
-An oligarch's dream. -Don't lose your chance, Romeo.
Honey, how do you like the fish?
I think it's just great.
Thank you, Vera. It's been a deliciousů
delivery from an Italian restaurant.
You're welcome, honey. The delivery boy and I really tried.
I'm sorry. It's that age.
Really? She must be a wunderkind.
It's about five years till that age for her.
Weird. Karina is calling.
Yes, Karina.
What?
I'm beyond happy. Well, pack your bags.
Okay, bye-bye.
Well, Igor, they're going, they're going!
Did the appendicitis go away on its own for the first time in history?
It wasn't an appendicitis, it was a gastritis.
It just played up that much andů
Weird. Gastritis pains are much higher up.
How did they mix it up?
Well, that's the kind of doctors we've got. That's how the education they get.
What matters is that they're coming.
-I'd like to believe that. -Igor,
you've been told in Russian, "We're going".
I'm not going anywhere, are you crazy proposing this to me?
Lada, I'm not asking you to sell out your homeland,
I'm asking you to come on vacation with me, for free.
And call me honey or my love a couple times.
You know what, honey? Screw you.
The escort service is two blocks down.
What the hell are you doing eating my sausages?
I just got home, my fridge is empty, Lada.
The store downstairs is 24/7.
Are you kidding me? Let me finish my tea.
Finish it at home.
When was the last time, you've been on the beach? Think about it.
In the sixth grade when we won that middle school competition?
I mean, I have nothing against that, Melitopol is great in late February,
but you have to refresh your impressions from time to time.
-Sasha has bronchitis. -You have no shame.
You're the one who doesn't. You and Oleg promised him.
He told me, we're friends. Sasha? Sashaů
-Oh, you're here. -Hi.
Tell me, my friend, do you want to go on vacation tomorrow?
Cool. And Mom? She's afraid of flying.
-Then we go by car, what's the problem? -We're not going anywhere.
And you go to bed, and don't eavesdrop on the adults.
Look, I don't think you really understand. Two weeks.
And in the best hotel in Yalta.
And in the world's most idiotic situation. I'm not pretending to be someone else.
Or lying to the husband of some Vera.
-Borya, come on, please. -One moment.
What is it, then? Every month, you could say I save you from a hungry deathů
-Thank you, my savior. -But once I ask you to help meů
What do I get in return?
No, I'm leaving, I'm leaving right now, but know this, Kalininaů
If I leave, you don't ever come to me again. Do I leave?
Leave.
-I'm leaving. -Go on.
Lada, I really want to go.
These things haven't worked on me since the eighth grade.
I already promised you'd go.
Oh, so you'll be smarter next time.
-Come on, come on, get a move on. -I'm asking you like a friend!
Come on, come on, come onů
-You know what, Kalinina? -What?
With this childish uncompromised stance of yoursů
Life won't start for you ever, not at 40, not at 50.
-You all done? -Yeah.
-Yeah? -Uh-huh.
I'm not asking to do it for free, Lada. I'll pay you money. Lots of money.
I can imagine how great it'll be.
You'll do your extreme watersports. Nice, right?
Let Karina look after the children. Do you know how much she loves kids?
And meů I won't be leaving the spa for at least five days.
Tell me, honey. The fact that you want to connect with Sveta,
will it have any impact on your holiday plans?
Of course.
First we'll fight, then we'll make up, then we'll fight againů
Well, don't worry about your girls.
Oh, it's Karina calling.
Yes, Karina?
What do you mean you're not going?
You know what, Karina?
Hang in there.
What is it this time?
It's peritonitis after all.
Mom, why don't you want to go on vacation?
Baby,
I really do, but I can't agree to what Uncle Borya is proposing.
Does he need the child alone? Without the wife.
Sasha, listen to me.
There are some things that a decent person
should never agree to, no matter what their age. Never.
I'm going toů
Hello, Kalinina. I told you I know where you live.
And now, listen how much you owe me.
Seventy thousand for the flowers,
forty five thousand for the rack,
and ten thousand for emotional distress.
And now ask man
how much you pay him
so you don't go to prison two yearsů
What for? It was a great piece. What kind of person are you?
Mom, look, it's the sea.
Yeah, sea.
Kalinina, quit that "yeah, sea, yeah, mountains" act.
Feels like it's not a vacation you're going on, it's Hugo Chavez's funeral.
I don't get why you're so cheerful.
Come up with this nonsense. Do you imagine how it's going to be like?
So we get there, andů and what?
And nothing. We go to dinner a few times, maybe a tour.
And that's it, you do whatever you want, wherever you want, with whoever you want.
I'm not a very jealous husband, thank God.
-And what about her husband? -Who cares?
Borya, don't you think it's a little low?
Low conquers all.
-Are you trying to say you love her? -Madly.
-She loves you? -More than life.
-It's Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare. -Tell her husband then.
Look, Kalinina, there's a time and a place for everything.
Hello, where are you?
ůmy queen.
ůfive kilometers.
Thank God, I was already thinking your crazy neighbor did something stupid again
and you were going back.
Vera baby, excuse me, let me take this off speaker.
Borya, what's wrong with you? Why didn't you say you were talking on speaker?
I can only say one thing that I've missed you terribly.
Come on, get over here already.
And then?
We'll meet. The family dinner at 19:00, so we'll have four hours.
-Have you missed me at all? -Goodbye, Borya.
Okay, reporting. We get there, they meet us, we go to our place,
and there's a dinner at seven.
-Are you out of your mind? -What's wrong this time, Kalinina?
How do you imagine this?
How do I imagine it? We'll sit there, have a drink, talků
-Like cultured people. -But what about, Borya?
What do you mean? You're a historian, don't you have something to talk about?
Communication, Kalinina, communication.
Question, answer, question, answer.
Uh-huh.
How do I answer the question about where we met, Borya?
-Wellů -How we became friends?
What places do we go together?
Do we go to the same gym or different ones? Or don't we go at all?
Or do I go but Vera doesn't?
Or maybe we have a tradition. Eating pizza at Mario's on Fridays.
Or maybe it's not Fridays, it's Wednesdays.
When are they going to fix the elevator that Vera keeps getting stuck in?
Or didn't she use that excuse when she stayed late at yours?
-Do you want that kind of communication? -Okay, I get it, you can stop now.
I've missed you, okay?
Vera, we have a little problem.
We don't know anything about Karina
-except that she's your friend. -What do you mean?
She's your wife, too. Can't you come up with a family life for yourselves?
Of course, but she's your best friend,
and you've never met her.
You'll get here and I will, what's the problem?
You don't get it. We get there and then your husband goes and asks,
"Where did you meet?", "How did you became friends?"
"What gym do you to, or not?"
Igor, are you a psycho? I'm talking to somebody.
Karina? They almost here then?
Yeah. I mean, no.
Karina, yeah. Almost here, no.
What is it this time? Gout?
No, they got lost somewhere around Simferopol. They're stupid, aren't they?
-No map, no GPS. -No kidding. Let me help.
Hello, Karina.
-Vera's husband, asking for Karina. -Hello, Karina?
Hello, Karina?
Answer him!
-Hello? -Hello, this is Igor, Vera's husband.
Where did you get lost exactly? Give me some kind of reference point.
-We're lost? -Yeah. Wait, us?
-He's asking if we're lost. -Yeah, we're lost, tell him that.
Yeah, we're lost. We're lost, butů
I'd better let my husband Boris talk, he'll explain.
Don't yell, it's Vera's husband.
Hello, this is Boris, Karina's husband.
This is Igor, Vera's husband.
So where did you get lost?
You know, we didn't, we're actually there. The girls just didn't understand us right.
-We'll be there soon. -I see.
They'll be here soon, you misunderstood something.
Boris, Karina's husband.
Hello, Boris, this is Vera, Karina's friend.
Could you put her back on, please? We haven't finished. Thank you.
One moment.
-Vera, your friend. -Who?
Hello, Vera, this is the crazy neighbor.
Did you want to talk to me or Boris?
-Boris. -This is Vera, your mistress.
-Yes, Vera. -Borya, don't be dumb.
What do I need your neighbor for? I wanted to talk to you.
I thought you wanted to tell her about Karina.
In front of husband and over the phone. Why do I think I said that you got lost?
I didn't get it right away.
Must be tired from the road.
-I'm waiting for you at the reception. -Yes ma'am, my white lady.
They'll be here in three hours, you have about 30 minutes to swim around.
Guys, Karina has a kid with her. We don't have a present, that's not nice.
Go into the city and buy a doll. And I'm going to have a massage.
Bye-bye.
My sweetie.
-Busy bee. -Sveta.
I meant that in a good way.
Follow me.
Do you see now what you almost refused?
Open Sesame.
Well, does this blow Melitopol out of the water?
Yeah. What kind of rooms do they have?
If you faint, it's not part of the program. Follow me.
-Good afternoon. -Hello.
We're supposed to have a reservation under the name Paramonov.
One moment.
-What's wrong with you? Stop it. -Excuse us.
-A suite. Is that right? -Yes.
-Your passports, please. -Give me your passport.
Hello, guys.
Vera, baby!
I'm not goddamn baby to you, we don't even know each other. Is that her?
-Yeah. -Uh-huh.
Hello, Karina dear.
That's your husband, right? What a handsome man.
-He's good. -Tell me all about your trip.
Let's go.
How are you, sweetie? Everything all right?
Borya, is that how you imagine a high class astrologer looking?
-I'm an an astrologer? -She's an astrologer?
Who's astrologer?
Karina is a VIP astrologer. She's got clients all over Europe.
-I told you. -When did you tell me?
-What did you get me into, Paramonov? -Calm down.
-Who's Karina? -Sasha.
I get that you're amnesiac, but what do I have to do with it?
Look, guys, let's wrap it up while we still can.
What kind of astrologer am I? A VIP one at that?
Yeah, not very VIPů
Can she just be an astrologer?
I've already told my husband that she's an elite astrologer, flew in from Rome.
-Vera, I'm the one who flew in from Rome. -You're Karina, idiot.
-Uncle Borya, so you're Karina? -Sasha, wait a little.
Jesus Christ.
Quick!
-Good morning. -Morning.
-I ordered a taxi. -Already waiting for you.
Thank you.
-What do we buy for her? -I thought you'd come up with something.
-Why do I have to come up with it? -You're a girl, you're supposed to know.
-What was that just now? -It was my husband and his daughter.
What are they doing out so early? I told them to take a swim.
I want to take a swim, too.
Sasha, we don't have time for that right now.
-Uncle Borya! -What can I do?
What Uncle Borya? What Lada? We've got four hours, do you want to screw it up?
-Can I have a moment? -Sure.
All right, go settle in and rehearse. No Uncle Boryas or Ladas, okay?
Got it? Got everything?
Okay, I'll go work on my friend.
-Mom, where are you going? -Stay with Uncleů with Dad.
-Borya, give me your credit card. -What for?
To pick my teeth. Give it.
We're going to the spa.
Welcome to the Palmira Palace, I hope your stay gonna be unforgettable.
-Hello. -Hello.
Hello. Your room is 652.
Manicure, pedicure, haircutů and all the rest.
Okay.
Sorry for calling you crazy neighbor. Sometimes, I'm talking without thinking.
-I get it. -Your card, please.
Go in.
Whoa!
Wellů
Look. Like that?
Cool.
Take a seat.
All right, Sasha. Listen to me very carefully.
From today and until the day we leave, we're going to pretend we're a family.
So you don't call me Uncle Borya, you call me Dad. Deal?
Why are we going to pretend we're a family?
What do you mean, why?
-Because we have to. -Why do we have to?
So we don't get thrown out.
You see, this is a family-oriented hotel, strict rules. So we have to make due.
Why do I have to call you Dad?
Sasha, listen. Have you lost your conscience?
Why did you call me Dad when Kalinina and I got called
to your school principal?
Because she's embarrassed that I'm growing up without a father.
And I'm embarrassed that I'm growing up without a family.
I'm 36, no home, no familyů I feel embarrassed when I see my friends.
-And why did you call Mom Karina? -I had to go with a friend named Karina
and she refused at the last moment, and I'd told everyone already that
-my wife's name was Karina. -I get it,
-got tied up by your lies. -Something like that.
-And whyů -Because.
Stop asking questions, just call me Dad. Got it?
Tablet.
Excuse me?
You're a world class astrologer, you have an office in downtown Moscow,
clients abroad. You predicted Serdyukov's resignation, Chelyabinsk meteorite
-and Kirkorov's daughter's birth. -Are you serious right now?
I've already said it to my husband, we have to stick to the legend.
I see. What else have you said to your husband?
You've lived in Tibet, you're a yoga guru, and you're vegan.
-Is that it? -Smart, educated, speak seven languages.
Do I learn them before dinner, then?
How about doing track and field and speaking the language of dolphins?
I think I did tell him the one about dolphins.
I'll say I mixed something up.
Let's go over it again.
-And I'm saying, a tablet. -Sasha, how greedy are you?
-A tablet? Do you have any conscience? -I do.
This is quite something.
He's on vacation on my dime and he's blackmailing me too.
Uncle Borya, if you can make some paper, you make as much as you can.
-What kind of bastard told you that? -You did. Did you forget?
Okay, maybe. But a tablet, Sasha. That's expensive, very expensive.
There's enough work for maybe a bicycle.
Let the waiters call you Dad for a bicycle. I need a tablet.
Fine, if everything goes okay, you'll get your tablet.
-At home, for New Year's. -Here and now.
-And a bike for New Year's. -Don't push it.
We met six months ago at a fitness center, went to Latin dance classes together,
when my car broke you gave me a ride home twice.
Then we met when shopping, spent an entire day there, became friendsů
Did you make it all up just now?
That's how I actually met Boris.
-Boris went to Latin dance classes? Wow. -He was there to hit on girls.
Okay, Boris and I meetů
You and I meet two or three times a week, call each other a lot,
and sometimes you have the gall to call me at night.
Because you're often in Europe and you forget about the time difference.
I see. I probably call you drunk, too.
At night, you do. Right.
You've got a chow chow dog and it bit my ass once.
-Boris doesn't have a chow chow. -He does.
Paramonov, Paramonovů
Okay, I agree to the bike for New Year's, and nowů
-An RC helicopter. -Tablet.
Barcelona football stripes, legit, from Spain.
Tablet.
If you don't want it, fine. I'm calling your mom and telling her
-about how you're blackmailing me here. -How about a PS4 at least, then?
-PS3. -And ten games.
Five.
But we're going to play the damn thing together, Dad.
Daddy.
Okay, you'll get your PS3, deal.
Good job, son, by the way.
-Nice haggling. -You taught me well.
But to be honest, I'd agree to the tablet.
And I'd agree to the helicopter.
Okay, vegan, Tibetů Astrologer.
Right, this should be enough for now, your husband ran out of money.
Speaking of your husband. I don't know him yet, I know you've got
a perfect marriage, you have a girl and you dream about a boy.
-We have a boy. -Then you have a boy and you want a girl.
What do you mean, a boy? I think I already told him it's a girl.
It's okay, just tell him you mixed it up.
Okay.
-Who's your husband? -Workaholic banker.
Doesn't ever think about anything but money. But that's not a bad thing.
Finish up here, I'll go pretty up too. By the wayů
-What do you think? -I like that one the most.
I bought it for myself. Your husband hasn't given me any gifts in a long time.
See you, honey.
Dad, where's Mom? Or she's won't be back until she's wasted all your money?
I want to know the answer to that, too. Have you picked anything?
Yeah. I'll have a lobster in truffel sauce with a white and green asparagus mix.
I'll pick something for you myself.
Hi.
Holy esoterics.
I can barely recognize you.
Honey, I just put on some eyeliner.
Mom, you look like Mrs. Margarita.
Thank you for the compliment. Who's Mrs. Margarita?
She's school counselor. She's sexy.
Kalinina, you're looking simply perfetto.
-Oh, Borya. -How much did you spend?
If you faint, it's not part of the program.
Where are the Rockefellers? Or are we having dinner alone?
No, not alone, we just got here sooner. Calm down.
-Jesus. -I have to go to the bathroom.
-Could you have told me that before? -Daddy.
"Daddy." That's good. You have my praise. Let's go, sonny.
Come on.
I'm not staying here alone, I'm coming with you.
Did you hear where we're going, Kalinina?
Get back to your table calmly, order somethingů Okay?
-Don't order the lobster. -Okay.
-Good evening. -Good evening.
Youů
Hello.
I don't get how this could have happened at all. Or do you follow me around?
Do I look crazy? Why would I follow you around? Who are you, even?
Okay, I think I see where our pleasant conversation is going.
Let's stop right there. Also, I'm sorry, I think you'll have to change tables.
Why?
This table is reserved, I'm having dinner with my friends and family here.
You have both of those things? That's surprising, given your manners.
But this table is reserved because I'm the one having dinner here,
with my husband and my friends.
-You have a husband. -Imagine that.
-Really? -Really.
I didn't expect that. I was sure no sane person could take living with you.
Here we are. Honey, is everything okay here?
No, honey, this man is saying this table is reserved and we have to change.
Karina, my dear! Sveta, take a seat.
Finally! You're here. Hello!
You're looking great. I can see you've met each other already.
How do you like my Igor?
-Boris, pleased to meet you. -Igor, pleased to meet you.
I have no words.
-Boris, pleased to meet you. -Yes, I'm Boris. And you must be Vera.
-Karina has told me so much about you. -Same.
-Told me a lot. It's so nice. -Very nice. Igorů
-Hi, I'm Sveta. -Sasha.
-Why aren't you a girl? -That's a difficult question.
Vera, didn't you say Aunt Karina had a girl?
I mixed things up again, right?
Karina said "Sasha", so I thought it was a girl.
-And it turns out Sasha isů -A boy.
And I've always wanted a girl.
I'm sorry. This is for you, then.
A doll? It's okay, Sasha. I'll play with it.
A gift with a bit of humor.
What are we standing around for? Let's have a drink of champagne.
Friends, you know what? How about we drink to meeting each other?
I think we're going to have an unforgettable vacation.
For more infomation >> 'A Responsibility': Dean Phillips On Running For The 3rd District Seat - Duration: 5:22. 
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