It all began when I was fifteen.
I had just lost a bunch of weight and was receiving a lot of attention from boys for
the first time.
I came from an abusive home, so to be completely honest, I loved all of the positive attention
I could get.
It was not long before I got my first real boyfriend.
Let's call him Doug.
He was older and I was pretty happy... for a little while.
The relationship turned abusive.
He would talk down to me, treat me like crap, hit me, and various other things.
After nine months of this I finally called it off, which caused a huge fistfight in the
morning.
I was free of him and eventually started dating a much more evil person, but this story isn't
about him.
Doug would contact me, often begging me to hang out with him, and even contacting my
then boyfriend.
This continued for years.
Finally, he seemed to have a mental breakdown near the beginning of this year.
Doug began blowing up my facebook account, Every half hour I would have fifty new messages.
Not even kidding.
They ranged from him telling me we were soulmates, he went to therapy about what he did to me,
and it was because of me his life was now on track, to calling me a heartless bitch
who deserved to die.
I blocked his accounts but he only made more.
I told him this was harassment and he told me; "You care so much about animals but you
care nothing for people!
I'm dying here because of you!
I should sue you for neglect!
You shouldn't have started something you couldn't finish!"
I told him I finished it; Five years ago.
He then found me on every social media platform and starting mass messaging me (including
on open youtube chats) and all I could do was block him.
I never responded.
I ignored technology for a while but I work online so I ended up going to the police for
a restraining order.
Due to the messages saying things like, "I am going to find you," "If I can't have you,
no one can," "You're a monster!
You're going to pay for what you're doing to me!" and a lot of really personal stuff
that I would rather not share.
The police said they feared for my safety and were going to arrest him.
That is when I was stopped from going home after intense questioning about our 5 year
finished relationship (I did not talk to him in that time) and told that they spoke to
Doug's brother.
Doug had quit his job on a whim and told his family he was biking up to my area (a 4-5
hour drive) to find me.
I was placed in a shelter in another city and it was weeks until they caught him.
Lost with a love letter addressed to me, that apparently ended in some variation of we needed
to die together as soulmates.
He posted bail pretty fast, and I know he still stalks me online because I always see
his name on things; whether it be signing petitions or drilling my friends about me.
I messaged a few friends a video explaining, and kind of mocking, the situation.
He now has a video up about me on youtube titled "My Stalker Story" as was shown to
me by a friend.
I am happy to say that I have since dated some wonderful gentlemen and am very happy,
but I am still terrified of him.
I have nightmares of him finding me.
My name is Lauren.
I'm nearly 21 now, but when I was 18, I finally moved out of my parent's house to
go to college and I was so excited.
I'm really close to my family, but I couldn't wait to get out of my small town and finally
live in a bigger city.
I had a friend there who was a junior at the university at the time.
She was studying abroad for the year and was lucky enough to sublet her room for a low
price.
The house was old, with peeling paint and dead grass.
The only plant on the lot was an ancient oak tree towering over the small home.
It wasn't great, but it was a great deal for a freshman.
I had four roommates, all of them upperclassmen.
Three lived on the second floor, and one in the bonus-room/attic.
My room was on the first floor facing the back of the property.
It was only large enough for a queen bed and a dresser, but I didn't mind as I was just
happy to have a room separate from my sister.
The other girls were really nice and laid back; I had no friends there and they were
really welcoming.
They invited me to go to parties and other fun events, introduced me to their friends,
and bought me alcohol.
They felt like the cool older sisters I never had.
It wasn't really my scene- I'm more of a quiet, "avoid people at all costs" introvert,
but I told myself college was the place to change that.
They decided to host a barbecue a few weeks into the semester.
As the night progressed, the small party basically turned into a rave.
More and more people arrived, most of them already blackout drunk.
I had a few drinks, but definitely wasn't wasted.
One of the roommates introduced me to her friend Ben who, like me, was hanging on the
outskirts of the crowd.
He was cute- tall, lean, with brown eyes and dark hair- and definitely my type.
He was on the quieter side, a little nerdy, but that didn't bother me.
In fact, I liked that about him.
Over the next few weeks I saw him around campus a lot; at the library, coffee shop, and even
at an antique store.
He joked that it was a sign that we were meant to be, and laughed.
Ben asked me if I wanted to go to a friend's party with him that weekend.
He said he hated that scene but it might be fun if I was there.
I agreed.
All week, I really looked forward to seeing him.
He picked me up early, and we got food before the party.
When we got to his friend's house, Ben was the perfect date.
He understood my usual dislike for crowds of strange people and made a special effort
to make me feel comfortable.
At first, it was a lot of fun.
Later that night, one of Ben's extremely drunk friends decided he was okay to drive
home, and Ben took off to stop him.
It was taking a while, and a short, round cheeked guy came to chat with me until he
returned, noticing how awkward I was by myself.
He introduced himself as Simon, a friend of Ben's.
He seemed nice, so we talked and we drank.
"You're too good for him, you know," the friend said, changing the subject of our
light conversation.
He eyed me seriously, as if he were sizing me up.
"I'm sure thats not true," I forced a small laugh, but his expression told me
he wasn't joking.
I didn't understand.
I felt an arm on my shoulder, and Ben interrupted.
"You guys talking about me?"
He grinned.
"Yes," I smiled, relaxing into him.
"Good," Ben said, shooting a pointed look at the other boy.
Simon's face reddened, and he scuttled quickly away.
"What a creep," Ben muttered.
"What do you mean?"
I asked, watching the small, thin Simon where he stood in the corner.
"Yeah.
I didn't want to freak you out, but he's been staring at you all night.
He hasn't taken his eyes off you."
It was weird, and definitely a little creepy, but I soon forgot the incident.
Twenty minutes later, I started to feel sick.
I cursed myself for drinking so much beer- which I knew usually made me nauseous.
I didn't want Ben to see me throw up and I made a quick excuse to go to the bathroom.
The room was spinning, and I had to hold myself up on the wall.
I found the bathroom, and within seconds I'm on the floor.
My limbs are heavy, and I can't even pull myself up to sit.
I'm paralyzed, face down on the gross linoleum.
At this point, I'm freaking out, and can't stop crying.
I was way too fucked up for only a few beers.
I hear knocking, and a boy calling my name.
"I know you're in there, Lauren."
It felt far away, like some horrible dream.
"Let me in!"
Even with the throbbing bass, I could tell it was Simon.
"Lauren, let me in," he won't stop yelling, and pounding on the door.
It's so loud, I thought the door was surely going to split in half from the sheer force
of it.
"Leave me the fuck alone!"
I wanted to scream, but it came out a small whimper.
I was never really religious, but I prayed that the door would hold against the him.
A moment later, I heard another shout, and then what sounded like a fight.
"Lauren, it's Ben.
He's gone now, are you okay?"
I still couldn't answer.
My mind was so fuzzy, and everything was going dark.
I can't remember what happened next.
Even now, I can't recall all the details.
I woke up a few hours later.
It was dark, and I had no idea where I was, but it felt like a bed.
My head pounded, and I felt extremely hungover.
I didn't move, partially from whatever the hell I had been slipped, and partially because
I was petrified.
A heavy weight was on my waist, and it took a minute for me to register that it was actually
someone's arm.
My heart was pounding, and I strained to hear anything else.
When I finally managed to calm down, I heard a familiar whirring sound: my charging laptop.
I gathered all my courage, and reached slowly to the left, hoping to feel the metal yank
chain of my lamp.
I did, and I lit the room.
Ben was fast asleep in the office chair.
Kate, was passed out in bed beside me, and she woke with the light.
Kate said she was so glad I was okay.
She said Ben had brought me home after fighting off Simon.
He had wanted to take me to the hospital but the roommates had convinced him not to, as
I was underage, and probably not in any real danger.
Ben reluctantly agreed, but insisted to stay and make sure I was okay.
I still felt sick the rest of the next day and Ben stayed to play nurse.
The roommates jokingly called him the hero- my knight in shining armor.
Ben smiled, surely accepting of the praise.
Late that same night, however, Ben had to leave.
He was a pizza delivery man, and had to work the late shifts.
Soon after he goes, I got a text from an unknown number, telling me they had a great time at
the party and they liked the way my legs looked in my skirt.
I asked who it was.
"You know who it is."
I quickly blocked the number and suspected Simon.
I showed the other girls, and they told me to save the text just in case.
Ben started coming over nearly every night, and soon became my first real boyfriend.
It was definitely a new experience.
I had not forgotten the incident, but after not seeing Simon or going to anymore parties,
I relaxed a little.
It helped having Ben, my "hero," by my side.
Everything was going pretty well.
Ben agreed to take our relationship slow.
After about a month and half of constant contact, however, I felt like I needed a little space.
I decided to go home for the weekend, which was about three hours from school.
Ben was a little upset that I wanted to leave, but said he understood.
I didn't have a car, and my parents didn't want to drive 6 hours round trip, so I had
to take the train.
Ben drove me to the train station and kissed me goodbye.
He had to go into work soon and had to drop me off an hour early.
Approximately 30 minutes before the train, my phone starts buzzing.
Again, it was an unknown number.
"That suitcase is too big for a weekend," the text read.
"You're not trying to leave me, are you?"
I searched the room hysterically.
There, on a wooden bench across the lobby, sat Simon.
His buzzed blonde head was semi-covered in a hood, and he had no bags or ticket.
Our eyes locked immediately.
All I could hear was my heart hammering against my ribcage.
My stomach turned, and I sat there, frozen.
I finally willed myself to move, and leapt from my seat, surprising the couple beside
me.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?"
I shouted, suddenly so angry I couldn't control myself.
Simon looked from side to side, as if he was waiting for one of the- now staring- passengers
to intervene.
As if on cue, a large man in an Amtrak uniform stopped me and warned me that if I didn't
calm down I was going to have to leave.
I still tried to push past the employee, but when I finally knocked back his broad shoulders,
Simon was long gone.
I was furious and wanted to follow him.
I was't usually the fighting type, but I was 5'8"- a few inches taller than the
creep- and I was fit enough to get a good hit in.
The male worker was shouting at me to get my things and just go, but a female employee
intervened, and attempted to pacify me.
I began to cry as I gave her a summary of what had happened.
She was a very sweet older woman, and she held me as others in the station continued
to watch.
She said I reminded her of her old college roommate, who had gone through a similar situation.
The woman said her friend had not been as lucky as I was, and I should thank god that
Ben was there.
I agreed.
The train finally arrived I boarded.
I called Ben and recapped the episode.
He sounded nervous, and offered to take off work and pick me up at a stop along the way.
I hadn't seen any trace of Simon in the car, so I told him no.
Not five minutes later, my phone buzzed again.
"You're so sexy when you're scared."
"Fuck off," I replied.
"I like a girl with spirit," Simon said.
"They're more fun to break :)"
This pumped the creep factor off the scale.
I called Ben, but he didn't pick up.
He was probably on a delivery, so I left a voicemail to call me back.
I had the overwhelming sense of fight or flight- neither of which were possible while on a
150mph train.
When I finally got to the station near my house, my family was huddled on the platform…
talking to Ben.
Confused, I stepped out to greet them.
After the barrage of family bear hugs, Ben leaned in.
"I called back five times.
When you didn't answer, I was worried," he whispered low, so no one could hear.
"There was no reception in the country," I explained.
"Look," he said, and passed his phone to me.
A text from the blocked number.
I don't remember the exact words, and as it was not my phone, I don't have the exact
words.
But it said something about "the guard dog" leaving me alone all weekend, and he thought
"Benny" would "put up more of a fight."
Then when I didn't answer his calls, Ben panicked and drove straight here.
My parents were excited to meet him, but a little confused, as I had not mentioned him
much and I never told them about the party.
Ben, of course, quickly charmed and won over the whole family.
Even my dad, an ex-marine who was the stereotypical overprotective father of my 16-year-old sister
and I, seemed to warm up to him.
They asked him to stay the weekend, and he slept in my little brother's room.
My mom and sister both were impressed, with how attractive he was, and joked that I needed
to keep an eye on him.
Later that evening, I got another text.
"You called the guard dog?
You're no fun, babe."
Ben held me tight to his chest and told me he was never going to leave my side.
In the next few days he kept his word.
He took the week off work, and even ended up sleeping in my bed with me, rather than
the living room couch I used to make him sleep on.
While he was with me, the disturbing messages stopped.
In class, though, and when I eventually got a job at the coffee shop on campus, I would
get the some like "you look good in those jeans," or "I love to watch you work."
He knew when I was alone.
They started to come so often that they started to become a normal part of my daily routine.
Soon after, I had started taking self defense classes with the campus police.
I was becoming more confident that Simon was not a real physical threat anymore, as I had
not seen him, and I was extremely careful to watch out for myself.
But the less I cared about Simon, the more intense the messages became.
I told my cop instructor about the stalking and was advised to change my number.
I did, and only gave it to a few trusted friends and family.
Despite my best efforts, however, the texts still persisted.
"You know you can't get away from me."
"I know where you live, I've been inside."
He even described the picture of my family and I that sat on my desk.
I felt so violated, and finally filed an official report to my instructor.
I called in every time I received a text, but said they couldn't do much unless he
physically threatened me- which is bullshit, if you ask me.
I told Ben to go back to work, and that I wasn't so worried anymore.
He was delivering pizzas one night.
Kate and the other housemates went out to a senior party off campus, and I was enjoying
the quiet solitude.
It was exam week, and I was up around three in the morning studying for a final the next
day.
I was starting to doze off, so I packed up the books and turned off the music.
I turned the lights out, and drifted to sleep.
I was woken by the sound of crunching snow and a scraping noise on the side panelling
on the outside of the house.
I held my breath, and slowly slid my bedside drawer open.
I kept a 7" marine grade combat knife- a graduation gift from my father- in there.
I used to joke about how ridiculous it was, but I appreciated his paranoia now.
But when I felt around for it, it was gone.
The fucker had my knife.
I was so scared, I was on the edge of hyperventilating.
The scratching became increasingly louder, harder, and faster.
I saw the silhouette of a man through the curtain, but was too damn petrified to open
them, terrified to see what was on the other side.
"Go away!"
My voice cracked as I screamed.
I began to cry, and I hated myself for being such a coward.
I tried to sound more confident as I yelled again.
"Leave me the fuck alone!
I'm calling the fucking cops!"
I grabbed my phone, and dialed 911.
The operator said there was a car nearby, and would be there in 5 minutes.
I ran to check the locks on the first floor doors and windows, as I stayed on the line
with the operator.
The noises persisted for another minute that passed like an hour.
There was a deafening thud, and I shrieked.
I heard sirens nearby, and waited for the cop to pull in the driveway before meeting
them outside.
It was nearly below freezing outside, and I was still in my pajama shorts and t-shirt,
but I remember not even feeling the chill.
I explained through sobs what happened, and that Simon had been harassing me for months.
The officer pulled me inside, and told me to warm up.
She said there was another officer on the way, and told me to lock up behind her as
she checked the yard.
The other policeman arrived, and it happened to be my self defense trainer.
He helped the woman search the area.
I called Ben and left a voicemail.
They returned a few minutes later, and said that whoever it was had left.
They followed the footsteps to the road, but couldn't find anymore, as the road had been
salted and plowed very recently.
The two fell quiet and looked between at the other.
"What is it?"
I asked.
It was obvious they were keeping something from me.
They were silent for a moment, before my instructor told me to get dressed.
I did, and we walked in silence outside.
We avoided ruining the large footprints, and followed them to the side.
My heart dropped to my stomach, and my knees felt like jello.
Under the window of my bedroom, was a rushed message etched into the panelling.
It just said: LAUREN.
The woman broke the silence, and said she wasn't sure why he would leave his knife
behind.
Sure enough, there in the snow, lay my blade.
As a final "fuck you," he used my own knife.
The cops waited with me until Ben came.
They said they would post an officer in front for the night, and they would investigate
Simon, and review more in the morning.
I call my housemates to let them know.
A very drunk Kate answered on the fourth dial, and said they would just stay at the house
they were already at.
Ben offered to let me stay over, and I grabbed the things I would need for the exam.
We went to his apartment, he gave me the key to his place, and he told me he loved me for
the first time.
I was surprised at the timing, but after what felt like a near-death experience, I just
said I loved him, too.
He convinced me to move in with him, and while I wasn't comfortable living with a boyfriend
yet, I agreed until I found another place to live.
The rest of the night was uneventful, but I still didn't sleep.
I went back to Ben's after my morning exam.
He was finishing up an exam himself, when I got back to the empty apartment.
I was making a to-do list of things to move, when I got a call on my cell phone.
It was my instructor.
I'll never forget the conversation.
"Hello-"
He cut me off, mid-greeting.
"Are you alone?"
"Uh, y-yes," I stuttered.
"Why?"
He sounded relieved.
"Where are you?"
"At my boyfriend's."
"I need you to get out, as quickly as possible," he said.
"I'm on my way.
Give me ten minutes."
"What's going on?"
I pressed, frustrated and concerned.
"His footprints, they're the same size as the one's last night."
In the background, I could hear him flick the sirens on.
"Simon's?"
I asked, hopefully.
"Ben's- do you know where he is?"
"Ben's?"
I asked, and almost laughed at how ridiculous it sounded.
"He's probably on the way back."
"Get out," he stressed.
His serious tone told me it was not some joke after all.
I hopped to my feet.
I flung the door open, and ran straight into Ben's hard chest.
I gasped, dropping the phone from my shaking hands.
The cop's voice blasted from the speaker.
Ben picked it up and held it to his ear, "Who is this?
She'll have to call you back…"
He murmured, his dark eyes not breaking from mine.
"Babe, what's wrong?"
His tall frame blocked the door way, and he slowly herded me back inside, turning the
lock behind him.
"I-I was just, uh, going for a walk," I whispered, barely audibly.
"Without a coat?"
He continued, inching closer.
"You'd catch a cold."
His usually relaxed demeanor was now cold and predatorial.
"Can I have my phone back?"
He looked at the device in his hand, holding it high above his head as I tried to snatch
it.
"Please, Ben," tears welled in my eyes, and my heart pounded.
"You have to get it from me."
He just smiled, and chuckled.
I jumped, but missed.
He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pressing my body to his.
"I love you so much, Lauren.
Do you know that?"
I shuddered and nodded slowly.
"And you love me too?"
I nodded again, unable to speak without bursting into tears.
"Say it," he growled, yanking my hair back, forcing me to face him.
"I love you," I cried.
"That's why you'll never leave me, right?
Because I protect you.
I'm the only one who can."
He bent down, pressing his lips hard against mine.
Adrenaline really is an amazing part of the human body.
I know the self defense classes really help, and anyone who has the opportunity to take
them should.
But when the situation arises when you need to make a spilt second decision to save your
life, your mind goes blank.
I bit his lower lip, with enough force that my teeth sunk through it.
Blood gushed down his chin and into my mouth as he shrieked.
I took his moment of shock to knee him hard in the balls.
He groaned as the air escaped his lungs.
I ran past him, nearly to the door when he yanked my left arm back, wrenching it from
the socket.
I screamed, landing on my ass.
"I did it for us," he roared, blood gurgling in his mouth.
He spit, and kicked me in the ribs.
A sickening crack sent pain shooting up my side.
"You're psychotic!"
Sirens wailed in the distance, and relief washed over me.
In minutes, five cops rushed the door, swarming in and pinning him to the floor.
I remember his red, angry face looking at me as his split lip squished against the ground.
I thought to the night of the party, where I felt helpless and Ben was the one to help
me.
Now he was the helpless one, cuffed with an officer straddling his back.
"I love you, I didn't do anything wrong!
Lauren, tell them!"
He shouted, between the cops and me.
"I fucking love you!
What are you doing?
Tell them!"
My instructor helped propped my head up, afraid to move me until the ambulance came- just
in case I had any serious injuries.
It turns out that the cops brought Simon in earlier for questioning.
He had a solid alibi, and explained that he had no idea what was going on.
He said he knew Ben was kind of shady since his freshman year of college, when he suspected
Ben of drugging and sexually abusing a friend of his.
That night of the party, he saw me in bad shape, and rushed to the bathroom to help
me.
Ben came and brutally beat him, knocking him out.
He tried to warn me before.
After the big scene at the party, Ben had no choice but to bring me home with my housemates.
When they constantly praised him for being the hero, he decided it was the only way I
would want to keep going out with him- if he was the only security I had.
When the police went to talk to his employers, they said he quit about a week before the
incident at the train station.
So he stalked me for months, saying he was at work when he was really outside my window,
and breaking into my room when he was at work.
They found a second cell phone in his glovebox with all the texts.
Apparently, every time he thought I was drawing away from him, he would terrorize me to bring
me back closer.
He wanted me all to himself, and managed to pull me away from my friends and family, saying
that they would only worry if I told them, and that they couldn't do anything anyway.
I had become so isolated and dependent on him.
The police went back to my house after Simon's interrogation, and noticed the footprints.
Ben was smart enough to change shoes, but was still the same size, which were a good
four sizes bigger than Simon's.
Not only that, but my side of the house was on a hill, and Simon's head would only come
an inch or two above the sill, unlike 6'3 Ben.
Ben ended up being charged with aggravated assault, though the attempted rape charges
were dropped, as there was no proof of it months later.
He's now on his third of a six year sentence.
Simon moved schools, choosing to finish his senior year at a community college instead.
I ended up becoming pretty close with my cop instructor- who will hopefully be my partner
in the next year, if I pass my police exam in the fall.
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