I was recently asked to talk about dating etiquette,
and i thought it would be nice to have a conversation with people from different backgrounds.
So I invited my Saigonese friends,
Niki, who grew up in America and is half Korean,
Hannah, who grew up in Australia and is half Vietnamese,
and Amy who was born and raised in Vietnam.
Ladies, thank you so much for joining me today
to talk about dating etiquette!
Let's start with Vietnam.
Dating in Vietnam must be different considering that
people get married earlier here than in Western countries for example.
How does dating work here?
Normally here, people get married when they get 24-25 years old,
and the parents and families start to force them that
"you should get married, you should get a good husband
and have a stable life, so you can develop from that".
So yes, there are some friends of mine that just date
with one or two persons, and they end up with that husband.
If they cannot find anyone that really fits with them,
then they have to keep going... like me.
So what happens when you're 30?
Do your parents put pressure?
My parents, no.
They still say that "you just keep enjoying your life,
enjoying what you are doing, and
because you studied hard and you worked hard, and you deserve that.
And you also deserve to be with a good guy, so just wait".
If you ever go to Korea, you'll definitely see
men and women together wearing couple wear.
You'll see the man carrying the woman's bag for them,
so a lot of men with purses.
(laughs)
I feel like I've seen that here as well.
Like I've been out walking around and I see men…
Right, they wear couple things.
I also like it too.
(laughs)
I think it's really cute, but men would never do that in Australia.
Also they celebrate on every one hundred days of being together,
and they'll celebrate with maybe going out, or exchanging gifts.
And I believe a popular gift is a couple ring.
What's the dynamic between men and women?
Do men still hold, you know… chairs and open doors for ladies?
Ummm in America, I don't think as much.
I've dated one guy that held the door open for me everywhere we went.
He would walk around and open the door, car door for me, and it was very strange.
(laughs)
That's not common.
So it happened one time.
I feel like it's like men whose moms taught them right, for the ones doing that.
Cause it's so rare I think for people to…
Yea, this guy also brought me flowers too on our first date…
Oh wow!
This was weird. So my parents,
In America?
Yes in America.
So my parents really loved him, but I was just, I don't know it was just weird.
It's normal here in Vietnam.
But when you're married, then it's a completely different story?
Yes, I think so.
I heard that it's going to disappear at all when you get married.
It's the end of the date, the bill comes up, who pays?
Ummm, I would normally split the bill...in America.
And I believe in Korea, there's usually something else after dinner,
so I think usually one person will pay for one,
and then the other person will pay for whatever they do afterwards, like coffee.
If I wasn't interested in the date, I think I would feel much better,
like really pushing for me to split the bill
so you don't feel like you have to kinda do another
text ping pong with them, and slowly let them down.
(laughs)
Um, but if it was someone you were interested in,
I think you'd do like the slow wallet grab and just kinda slowly…
kinda fiddle through your money, and give them the opportunity to…
And if they didn't, I'd be happy to put down...but I'd remember it.
(laughs)
Yea here normally the man is going to pay the bill.
Some women are polite to ask if they can split the bill.
That's nice right?
And I ask that too.
But normally the man is going to say no.
What would be the ideal place to meet prince charming?
I don't think that's part of like my vision as to how we've met
but I think what would be cool is…
just how like much you'd instantly connect with someone,
and then you just... wherever you were didn't particularly matter...
because it was just kind of you two, so intently into each other at that point in time.
Any topics that are absolutely taboo on a first date?
Personally, I don't think so.
I like to just get it out on the table...
For the first date?
Yea (laughs)
Really?
So straight!
Dating is a bit of a whole family affair eventually though isn't it, when it comes to it?
Yea.
Everyone has like such an opinion on it, no one is like "ah, live your life and just
present whoever you want."
Everyone always has I feel, something to say about…
Right.
Definitely on my mom's side of the family who's Vietnamese,
they all have just like, something to say about whoever anyone's dating.
So if your parents don't...
they don't agree on the person you're dating, would you still date that person?
Probably not actually…
Really?
No…
I would hate any kind of tenseness between my mom and the person I'm dating…
because family would probably be such a priority.
If you had to have any kind of sacrifice, it wouldn't really be worth it, for me.
How about your parents?
So both of your parents are from different cultures?
So my dad is American, my mom is Korean.
And my dad's family is very open, they've accepted my mom, they love her.
My mom's family as well…
Yea and my dad just loves Korean food and things like that too
so my mom would cook for him all the time.
What if he didn't like Korean food?
It probably would have been a problem.
(laughs)
Definitely!
I feel like I get personally offended when someone's like
"Oh I don't like Vietnamese food"
I'm like "All of it?...
That's not even possible."
(laughs) No.
How do you let a guy know that you like them?
Yea I definitely prefer the guy to make the first move.
Yes.
Alright.
Yea I'm old fashioned.
So it's all on the guy?
(laughs)
Sorry guys!
If the guy hasn't called within let's say a week or two,
is that a signal that they're not interested?
It is!
(Cameraman) No! (laughs)
You can always put out…
What I say, it's not lost but you put out a final message...
(Cameraman) Why?
Nothing lost in putting out a final message, and if they don't reply, they don't reply...
But sometimes they've just had a like, a hectic week.
That would be me,
I would be the person that accidentally didn't text for two weeks…
So I always say there's no harm in just putting a last one out.
Don't do two though.
Some people text a lot.
What if a guy texts you...
six messages in a row?
No, cut it off.
(laughs) Why?
Too needy.
You like him?
Um, but it's a turn off…
Well I hope this conversation was insightful!
Let us know what you think in the comment section below!
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